Recently, I was taking to a client about "regret". I recalled writing about it years ago. This was back when it was in vogue to have "no regrets". You can find material on this, searching here. It's an interesting topic that does not seem to be static.
This comes up now because my husband just walked in here and said, "We should have gotten married in Tucson. I should have gone out to see your father, told him, look here you ginny mother*er, you stay away from my wife. You come near her, I'll kill you. We should have had our kids; went to that church where, Speedy and I would go sometimes. We'd be Catholic. I could have stayed in the Airforce for four more years so we could have gotten settled. And then I'd have gone into Special Forces."
Do you have regrets?
Too many to count. Totally understand how your husband feels, but who knows what other twists and turns might've ensued. You can mourn lost time while also being immensely thankful for the opportunity that brought you back together. Most are not as fortunate.
Oh yeah, definitely regrets. Some are just practical, like I wish I had gotten braces when I was a kid and my parents were willing to pay for it.
Others are more about feeling fulfilled. I regret not studying abroad in Paris when I was in college. Funny thing is, I may have the chance again next summer, about 29 years after I said no. Sounds like a Saturn thing! I was too afraid to be far from home at the time. I was worried I’d be overwhelmed. At least now I know myself better.
I regret not starting my career in my 20’s.
I regret wasting time pining.
I regret letting a man have control of me.
I do, but I also think everything happens for a reason and/or the greater good. The only thing that I haven’t been able to reconcile completely with that belief is leaving a full clientele that I had worked very hard for and moving to be closer to family. But at that time I thought it would be best for my son and me and who knows what would’ve happened if I had stayed, maybe something worse than I’m experiencing now (career limbo/crisis). Maybe I would’ve ended up killing myself? Sounds extreme but that’s the trajectory I could’ve been on. So, I guess it’s just as easy to think about how awful it could have been as to think about how great it could have been. It’s impossible to know either way so Im just going try to take the perspective that helps me sleep at night. Because I can’t go back, I can only learn from my mistakes, hope that somehow they served some larger purpose and try not to make them again.
Regrets, I had it few... I regret every time I didn't listen to my intuition, my gut feeling, and it's more than a few times. Too many. Being with men I knew something was off or that it wasn't wise because it won't work out anyway, but I'm good at denaying such feelings. My biggest? Uf, that's hard to think about. That I had to put my mom in hospice care, even for a night because not one hospital would take her because of COVID, and for yelling at my dad the last day of his life that he ruined my life.