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Calling someone on their bs
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Libra Noir
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 4:20 am
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I have this wonderful bullshit detector. I can tell when someone is lying to me and I can tell when someone is lying to themselves. It’s a bit harder to see my own, but that’s not what I want to talk about. This has been a lifelong internal struggle. 

The dilemma is, at least for me is, I don’t always feel it’s right to tell someone what I see in them and their behavior . I feel that it can be a type of infringement, even if I think it could help them. Like, someone is complaining that their foot hurts, and I see a nail in it, but because they don’t specifically ask me for help, I just have to watch them limp along crying and suffering. It’s absolutely brutal to witness. Or another example would be someone exhibiting hypocrisy (like judging someone for behavior they are exhibiting). Or just general ego driven behavior. Or holding onto a delusion or an illusion that is destructive to themselves or others. 

Then there’s the other times when I just can’t stand it anymore and I tell them what’s up (although I try to be gentle and I don’t think I’ve ever completely let loose on any one person.) That’s my ego taking over, still. That doesn’t usually end well either for obvious reasons. It alienates people because it shatters their ego, which I know is not my job to do, but honest interactions are also important. 

So, I continue to just try to use discernment in every situation. It’s that Libra thing. Can anyone relate or have thoughts? How do handle the dichotomy of calling it like you see it and being nice and/or kind? 

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confusionconfusion
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 6:59 am
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hi,

(Its been a while since I posted)

hope you are well :). 

—-

I am one of those who told people what I saw and alienated them. some stayed and appreciate my directness. These have been my friends for donkey’s years and I don’t have to change myself to be around them. 

Now, this was with Neptune in the 1st house AND having all my planets on the left of the chart, except for my sun (conjunct) mc in my 9th house. So I didn’t really KNOW that I was ruffling up so many feathers :D. Since, Uranus crossed my IC and is transiting my 4th house, I realised the effect my bluntness had on others. I started getting confused whether I should or not. and after a longwinded journey I realised:

most times, better not to say anything if they don’t ask. it’s not that they don’t know the nail. they know and want it. useless situation, where no one can do anything and you’ll be hurt. 

In some cases, the other person is genuinely unaware, and you think could do with some clarity. take a chance, but has to be purely of compassion and filled with ego-cushioning and politeness. 

what I learnt most was not to fight it. and if its in the flow to ‘shake people up’, as long as it feels one with you, go for it. you might be their messenger. just it can’t be coz you are not okay. it has to be compassion for them.

also, don’t think of the results. do your part, and leave the rest.

I have learnt that people appreciate me for being direct, even if they didn’t like it in that moment. they trust me to tell the truth in the long run. I am a more ‘solid’ source when they want a reality check. I gained their respect over time. Again, most of them, don’t  put in the work. 

They make those choices. 

also, amputate, if they start living of your energy and you don’t want that to happen. compassion toward yourself comes first :). 

——

bottomline: when I was trying to be ‘nice’ instead of what I was actually feeling: 

1) I hated it. I was supressing myself.

2) that other person sensed I wasn’t being ‘authentic’ and hence it didn’t go anywhere anyway.

———

in my case, I learnt: Most people know what they are doing. and sometimes we are just projecting. and  I wasted a lot of my energy assuming that they wanted to improve their situation :D. Assumptions = awaited lesson/disaster. 😀

 

❤️

stay safe 🙂 

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Libra Noir
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 3:52 pm
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Hi confusion:) Good to see you thank you for posting and sharing your experiences. 

They sound a lot like mine. I remember several people telling me I was blunt in high school. Because I was trying to learn how to be in society I figured I better just suppress my thoughts. Of course now I’m aware of a concept called finesse. 

Im also really really grateful that mentioned compassion. Because the real problem for Libra is figuring out what fulcrum to use for our scales, which is always the real issue for me. Compassion I feel in this moment is it, so I’m going to meditate on that. Thank you, very helpful. 

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Sunday, August 2, 2020 - 2:17 am
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🙏😇

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Tam
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 11:39 am
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It’s a tough topic. I have been on both sides. 

When I was having my Pluto square Moon transit and trying to learn astrology and being unemployed with a house and car payment everything I had worked for my whole life teeter-tottering in the balance and going back to college at 40 and being stalked and gossiped about. Not much happening. I wanted to talk about it, understand it. There was someone on the boards here that didn’t want me to think about it just accept and move on. Well, fuck that! I want to know things and understand and talk about it. I didn’t want to be her version of me.

Fast forward 15 years-ish we now know that I had PTSD but I still feel like I handled it as good as I could have with what I knew. I think I handled it the right way for me, I’m the one that has to live with it, I’m the one footing the bill. I didn’t handle it the way my Libra friend with Uranus conjunct Pluto in the first house would have. 

If someone is doing meth and thinking they are going to be a movie star I can see how it would be easy to say “hey maybe stop doing the meth.” I’m not sure I helped but that’s my story.

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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 3:56 pm
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It does. Thank you! I appreciate seeing the other side. Yes, we all foot the bill of our own experiences and what we do about them. Sounds like you just needed for someone to hold space for you. 

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jana
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 1:09 pm
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Hi LN,

I understand the frustration of seeing things and being unable to do anything about it. In the human design system, I am a projector. Our life strategy is to study the world and observe until invited in as a guide. It’s an interesting system. I wonder if it might have something to offer you.

 

Calculator:https://www.jovianarchive.com/…..your_chart

tools to interpret: https://humandesign.tools/

 

Best of Luckheartjupiter

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Libra Noir
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 3:58 pm
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Thank you:) Yes, I have investigated Human Design a bit. Of course I am a projector (splenic) lol. Wait for the invitation right? 

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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 2:00 pm
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It’s your Scorpio stellium,  you see through people. The thing is, we all have hypocrisy and contradictions in us, as long as it doesn’t go too far. The thing is, are these people going too far? 

For example, someone being a hypocrite on their diet doesn’t warrant me (at least in my opinion) cutting them out of my life. But, someone who is constantly verbally abusive towards other people, but doesn’t accept verbal abuse back, is probably something to look at.

If they are, I would just kindly remove myself from the relationship and hope that they progress for the better! 

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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 4:00 pm
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Right, there is a line. Thank you. 

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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 4:03 pm
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jana said
Hi LN,

I understand the frustration of seeing things and being unable to do anything about it. In the human design system, I am a projector. Our life strategy is to study the world and observe until invited in as a guide. It’s an interesting system. I wonder if it might have something to offer you.

 

Calculator:https://www.jovianarchive.com/…..your_chart

tools to interpret: https://humandesign.tools/

 

Best of Luckheartjupiter

  

What do you mean by projector? 

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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 4:22 pm
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Ok I have a couple things to add that occurred to me last night as I was laying in bed. 

One is situations is always in a group setting in which I can see that someone is trying to put me in my place or humble me, but really it’s that they are trying to control me. Maybe some Plutonians will relate. The purpose seems to be to make me behave in a manner that is supposed to show everyone what an asshole I really am and concurrently show how gracious, beautiful and holy they are. It’s basically projection. But it’s so subtle that others can’t see it. So I’m basically backed into a corner. Im being attacked but noone else sees it, so if I retaliate Im made to look like an asshole because it appears that I’m attacking this poor helpless little weakling and it brands me in a way. If I pull their covers, I also pay a price. These are people who choose to be enemy. Which are the only enemies I ever have, the ones that want to feed off my energy by being an enemy. So theres that complex psychodrama lol. Honestly if I can walk away in those situations I do, but more and more, I’m like- fuck that, you’re not going to run me off. Compassion is hard to practice here too, née impossible at least in the traditional way. See how complex it gets with me lol? 

So another situation I thought about was a time that someone really appreciated my honesty. He was a newish friend/dating and he had gotten himself into this pickle with his ex, where she was using their daughter to control him and he was utterly miserable. He brought it to me twice and I just listened, because that’s what it seemed like he wanted. Something about that felt very wrong and I decided to confront him and tell him what I saw. I basically said “What the heck are you doing with your life?”  He disappeared for a week and came back and told me that it was the kick in the pants he needed and was deeply grateful. He still tells me a few years later how grateful he is to me for what I did. 

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Tam
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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 5:25 pm
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Slowly pecked to death by ducks. Can you try my just send love to the situation for a month and see if the situation improves?

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Saturday, August 1, 2020 - 5:29 pm
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Ill do it:) Although I’m also going to weigh if it’s worth even participating in that particular group as I do that. 

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Sunday, August 2, 2020 - 3:20 am
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compassion – all inclusivity. it stems from everything is a part of you.

it helps to remember:

– this person is just a piece of life too. You do what you have to do, being conscious of this. 

– her mind/ego/self identity is what’s messed up (someone else can word it better). 

– its about them :), not you. 

—-

I guess this helps being stable and clear minded in the situation. not making it about you in action. unless provoked.

——–

( I could be wrong ) it seems like your Aries energy wants to come out. to balance all that extra Libra niceness = suppressing yourself to ( in a way) appease others. 

case in point, your situation with the new friend. you were Libra like, balanced with Aries energy. You were okay with him not being okay with you :), and you being authentic/yourself. 

——

A note about the group setting situation, you threaten that person in some way. may be they think you will undermine their position in the group.

That other person may have put in a lot of work getting everyone to treat them as their subtle/obvious leader.  you threaten that. 

——

side note: if you are plutonian, best to accept soon that you will be either liked or the other will be repelled by you! then work from there.

( sorry if I am all over the place! ) ❤️

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