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Do you understand yourself?

Libra Noir
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I often don’t. Maybe never. When I think I do I find out later that I was deluding myself in some way. There’s some things I’ve come to expect from myself but as far as understanding- no. And it’s actually like the more self reflection I do, the more enigmatic that understanding becomes. One would think it would be the opposite.

None of this is bad btw. Mainly because it mirrors the fact that I don’t understand other people either or current events. I can’t offer explanations for anything. I mean I know there’s psychological reasons etc., but there’s some other drive too that I can not explain. 

Is that drive Desire? Maybe. But especially when I ask myself what I want is when things get very very ephemeral and impossible to articulate. Maybe it’s God that I truly desire? Maybe that’s what god is- all the things that we don’t understand. They do rule over us in a way but are also playful and coy. Baffling but not confusing. 

So…….do you understand yourself? 

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Libra Noir
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I also wanted to relate this to the Sun. My Sun is in fall in Libra, so the self is not super defined. But it’s conjunct Pluto so there’s a motivation there for uncovering the truth. It’s pretty fucked when I think about it lol. 

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Dori
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@libra-noir Yes. It took me a minute to be completely sure what I will answer, but yes, I do understand myself, I know myself pretty well. But... I have a hard time understanding others and that bothers me because if I don't understand something or someone, I can't accept it and move on. So, the only peace I can give to myself is to dig as much as I can and find understanding so I could accept the situation/person. It's bloody exhausting.

I "blame" my stellium in the 8th house for this kind of obsessive thinking. Smile

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Libra Noir
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@dori I feel like you just described Cancer too. A crab would know it’s own interior because it’s protected. That protective quality keeps things out for its own wellbeing. But I can see with that eighth house that there is an attraction to things that might not be safe or good for wellbeing and how frustrating that could be. It’s like the mother and child relationship almost where the child wants to explore and experience sensations but the mother won’t allow it because it’s dangerous and could lead to death. But that’s the whole attraction is that it is dangerous and could lead to death (transformation of course). I could be way off! If so disregard.

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Dori
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@libra-noir actually you are completely right. Smile If one thing Cancer knows to do is how to protect. And in my case, there is a stellium in the 8th house and two more planets in Scorpio and ASC in Scorpio too, you say taboo, I say, I'm coming. Living on the edge and constantly seeking the truth in forbidden places, dangerous relationships (by that I don't mean only romantic ones), and yes, there lies the whole attraction, it's like daring yourself all the time.

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 Elsa
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I also feel I understand myself.  But I've had astrology all of my life. I'm also a very simple animal.

@libra-noir I agree with you re: Libra sun conjunct Pluto.  You're a conundrum, based on that alone. But it's part of your unique beauty as well.

 

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Libra Noir
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@elsa Thank you:)

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jana
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I understand many of my motivations but I think undstanding "what I am" is beyond understanding my behavior and not communicable. There is a core mystery that transcends the physical and that can't be explained with words. Art, music, poetry and some spiritual discussion point at it....but that's as far as it goes...pointing.The degree to which I can hold paradox is the degree to which I see it. i think you may be looking at the ineffable and being an air sign wanting to capture something in words that can only be pointed at and experienced and that's why you are referencing God. Rest in it and see where it goes. 

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Libra Noir
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@jana That’s so beautiful. Thank you so much. I am starting to lean into it more. Honestly the less I care what others think of me the better I feel about it. I realize that on some level I was always trying to define myself and fit into some box for the comfort of others. It’s been hard but I’m starting to realize that other’s discomfort about me and how weird I am (I embrace that word because I know what it truly means) is not my burden to bear, but theirs. I guess that concept of personal boundaries  oddly enough is a type of definition, but one that feels natural (in line with Nature).

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CocoPeaches
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To some degree - I do, but I am not a simple creature, and there's surely more to be revealed.

I work really hard to understand myself because, A: nobody else can do it for me, and B: I need to understand myself in order to be able to take better care of myself. I'm actually at a point of letting go of all other aspirations for myself, so that I can commit to becoming an expert at caring for myself, as I would for a child with special needs. It sounds depressing, but that's what I need right now...

My chart is getting beat up today under the full moon, which is opposing my 10H Venus in Aries. Saturn is square my Taurus Sun, Mars is square my Gemini Mercury (and will then square my Sadge moon), and Jupiter & Neptune are square my Mars opp. Uranus.

purpleblackeye cheeky icon confused whacky shrug heart   

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Libra Noir
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@cocopeaches I don’t think it’s depressing at all. I think it’s great. Maybe if more people would take the time to tune into themselves the way you are wanting to there would be more honesty in the world and therefore more happiness. 

I think I’m doing something similar too. I just got The Highly Sensitive Person workbook which I’m going to dive into. I do understand my “system” to a degree. My body. I am connected there so I’m grateful for that. I actually rarely find exceptions there in what my body needs (rest, food intake, and sensory stimulation). Like there’s probably never a time I will enjoy fluorescent lighting or go on less than eight hours of sleep for instance. The emotional and spiritual though is out of my grasp. Like you said though-more will be revealed:) 

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la_sirena
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Basically yes and no. I understand my conscious motivations. Some of my conscious motivations used to be unconscious, and surfaced after certain experiences and self-reflection. I understand what drives me on a conscious and pre-conscious level. I mostly understand why I behave in the ways that I do, but I don’t always understand how to change the things that I do, and that suggests that I do not know everything there is to know about myself. Spiritually, I understand myself. But that is not easily definable because it’s not “myself” I understand but the connectedness of all things, which I don’t understand per se but I perceive.

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Libra Noir
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@la_sirena Interesting. It’s like seeing the nail but not having a hammer. I don’t know about you though, but I have found that eventually that hammer does show up if I sincerely ask. It’s never overnight or obvious but I have multiple examples in my life of this phenomena when I truly wanted to change.

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la_sirena
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@libra-noir yes but there are many layers and once you unravel one, there are more. I think the best we can do is try to be responsible for our own behavior and learn from it. We are all a work in progress.

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