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How to deal with people who won't acknowledge reality?

Leda
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 Leda
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Something I've noticed is that some people will habitually and chronically deny reality.  I mean, there is something unpleasant or harsh in the environment and they simply won't talk about it.  I would give this mainly to Mercury in Pisces, but I don't want to say everyone with this placement is like this.

Also, I see this in myself to some extent.  I have Mercury conjunct Neptune and I've been known to be fantasy prone sometimes.  But since I have this conjunction on my Sun in Sag, I think I ultimately want to see and understand the truth.  I get tired of talking to someone who won't acknowledge anything real.  

So, is there a cure?  Is there a way to get someone to acknowledge reality?  I feel that just shoving it in their face is kind of cruel if their coping mechanism is to deny.  It probably wouldn't work anyway.  So I guess you have to kind of come in sideways somehow.  

Or do you just accept that some people are like this?

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giovanni
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Posted by: @leda

Or do you just accept that some people are like this?

Mostly this. As you say, reality/truth can be unpleasant, harsh, ugly or scary. To acknowledge it is to be responsible for it; you have to do something about it. Ignorance is bliss. Complacency. If you ignore it, you don't have to act on it. I'm not sure it's always conscious or intentional. Maybe it was at some point but then became more of an ingrained defense mechanism for some? Not sure how to break through other than to only deal in reality despite others' reactions (or lack thereof.) I don't think it's cruel to speak the truth. The messenger isn't the cause of the pain. One can have compassion and still acknowledge reality.

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Leda
 Leda
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Posted by: @giovanni

Not sure how to break through other than to only deal in reality despite others' reactions (or lack thereof.)

I think this is a good suggestion because then at least you don't let the other person's behavior change you.  Personally I can't really stomach always telling someone what they want to hear.

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BellaDonna
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once I realize they don't ... then I don't deal with them anymore, and by that I mean, I don't try to make them see it... I let the universe deal with it.

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Leda
 Leda
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@belladonna Good point.  Maybe Jupiter in Pisces will help the cause.

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BellaDonna
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I think all you can do truly.. is live by example 

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Elsa
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 Elsa
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Posted by: @leda

Or do you just accept that some people are like this?

What a great question. I think the above is true.

Many years ago, I wrote a series about how talking to some people was like talking into a fan. You can probably find it - "talking to a fan".

Basically, whatever you say to them comes blowing back in your face. It's really unpleasant.

I agree with everything you said. But it does get complicated when what a person thinks is real, is not.

For example, I have a client with a family member that calls her fat and lazy. She is neither (seriously) but this person wants her to talk about her problem... you get the idea.  Real or fake-real?

Also, I think people who do this tend to do it consciously.  The reasons are endless.

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redbird
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@elsa

I miss the like button!!!! 
I like everything you guys have said! 
This is a great conversation subject. 
Narcissist traits are usually within the character of people who are delusional in mean and cruel behavior. 
Others who dissociate and or delusion thru other means, daydreaming and etc, are usually zen and kind. 

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Leda
 Leda
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Thanks, @elsa.  I'll try to find that series.  It does seem to get me nowhere when I keep trying to speak the truth to someone who is not interested in the truth.

Interesting that you think it's conscious.  I agree that people who do this know on some level what the reality actually is, if that's what you mean.

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redbird
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I know someone who is very mean and cruel and projects harshness towards her children and grandchildren, yet is capable of such kindness to strangers.

Her family tiptoes around her and always have. She says she’s the victim and is lonely because they are not available. 
She is the most delusional person in our neighborhood. It’s actually bizarrely scary because she has slapped her children and grandchildren across the face when they have made attempts to disagree or confront her with attempts to communicate. I avoid her. She sends out anger! I used to be friends with her daughter, but when I saw the slaps across the face I decided to slowly pull away from their few family events. 

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Elsa
 Elsa
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@redbird  What a sad situation. That's got to be some deep-seated rage.

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Elsa
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 Elsa
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Posted by: @giovanni

If you ignore it, you don't have to act on it.

<snip>

One can have compassion and still acknowledge reality.

I have seen this as well. A parent is in decline and there will be a caregiver child. The siblings deny the situation so they don't have to help or do anything absorb any of the costs.

I have also seen that people who do this pay dearly for it, eventually.  Bottom line, everyone finds themselves alone in the dark at some point.   No one gets out of here alive, as they say.

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