Some people have a “fatal flaw” when it comes to relationships. I’m talking about the kind of person who is never, ever going to have a successful relationship. Well…unless they fix their fatal flaw, which never seems likely. Invariably, their flaw is tucked neatly into one of their blind spots.
There a number of “fatal flaws” which will thwart a person in relationships. One of them is that they be too controlling.
No one wants to live under another person’s rule. But even if they WANTED to, it would not be possible over time. This is because people age. As they age, what they can and can’t do will change. Also, the controlling partner loses respect for the person allowing themselves to be controlled. Loss of respect leads to loss of interest. The controlled person is dumped, a new person is put in their place and the pattern is repeated.
Generally, you see this play out in short cycles. A person meets someone and they seem okay. But then they cross some kind of line. At that point, the hope starts to fade for the person who wants Mr. or Mrs. Terrific. They’re thwarted again – poor thing.
People like this think they’re terrific, or pretty damned close. You can see the loop play out again and again and again. Criticism of the other. A fake, “balanced view”. False humility. Blah!
Meantime, the person ages, but they gain no wisdom. It’s got to be horrible. But come on! If you can’t put up with a flawed human being, how are you not going to be alone?
This may interest you:
Do you know someone like this? Are you someone like this? What’s the astrology?
I’ve given up on a person like this lately. we’ve been trying to work out a plan to help youth in our local community (for years!!). I can’t get it to work and now my son is ill, I have had to drop many commitments. I’m a gemini ascendant with a stellium in 5th house libra as well as a 10th house venus in aquarius. I’m a people person, I love to smile and care about people, chat to them, help them. But I’m afraid this is a FLAW in the eyes and heart of the person who finalizes the details and rules on these community projects. So you can imagine I’m stigmatized and isolated and backroom-style refused. So sad, this person has a pluto conjunct moon and saturn in pluto in the 12th (the refusals are not visible, there’s just dissolving.) I can’t be controlled (I have jupiter conjunct uranus square cappy sun!!!)and so I have to wait or try another way and there’s another way . . . .mars in Taurus has told me to wait…a little longer.
Thanks for this comment. It made me realize something. These same people also prevent things from getting done. They just can’t give up control, compromise, give something up in order to get along and/or move ahead.
I think you can live like this for decades, but boy when the bill comes due – yikes!
correction to above:- “So sad, this person has a pluto conjunct moon and saturn in pluto in the 12th.” Should be “So sad, this person has pluto conjunct moon and saturn in 12th house Leo.” Controlling the family (community) in behind the scene style.
You’re right Elsa these people dangle carrots in front of everyone, offer dreams that will be never realised. People tag along, bend over backwards following the elusive illusion that will never happen (they want to fulfil good deeds for people)- I’ve seen this time after time and when the person realises the ‘trick’ they move on and soon new victims fill the void, chasing those same dreams. All the time the dream-maker twists these people under his control, frustrating them and dehumanizing them in some cases. A bit pscychotic really. Your death mask picture spoke volumes to me! Thanks for your great topics Elsa. Very revealing and great to bring to light.
That’s Oedipus, but I named the pic, “Hamartia”.
Yes but it’s usually in our blind spot.
I can’t tell you how much fun it was to be raised by someone with this issue. What I had to realize is, the problem isn’t that you aren’t perfect. The real problem is that you exist.
People like this can’t have successful relationships with anyone, romantic, parental or otherwise.
This video is interesting re this topic.
Someone wrote about their relationship with their borderline mother. Oof 🙁
Virgo sun, opposite moon in Pisces, stellium in Libra:
This person was critical of every man she met –except the one that got away and married someone else. When she turned 35, she decided to give a chance to the guy who persisted (whom she initially criticized for superficial reasons), and lo and behold, she has come to understand inner beauty and compatibility! She even commented on how unreasonably critical she was in the beginning.
Take away: if you really want to partner, you can. Ask yourself if you’d really rather be alone.
I’m confused as to who I am. I think I have extremely fatal flaws tho, I know I do. That never good enough-perfectionist thing.
I decided to come to terms with it. Sht happens and there’s no more time. I accept that what I know is true for everyone else, is not true for me. I’m a square, a zombie. I am at peace with being alone. I can’t live with myself or torture someone else with my attention, feelings or lack thereof.
I wish I was like someone like you, Elsa. I thought I was once but I had already fallen through the looking glass. Some of us never get it and we know.
Just because a relationship lasts doesn’t mean it’s successful. Sometimes it’s just choosing a form of misery that comes with a few more benefits than being alone.
I’d say that is most common. It’s because of Saturn… completely fear-based. When the fear of the unknown/being alone outweighs the fear of unfulfillment.
So very sad. It’s a story as old as time. Many people throughout the ages have gone to their deathbed wondering “what if”…they die with the regret of never having taken the leap of faith that would have liberated them and made them happy.
It’s easy to justify it too, even when the justification doesn’t do anything to cure the inner lack- all it does is harden us over time.
If you want to be with another person, these inherent things need to be seen. It can be so embarrassing, recognizing these terrible things within yourself. See we’re asked to be strong, never let anyone see you cry. We’re told, everyone will rip you apart if you let them. And we’re scared of the psychopath next door. So, it becomes an extreme. We declare, “We don’t care about anyone else’s opinions! We are individuals and don’t need anyone else. We are always proud and never ashamed.”
Let be honest. No one is truly independent, who lives in a society, unless they grow their own food.. Even then, we are dependent upon plants and animals, and the surrounding population not to poison the local water.
So unless we have a significant education where perspective-taking is emphasized, this self-examination skill is never taught. Or if it is… it has been twisted into incessant self-criticism, with judgment. It’s taught through throwing trash onto another person, making the other person feel small so they feel big.
The middle, which is far more complex and when both criticism-giver and criticism-receiver arrive in the same place of the “open-edginess” in a sense. You need to remember how it feels to learn to reach them in their blind spots, and let them see without both turning away in self-hate or other-hate.
No joke it’s hard.
My dad is like this. He criticizes me non-stop for my career and life, but doesn’t ever feel he is in the wrong… He bemoans how his life turned out, even though he is beyond blessed. He also thinks he is the victim of rejection but doesn’t see how his lack of positive words and giving actions cuts him off from others closest to him. Taurus Sun in the 8th, some harsh Mars-Pluto link-up. Neptune in 1st, Pisces moon, Saturn in Virgo in the 11th house.
Few are willing to teach those unwilling to learn.
My fatal flaw is….. Letting men dominate/control me. Feels kind of sexy at first but not for long. I have Venus opp Pluto/Saturn.
But I’m changing my flaw…really. I’m focused on being independent. I have an Aries Venus.
People think that change is disingenuous. Like that anything unexpected is “fake”. That they have to live up to some platonic ideal of themselves that never changes and that to fail at that is contemptible weakness in themselves or others.
I hate the idea that people themselves can be ‘fake’. There are always the potential for badly thought out pushes or half hearted attempts, and of course self conscious facades and manipulation. But it’s a sick attempt to control that labels any difference from expectations fake.
This is related: Projecting Your Shadow.