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A defaced memory card at the funeral
Name of surviving spouse was crossed out on one card
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Sue Ellen
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Saturday, March 18, 2017 - 11:48 am
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First, I'm not sure what the memory cards are really called. In my area, it is customary to have small folding cards with the deceased person's photo, birth and death dates, family members' names, poetry/scripture, and anything else personal. The cards are available on a table next to the sign in for the memory book. The table is inside the chapel area.

Second, this was my cousin's funeral last week. I didn't know him because of age difference and a split in the family perpetrated by our parents. We grew up and lived in areas 30 plus miles apart.

My Aquarius brother and I drove in from the north. My Virgo sister and Scorpio brother drove in from the south.

When my brother and I walked into the foyer of the funeral home, we saw two women looking at a memory card. They were talking in low tones. They saw us, dropped the card under a lamp, and walked into the chapel.

My Aquarius brother is naturally curious. He picked up the card. He looked at me and asked, "Who would do such a thing?"  He held the opened card where I could see the inside. Someone had marked out the wife's name. It was unreadable. I responded, "Somebody that didn't recognize her as his wife."

Needless to say, we were unsettled by it. Brother put it in his pocket so no one else would see it.

Now, I am upset at what it may mean. I will never know the truth of it. My cousin and his wife were both married at least once before. Both had their own children. They had none together. My cousin's first wife, whom he divorced, was later diagnosed as schizophrenic. Now, I'm thinking that one of his two children, or their children, may have defaced the card. Maybe the mental illness has been inherited. I don't know. If it's one of his children, it is very serious. If it is a younger grandchild, it is still serious. It was such a senseless, childish thing to do.

I'm contemplating talking about it to another cousin that is closer to that side of the family. I haven't quite decided.

I welcome any thoughts on the matter.

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Libra Noir
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Elsa
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Saturday, March 18, 2017 - 12:31 pm
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How hideous. I have heard of such a thing..

Story was told to me by the daughter of this woman...she screwed around along. She screwed other people's husbands quite a bit and had a bad reputation. This was in a country with a conservative culture.

Eventually she screwed another woman's husband and she fell in love, as did he. The man divorced and married this woman - they live very happily for ten years.

But then he died...and his first wife came to his funeral. Apparently, the whole community consoled the first wife and shunned this woman. She was devastated, first because she lost the love of her life...and then his funeral. I don't know that she expected what happened to happen. But it gives you some idea how something like this might happen.

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Sue Ellen
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Saturday, March 18, 2017 - 2:25 pm
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I've noticed that some people need a scapegoat when they have experienced a loss. One person gets all the blame and projection of anger and sadness. 

I guess I would talk about if you feel like it. Go with your gut. I don't think it's your responsibility to do anything specific. Maybe just put it out there into the ether and if an opportunity comes up take it. If one doesn't, then there's your answer. 

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Sue Ellen
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Tam
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Saturday, March 18, 2017 - 3:43 pm
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Wow, we have never had anything like that happen that I know of. I would guess that it was a stepchild that did it for spite, not craziness.

I could have seen my Gemini great-aunt do something like that, though. She would take antique photos and cut the person's face/head out of the photo if she got mad at them. 

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Sue Ellen
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Saturday, March 18, 2017 - 7:07 pm
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I would probably say something, only because with an extended group of people you never know if this is a piece of a puzzle for someone. When some people know and others don't- it's a kind of inequality and even if I don't care for someone, I personally feel it's better to be upfront. Everyone has the same information, even if it's troubling. 

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Sue Ellen
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Glenn
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Monday, March 20, 2017 - 12:23 am
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To me, it's obvious..... someone didn't like her. And they probably knew they would get their arses kicked "real quick and immediately " if they tried to say it to her (the window / wife) face. People here in rural Illinois will do this "in a heart beat".

We have the same "card thing" here in rural Illinois.

All the funeral homes have them sent out to various businesses around town..... well, a small place card with the basic info. The "folded cards" are at funeral home on the day of visitation and the funeral.

And..... every now and then something like this happens, or is attempted. All the funeral homes have a new policy: keep an eye on the cards, and immediately escort "trouble-makers" off the premises. I'm told that if anyone knows who has bad blood towards someone else..... it's the folks at the funeral homes.

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Sue Ellen
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Sue Ellen
KY USA; Cap Sun, Cancer Moon, Taurus rising
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Monday, March 20, 2017 - 8:38 pm
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Thanks for the comments. I've decided to discuss the matter with my sister. She lived in the area for a while. My concern was a possibly mentally unstable cousin's kid. 

That's interesting Glenn about the funeral homes watching the cards.  The funeral homes do know, or are usually informed, about trouble makers. They abound. Considering the deceased had been the small town county attorney a few decades ago, there could a lot of people jailed that blamed him for it. I hadn't thought of that until now. 

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