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Venus Retrograde and Venus Square Neptune Issue

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songmistress
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Thank youheart  I forgot about the kite and was so focused on why "he" did this; thank you!!! There was a full 24 hours or more of electrical glitches in my office/ living space that included flickering lights, microwave and coffee maker malfunction, email mishap etc.  I thought it was my energy off the charts in expressing the pain and anguish I felt....and then I wondered if it was his mother reaching out or one of my guides trying to comfort me, though I suspect it was the energy of the kite mostly....

Gotta love Uranus!

My self esteem was taking a hit as well, without question and I am glad to have it bouncing back so quickly although there will always be certain levels of doubt of course.  My pain in part stemmed from the self sacrifice aspects of the relationship so yes, yes and yes; thank you!!!

You've helped ease my mind and giving me the ability to bring some order to it all, I am eternally grateful.  I feel "released" and free from having let this sink in though will ponder more of course.

I can breath... thank you.

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Opalina
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I am not very good at the intricate details of astrology but I can share what I have lived through with an Aries.

My late husband was an Aries with a Capricorn asc. I wanted to be by his side when he passed as I did not want him to pass alone. He did not want me to see him take his last breath. He made sure he got what he wanted. He had been my Hero for all those years, fearless and confident. 

Maybe it sounds cruel that he does not want you there. Maybe he sounds cruel for not telling you what he is being scanned for. Or Maybe he is trying to protect you from what may be coming. I was my husbands caregiver for 5 years. It was the biggest challenge of my life.

I would also say maybe stop, slow down and listen. From your comments here its sounds like he has been trying to tell you something and you are not hearing it.

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Soph-tee-clees
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We all have the right to feel heard.

Well, Venus is about what we love and don't love and retrograde is bringing that under attention.

Once you separate from this guy, if you start to feel and look better yourself he may come back at that point and then you have to think about what you are going to do. Especially if any other girls he has tried to charm haven't taken to it.

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songmistress
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Opalina, you are spot on!  Thank you for chiming in.  I even have him in my phone as X The Hero because he has been my hero.

I do look forward to listening to what he wants to say and am preparing myself to be able to listen, have him feel heard and not react in any other way.  I can't imagine what he is trying to tell me that I haven't heard because I believe I HAVE heard him... He hates himself, would love to reach out to friends but is too embarrassed by his size, he feels he is literally fighting for his life between the health issues and how much he hates himself and the life he has, which isn't the life he feels destined to nor where he thought he would be at all.  He dreams of his headstone being next to his mother's, hers showing the birth date 10.31- dod 4.15, his 4.15-10.31.  He truly believes he is going to die and has let me know if that happens I will hear from his attorney and also receive all of his creative files so it doesn't get lost and I can make sure they are seen/ heard.  He hopes things go well with the surgery and he can get his life back on track to where he wants to be and then buy back his grandfather's farm and financially reward a small hand full of people who have stood by his side.  

Could be something completely different of course.  

While I heard those things, and understand that means he can not love another until he loves himself, and that he is so unhappy, I did not think it meant he no longer wanted me in his life in any way.   I just thought we would always be best friends unless, or until, a significant other felt threatened by that.

I know he hasn't wanted to hold me back etc.  and I completely hear you about it not being cruel but possibly him protecting me... which is also why I have worried about whether he is suicidal though it's hard for me to go there because I can't imagine he would do anything to prevent having this surgery he's been wanting for 4+years and believes will give him his life back....

Add into that the new love interest if she's still around...

When I love, its very powerful and in many ways unconditional.  I guess that may have created a dynamic of me thinking his issues should be handled one way and him having another idea...

Thank you again for chiming in and helping me to further flesh this out.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to have your feedback!!  I do feel so much better and prepared, sorta like the list they give you when the release you from the hospital of the things you will need at home.  I feel like I can start working on that list!!

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songmistress
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Great food for thought  Thank you! 

I do expect him to come back at some point though if that were to occur I see it happening a long while from now, not before or even shortly after the surgery unless he has an epiphany of some sort.

At first blush, having yet to hear what he has to say to clear the air and what he wants to say that he thinks I haven't heard, I can't imagine going "back".  I can imagine him in a dear friend scenario but with more boundaries.  There was a time I would have said if he got down on bended knee I would say yes, but I haven't seen him in that way for awhile.  

I feel very ready for something else to be my focus, and to actually give myself what I have needed for awhile to take flight and not be held back.

We'll see.

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