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Y’all I finally see what my Saturn return is teaching me

MirandaG
Posts: 107
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(@mirandag)
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Joined: 10 years ago

So I get help in a lot of areas besides with my 2 year old,  my Saturn is rx is in the 5th house in my  natal chart and when it dipped into Aquarius  for 3 months before it went all the way in I had my 3rd child, and it has been one hell of a challenge..  I get no child care absolutely none,  it’s hard to get my parents or even my husbands parents to watch him (also my husbands parents live in Michigan so even when we visit they won’t take him.) NOW before I get yelled at for complaining about ppl watching my kid that I made, I know it’s not their job, he’s mine  and the father’s responsibility, but you would THINK that grandparents would love to take him for a couple hours some times especially, when we live far away and we live next door to my parents as well who always took my first 2 any time I needed them or wanted them too… Even on our wedding day we didn’t get to really enjoy it and at  the rehearsal dinner I chased him around when I had to practice walking down the isle and both of me and my husbands parents were there and did not bother grabbing him .. we got married in Michigan where his parents live so I thought one of them especially would have no problem, but that was not the case .. my husband broke his hand and I was hungover chasing the baby around the next day  and my 2 older kids (they are easy but they don’t wanna play with the baby) anyway I just left my vacation on the cruise for 2 weeks  and the Child care did not want to watch him bc he screamed and wanted me the entire time .. any dinners that we went to he literally cried and screamed so loud we left, like the children I use to see acting up for their parents in public now it’s happening to me.. me and my husband both fight on who gets to go to work and stay home with the baby bc we can’t afford child care right now and nothing is open for us my last day care lady is sick in the hospital now which is so sad bc besides he watching him we love her like family and she was diagnosed with cancer. It’s just been HELL and so hard I feel like the fun in my life is non existent I stayed in the room on the cruise most of the time bc even when I brought him out he wanted to get all iin everyone’s faces and stuff that he can’t get into..  I feel so bad for feeling this way but,  I’m broke I feel hopeless I have no fun in my life and all I have done is work the entire time  as well..  i honestly just feel like this is a lesson in being responsible but,  I am so responsible for EVERYTHING literally everything .. idk how much more I can take or when a silver lining is coming,  I keep being hopeful that it is but damn everything is so freakin hard  and I love my kids I’m so blessed to have them and thankful I really am I thank god all the time but,  I’m just ready for my time to relax for once it’s been blocks after blocks for that to even happen for me and idk what to do my husband feels like he has so much on his plate too and gets no time but I feel like he gets more time than I do that’s forsure, we fight about that as well .. I know I have been more responsible and stable than I have ever been in my entire life that past 3 years .. sorry for the rant bc that’s all this really even is .. 

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MirandaG
Posts: 107
Topic starter
(@mirandag)
Trusted Member
Joined: 10 years ago

Oh and also I’m trying to learn more in my career at the same time while he started a business that has slowed down since it’s cold and he wants to work more and I have to get more hours to cover more money but all we can do is fight bc he doesn’t think it’s fair and I also don’t think it’s fair it’s really dumb 

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sophiab
Posts: 638
(@sophiab)
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Joined: 6 years ago

I'm sorry you're having such a punishing time with your Saturn return. I think with Saturn transits there is a point you reach where you have to accept the immense difficulties that are present and stop fighting them in your mind. It's a bit like letting go of a dream of the way you wish things to be. It's physical, emotionally and mentally demanding and you have to surrender to that reality. Don't try to fight it so hard inside (like self blame, why me, it's not fair, etc) , try to accept what is. It's shit. It really is. 

Now, can you survive the shit? I reckon you can. Know that it won't be this way forever, the energy will shift. 7th March Saturn enters Pisces, you will feel change in atmosphere, change of focus/pressure around that time. Check the degrees of your 5th house to see when Saturn will move out. You will have more energy once he leaves your 5th (it's Sun ruled house, life drive). He will go into your 6th and will bring challenges in your day to day life but it won't feel such a personal attack on energy. You may find Saturn in 6th forces you to restructure your daily routines so that you can get more balance. It will help you get organised, and work out how to get support. You've identified an issue, next is problem solving. Trust that you can figure it all out. Right now with Saturn in 5th you're likely lacking confidence, joy and sense of what you're doing. It's a distortion, you are capable and will get through. Scream, shout, cry, to release pressure and keep on going. Sending a hug. 

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Lakshmi
Posts: 17
(@lakshmi)
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Joined: 13 years ago

I don't have kids so I really shouldn't be responding to this.  But I will anyway.  

 

Sometimes a person just needs to vent.  It seems like no one is really listening to you and I think that must be very hard.

 

Have you tried talking to your pediatrician about the behavioral issues. I remember in reading "Lit" by Mary Karr when she was worn to the bone with her baby issues, her doctor finally told her she didn't have entertain the child every minute.  It helped her create some space.

But like I said, I really don't have these issues.  The only thing I can relate is when I brought home a new kitten from the shelter and she peed all over the sheets and I had to do a new laundry when I couldn't keep my eyes open.

 

But kittens grow up and learn to use the box and I hope you remember that your child can grow up and make things easier for you as well.

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