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Advice: Will moving out resolve the anger I have against my family?


canscocappy
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Hello all! 

Long time no see, and that's because of overwork. I've taken in extra tutoring due to my sister's pregnancy as she is not able to do so, along with my translation duties. As my colleagues are overworked, too, I stuck with the load I'm carrying now, as I cannot find someone to delegate work to. However, I'm becoming increasingly aware of a nagging feeling that my parents are taking advantage of both my sister and I. I've felt that tendency for years, but it gets painful (it would take too long, but I have a lot of examples that demonstrate this to me). Furthermore, my exhaustion the other day has not helped either. 

I've considered moving out. I would love to keep coexisting with my family in a rather typical fashion until things become more stable, but the anger has not subsided since the day I found out that my parents were asking my sister for money and she sadly ended up giving the money I had given her to save up for her birthing expenses (my parents asked me to help her with that, and I obliged). I was livid because of their insensitivity, given the fact that they had loaned money from her more than once and it's because of them that she needs money from me now. 

I've sent my chart with transits and progressions, as I feel that my anger has been a long time coming. Now I wonder: is moving out the solution to my anger?

charty chart

 

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jana
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As someone pushing 60 who has lost more people than I care to remember, I haven't seen many situations where "forgive and move on" doesn't apply.  Of course it's possible but, mostly I've seen people eaten alive with anger that prevented them from enjoying their parents last years or at least know that they  attempted to smooth things up as much as possible. Then the regret and recriminations set in. Not always at once, but as they got older it crept in at anniverseries, birthdays etc. It was hard to live and hard to watch. 

So getting over your anger may be easier, living on your own. But you could also get involved in your life and paper over the cracks in the relationship, erupting every Xmas or such.  it doesn't usually happen without the decision to try to let it go. 

Best Wishes canscocappy 

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canscocappy
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@jana Hello and thank you! It's very refreshing to see a perspective from a person who has lived way more than me (turning 32 tomorrow), as it helps me see things in the long run and not through the anger which may subside after some time. Overworking has not helped things at all. The decision to move out has become stronger, but I'm too tired yet to have a clear head and think things through. I decided to let it go for a while, as not only my sister is getting married in a civil ceremony, but I'm also aware that my tiredness has gotten the better of me.

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Elsa
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@canscocappy happy birthday!

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canscocappy
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@elsa Aw, thank you! I'm already loving the fact that my birthday is just after the new Moon. Despite Saturn and Uranus' influences, I can feel something solid is in the air! <3

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Warped
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Most folks get along much better with parents and siblings once they move out of the nest and become self-supporting and self-sufficient.  Cultural and economic factors may delay this, but freedom and. Independence are a goal for most.  Time to focus on a long range plan.

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canscocappy
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@warped In my case, it's economic factors, as Greece is hit hard by the recession and the pandemic augmented the issues that already exist. Ironically, I have become more financially stable since the pandemic began. Guess my Saturn and Pluto help me thrive in difficult circumstances! After the overwork settles a bit, I want to do something long-lasting, not only about moving out, but also investing. I may be generous, but I'm not spendthrift: when I was younger, the jobs I had got were entry-level, so the pay was not enough for me to live indepedently and I didn't know any better. I'm already thinking about what I want to do in the next 10-20 years or so, and I'm determined to see it through.

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Warped
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@canscocappy 

Excellent.  Even the most humble studio apartment is adequate when saving to invest.

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canscocappy
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@warped And if I play my cards right, the studio apartment can be replaced with a family home. Smile

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sophiab
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Jana's post resonated with me - it is challenging to maintain a good relationship with parents through a lifetime because ideally we need to overcome the tricky task of separating from them psychically in order to really know ourselves deeply, if you have a will to do that and it's a hard process. In my experience moving towards this freedom involves periods where anger and rage must come up to the surface, often related to a sense that these loved people have completely failed us (to the point of making our life and those we care about, like siblings, difficult, sometimes impossible). This failure can express itself through children taking on responsibilities too early, especially emotionally (and of course financially or materially) which actually blocks the true growth of the individual. Anger towards family can be seen therefore in the context of a real desire to grow, to develop your own sense of self which currently is impeded by your involvement with others. Longterm this process of growth will benefit all people you come into contact with including your parents, so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling these emotions. Your Capricorn rising, Cap outer planets, packed 6th h and also Taurus IC suggest to me that you may be familiar with premature maturity and responsibility. I noticed Uranus moving back and forth near your IC and opposing a Moon Pluto conjunction. It may be time to start separating from family physically, emotionally, psychically. Give yourself time... Uranus pushes for immediate action and can make things feel unbearably pressurised in the moment but it can be counteracted to a degree by self reflection, taking a step back and knowing you are ultimately in charge. Good luck! 

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canscocappy
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@sophiab Everything you wrote is true to a T. At the last year of high school, my father lost his job and it was decided that I had to work along with going to school, but my father found a new job quickly and thank goodness I had all the time for myself to go to school and study properly, as it should've been anyway. I learnt very quickly that nothing in this life is free, but it has to be earned. Even though this makes me grateful for every single thing, this has made me unhappy and a bit timid, so to speak. After spending a few years in an abusive relationship, I realized that the attitude I had almost cost me my life, so it was when I decided to go through the separation process (the breakup occurred in 2017). trUranus is sextile my natal Mercury, I think, and squares my natal Mars in Leo, too. It seems as if I'm becoming a volcano again, just like the last time I faced intense Uranus squares (e.g. Uranus in Aries square my cardinal planets in 2015 and 2016, when I decided not to tolerate the abuse by my partner anymore). Come to think of it, I have to give Uranus way more importance.

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sophiab
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@canscocappy Happy Birthday!

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canscocappy
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@sophiab Thank you so much! I wish you health, happiness and prosperity.

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dolce
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I don't know if your anger would go away, but moving out could give you space. You may need to straight up address what's upsetting you if you are feeling up to it. Might just nip it in the bud. 

Fwiw, I still have anger towards my parents and go back and forth between forgiveness and renewed anger all the time. Moving out didn't really change that. Talking to my mom sometimes does. Family can be complicated.

I wish you good luck with such a challenging situation. I know it isn't easy.

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canscocappy
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@dolce I tried a few times to address issues with them and it seems that they're not the most collaborative people in the entire universe! 🤣 However, I've become more assertive as the years go by, so one last time, albeit differently, wouldn't hurt. At least, I will have tried. In my case, it seems that some space will help. For the time being, I've laid matters to rest, as my sister is due to get married in a civil ceremony. That doesn't mean the issues won't beg to be resolved, and I'm determined to do so.

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dolce
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@canscocappy I've been there! It's so disappointing when you try to talk and you aren't truly heard. The only thing that's worked for me after that is acceptance, and then strong, healthy boundaries, which - with luck - may help resolve some of it. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

 

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canscocappy
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@dolce Thank you so much! Fingers crossed. In light of my father's returning alcoholism and my mother's increasing addiction to painkillers (she doesn't admit it, though), I have to be very firm with them and I am making plans to move out, like looking for a job that will offer a steady income. The challenges are accummulating, but still something has to be done.

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