I am guessing that at some points in each one of our lives we feel lonely. Some face it early in life and others with old age.
Some often feel lonely even in a crowded room.
For me when lockdown first happened, I felt now the entire world is living like I have been living my entire life.
For most parts of my life, I was comfortable being alone. I was comfortable not being held. I was comfortable in my room. Mostly I was occupied with one or the other academic exam and seldom had time to feel lonely.
Now, I feel lonely all the time. The academic part of my life is done for most parts. I have transitioned to a day job that thankfully pays my bills. But, there is a sense of lack. I am not able to enjoy being alone at this point in my life.
I wonder if I feel this way because of the societal conditioning and expectations that I have to be 'coupled up' by a 'certain age'. Or I feel this way because I truly have time now to share my life with someone and no one is showing up.
Would like to hear your thoughts on this.
PS: I do have people that I can talk to. Who know and recognize parts of me but only the parts I reveal. But for most parts, their own lives are very busy and I am just a small part of it. I have distanced myself from everyone who could have been in touch with me on a daily basis out of obligations aka the family of origin.
I deal with it by reminding myself that this is what is happening now and very likely, something different will be happening in a year!
I feel like I could have written this. I am also going through intense loneliness. I thought it would lift when I came out of lockdown but it’s just gotten more intense.
I’m in therapy now. I really need it. I also feel like good friends and family just don’t have the time or energy to “be there” for me. I normally work hard to keep in touch with them, but I don’t feel the energy being returned.
I’m glad for my coworkers, because I do see them most days. I don’t share with them what’s going on in my inner world. They don’t know they are keeping me alive.
I was also very comfortable being alone, throughout my life. Things have really switched up! I have finished my career journey—no more grad school or working for a promotion. I could not have had a relationship during those years. But now that I have the time, there is…nobody.
I hope you get some relief soon, VDN. ? ?
@retains_water Wow! My co-workers do not know that they are keeping me alive too.
Thank you for sharing. It is amazing that what you feel is exactly the same way as I feel.
There are so many humans on this planet who are individually alone, but they are not able to come together to be there for each other. It baffles me.
There are so many single people trying to couple up. But there are no avenues for them to meet. We live in times of great contrast. Internet is available to us but it is not being put to use effectively.
@vdn Yes, you are so right about all of the lonely people in the world. The dating apps are set up to keep people just out of reach of each other. It’s a misuse of technology. We are all plugged in but not connecting with each other.
@retains_water sigh. I have several times contemplated if there will be an easy solution... and am not convinced there will be in my lifetime. Although, new dating apps spring every other month but they all get corrupted so easily.
@retains_water btw... I retain water too... when I go on keto.. I lose up to 10kgs in a blink... and it is all water!
@vdn LOL, good for you with the keto! My username is a reference to all the water in my chart. I wonder, which diet would help me lose my Scorpio moon? ?
@retains_water am not on keto anymore.. because I was missing veggies and carbs.
Not sure if I have a water-heavy chart. hehe.
Honestly, I talk and listen to spirits, trees, gods and goddesses, animals. I’ve been perpetually lonely my whole life and found connections to be difficult to make with humans but easy with the spiritual realm. I get a love and acceptance from nature for instance that I’ve never felt from any human. You could say it’s all in my head, but it makes me feel less lonely and very happy so I don’t care if it’s real or not or if I seem like a cuckoo lala bird. To me, I feel like I’ve discovered something precious. Or maybe I rediscovered it because it’s something I was aware of as a kid. I saw spirits (dark and light) and had an imaginary friend who looked just like me but knew everything lol.
@libra-noir Thank you, Libra Noir.
I agree with you... I probably need to go back to being meditative. Except for this overwhelming sense of lack, loneliness, the nihilism that engulfs me when I try to go inwards?
When we all know nothing we are doing materially is going to matter... how do we continue to do it? Why do we live when we know we are just going to become dust sooner than later?
@vdn We don’t all know that nothing we do matters- that’s a projection of yours. There are people who lead meaningful lives. Maybe find them and have an open mind in observing how they experience life. You might see that meaning is more often created than discovered.
I’ve noticed too that people who are very connected to life have things they take care of and offer love to. Do you have something like that in your life? Something to nurture?
@libra-noir I have house plants. I bought 20+... now I have about 10 still surviving. My job requires travel and there is no one to take care of stuff when am gone.
I think am having trouble adjusting from living in a high-stress environment 24/7 to a more relaxed work environment. I deserve this. I worked hard to get a job that is more manageable. But I am plagued with 'am not doing enough' disease.
I thought about getting a pet animal to take care of but since I have to travel on and off for work... I had to skip it.
In the past... seeking peace and meaning... i looked into various spiritual/metaphysical practices... but none stuck on to me.. i was always the outsider wherever I went..
am trying to rebuild the way I live and value my life.. and it is not easy or it isn't happening
@libra-noir Yeah... those people and their lives are failing to inspire... for example people who were altruistic and set up huge research centers and patient care centers... perpetuated a cult that now interbreeds. this is the 'socially acceptable cult' that nobody vilifies.
Whose life from history do I look at to feel inspired? Usually... whenever I find someone that I want to admire some aspect of their life is revealed to me that is distasteful. But I agree I have not looked widely. Am open to suggestions.
sometimes I feel I am going through some significant transits but nothing visibly significant is happening.
@vdn What kinds of transits? Just curious if we’re going through the same. Mine are tied into the Saturn Uranus square, but also 3 Chiron transits.
@retains_water I do not speak the language of stars that well... my chart is attached... the gist I know is that pluto does not cross ASC often and for a lot of people... an
and since my saturn uranus is conjunct am sure the squares are hitting me... probably am so tired of life that even persistent low feels like a way of life... with fleeting moments of joy
@vdn I recommend getting a copy of the Tao Te Ching by Lau Tzu. If you get an English language one, the translation by Stephen Mitchell is recommended. This will help you in letting go, it's a great support, just reading small pieces daily inspires flow. I'm feeling a need to return to it again as the fixed energy in the sky influences rigidity and control and until Jupiter enters Pisces in December, more flow is needed!
@sophiab thanks... done!!
A fan of Stephen Mitchel's Tai Te Ching as well. However, never could find a printed copy. Have heard the recitation online... will get back to it.
And yes extremely old scriptures do provide me a lot of peace.
@retains_water there is dating website called spiritual singles... i came across it 1-2 years ago ... and checked it out again yesterday... not sure if it is legit