“Why would she do that?” I asked a friend in true puzzlement. “Jack me up over and over …and then come try to be friends?”
“She wants something, I guess.”
“Well jeez,” I said. “Don’t you cross the bridge before you burn it?”
“That’s good! I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it!”
“I’m going to put this on my blog. I think it would be good to tell people the order of operations. If you see a bridge you want to burn, you should cross the thing first…”
What have you learned in this life? Give us one strong piece of advice!
>>burning bridges after you use them, is that ethical?>>>
Viv – Probably not but I am trying to start small here. 😉
I learned that in life you have to make the rules as you go. your path might not be mainstream. may lead you to places other people won’t understand and neither will you. that’s the price of freedom.
burning bridges after you use them, is that ethical?
I have Saturn in Leo in the 4th (ruling the 9th – whatever that means? I have Capricorn on the cusp of my 9th house). Saturn is square my Ascendant, Mercury and Sun and semi-square Venus. Saturn opposes my Moon and is conjunct Pluto. Wow, I never really looked at this before. No wonder I was always scared, shy, reserved, controlling and ill tempered. I felt like I needed to be better than everyone else to be “worthy”. I was always the “I’ll do it myself” person. And I was always bitter that everyone else seemed to have an easier life than me. I felt like I was born old.
The most important lesson I learned is not to sweat the small stuff – followed by the absolute rule that almost everything is small stuff. I just finished my second Saturn return and in the interim I made peace with myself somehow. It has been hard to let myself become vulnerable and I still tend to be very self protective, but now I go with the flow rather than fighting it and my life is much smoother in all respects. I relate somehow to Bob Dylan’s song My Back Pages when he sings “Ah, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now” – thank goodness.
That life is not fair and that though it is not fair, you should still with all your heart be a good person regardless. I used to think that life was fair, you put out good you get back good and vice versa. It doesn’t work this way in all things. As a person who likes ‘rules’ and ‘fairness’ it was a hard pill to swallow. Humility and patience.
I second Kathy on “don’t sweat the small stuff because almost everything is small stuff”. Goes along with figuring out what your non-negotiable items are and finding out they are really very few. Lots of time and energy wasted fighting over non-essentials.
“Almost anything can be replaced including you – and usually with something or someone better.” that concept freed me up considerably when I realized it! 🙂
Stop whining and blaming others, and get out of my way while you’re at it too. (Saturn in Aries)
To add to the bridge motif it might be a good idea to include that it isn’t necessary, once the bridge is crossed, to strap it to your back and carry it as a sign of gratitude .. I can’t be the only one who’s thinking of that monk & raft story ..
Ack! Saturn is in Virgo and apparently I was not clear in the post or talking in code.
This is the situation: A gal treats me like crap. She does it for months. I don’t respond because it’s irrelevant to me. I focus on people who don’t treat me like crap, for example.
Then she comes around wanting to be friends. Huh?
So then I ask my friend, what do you think of this?
She thinks she wants something.
Something from me? Something from the person she has treated like crap for months?
Point being, if I was a bridge she wanted to cross, she probably should not have burned me down ahead of time!
I hope this is clearer. 😉
Hmmm, many unrelated-to-bridges lessons…
1. If someone speaks TO you about others, you can be sure that they are speaking to others ABOUT you. So listen to what they say, and decide if you want to be spoken of in the same way. If not, steer clear.
2. Integrity counts.
3. Hone your skills — everyone has talent in *something* and a desire to do something — find out what it is, and do it. You’ll feel better. And doing something that you love makes life a little less crazy. 🙂
4. Love emotional, but it’s not an emotion. Oftentimes, it’s a decision and an action as much as anything. If you “don’t know” whether you’re in love, then you’re not.
“Everything matters, but nothing matters terribly”
(Noel Coward). Nothing….yes nothing.. is worth making yourself, or anybody else, sick over.
And, re bridges…
Don’t burn a bridge, just resolve not to go back over it (or don’t cross it in the first place, whichever)- that’s a sign of strength of will, burning it is a sign of weakness.
(Saturn in Aries)
Friendships or relationships should not be based on needs or wants, then they are stuck in the first three chakras, chaos soon follows. There should simply be a mutual joy of sharing and that comes from the heart or other upper chakras, depending on the type of exchange. When the exchange isn´t harmonious anymore, maybe it is simply time to move on, no need to snort or burn anything.
kashmiri – *I* am the bridge they burned before crossing…
1) Never burn a bridge, you have no idea what this person will mean to you 10 years from now. Boss, in-law, neighbor etc.
2) ALWAYS be someone you can be proud of, you have to live with yourself 24 hours a day forever.
3) Don’t worry about what other people are thinking of you, they aren’t thinking of you anyway.
HA HA!! You’re still talking in code..are you asking which bridge you want to cross, that you’re going to burn later? LOL! Well, I like where this thread is going so let me add:
Never leave a relationship without your dignity intact (Saturn in the 7th), and of course, allow your partner/friend/boss to have their dignity as well. The art of a graceful exit.
I think the best advice is to respect or trust those whom you ask for advice. Don’t ask just anyone for advice. Hey Elsa, maybe the girl doesn’t want anything from you. Some people react more when you ignore them (intentional or not). Even if they’ve made up their minds to be rude, mean etc. You not reacting makes them take it down a few notches. Ya know?
Personally, I think all of us got so caught up on the “tell us something that you learned in life” that we reacted to the question rather than your story. 😉 Woops!
I agree with Tam…my father always told us when we were growing up to “Never burn your bridges behind you”…or perhaps before you. You never know when your circumstances may change and as Tam says, what the person/relationship may mean later on. Also, I gather that, with “six degrees of separation”, you never know who in the chain may be important to you. Saturn in Aqaurius in the seventh… Cappy sun.
Yeah, shell, that’s it. And as they say… get off the space shuttle. Here. I’m going to slap you 15 times then give you a piece of candy and I guess if I do that, you’ll forget you’ve already seen my face. ::coughs::
It would be like Nancy Grace doing 10 of those interviews with Elizabeth Smart and then calling her up and inviting her to a party.
Ana – you may be right and I am not going to do anything. I am going to take care of my kids, write this blog, and get laid as much as possible, same as always.
Elsa….I get what you’re saying.
If you were crappy enough for her to treat like crap, then why are you suddenly worthy enough to perform a favor???
I agree with Tam as well, on all 3 points! Everyone needs everyone else on some level at some point in time…nobody is completely independant, life is a network so behave 😉 life has taught me:
1. Problems don’t leave on their own, either choose to deal with them gracefully now or be forced to deal with them under pressure later.
2. Always be your own best friend, no one will ever know you or love you as truly as you can for yourself.
3. Show compassion…pain is equal opportunity and you could be next someday.
4. The pain of rejection hurts miserably, but the pain of regrets, lost opportunities and a life not fully lived are considerably worse.
Elsa – maybe you have something she can’t get from any other source, which of course she only realized after screwing you over. big regrets on her side for being an ass I’m sure! what are you going to do?
Elsa – That’s what I would do. See how it plays out…you’ll see her angle revealed soon enough. don’t let her sap your energy, she should use up some of her own! meanwhile you get to recharge 😉
Jeez! Sorry Elsa, I really am out of it, I didn’t mean to be an a-hole, This Merc. retro has been so wacky I have been mis-communicating left right and centre. I hope I didn’t offend you,my apologies if I did!
just goes to show that people are oblivious – especially those caught up in their own goals. Why deal with reality if in the illusion you can get away with anything?
*ha, ha, ha* – Elsa’s last comment!
You know what i think? I think some people just don’t analyse ‘stuff’ as much as others’. Your ‘friend’ probably didn’t even process what she’d done. She was missing whatever ‘fix’ you gave her and thought ‘Ah, let me call her up’.
We all have our own realities. What you consider ‘big’, someone else will have, invariably, forgotten.
That’s what makes life SO darn interesting……
She wants to see if you are a ‘sucker’, one she can now buddy up with and later walk all over again.
You aren’t. In any shape, form or fashion.
I’ve never met you and can easily tell that – she’s certainly misreading you.
Don’t fall for it – (not that you are, see – you aren’t gullible like she believes) go get yourself some good loving and leave her squirming.
What I learned is that there is no such thing as a mistake. There are only lessons to be learned, and we will constellate the lessons we need to learn, so there’s nothing to worry about except to look at the lesson being presented.
(of course, I still worry sometimes, but even that is a lesson)
Saturn conjunct Mercury in Cancer/12, T-squared with Moon and Pluto opposite each other.
-Elsa, I haven’t seen your chart but it sounds like you have a packed eight house. That plus the strong Saturn influence makes me think you innately get the concept of
â€˜keep your friends close and your enemies closer’.
Maybe this woman wants something maybe she doesn’t but I get the impression it might be hard for you to detach from this unless you set the watch dogs at your gate. Then you can go about your business. Of course if those dogs start howling you’ll have your proof of her negative intentions and you can take her out
or you can go all Neptunian and erase her…
Of course I would take her out but I have Saturn square my sun and mars on my mid heaven.
I’d say focus on your life and make her less important…she’ll fade out.
My life lesson: you can’t change anybody else’s behavior.
ahh, as my grandfather would say, “Be careful whose toes you step on today, as they may belong to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.”
Well, on your clarification of the story, I would look at it this way, why allow someone to treat you like crap for so long? I would have confronted her directly in a neutral way long before, not letting it build up for so long. But I guess that is my Mars in Leo who takes the bull by the horns! But if I hadn´t confronted her and then she comes wanting to be friends, I would talk to her openly about all that had been going on and try to understand her and the situation. Depending on whether she is able to come from the heart and open up, I would have given her a chance, letting her also know about my boundaries and to not abuse them.
I love this thread. month later I’m returning to it, having to deal with a similar situation. my bridge was burned, and badly so –I’m still wondering why i allowed this. Odd w/ my Aries Mars. Mmm, the burner’s Saturn (and Mars) sits on my Mars. We each have a packed 8th and 12th, respectively. Am thinking: I am over analysing and the other’s burning was unconscious. Conscious or not, why take more crap? The idea of ‘giving this a chance’ riles me up with righteousness (not the most mature response). Something has to give, not sure what tho, am still learning something here.
Thank you all for the wise advice.
OMG that is the first comment of mine that I have ever read from the past.
Saturn in Capricorn here. Home placement!
Tam– yeah, it sometimes feels creepy to me (in a good way).
my college math teacher told us the wisdom his father told him: never eat where you can buy tires.
be professional at work
act in a way you’d respect
act with intention motivated by love/compassion
take care of your needs too
My one piece of advice, which was given to me by someone else who also had a bit of the Capricorn going on. (I have Saturn conjunct my sun/asc in Gemini and Jupiter in Cap in the 8th)
The hardest thing to do in any given situation is often the right one.
It just made me feel like I do when I see and hear myself on video.
I think not burning bridges can be a sign of a lack of faith in the Universe. I mean, if 10 years later you feel you need the person and you realize you’ve burned the bridge, it’s still meant to be, and perhaps it means your path is just different than involving that person at that moment. Or maybe it’s a test of faith in the self. I’ve burned bridges, and I’m just not scared. I am embarrassed about my lack of tact, but it’s so egotistical, this whole philosophy. Not to offend anyone–I’m just stating my argument :).
My lessons so far:
– Not everyone is looking at you and not everyone will like you.
– Also, don’t believe the rumors about a person, whether negative or positive- find out for yourself.
– Read books.
– One philosophy I really like is that of being the grass. Meaning that big trees are more likely to get knocked down in a storm (or cut down by other people), but the grass always survives. This always helps me when I feel “lower” than another person. In the end, I realize that if I let them diminish me, in some sense not fighting back makes them more powerless.
If it were me, and someone treated me like crap, and they wanted something from me afterwards? No way would I do anything for them unless they gave me the best explanation ever and apologized upside down and backwards. Otherwise, you are dead to me. Yes, it’s very good to forgive, but it’s also important sometimes to teach someone a lesson. And if they don’t learn from it, well then do I really need someone like that in my life? Cap rising… Sun conjunct Pluto.
Sun, Saturn, Jupiter Stellium – Virgo – 12th house. Can’t say I agree, I think people wander into us for reasons, our reactions our lessons to them, as much as theirs are to us. I also think there may be some karmic implications here, advice, end the karma. AKA RESPONSIBILITY. Just tell the person diplomatically that you felt…blah blah blah…and you no longer wish to associate. Or if you do, you would do some under certain terms.
Easier said than done. But, I do, believe in it, karma that is. And I think the cycles perpetuate with these situations. It’s my choice, but I choose to believe I must have wronged at some point, and now have the opportunity to rectify the situation, and thus, end the cycle for next round. HOPEFULLY! Speculation, but who knows, it could be this speculation that becomes my reality now and in lives to come.
Burn a bridge with me I guess I ‘ll see you next lifetime I will never let you hear the end of it. But I will forgive you! Yeah right, I hold grudges like a bag lady. I love people, and hate Devil’s advocates. If they will believe a rumor and watch you get defamed. Then you should definitely not have them around when you run for office. They’ll probably know about the plan to assassinate you. Never participate in rumors it’s always much funner finding out the truth and knowing that they are not lying to you. There’s a way to get anyone to trust you. Be worthy! It’s alot harder w/o friends that’s why you have a foot in business. Can’t be lonely and poor.
Saturn in Capricorn 4th house. My father’s advice: Remember who you are.
Rules I live by:
– No matter how bad it gets, never wallow in misery for more than one day. Two if it’s beyond the worst thing ever. Then get the hell up and do something – anything – to get moving forward again.
– Don’t forget to laugh at the absurdity. Even in the bad things, there is some little nugget of WTF that will make me laugh til I cry. Probably not on wallow day, but once it’s over and I can see it.
The first is my own rule. The second I learned from my mother while she was dying of cancer. We laughed at things that “normal” people would never laugh at…but it got us through.
Beats me what the astrology is on this; it’s just been a means of survival for me at so many times!
i can relate…knew this girl who was my ‘friend’ but also subversively bitchy to me, increasingly so as we got to know each other better. so i cut her out of my life. the negative energy was just too much (i’m sensitive to that stuff, moon-neptune). then after about 6 months of not talking she tried to re-establish contact. i was like, huh? i doubted that she’d changed so i didn’t let her back in. i don’t know why people do this. in her case, i think she enjoyed keeping me close and competing with me.