I popped on the Catholic radio on my way home from town. I've not turned on the radio in several months. I could only stand it for a a minute and a half, but they said that CNN lost 80% of their audience? In a one year period! I am not sure which year / calendar year, but when they mentioned, Jeffrey Toobin, I turned it off.
That's one heck of a drop.
The illness is fluctuating... the mouth feels weird...
the new guy is still around...
am watching/fighting my urge to sabotage this
troubled with recurrent thoughts about everything that can go wrong...
I had no idea am so damaged... that I want to end something which hasn't even given me an evident opportunity to get mad at
Expecting bad weather for the rest of the weekend. Planning to make Chili Colorado, which I have never had. But it looks good and I will loosely following this gal's method and recipe.
I am expecting to love this!
It's great!
This Venus RX has hurt me and helped me so much so far. My husband and I are getting closer. He has changed so much ... he is coming back to himself a little at a time.
I have no idea what he was internally going through. And hard to believe from a Scorpio that I don't want to know. I want to SEE. I want to see the outcome. Because actions are the thing.
The conclusion is important. He shows complete and total devotion to us, the family, our survival in all this, keeping us safe, making sure money is handled correctly, that I am well.
These things matter greatly. I have been just sitting back observing. Any alteration from this path would have sent me packing but he is without a doubt sound, and here for a lifetime. No right or left turns. I stay silent, watch my own actions and work on my response to whatever he is doing.
I didn't think we could or would get closer. What I realized is that with all that outside stuff coming into our home, which I allowed, we were getting farther apart because of me. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.... come on, its ME here. I am talking about how I allowed my adult children a front door key to run our lives.
Without that interference we are sound, sturdy and solid. He was always glad to help them and allowed me to over help them and never complained. But it really caused us to lose who we were as a husband-and-wife team.
This was my fault. Not his. He is still who he said he was. I feel like a fool. I accused him of everything but robbing a bank when it was I who allowed all the noise in our home. Since I have learned the art of boundaries.... and there is an art to it... this here is fine. I was calling the shots. I got out of the way. Then he started calling them because I abandoned it all. If felt like he was barking orders and bossing me around.
Today, we are both calling the shots together. God, it's nice to give half the big harry bullshit to someone and know they won't drop the ball. He won't.
Scorpio doesn't trust anyone. This is such a hinderance to our growth. To live like that, trusting no one? It's a horrible exhausting and lonely existence for sure. To take it all on because you are too fixated on the .... what ifs. The what ifs can happen no matter what you try to do to protect yourself.
I don't want to live like that anymore.
Who am I? A Libra? (I would not mind this) I no longer recognize myself. I am changed forever.
My progressed Chart.
Cap Sun/Leo Moon/Virgo rising/Cap Venus/Mars Taurus.
Actual me.
Scorpio sun/Taurus moon/Cancer rising/Scorpio Venus/Mars Gemini
Funny... my progressed moon in Leo. My hair is all over the place. Long now...full and wild. Grows so fast. It's a sight to see. I have decided I like it 😍
Pluto, Uranus and Neptune have changed me forever. I am completely unrecognizable. An easier going me. Giving away the command center. Who wants to be the fucking boss all the time? I don't.
@soup Interesting to me how your progressed personal planets are mostly in earth! Does the combination of your original element of a planet and the progressed element of the planet have any significance? For example, since you're a Scorpio sun, would something feel harmonious about having your progressed sun in an earth sign?
@rapunzelsoldierfish I can feel the progressed Mars. It's shit. I have natal Mars in Gemini. Go go go. With all the earth I feel like a fat lazy shit. I hate it. I can feel it. I am not overweight, but it feels like heavy concrete. Fat. Lethargic. Gross. I know that it's supposed to indicate personal development on an internal level. I like the Virgo rising. The rest is shit. Internally what I feel is more stoic, I guess. I have taken all this rat shit on and said little about it to anyone but Allie.
Me, 5 planets in Scorpio with a Cancer rising shows no emotion outwardly. I used to emotionally swing from a vine, but no one sees anything with the exception of her and that is typed. My family barely recognizes me.
I don't feel like crying, I have ignored anyone's attempt to rile me up. Not as passionate about things as I was... don't feel as deeply about things as I did. Kind of a whatever attitude. I mean, I can't do a thing about the circumstances anyway. I live here now. I can learn to love it or be miserable.
My Cancer mother has made every effort to rile me up and make me as miserable as possible, but I have ignored her ... and finally had to block her (for just a bit, she needs the rest, I don't)
I kind of fell off grid. Blocked political lunatics. I have really heard enough from both sides. Puke. My god. I am not sure what Capricorn suns do.
For example, I used to light up this forum. I called for readings, I asked for advice, I cried, worried. That's not interesting to me at all now. What good does whining do? Bitching all the time. That low vibrating bullshit. I have been minding my own business in my own small world taking care of the two of us with not a lot else going on.... Is that earth-ish? Two of the progressed are in my 4th. Maybe.
I can feel the mars though... I don't envy anyone with Mars in Taurus. OMG... puke.
Being quieter has allowed me to see thru more two-faced people who live to stab you in the back but instead of saying anything... there is one I am feeding bullshit just to watch the show haha is that Capricorn-ish? lol Is it Capricorn-ish to want to turn it around in a slam dunk and even it up? Nah.. that's Scorpio 
I guess I just feel the stoic part. My progressed Sun would go well with my natal moon but not with that Leo haha My hair has grown so much...last pics I have are October and the rate of growth is indescribable. It's growing down my back right now. I go to the hairdresser every 6-8 weeks, and she says omg what is going on here. Damn, Leo's are blessed in the hair department.
The progressed chart reveals nothing more nor less than the slow unfolding of your spiritual development... and my hair is def taken on a development of its own LOL
I'm being silly. I feel I have grown in leaps emotionally. And I can feel it. Moreso others can.
@soup My sister was born with Mars in Taurus….in the 12th house. She has incredible stamina—but also a huge lazy streak that she fights regularly.
Think of a middle-aged woman who dresses up to go to the club—and then crashes on the bed at 9 PM without leaving the house. Thats the monster she deals with. It’s super-fun. 🤣
@notmycircus You describe it so much better than I do NMC. I am past middle age LOL so it may be worse.
On a normal day I can go from frantically cleaning and using lists, so I don't get off target (Gemini mars) to wanting to bake something ridiculous and sit fat as a tick and binge Netflix (Taurus moon)
Some of it might be winter although that has never stopped me before. A lot of it may be age... haha
My hair looks like a lunatic. 
Also, do I really need anything to make me more stubborn?
Maybe I have walked through so much since 2015 I am just worn out. So much has happened that I don't think I have unpacked it all yet. My surroundings are unrecognizable. My husband is no longer unrecognizable. I completely lost my identity. I have no idea who is living in this meat suit anymore. Best I get to know her though. I do miss being passionate about things... but not enough to go back to crying about it. Not enough to go back to being unraveled all the time- and hurt. That was painful. People, including family really hurt me deeply.
Weird energy that I am not used to. I think about this. I don't look the same at all. It's always considered uncool to say you look better. But I do look better than I did 2 years ago.
Also, hysterectomy. But I fought to keep my ovaries. Hormones play a role too.
I can't believe all of this happened. I am flabbergasted. I hope you are well.... xo
It’s snowing here in North Georgia. ⛄️ Almost lost power a couple of times. The birds have been visiting the yard like crazy—bird feeders are full, so I guess they know where the chow hall is. 👍🏻
In other news, just checked my progressed chart and my moon just entered Capricorn. Last time it did, I was in high school with my nose in the books.
@notmycircus It was pretty for the few minutes it decided to stick to the ground. We quickly took pictures of this phenomenon to send home...
All the neighbors shitting their pants and we are outside taking pictures and laughing hard. They are saying... oh no our street departments are not equipped for this. I said, for what? hahaha My god you'd think it Armageddon and it was nothing more than a few hamster size flakes that would never stick to the ground here. It's supposed to be 60 on Tuesday and stay nice.
I love GA winter weather. Mild, gorgeous. Hotter than holy hell in the summer
@soup It’s not the snow that scares the (sensible) people down here—it’s the ice 🧊 that turns us Southerners into chicken shit.
I’ve driven on icy hills and do not recommend that. (A decade ago I slid into a curb, swerved down the road and went into a slow spin, all because I HAD to get to work! Lol) “Snowmageddon 2014” was a misnomer—should have been called The 2014 Icecapades because it’s the ice that shut down traffic. 💯
Now, people mobbing the stores…most of that is ridiculous. I started building up my pantry supply last summer because I knew this winter was going to be bad with the supply chain issues and CV, never mind weather. So I only ran in to stores for a couple of things I wanted. Holy hell—Dollar General had a line a mile long and the grocery stores were giving me March 2020 flashbacks.
@notmycircus I agree about the ice. They should chill out though, gosh, the ground is warm, and everything melts fast here. It snowed, we both took pictures as fast as we could... it melted and was gone like lightening. It never stays below freezing here. (But it probably has, and you know more about that than I do)
I get it through. It's so warm and sunny here most of the time that that has to send them over the top. Neighbor is from Ohio, and he laughs about it too.
When you come from a snow globe, this is paradise.