Why Do I Stay In A Horrible Relationship?

Dear Elsa,

I’ve been dating the same guy off and on now for nine months now. He has broken up with me probably 5 times. The first time, he begged for me back. The second time, we were apart for a month til he came over and we got back together.

Every time we break up, he tells me that he doesn’t want a relationship, and that his heart is not into us. I know he’s leading me on, and that he will only use me. I don’t know why I keep going back to him. Maybe I’m afraid I will not have that special feeling ever again. Or maybe I still love him.

I feel broken and am just torn at the whole thought of all of this. I know I can be alone, but being by myself at night seems so hard to deal with.

Do you have any words of wisdom?

Sincerely,
Broken

Dear Broken,

Wise words? Yes, I do. First, this guy is not running your life. Get that clear. You’re the one in control here. You’re the one choosing to take part in this crappy, unsatisfying relationship. In other words, you are responsible.

Now, regarding your chart – there’s major focus on relationship. With your planets in Libra, and your Moon in the seventh house, there’s a strong desire to be partnered. You can be alone, but I doubt you’re going to like it much. You’re just not cut out for singleness like some others are. Further, you have Venus in aspect with Saturn in your chart, suggesting relationships where you learn and grow. A relationship is your JOB.

So here’s what I’m getting at. You need to do a better job!!! Get out of your victim role and take responsibility for the quality (or lack of quality) of your relationship. You’re in a crappy relationship because you’re in a crappy relationship. If you want a better relationship, you know what to do.

Step one – get out of this one!!

Step two – go shopping for the next relationship.

And believe me, they’ll be one, faster than you can spin. See, you’re learning, just like you’re supposed to. Look what you learned today. You get what you settle for. And you’re the one who decides when to settle.

Good luck.
~~

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Why Do I Stay In A Horrible Relationship? — 6 Comments

  1. As one with lots of Libra and a Pisces moon in the 7th house I relate to Broken and as one who is now 61 years old I can definitely say the advice Elsa gives is spot on. Some of us must relate to grow and if we fight our growth we will choose poor relationships. Even the best ones will challenge us because, again, we must relate to grow.

  2. I’m pleased to see that the advice column is back. I was confused that these might be reruns of the old one. But they’re not, right? Always fun to read.

    “With your planets in Libra, and your Moon in the seventh house, there’s a strong desire to be partnered. You can be alone, but I doubt you’re going to like it much. You’re just not cut out for singleness like some others are. Further, you have Venus in aspect with Saturn in your chart, suggesting relationships where you learn and grow. A relationship is your JOB.”

    Hah. I have a lot of stuff like this but can’t find a job, as it were. Ah well, I’m pretty much used to the idea by now, so good thing there. It could be a very stressful job back in the day.

    But yeah, seconding the “find someone else,” or “being single is still better than putting up with THAT.” It was a real revelation to me once I figured that last one out.

    • Yes, this is old…from 2005, actually. I am trying to resurrect the advice thing, but see that the page is jacked at this time.

      Um…I am trying to settle everything, but right now it’s April 9th and my taxes aren’t done so…

      I will fix the site as soon as I can.

  3. I hope this lady found someone, because you can leave a bad relationship and still end up alone for years and years afterwards. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t leave, but it’s no guarantee a better one will come along soon afterwards. Not at all

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