Lilly started a discussion in the forum – Why do women tend to be so catty? Great topic. There’s no denying, catty women exist. But there’s also no denying, there are great women out there, who love and support other women to their dying breath. I figure it’s about 50/50.
I feel bad for, Lilly, who is trying and failing to make friends. It’s important to continue to try if you want these kinds of connections. It’s easy to become jaded.
You know you’re jaded when you say, “all women” do something or act some way. This is not true, but at that point you’ve made a rule. By nature, people like to prove themselves right. If this is what you think, you’re likely to find nothing but support for your theory.
I might have some ideas that will help you leave one realm and enter another:
Catty women tend to run in schools, like fish. Kind women tend to do the same.
This doesn’t mean that if you can’t make friends, it’s because you’re in a bad group. That may be it, but if women are catty everywhere you go, all your life, chances are high that the problem lies with you.
Most people fail at relationships because their expectations are ridiculous. They think they are supposed to meet people, who will then behave to their standard. It’s insane. You don’t run the other person. You don’t run their mind, their mouth, their life, their family, their manners or any other thing you can think of. If you’re like this, not only are you destined to be disappointed across the board – you’re a lousy friend yourself.
A person like this has a marked lack of interest in getting to know another person. They could care less who the other person is, in reality. They just want to see if the person can pass a bunch of tests…which they never can!
No one is going to replace your bad mom, for example. If you don’t have authentic interest in getting to know another person, and to love and care for them, you can’t expect your relationships to last.
- If you are truly hanging around lousy people, why are you doing this? It’s your responsibility to expand your circle. Pack up your pole and fish upstream.
- If your problem is lifelong and chronic, stop what you’re doing and try to figure out what it is about you, that is so off-putting. (hint – it’s usually has to do with stubbornness and/or pride.)
- Make sure you are actually interested in knowing another human being, rather than just filling the chair next to you, You, YOU.
Last, it takes time to build a strong relationship of any kind. Are you willing to invest three or four or five years getting to know someone? How about ten, twenty or thirty?
If you’re not interested it this, it explains why your relationships are shallow and/or fleeting.
Do you struggle to make friends, or to partner? Do you see yourself in this?