A Person Is Mean, B...
 
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A Person Is Mean, But Why?  

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anonymoushermit
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Not following your life path can make a person irritable and cranky! The irritability, itself, is a sign. Now, this is a gross generalization, but it can be true in one sense.

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Elsa
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Satsun
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@anonymoushermit Yes! Chronic frustration can lead to lots of negative effects. 

And sometimes people aren't aware of the person's problem.

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Elsa
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Posted by: @satsun

And sometimes people aren't aware of the person's problem.

This, and sometimes a person doesn't know they have problems!

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Satsun
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I think a person in a state of dependency (sick, handicapped, limited), feeling helpless or hopeless can get pretty angry.

Then act like a cornered animal when someone gets near. They don't have many options for releasing fear/anger/frustration etc.

Can't really blame them (and don't want to, either).

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user
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My dad got kinda mean before he died. I didn't realize that's what it was until a few months after he passed.

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Satsun
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Yes, I think people can be mean when they're dying because they might be disappointed and frustrated with their life and have no-one to share this with. So the nearest person will be the lightning rod.

When my mother was at the end of her life (I hadn't realized this - unable to see the fact) she was picking nits with me. Why? It could've been anybody, but it was me who was there. She would have prefered my brother perhaps, but he had died two years before. She was (understandably) VERY ANGRY.

I understood that afterwards. She was looking for a fight & I yelled "If you're looking for a fight than I can scream" - I just yelled at the top of my lungs and she looked at me with an amused smile.

Like, I'm still the stupid little kid. I didn't have enough intelligence to realize how far along she was.

But, she DID love to provoke - and it worked. I always tried to avoid her, but not that time. I was pissed off.

Consequently I hate her for that little trick. My load to carry. I regret all that. She won & I lost.

Was she being mean? I don't know. I guess she needed to provoke until the end. As long as you're provoking, you're still alive.

As Libra Noir so well said : "Dying is a powerless position. I guess a caregiver is in the position of power (seemingly) and therefore represents that feeling of being out of control so gets that anger funneled to them. "

I'm the one left with the bitter ashes of that crap. My problem.

I hope I don't foist it off on someone else.

 

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night_owl13
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End-of-life care is something I could never do. I have a friend who worked at an old folks home for a few years. Her stories mostly recount crusty, mean, downright abusive residents. What's to be expected when our society discards old people? They have plenty of reasons to be mean.

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CrisLondon
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The reflections shared here are very enlightening. They make a lot of sense. Some got me thinking. 

I tend to assume those who are mean or a bully are in some sort of pain (physical, spiritual, emotional, psychological...)

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Warped by Wuthering Heights
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@cris

In pain, and/or scared.  Understandably so.  It astounds me that anyone could be graceful about it.

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