Strange stuff behind the scenes. This can be chocked up to the Uranus transit to my Moon. My unusual roots / childhood popping up all over the place, it’s pretty wild…
The other night I told the soldier about going to the top of the bank with, Henry. He’d never heard the story. The soldier knows little about me in a way. He knows everything he needs to know but he has always sort of avoided my childhood.
He did it when we were kids and he does it now because it causes him grave pain??? I suppose that’s it and I take his cues because I have no need or desire to talk about anything but this stuff is coming up with my sister around and seems interesting to me at the moment.
If you have been reading here awhile (years) you know I tried to talk to the soldier when we were kids but I found it impossible because he was just do blustery and know-it-all. He arrived in the desert quite authentically worldly but had not yet learned one should not make assumptions. Consequently he thought he knew everything (or at least that he knew what he knew) but what he knew led him to peg me all wrong. If you look at that picture from back when he knew me, it is easy to see why. I don’t exactly look like I am having a problem or ever have which is the Neptune affect of course.
The other day my sister was mailing me about those cartwheels we’d do to travel and she mentioned how we got so hungry we started eating newspaper and this is true. We would tear strips of newspaper and eat it to fill our growling stomachs. We did this as a last resort sort of like people who eat other (dead) people in some extreme situation do so that they may survive.
In fact, it was exactly like that. The first time you eat newspaper because you are hungry it seems strange but we learned right away you could fill your stomach in this way. You go from starving to ‘full” so it does not take long to transcend whatever may be weird about it and come to realize you’ve stumbled on a really good idea.
Now back to the soldier when we met as teens he assumed because I was American, I’d never gone hungry a day in my life and there was no telling him otherwise. I tried but you know. No one believes me! When you look at that pic, he’s almost excused isn’t he? I just don’t look (and didn’t act) like someone who grew up eating newspaper but I did as did my sister and we did it for years.
Plus you have to see this from my perspective, not yours. I didn’t exactly know other people did not grow up hungry. I mean, how would I know that? It’s like Mowgli of Jungle Book who grew up with wolves. He does not know he is a boy until he meets a girl and even then he doesn’t exactly know what the hell.
Less you be too worried, you should know that surviving by eating newspaper did not stop my sister and I from going to school and getting straight A’s. It did not stop us from winning 1st and 2nd place in the city’s science fair and it did not stop her from being the #2 ranked tennis player in her age group in the city.
But back to the soldier, when he told me he came from a place where people were hungry and kids grew up starving, I told him I grew up hungry and he laughed.
‘I mean, really hungry, Els,” he said. “Americans don’t know what hunger is. I am talking real hunger, there is no food to eat.”
I’d have argued but I didn’t know. I had no frame of reference so I took him at his word. I mean, I knew I had been hungry in my life but I supposed these other people must have been hungrier still so I shut up about it.
Last night I told the soldier about eating newspaper. We ate it for about three years, I think. We ate whatever we could get our hands on.
In fact, I distinctly remember telling my sister I was hungry. “Here, have some paper,” she said, handing me a sheet of newsprint. We both cracked up.
We were never depressed kids, see? We were learning astrology. We were doing something with our lives and if you are going to do that, then you’ve got to survive and we were both resigned to this. For independent reasons, I’d say, but equally resigned.