I Feel Like A World Class Fuck-Up

saturn gir2lHi Elsa,

I feel like a world class fuck up. I still haven’t finished school. I live at home, under mountains of debt from school and credit cards. And also, I’ve been seeing a married man for the last two years.

He says that he’s leaving his wife, and the deadline is November. But that deadline is just for letting his wife know that it’s over, not for the actual divorce. It’s been a secret that he’s married, but my sister’s husband called the other day to ask about it. He found out on the internet, but said he hasn’t told my sister.

I just feel like everything’s in flux and I’m a major fuck up. I know the first step to getting everything in line is to actually take charge. It just all seems like so much. What should I do?


Dear Unhappy,

I’m not surprised you feel like a fuck up, when you’re fucking up this profoundly. First thing is, it’s not okay to screw other people’s husbands. How are you supposed to feel good about yourself when some sneaky, snaky low integrity guy come ’round and puts his hands on you? For two years? Ugh.

If you’re very, very lucky this guy will not leave his wife. Because if he does, you might get him, and you think you have problems now? You don’t. He has problems. His wife has problems. You, on the other hand can walk away – and if you want to feel good about yourself, this is exactly what you’ll do.

Next, stop spending money. I’m sorry, but you sound very self indulgent, helping yourself to whatever you want… never mind who is affected. And if that worked for you, that’d be one thing. But obviously it doesn’t. Obviously, you have a conscience – so if you want to fix this, how about you pay attention to your conscience and let it lead you out of this mess.

Want a map?

Call the guy. Tell him not come ’round no more. Tell him you’ve changed your mind – you’re done like dinner. Do you really want a man who can lie to another woman, day after day after day, after day?

Call your sister. Tell her the guy is gone. “He was married, but don’t lecture me. The pain is already exquisite. I hurt to the bone and will never do anything like this again.”

Next, get your ass back in school. You need a job, maaaan. You have bills to pay.

Last, tell your parents you’re sorry. Thank them for tolerating you. Tell them you’re going to pull yourself together, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

Do this. Begin to act with some degree of integrity and you will be amazed how much better you feel.

Good luck.



I Feel Like A World Class Fuck-Up — 2 Comments

  1. I know this is an old one, but I needed this today.
    Synchronicity. *chuckles ruefully*

    Funny thing is, I had it all together during my Saturn Return…then everything just fell all apart and I, too, feel like a major fuck-up now and I don’t know how it went so wrong or how I ended up here. It’s painful as hell.
    But A MAP! A light at the end of the tunnel!

    Thank you, Elsa. 🙂

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