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Do you feel burdened by your difficult natal chart and unable to imagine a positive future?

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flaneurita
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I do.

I have 5 planets in 12th scorpio and it includes my sun,NN,mars,mercury and uranus and most squared by natal saturn. I have been a very controlling/borderline abusive relationship for last 7 years because I feel my chart is all about suffering and letting go of control. Today after almost 7 years (seventh wedding anniversary coming up on 12th November), I have only just managed to say that this is over and I am ready to separate. He has been ready for a long time, but I have not, because I have feared that I will be in another trapped situation due to the heavy birth chart. I feel relieved but I am afraid of what my life will look like, includes either a co-parenting life in a foreign country with a very controlling ex or a new life in a developing country from scratch with a 6 year old, both scary. How do you transcend the meaning of your chart?

Me

 

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flaneurita
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Also, sometimes do you think, it's better to have such a chart and not know about it? I know Elsa says knowledge is power but I cannot think of it like that a lot of times!

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WoodenBowl
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Hello, and may I say, sometimes those ppl with grand trines don’t have easy lives, because sometimes depending on the individual, they may get lazy and or have big egos and life catches up with them too. Please don’t read too much into the 12th house as negative. I have a very packed twelve house also. Please learn now to embrace your fears and with that stellium use it to focus (stelliums can create one to have amazing focus), do you like art or sewing or something that is an energy release and could be used for profit, (income, money), etc? Some great artist and poets and writers have heavy 12th house placements. 
Learn to love yourself. 
You have a Sagittarius Rising. Ruled by Jupiter- There is a new blog -love letter to Sagittarius on Elsa’s blog.

I’m not the greatest person to be reading a chart as I’m also learning myself, but I wanted to say, use your Faith and please don’t feel burdened by your birth chart. Mine haunted me way too long and had power over me. Until someone also showed me the way. And that is breath, be in the now, pray, self care, and stop living in fear. Everyone goes through struggles and griefs and dark times. Some more than others. 
Be strong and courageous and show you child how to rise out of the ashes and be independent. Baby steps. 
Godspeed and Take Care 
edit - no, 12th house is NOT about letting go of control. Actually none of us can control anything can we? No, we can’t really. You can control your breath, your intention. Be disciplined. Don’t give away your power. 

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flaneurita
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@woodenbowl Thank you so much! That is so right and I am really now trying to embrace my fears. I know art is crucial to me somehow, I had two successful careers before I became a mum at 39, I was an architect and then a filmmaker and now I am doing embroidery and weaving! I know that this is where the release and/or money will be. I am also really focused on meditation and have a decent spiritual practice, so that is another healing tool. I am so scared though but I think today was the first step! x

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@woodenbowl 

So many amazing words of advice that all of us can benefit from! That last part especially about control - we need to let go of control and focus in on that which we can control. It made me think of this Sadhguru video:

We can't even control our mind's chatter during meditation! So there is little we can control in the world, but we can control our own interpretation, and breath and intention - yes, such key examples there. 

The advice to use one's stellium energy as a tool to focus and create a tangible item is such a great piece of wisdom. The process is so important, and then we've got the product to be proud of and use and give as gifts or profit from financially.

Great idea to read Midara's recent article - she also does individual love letters to charts, which I requested and was super happy with! 

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Elsa
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You're having a Saturn/Uranus transit. You are getting free... but afraid.

What you're afraid of is imaginary. It would be like me escaping my childhood home (intensely abusive), afraid to wind up in the same environment. Use your wisdom /experience to make sure that doesn't happen.

7 years?

This is more like lesson learned - buh-bye!

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flaneurita
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@elsa I so want to be not scared. I do feel I have made progress by at least admitting that I need this change, but it has taken a long time, partly because I have been exposed to how 'bad' my chart is at such an early age, being an Indian, any Indian astrologer who looked at my chart said it was only 'doom and gloom' as Indian astrology tends to be quite severely fatalistic, only your wisdom 'all energy is neutral until directed' has stuck with me to counter that and I still in some deep dark corner of my heart believe that my intense chart has intense power, I just haven't harnessed it. But for now, I am scared!

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sophiab
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Jupiter appears very strong in your chart. Being the chart ruler and also opposing the Asc and conjunct the Desc. You have a mutual reception with Jupiter in Taurus and Venus in Sagittarius, which feels lucky to me, with Neptune conjunct Venus, I feel you have access to grace and blessings, you can attract positivity, despite your more difficult placements. Neptune is very strong influence with your packed 12th h, Neptune 1st h and 29* Pisces Moon. You have access to much which is in the collective energy field and I'm sure find it hard to locate what is you and what is not you. Discernment and separation must be a big life lesson (Virgo). I have a Pisces Moon too and it is hard to not be involved in everything and become pulled in dissolution. However I was told that its super power was to be able to transcend suffering. I understand your question about your chart, the 12th h is so hard to negotiate but you have some other jewels to consider and I am sure, immense Scorpionic strength to transform your life. 

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flaneurita
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@sophiab "I'm sure find it hard to locate what is you and what is not you." That is so true! I also find this aspect makes me see a situation from two totally opposite points of view and both make sense too! The transcendence part, I hope I had a clue about it!!! May be some day...

Thank you for showing me the other positive aspects of the chart. I do attract positivity or at least I can say that I have never been left alone in a dark place, I have amazing support that somehow appears when I need it.

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WoodenBowl
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@flaneurita 

hello, that amazing support will always show up, your AC and DC prove that. 
AC being in Sagittarius and DC being in Taurus- wow!!! Beautiful really 

Actually your Jupiter trumps your 12th house. 

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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Have you heard of doing inner child/shadow work? I think it could be helpful to harness the emotional energies in your chart. A lot of what we go through as adults is a reflection of what we went through as children - we seek out the familiar even though it may have a link to something not-quite-right in our past. I could be way off base, but if you're anticipating that you'll fall into a similar pattern as the last 7 years... well, there is a chance that could stem from childhood.

Ho'oponopono is a great practice involving self-forgiveness. We can feel shameful for putting ourselves in a situation and tolerating it - look at yourself as another person you would apologize to. This meditation involves saying 4 phrases repeatedly: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you" emphatically aloud while thinking of a specific scenario in your life. So much emotional healing can be found in self-forgiveness.  For example, I'm using this to heal my own guilt of moving out of an emotionally harmful living situation while leaving my little sister behind 8 years ago. 

Here is a meditation that can be listened to in the background but it's more powerful when you emphatically join along and think of a specific scenario:

I think this is something EVERYONE can benefit from and not simply just something I recommend solely on the basis on your chart. I feel that everyone is carrying around something and these words can lift a weight off.

I hope this practice is helpful - I know I feel lighter doing it!

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flaneurita
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@rapunzelsoldierfish Thank you, I was aware of Ho'oponopono, as someone had once mentioned it but have not tried it and now that you mention it again, I must include it. I have worked on childhood issues through different therapies including EMDR and of course CBT, as I did have a difficult childhood, although it had little to do with my own parents. They were not aware of what was going on. I am going to try the meditation too. Thank you

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