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What's the point of burial?
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doeieori
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Sunday, February 25, 2018 - 7:19 am
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selfishness of not being able to let a loved one go. all there is to it really. 

 

add some cultural bias to it.

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Glenn
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Monday, February 26, 2018 - 12:05 am
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Elsa said
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I’m working on the site and came across this picture.
If there were no cemeteries, we would not have these beautiful memorials; testament to our love of those who have passed.  

We have those all over the place here. Some are nearly a century old, others about 50-ish years. Current trend seems to be a Hologram on the tombstone, or a picture.

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Elsa
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Monday, February 26, 2018 - 5:55 am
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It’s my kind of imagery. And I like the perpetual quality of stone.

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Warped by Wuthering Heights
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Warped by Wuthering Heights
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Monday, February 26, 2018 - 12:41 pm
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Many old cemeteries here and abroad are rich sources of beauty, family and local history, even colloquial humor.  

Unless I happen upon a reservable spot for it in some ancient mausoleum in Paris or such, the urn of my ashes can be buried in my church memorial garden or with my departed pets in their pet cemeteries.  Back into the earth.

A “place to mourn” is not required.  Surely mourning occurs wherever we are when a departed loved one comes to mind.

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Ann
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Monday, February 26, 2018 - 2:11 pm
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I’ve been to like 6 funerals in the past couple years. I’ve thought about this a lot.

I think the point of a burial is really for those left behind. Once you’re gone, that’s it. They’re the ones in pain and missing you and left to deal with the loss.

I can’t decide whether i’d like to be cremated or buried but I do know that I don’t want an open casket. It’s mortifying to me to have people staring at my dead body not looking like myself. I’d only like my immediate family to see me in that state for closure and final goodbyes. I’ve expressed this to my husband and my family. I also don’t want to drag this. I know people who have done viewings for 2 days to then have a mass on the third to then go bury the person. Ugh It’s torture. No thanks. I want it fast and over with.

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JoFrance
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TaurusWithaTwist
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Wednesday, February 28, 2018 - 1:04 pm
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NotMyCircus, what an excellent post. Very timely for me, because these thoughts have been whirling in my head recently as well. I thought about it because my friend from childhood is religious about visiting her deceased family member’s graves, at least several times a year; and makes sure the headstones are cleaned and flowers are changed out and everything is nice and neat. I know part of this is just due to her OCD with cleanliness in general, but the larger reason is because she feels it’s showing her respects.  

I have visited a couple of my relatives graves on a few occasions, and I’ve changed out flowers and such…but I admit I don’t attend to them like she does.  It kind of makes me feel maybe I’m a bad person, but honestly…the thought doesn’t cross my mind all that often.  In fact, the only times it usually does is when she mentions she is going.  embarassed

As far as whether I want to be buried or cremated myself, I’m still like you…hemming and hawing which way I want to go. 

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Wednesday, February 28, 2018 - 1:11 pm
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LOL @Tam!

I’m sorry…I know that’s in poor taste, but I think visually and…when you wrote “part of someone’s mother is on my windshield”…you know I got a visual, and…I’m so sorry…laugh

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Tam
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nutsymaclewis
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Wednesday, February 28, 2018 - 1:28 pm
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I’m hoping to have my remains cremated into a gem, and those who know me well will put that gem in the home where my heart is–hopefully in a place where it will not be found for centuries.  wink

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music4am
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Wednesday, February 28, 2018 - 2:59 pm
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I’ve always wanted to be cremated, it’s been in my will for over 20yrs now (we had to make them when Mr. Leo/Libra was deploying).  I am all for the idea of being set free (spreading my ashes) in places I have loved, like the mountains, up where it snows and the beach and the forests & river where I live, etc.  I am working to save money so that when I go, I can provide for my girls a bit of money so they can take a few trips to these places.  I have directed them that they are to take some time together and just relax and enjoy these places.  Be with each other, support each other in this change and moving forward.  

If you want to visit with me, just think of me and a part of me with be with you.  If you need someplace physical to go, go out to a park or natural space and I’ll be there.  But really, I’d have preferred that you visit me in the physical while I’m still here.

That being said, I saw what I think is a really great idea, you can have your ashes planted with a tree sapling.  It will grow and be nurtured by you/your ashes (all my cancer placements & my 6th house cappy moon is in love with this idea).  I can just see a whole forest planted from those I know & love and it’s beautiful!  

As a side note, I don’t need a casket, I don’t like living in a box now, so what makes me think that will change after I’m gone?  Nothing, I’d like to be set free, it’s still me 🙂  Aquarius rules my 8th house, so I’ve always just known what I want.

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NotMyCircus
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Sunday, June 24, 2018 - 10:57 am
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I’ve been thinking about this some more, and I’ve read through the responses here. Lots of good insights from both sides (cremation vs burial).

ST was cremated, which his dad wasn’t thrilled about. He had to respect the advance directives though, since this is what ST wanted. Awhile back, ST told me maybe I could be cremated too after I die, and then our ashes could be scattered together in the wind—we would be together forever. He teared up as he said this. I didn’t know what to say at the time, but after he passed away, I figured it out.

If I choose cremation, we can do that. If I choose burial—which I’m actually leaning toward at this time—I can just have a portion of his ashes placed in a small urn and placed in the casket with me. Either way, he’s with me. Does this mean I’ll never remarry? No. It just means this is what I want to do. My great-grandmother was married 3 times, and buried next to her second husband. (I think her third was buried next to his first wife.)

I will have to bring at least a handful of his ashes to the ocean and scatter them off the top of a lighthouse—but I have to make a trip there first. And send them into the wind undetected.

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Sherry
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Sunday, June 24, 2018 - 4:37 pm
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^^^^This, best post ever! Thank you NotMyCircus, love this.

You have a beautiful way with words~

I had to make funeral arrangements for a loved one about
not quite 11 yrs. ago. I felt so humble, and insecure about
making sure that I got final wishes right. I tried my best
and most of it went well. One family member was upset
that the body was cremated, claimed that was not their wish,
but the person had told me otherwise. There was a grave
stone that he had already and a long reserved family plot.
Stunning site on the side of a mountain in Colorado. He
showed me around to it about a year or so before he passed
away.

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NotMyCircus
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NotMyCircus
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Friday, June 5, 2020 - 7:22 pm
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During this pandemic, I’ve had a chance to think about my wishes, since the virus brings the possibility of death to any one of us. I had started drawing up advance directives before it hit, due to my history of colitis and GI bleeds (they can make you lose blood QUICKLY). 

I’ve pretty much decided on burial. Don’t ask why, I’m just leaning towards it. Shiny Taurus’ ashes will be buried with me. I haven’t reached the ocean to scatter any ashes and with the pandemic going on, not sure it’ll happen. Maybe my family can get them there if I can’t. 

I still have no idea which funeral home I’m using, or any other arrangements. My family was not thrilled with the way things were handled with ST’s funeral (long story). Not sure if another one would be any better. Does it matter? I’ll be dead anyway and won’t know what’s going on.

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dolce
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Saturday, June 6, 2020 - 11:50 am
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I’m one of those people who wants to be buried without casket to feed the soil. People think I’m weird, but I believe we were meant to do that. My family can mark the spot if they wish; I’d prefer they plant a fruit tree, maybe with a plaque or something. I’d love if this was on family land, land that would stay with the family for generations. The idea of a family burial ground is, for some reason, soothing to me. Ancestors, roots, heritage, history, your people. I’d have to be the first though and who knows what my descendants will want, or even be able to do. Hopefully I’ll get the tree though. And hopefully this is a long way off. 

I enjoy old cemeteries and I have visited the graves of my great grandparents, who I never met. I went with their daughter-in-law, my grandmother. I’ve visited the grave of a school friend a few times. When I do this, I feel a connection to people who came before, and everything that came before, if that makes sense. I don’t like the idea of people just disappearing, even though I guess that’s kind of what happens. I need a grave or memorial marker. My mother-in-law has her husband’s ashes in their bedroom on his dresser. I don’t know if I would do that or not.

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Saturday, June 6, 2020 - 3:05 pm
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My neighbor that was dying has died. We’ll attend his funeral tomorrow and he’s be buried nearby, alongside members of his family, dating back more than 100 years.

I guess it depends, but for this family, burial is a deeply important ritual. It’s what you do for your dead.

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