Avatar
Please consider registering
Guest
Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
Register Lost password?
sp_TopicIcon
Trust and Being Trusted
Projection, Fear, and Friendship
Avatar
Libra Noir
Milky Way
Members
Forum Posts: 6592
Member Since:
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
1
Tuesday, January 8, 2019 - 10:56 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print sp_EditHistory

Ive stopped listening to people who tell me to be careful, mainly because Ive finally figured out why it bugs me so much. There is some distinctions that have to be made though. Theres the friend who will tell you that youre boyfriend is cheating and theres the friend that will tell you to watch out, because she just got cheated on. 

And to me those are two very different things. Its a subtle distinction but I feel that the energies are very different from each other. For example a solid friend will tell me if she sees my boyfriend cheating on me, but a weak friend will tell me to be careful with men, because they cheat. Ones giving me info, the other is giving me fear. Why should I be afraid of being cheated on? Isnt that experience worth having? Isnt every experience worth having? Dont we grow from pain? Why would someone want to rob me of that experience. Arent we here to experience? 

A true friend in my opinion, allows me to explore life in the ways that I want. Because I have such deep faith in life, I truly feel that there is no such thing as a mistake (I know many will disagree with that) and I want to explore many facets of life and many different scenarios, even if they are not what most people would want. They wouldnt keep information from me that would enlighten me, but would always trust me to walk my own path, because ultimately they trust in life, themselves. 

Someone who I would not really consider a friend (but can still love and support), is someone who is constantly telling me to be careful and projecting their fear of life onto my situations, under the guise of looking out for me.

Im recently learning not to take this personally, as I know its a form of projection. But my ego still wants to say “they think youre a fool”. Really it has more to do with their outlook and state of mind and I shouldnt take it personally. Its more about them not trusting life as opposed to not trusting me, but thats how I perceived it for a long time. 

So having figured out that distinction, it occurred to me that its as important for me to look someones capacity to trust me and life, as it is to look at my capacity to trust them. And it seems that I can only truly open up to someone who believes in me and has faith in something. And I can only truly trust them when they trust me. What it does for me when someone allows me to explore is so nurturing, and confidence building for me. Of course, I ask for advice from those that have been on the path, but they always encourage me to continue. They never say “turn back”. 

And I try to give that to others as well. 

So what Id like to ask you all, is how do you feel when someone doesnt have faith in you? Are you guilty of projecting your fears onto friends and family? Do you trust them, in the way I described? Do you trust in life? 

The following users say thanks to Libra Noir for this post:

allie120
Avatar
Buendia
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 383
Member Since:
Saturday, March 19, 2016
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
2
Tuesday, January 8, 2019 - 11:36 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print

Libra Noir said
And to me those are two very different things. Its a subtle distinction but I feel that the energies are very different from each other. For example a solid friend will tell me if she sees my boyfriend cheating on me, but a weak friend will tell me to be careful with men, because they cheat. Ones giving me info, the other is giving me fear. Why should I be afraid of being cheated on? Isnt that experience worth having? Isnt every experience worth having? Dont we grow from pain? Why would someone want to rob me of that experience. Arent we here to experience? 

Absolutely, but I don’t even think the distinction is that subtle. One is real, one isn’t. It may be subtle to the person making the projection, to the point of invisibility, but I’d guess that’d be the norm for that individual. 

How do I feel about it when it happens? It’s energetically invasive, and violating. Subconscious or not, it’s an attempt to create a energy or power imbalance, like parent and child–dependent and independent. 

However, more often than not, I don’t take it personally. As you said, it says more about their own psyche and represents their life experience, perspective, and values more than mine. It could be me, or any number of other people they would have this reaction to. 

But as you said again, I wouldn’t consider this a mature friendship that I could cultivate at any true depth.

I like people who generally mind their business until asked, as I try to do the same, or have and share genuine, evidence based concern.

The following users say thanks to Buendia for this post:

Libra Noir, allie120
Avatar
Libra Noir
Milky Way
Members
Forum Posts: 6592
Member Since:
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
3
Tuesday, January 8, 2019 - 11:49 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print

One is real and one isnt. I really appreciate that phrase. Thank you. I also like the phrase “evidence based concern”. I just really like how you phrase things in general. (Id read a book you wrote!) 

But anyway, Now that I see it, its not so subtle anymore. But I grew up under a strong program of fear, so its taken me a long time to really bring this confidence up from the depths. 

The following users say thanks to Libra Noir for this post:

Buendia, allie120
Avatar
Buendia
Planetary ruler
Limited Access

Members
Forum Posts: 383
Member Since:
Saturday, March 19, 2016
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
4
Tuesday, January 8, 2019 - 11:59 am
sp_Permalink sp_Print sp_EditHistory

Libra Noir said
One is real and one isnt. I really appreciate that phrase. Thank you. I also like the phrase “evidence based concern”. I just really like how you phrase things in general. (Id read a book you wrote!) 

But anyway, Now that I see it, its not so subtle anymore. But I grew up under a strong program of fear, so its taken me a long time to really bring this confidence up from the depths. 

Agree, and same here. It’s confusing, because it looks like love or care, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels oppressive and controlling.

(And thank you Libra Noir heartthe writer in me is extremely heartened by your comment).

The following users say thanks to Buendia for this post:

allie120
Forum Timezone: America/Chicago
Most Users Ever Online: 264
Currently Online:
209
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
Newest Members:
Rudy
jmcgunny
dhakini65
Hugo6
BeckyT1964
Forum Stats:
Groups: 1
Forums: 13
Topics: 13842
Posts: 193409

 

Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 443
Members: 3082
Moderators: 0
Admins: 5
Administrators: Elsa, Jilly, Satori, Brandon C, meaning2