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2 days after my progressed Venus went into Cancer...

Rapunzelsoldierfish
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I didn't even realize my progressed Venus has now been in Cancer for two days until this happened:

-I dyed my hair auburn (haven't dyed my hair since high school age, 20 years ago)

-My BF looked like he wanted to jump back 10 feet, cringed, looked all grossed out and said he doesn't like it. He says he likes my hair the way it naturally is, which is nice - I'll give him that.

-I held in my emotions for a little while, then I cry during dinner with him and his mom. 

-Now I don't want to be around him if he's gonna hate how I look with the new hair. I really don't like this part of being a people pleaser.

I like how I look with the new hair. But I feel this has opened an old wound for me, because about a year ago, he wanted to break up because he wasn't attracted to me anymore for months on end. Then somehow he magically changed and was "attracted to me again" when it looked like we would break up over it. 

He has also told me, that when we were first dating, he didn't like me until I started to show interest in him because I always was like a "plain Jane" to him. I've always been insecure in this relationship ever since he said that. It's always seemed a bit of an unsure relationship because of this and the other paragraph above.

More than hearing good things from him about myself, I'll hear a remark on spider veins, cellulite, crooked nose, or something like that. I take good care of myself and am happy about how I look at age 34, and it feels undeserving for me to be undervalued and criticized like this. Especially when I know that by most standards, I'm not unattractive. I feel jilted in some way. 

I hear Venus progressions can change the way our relationships look. I say it's pretty much on schedule with all of this happening within two days... D: I know Venus progressing into Cancer can look like extra sensitivity. Any input is appreciated!

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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I want to be fair so I'll add a little more of his side of things. He didn't grow up watching his father treat his mother nicely because his father is an @$$hole, so it's not like gentleman-like traits were always on full display for him to learn from. He's got Sun Moon Merc in Gemini so his idea of complimenting someone is usually their taste in material possessions and someone being a hard worker... basically things of a less feminine nature, and if I do something manly or independent, maybe he'll compliment me on that. And also backhanded compliments like a condescending preschool teacher "clap clap" and a "good job, you did it right!" Typical annoying side of Gemini humor right?

Anyway, he means well, and really just lacking a lot of social grace with me. And he's overly honest, which has given me a thicker skin. But sometimes you just want your partner to treasure you and do something like hold your face in their hands and say you're beautiful, you know?  I'm such a romantic at the core and it can hurt.

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Elsa
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I'm sorry he did this. I can only validate your feelings... I would be very hurt in your circumstances. It's also hard/risky to discuss something like this because some people will tell you to dump the guy - period! But you ability to see his side of things is a gift.

It almost seems as if the man is mostly good, with a mean streak. I don't mean he's diabolical. It's more akin to Tourette's... he just pops off with stupid comments that pierce you?

I don't know, other than to say I understand how you'd be hurt by these things. I also commend how you recognize, people say stupid things, at times.

Is your hair, growing on him?  It's possible this will happen. Like he was shocked.

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@elsa Thank you, Elsa Smile Definitely, he's a great guy, complete opposite of diabolical. I think he thinks he's being funny and affable when he makes hurtful comments. Kinda like Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm! And doesn't realize he hurts peoples' feelings, and unfortunately, not very apologetic about it and sometimes just continues to laugh, thinks it's funny if I get mad (his dad does the same thing) and won't take it seriously unless I make a huge point of being seriously hurt/upset about it. I know not many women would handle all this well.  It's jack-ass behavior at times but he means well. 

I'm not sure if it's growing on him. He admitted when he first reacted poorly that maybe he will get used to it, though. 

I appreciate your input on this, Elsa! 

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Dori
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My bf has Moon and ASC in Gemini, which can be very harsh. Very. He sometimes means well, but when he's mad and angry, he is deliberately cruel and he knows it. I have Venus in Cancer natally and it's a beautiful placement, but not easy to deal with. It can be very sensitive, especially if you have a hard day, believe me, anything can hurt you. Venus in Cancer is charming, polite, nice, and loves nice and polite interaction, Venus in Cancer in most cases is very tactical with others with a great deal of empathy. I'm sorry he was like that to you, I completely understand how you feel and much insecure he makes you feel sometimes. But, you will have to learn how not to get too emotional or at least not to show it too often. It will be hard, but you can do it! Smile People say stupid, harsh things, and Venus in Cancer has a hard time accepting it, to become a rock for such things. It can be done, but it takes practice to achieve it, but it can be done, believe me. I have Cancer Sun and Mercury. I'm a walking emotion and sometimes I still get hurt. Look at me on this forum, hurt and tearful. Smile I'm joking, but in every joke, there is some truth too. Smile We need a lot of love, attention, affection, and most of the confirmation, and sometimes other people can't meet our needs, not because they don't want to, maybe they don't know how, or they have a bad day... It's important to see the difference when someone hurt you because they really want to hurt you, or they weren't thinking about how their words will affect you. My mother was a great teacher, and she taught me one thing. When I'm not sure about what I'm hearing or experiencing, I just ask myself: Am I crazy, or? If you ask yourself that, you are not crazy. So far, this advice always worked. But as for your bf, I truly believe he was just blunt and clumsy and not thinking about how his words will affect you. 

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@dori Thank you for your very valuable perspective, Dori! I see how you can definitely relate with your Cancer Venus, and Gemini heavy boyfriend. Gemini types can really have a hard time putting things delicately, it can be so frustrating. That's gotta be pretty hard on you when he's cruel and knows it. I hope he's apologetic or remorseful in some way. 

Thank you for the encouragement! It's good to hear that you are hopeful that this is something I can get a handle on. Boy, I have been wanting confirmation lately and I don't like it! 

I love the sense of humor and kindness you bring to this forum! That's great advice from your mom.  It makes sense - if you even have to wonder whether you're crazy, you know you're sane and self-aware for even contemplating the possibility of it. 

So, it's going to take some getting used to with Venus newly in Cancer, but it's a good way to start it by reading about your experience. I appreciate you taking the time to share it! 

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Dori
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@rapunzelsoldierfish Thank you! 😊 Really, it's a beautiful placement, a bit annoying from time to time, because we do need a lot of confirmation, love, and attention and if our needs are not on the same level with the ones who we expect to give it, we feel lonely, unwanted and not loved enough. My biggest advice is, to try not to be dependable and clingy, it's a very thin line with Venus in Cancer. But enjoy this period of your life, because you will love a lot, you will love strongly and it will be unconditional, and that's beautiful. Smile We can do whatever we want, there is nothing we can't handle or endure, just believe in yourself ❤️ 

My bf apologizes. Never! But really, that man doesn't know to say he's sorry even when he's completely wrong. Ego can be the worse enemy sometimes. My dad was like him, and my mom too. Never knowing or being able to say sorry or ask for forgiveness. I feel sorry for him but really sorry.

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Draco
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That sucks! I think Venus to Cancer sounds like a very nice progression. I bet it turns out nice pretty soon.

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@draco Thank you! I am hopeful about the positives! Smile

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elisa
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ah that makes sense that your boyfriend follows what he knows, his own father being so mean and cruel to his mother. Sometimes, individuals like them come to meet someone so empathetic like you and they want to learn. Hopefully they learn right and you become their teacher. And maybe they teach you to become less sensitive and not take things so personal so your life will be breezier, but of course with kindness. 

sometimes i think they try to be mean so they dont let you get a " big head"  and you know, my own husband will be mean on purpose, but in a funny way and never cruel. Like say things to me that i'm too fat in that dress or i look frumpy and i am always wearing sweaters like a librarian and old lady. lol xDD  he has no libra. xD  but i am cool with it. because i want honesty and if it hurts oh well. xD In the old days i used to say, you are hurting my feelings. And he would say, " you have so many feelings to hurt' xD haha such a jokester.

anyway hope you are doing ok now with your new hair colour; if you like it, then thats all that matters ^^

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Rapunzelsoldierfish
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@elisa Thank you for your comment! I like the thought of going through life breezier! Also, the idea of being teachers for one another in relationships. He has definitely helped me to be less sensitive. I'm a Pisces moon night chart, so that aspect of me takes over but it's gotten better by being exposed to his direct style over the years.  And he's definitely become more delicate with me overall. Before, when I'd call him, he'd pick up the phone and say "WHAAAT?!" angrily if he was busy. I swear though,  I have to teach him on a case-by-case basis each time he does something rude, and he doesn't really generalize this learning across all scenarios as much one might expect... and I have to actually display emotions for him to learn. But he's definitely trying, and that's what counts Smile

That's interesting that you mention getting a "big head" because that's exactly what his dad would say to his mom regarding the reasons he doesn't compliment her. It's sad, really! Some people think it's all or nothing/black and white.

Wow those are quite some statements he makes! But you must be comfortable enough with one another, and you know he doesn't mean it seriously (I'll admit the librarian ones a bit funny) And you accept it as no libra. I have no libra either lol, sometimes I can be pretty blunt with my BF/fiance/whatever he is lol.

 

Thank you again! I think the hair color is growing on him, he says he's getting used to it Smile

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Elsa
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@rapunzelsoldierfish ha ha!  Maybe his taste is improving!

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