Forum

Notifications
Clear all

Regrets?

Elsa
Posts: 4329
 Elsa
Admin
Topic starter
(@elsa)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago

Recently, I was taking to a client about "regret". I recalled writing about it years ago. This was back when it was in vogue to have "no regrets".  You can find material on this, searching here. It's an interesting topic that does not seem to be static.

This comes up now because my husband just walked in here and said, "We should have gotten married in Tucson. I should have gone out to see your father, told him, look here you ginny mother*er, you stay away from my wife. You come near her, I'll kill you. We should have had our kids; went to that church where, Speedy and I would go sometimes. We'd be Catholic. I could have stayed in the Airforce for four more years so we could have gotten settled. And then I'd have gone into Special Forces."

Do you have regrets?

13 Replies
Warped
Posts: 729
(@warped)
Reputable Member
Joined: 9 years ago

Too many to count.  Totally understand how  your husband feels, but who knows what other twists and turns might've ensued.  You can mourn lost time while also being immensely thankful for the opportunity that brought you back together.  Most are not as fortunate.

Reply
retains_water
Posts: 28
(@retains_water)
Eminent Member
Joined: 13 years ago

Oh yeah, definitely regrets. Some are just practical, like I wish I had gotten braces when I was a kid and my parents were willing to pay for it.

Others are more about feeling fulfilled. I regret not studying abroad in Paris when I was in college. Funny thing is, I may have the chance again next summer, about 29 years after I said no. Sounds like a Saturn thing! I was too afraid to be far from home at the time. I was worried I’d be overwhelmed. At least now I know myself better.

Reply
la_sirena
Posts: 788
(@la_sirena)
Reputable Member
Joined: 6 years ago

I regret not starting my career in my 20’s. 
I regret wasting time pining.
I regret letting a man have control of me.

 

 

Reply
Libra Noir
Posts: 1155
(@libra-noir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 10 years ago

I do, but I also think everything happens for a reason and/or the greater good. The only thing that I haven’t been able to reconcile completely with that belief is leaving a full clientele that I had worked very hard for and moving to be closer to family. But at that time I thought it would be best for my son and me and who knows what would’ve happened if I had stayed, maybe something worse than I’m experiencing now (career limbo/crisis). Maybe I would’ve ended up killing myself? Sounds extreme but that’s the trajectory I could’ve been on. So, I guess it’s just as easy to think about how awful it could have been as to think about how great it could have been. It’s impossible to know either way so Im just going try to take the perspective that helps me sleep at night. Because I can’t go back, I can only learn from my mistakes, hope that somehow they served some larger purpose and try not to make them again. 

Reply
Dori
Posts: 261
 Dori
(@dori)
Estimable Member
Joined: 8 years ago

Regrets, I had it few... I regret every time I didn't listen to my intuition, my gut feeling, and it's more than a few times. Too many. Being with men I knew something was off or that it wasn't wise because it won't work out anyway, but I'm good at denaying such feelings. My biggest? Uf, that's hard to think about. That I had to put my mom in hospice care, even for a night because not one hospital would take her because of COVID, and for yelling at my dad the last day of his life that he ruined my life.

Reply
6 Replies
Warped
(@warped)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 729

@dori 

I can sympathize with all you mentioned.  So much more I could've accomplished had I focused on myself and ignored the pull of romance.  Regret I didn't have the stamina to house and look after my mom, as the relative who ended up doing so was neglectful.  And I also argued with and yelled at my poor besieged dad the day before his fatal heart attack.  Took me decades of over compensating in many ways to work through that.  

Recently I combed through my Midpoints Chart looking for significant events or people, particularly dates that appear repeatedly.  Found most of them there.  Turning points or fated points?

Reply
Dori
 Dori
(@dori)
Joined: 8 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 261

@warped my bf told me last week that I'm a masochist for having a regret that I had to put my mom in hospice, that she got excellent care there, even for that one night that even hospital wouldn't give her. I agree, she got the care she needed, but hospice wasn't what she wanted and I promised her when the time comes, she will die in a hospital, she didn't want to die at home. I truly believe that dying people have every right to their last wish, and I had a feeling I failed. But hospitals were full due to COVID, she was dying and even with connections, I wasn't able to do anything. And it broke my heart, more than when they called me the next morning and told me she died. Because I knew they would call the next morning. When my dad was dying, he couldn't tell us his wishes, and it's sad when you don't know what that person wants. I respect the end of life, I respect dying wishes, that's the last thing they want, the last thing you will ever be able to do for them, and take that very seriously. I regret it, but I know she knows that I really did my best, and my beloved dad, he knows I didn't really mean it, because he never ruined my life, I am who I am because of two of them. And the same with you, it took me a long time to forgive myself, but I did, because I know they are okay with everything, but my personal regret about it all, stays.

 

Buuuttttt, my relationships... God, I could slap myself over and over {yellow}:blushed:  

 

Reply
Warped
(@warped)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 729

@dori 

Was the hospice really very different from a hospital?  Probably nicer actually, no?  Regardless, you did do everything you could.  They do know, and God knows.

I don't think you're a masochist, merely a perfectionist in some ways, probably holding yourself to higher standards than you would expect of others.  Me too.  But we're human, thus imperfect. 

Reply
Dori
 Dori
(@dori)
Joined: 8 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 261

@warped this one that was recommended to me was like a little hospital. Where I live, hospice is really something bad, it is quite impossible to find a decent place where people are treated like humans. That's why accepted that kind of solution tho it broke my heart that I have to do it like I was letting her down, no matter I knew they would do things for her I couldn't anymore. But, like my father, she was just waiting to get out of the house and not die at home. She didn't want that for me. Yes, you've said it better than my bf, huge perfectionist, and expectations I had from my parents were always high, and mine from myself too. It would be good not to be hard on myself from time to time, but it's in my head, hard to get it out, like I'm programmed or something.

 

 

Reply
Warped
(@warped)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 729

@dori 

Me too. It's a control thing. And harsh super-ego.  In my case I suspect my Virgo Moon, Libra Neptune opposing Aries Sun, and Saturn/Venus opposition contribute.  But I don't really understand how other people aren't this way.

Reply
Dori
 Dori
(@dori)
Joined: 8 years ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 261

@warped MC Virgo, Venus trine Saturn, Saturn sextile MC. Yes, your conclusion is perfect, I don't understand it either.

Reply
Page 1 / 2