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Are you bitter?

Libra Noir
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This morning reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, the writer mentions a turning point, usually at the midlife of a woman. That turning point is hinged on a decision made, the most important psychic decision a person can ever make, and that’s the decision to be bitter or not.

I am there at that crossroads. I look at my mother and older sister and see much bitterness. It hurts. Then I look at myself and see where that pattern is trying to ingrain itself in me. This last year has tried my resolve on that front. What a war to be waged, it’s really life or death. To me, a life of bitterness is a gray life, a life of cold damp cement. That’s not what I want. 

I attribute some of this topic to Scorpio, the phoenix. Rebirth after being broken hearted. Life broke my heart but I can’t stay dead (kind of an Easter theme lol). 

So...are you bitter? How to heal using astrology? Again, for me it’s the Plutonian aspect of Scorpio, not the Martian aspect. Probably some Venus in there too because Venus offers the sweetness of life. 

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DarkAquarian
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There is much synchronicity here.

I have been marbled by this playing out in my life too.

My father detested his father. Everyone suffered from a number of things, on both sides. No one ever healed from it, resulting in my father playing out his abuse onto me.

My natal Mars conjuncts Saturn in Scorpio, both squaring my Sun.

There has been a multi-fold effort in allaying this personal ordeal. One is my son. He has been of tremendous help and my gratitude is beyond imagination.

Oddly enough, just yesterday a friend stopped by and this very subject came up. We both are at tumultuous roads with parents.

It just so happened that yesterday was my father's birthday too. He and I haven't spoken in over a year, ever since I learned that he is not my biological father. In fact, me digging up family secrets has placed me in a familial prison of sorts.

And after my friend left, I called my Dad.

I just seems silly to participate in this dance of vitriol. We are all well versed at being angry, and can get punitive when someone is not or refuses to participate in it.

There is a lot of firsts for me going on.

I'm unsure of what the exact astrology is. I have some prominent conjunctions and squares happening, but have not bothered looking into it more.

 

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Libra Noir
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@darkaquarian Im proud and grateful of your approach to your family and friends:) 

The hereditary factor is interesting. I’m the first in my family to seek any healing and I see how my doing that has offers sort of universal forgiveness or redemption for the ones who struggled before me.

It obviously goes into the future too with our children, our pain or our healing of that pain.  Crazy how that works. I even think it extends to all beings everywhere at every point in time, that’s how powerful the reconciliation of karma is. I’m not saying that my personal healing is everything just that when one person heals, as the universe is fractal and holographic, the whole is affected I believe. 

PS: Could those planets transiting your descendant be at play? 

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DarkAquarian
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@libra-noir Reciprocally, let it be known that I admire you and your approach as well.

I, also reciprocally, concur with your thoughts about breaking generational cycles, healing, and such.

Yes, I do believe that Pluto conjunct my natal DSC and Mercury (squaring my own Pluto), and Uranus conjunct my Moon have a lot of persuasion here. Random events allow me to die and be reborn again.

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 Elsa
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PAC MAN

I was deeply bitter for about three or four years. It threw me for a loop, probably because I'd never experienced anything like it.  EVER.

I did not see a way out at the time. I was completely blind. No one told me I could get out of the situation by doing x, y, or z. I could not find a peer who might help me process and deal with the situation so I really spiraled down and down and down and down.

I don't think anyone expected me to recover. I didn't expect me to recover, that I recall. It was like I'd flipped into living hell on earth, as easy as flipping a poker chip, come to think of it.

Eventually I found a clue  It's almost like I did nothing but freefall and then I caught a limb; just a stupid limb but in hindsight, it was key I needed. 

I guess I fell for three years and it took about a year to climb up. Worst years of my life, without a doubt.

If you do feel bitter, I'd try to get help with it. It consumes a person like pac-man eating everything in it's path.

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Libra Noir
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@elsa Yes, it can be poison to the life.

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night_owl13
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@elsa Can I ask what was the clue?

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 Elsa
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@night_owl13  yes, I was in the victim position.

It's very strange. When I first started writing (what turned into my book, about 18 years ago), someone pointed out to me, with all the things that had happened in my life, I never saw myself as a victim. It was an astute observation. I didn't think about it after that. It's a quality I have, I suppose. But then I feel into a pit of misery that has no words.

One day I realized I felt like a victim. This would not have meant much had that person not made that comment, years prior. But they did make the comment... and I realized I was spending the day ruminating about what had happened to me.

Now the thing(s) that happened to me during this time period we're horrific. They still are... and virtually nobody knows. They still don't know. But I could see this would never, ever work.  No one was going to help me or save me or even support me as it turned out.  I mean, a couple of individuals have stuck with me and I mean, two.  But I would see I would never, ever get out of the hole so long as I felt like a victim.

So then I had to solve the puzzle, how to not be a victim when I was victimized, which I had a clue how to do. First, because of my nature but also because I believe in God.

I understand we all have to carry some sort of cross. I also believed (still believe) that if God lays something on you, you'll have the grace necessary to deal with it.  It also helps - this is a Catholic perspective, a person is better off to suffer in life.  It's preferable.

I started from that point. I really became aware at this time, if I take the victim position, it's the path to total and utter bitterness and despair.  ANYTHING is preferable.

This is all personal to me. You may be different. 

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DarkAquarian
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@elsa It is great to hear (read) such a candid response.

You reminded me of many things that are encapsulated by victimization.

I had not realized how vast this treasure is. I stumble upon stuff like this without realizing its vast potential.

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NotMyCircus
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I think there's a root of bitterness (and vindictiveness) in my family.

The other day I searched for my great-aunt's obituary online, because my sister told me awhile back that she thought she might have died. I found the obituary--from back in 2017. I told my sister and she said she had read on Facebook about her death. I guess it was mentioned by a family member who couldn't stand her. Only one person said anything about her on her obituary, and it was her stepson. He had nothing but good things to say about her.

As far as I know....no funeral or celebration of life has been performed, and we don't even know if she's been put in the ground! For all we know, she's still in a morgue somewhere. 

For a little background, this aunt and her sister (our grandmother) have not gotten along in years. When our grandmother lost her son to cancer, our great-aunt skipped the funeral because her sister skipped her son's wedding--or so the family story goes. Years later, Great-Grandma's dementia got so bad that my grandparents had to move her in with them. (Our great-aunt had checked in on her, but apparently wasn't doing a good job and so Grandma felt it best to step in and take over. Her house could not be sold until she died, so the great-aunt and her family promised to take care of it. They allowed the house (once a pristine and beautiful home) to be trashed and fall into disrepair. Rumor has it that funds intended to repair hurricane damage on the house were directed by my great-aunt to her son to help him with his hotels or something. 

This is typical. I have extended family I have not seen in a couple of decades, and I haven't seen Grandma since Grandpa died five years ago. Our family used to see each other all the time. It's easier to stay away. Bitterness or self-preservation? I don't know. My sister and I are baffled at some of the passive-aggressive behavior in this family, though. 

Don't get me started on my birth father and that back story. I only talk to my sister about him because he was our bio dad and we get different stories from different people. Mom was bitter about him for a long time. 

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Libra Noir
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See to me self preservation and bitterness are two different things. I don’t think forgiving someone implies that you need to continue a relationship with them if it’s not in your best interest. Holding onto that shit, wether or not the person is around I think creates bitterness. 

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night_owl13
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A little bit of bitter is what makes the sauce extra special. They call it "umami" now.

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Libra Noir
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@night_owl13 Lol, I can actually understand that. “A little bit” of anything just seems out of my range. I doubt I will ever be one of those love and light beings so no worries there though lol.

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jana
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@libra-noir

love and light beings lolololo Don't you think there's sumpin wrong with people who use the word "beings"? GAWD!

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Libra Noir
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@jana Secretly..I’ve always wanted to be one and call everyone Beloved Souls and have spiritual experiences in Bali lol (even though I know it’s largely bs). I like your perspective better though- I’m gonna adopt it.

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jana
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@libra-noir

LMAO...Beloved Sooooouuuuullllls  snorts.

I don't know it just seems whenever I hear someone talking about the "beings" it's all crafted to illustrate the immense distances between the lowlies and the beings and I really doubt a "being of light"  wants to emphasize dat. When I hear it I always get this irrestible urge to launch into  Monty Python's "blessed are the cheesemakers";)

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