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Afraid to speak
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jana
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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 9:37 am
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I’m curious. Are you ever afraid to speak your mind?  When not wih your closest friends or family…..how often to refrain from speaking your mind? Do you fear offending people to the extent that you are mostly a silent person in public? Do you fear being shunned and/or  losing your job because you hold an unpopular opinion? Are afraid to ask someone to hear you out to see if perhaps you may be wrong and need their input but might be tarred with the wrong brush and mis-understood in the process?

This is not a partisan question. I don’t care what you believe or think. I want to know how free you feel to express yourself. Whether you can risk offense.

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jana
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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 10:34 am
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I struggle with this all the time. I have Saturn conjunct Mercury in Capricorn and first house Sag Moon and Ascendant 🙂 But it’s a see-saw between these Sag/Cap poles.

I recognize this condition now in many without these aspects and wonder if you see and/or experience it yourself.

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 11:39 am
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No way lol:) I have Moon conjunct Mercury in Scorpio. Im not afraid, but I dont share my opinions, for different reasons. Mainly because people don’t really listen anyway. I cant stand debates where its one side against another. I do enjoy discussions where both sides are enriched by the exchange of information. I just dont meet many people who can do that, honestly. That conjunction is in the 11th house btw. On that test by Jordan Peterson, I scored in the 94th percentile for openness. 

That being said, sometimes I do think its fun to challenge people on their views, especially when they are dogmatic. Im not worried about offending people. If theyre offended then they obviously dont stand firm in their beliefs. Being offended is a fear response. I scored in the 9th percentile for politeness on that same test lol. 

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 11:47 am
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Thanks for responding LN 🙂

“I just dont meet many people who can do that, honestly.”

Is this an on going thing? Do you recall finding people who could discuss both sides of an issue in the past? Have you ever been shunned or threatened for expressing an unpopular opinion? I scored fairly high on openeness  as well LN lol, but I believe it measures interest in others ideas more than the expression of your own.

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 1:26 pm
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Did not know that about openness, thanks.

Not quite sure how to adress your question, because I think there is a deeper theme at play here, beyond the sociological aspect. But just to answer your questions: yes, its an ongoing thing. I dont recall that it was ever different. I find this plane of existence and the society that is born out of it, to be incredibly oppressive and always have. Theres no language for what I want to express. It cant be verbalized. Yes, Ive been shunned and threatened, for my message, which is my being, no matter what comes out of my mouth. Hope thats not too cryptic!:) 

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Buendia
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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 12:01 pm
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Very much so, especially around women. Saturn in Capricorn in the 3rd, making lots of aspects, including to the moon, exact.

I do worry about offending people, mostly women, especially accidently, by being misinterpreted. In my life, and the way my chart is set up, women are quick to hear something that I didn’t mean, rather than ask for clarification or begin a coversation, the way a man would (in my life), and can be unforgiving. 

I worry about people making assumptions about me, based on what I say, that will influence my reputation. I am not attached to my opinions, nor do I define myself by them. This seems difficult for some to understand. I worry about the emotional blowback from people who are attached to their opinions. Most of all, I worry about hurting someone with something I’ve said as it is never my intention. 

The good things about these aspects and astrological influences is that I’ve become forgiving and easy going about what people say, I don’t take anything personally (even when it’s personal), and I’m adept at interpreting tone, facial expressions, and body language. Overall, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be mindful of the way I speak, though the presence of this influence has been overwhelming and unforgiving at times, throughout my life. 

I generally don’t worry about my communication with men as much, though I’m a little more careful in professional settings.

I do wish I could gain a better handle on this, because I think it’s my own hesitancy, wariness, and distance that inspires the same in others when we interact, at least in part. When I’m comfortable, I don’t worry about it, and the fire/air in my chart allows me to speak decisively and directly, though this influence can cause me to misinterpret how comfortable I should be in a given situation. It’s been a learning process. 

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 1:51 pm
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Am I willing to risk offense? It depends. 

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 12:21 pm
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I spent about two years afraid to speak my mind.  At some point the fear dissipated and I began to choose freely, what I said, to whom and when.

I took responsibility. I’ve been in this place since.

Thanks for the great question. 🙂

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jana
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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 1:10 pm
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that is a great distinction Elsa 🙂

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 1:41 pm
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I censor myself a LOT. Y’all have no idea how much I bite my tongue around my family, my clients, on Facebook (no religion or politics EVER!) and even here on the forum. 

With a Uranus-ruled 3rd house I watch what I say anyway. Sometimes things pop out and shock people.

These days though……pretty much everyone has to watch their mouth. And every word they say on social media. Even Howie Mandel   has said that he is censoring himself now, more than ever. You have to! “Cancel Culture” is a thing now. One skeleton in your closet, one old non-PC tweet from 10 years ago, one slip of the tongue and your reputation is ruined. You get “cancelled”.

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 2:11 pm
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I feel free to speak (Jupiter and Uranus conjunct inside the 3 house), but I sometimes give too many thoughts to formulating my discourse, sometimes too much thinking kills the spontaneity and makes me keep thoughts to myself in the end (Virgo Mercury Retrograde in the 12 house). I hate to be harsh on people and I avoid it as much as I can (Libra Rising), but if I’m provoked or see injustice I can be very blunt and regret it many times later… I prefer to weight my words…

I don’t enter arguments easily not because I’m afraid, but because it eats my mind and my peace. I had to learn to choose the fights I’m entering. The need to prove I’m right (especially when I’m right!) is big (Mercury conjunct ASC, SN in Sagittarius) and I have to fight against my own ego. Also, in the past I’ve hurt people I love by letting words come out of my mouth to easily… and I try my best to learn and not wound again.

I’m myself extremely sensitive to the way people go with words… it makes me wonder having this sensitivity I’m still capable of being careless about such things sometimes…

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Tam
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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 3:00 pm
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I choose not to speak because I feel it’s pointless and I don’t need the energy draining trouble. There are a few people that I can speak with which keeps me from blowing up from holding it all inside. I do live in a very small town so there be life long consequences regarding all choices.

Also, the next part may just be my imagination. Whether true or not I don’t feel like my reality is intersecting other people’s realities. On the boards here or at work.

I realize my Sun/Mercury and Mars are in the 12th house and I am having a Neptune transit and my progressed Mercury is retrograde. There are some world/national issues that many different opinions are appropriate and normal but with some issues, there is right and wrong and I see a lot of good people on the wrong side. A come to Jesus moment is dead ahead racing at an increasing speed. 

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jana
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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 3:33 pm
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“These days though……pretty much everyone has to watch their mouth. And every word they say on social media. Even Howie Mandel   has said that he is censoring himself now, more than ever. You have to! “Cancel Culture” is a thing now. One skeleton in your closet, one old non-PC tweet from 10 years ago, one slip of the tongue and your reputation is ruined. You get “cancelled””

And there is no road to redemption. If you’re someone who depends on twitter and/or crowdfunding such as Patreon you get de-platformed and that’s it. You don’t even have to be saying things on their platform. Patreon monitors people on other platforms and bans you if they feel like it.

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 5:00 pm
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I think the only time I am afraid to speak is when I feel I should, i.e., I need to stand up to myself and I am afraid. But otherwise, I make a choice to either not speak or remain diplomatic or just agreeable. I will have decided that I don’t want to speak my mind because lots of times people just want to talk, or the topic is just not that important to me to get into it so I’ll just listen. 

I like what Calliope says about weighing your words. I have Mercury in Cap. They can pretty much come out weighing a ton at times. But an earth sign does prefer the way words can feel (as in something tangible).

And Tam, too…depending on the person, sometimes it does just drain you to discuss things with some people so why bother?

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Sunday, February 10, 2019 - 7:04 pm
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There are a certain few people in my life I never speak freely around because it isn’t worth it. And it’s not political stuff. It’s just ME stuff! Needless to say I don’t spend a lot of time around them. It’s depressing and exhausting.

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