Why Does This Woman Copy Everything I Do?

before the mirror paintingThere is a gal in my (offline) life that copies everything I do. She’s been at it for more than two years. Wherever I go and whatever I do, she shows up on the scene and becomes the fake me. She’s taken on my mannerisms, my ideology and philosophies, while she simultaneously challenging. It’s as if she’s not just me, she’s the better me, except for the fact she’s inauthentic.

The list of ways she’s done this is long and varied. I think you’d be shocked if I were to outline them. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life, personally speaking. I guess it’s a form of stalking.

As a (fabricated) example, let’s say I go to the grocery store at 7 am. This is my routine. Next thing I know, there she is at the grocery store at 7 am. But it’s a lot deeper than that. She does not just run into me; she attempts to step into my shoes and be me, eradicating me in the process. It’s as if she comes on the scene, dramatically inflated. I am no longer needed at that point. The bigger, better me has arrived!

I know this is not real. I’m a deep character. My energy is strong and unique. She is veneer, but her dedication to this project is something to behold.

I’m curious about the psychology of this situation. I found this note by an anonymous person:

Copying can also be a sign that the person has a very low self-esteem and may not know of any other way to fit in socially but to copy another person’s bio or philosophies on life.

There’s also the possibility that the person copying lacks the intelligence to articulate their opinions in an appropriate manner thus has the need to imitate someone else’s ideas.”

These are great remarks but I wonder if anyone else has ideas or experience with this.

What do you think?

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Why Does This Woman Copy Everything I Do? — 52 Comments

  1. I have experienced this several times. One extreme situation comes to mind. There is a befriending ‘out of the blue’, then the copying begins, and the attempt to replace/remove (kill!) even to *take* your partner, if you have one. Each time, I have broken off contact and stayed well away.
    Would add envy to the list. In its unhelpful form, such an insiduous emotion. Very few people admit to having it because often they don’t even know that they do.

  2. This must happen, hence the sayings…”Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” or “Monkey see, monkey do”. Has to be some kind of mental disorder. I have exprienced a few times from people I did not know, while standing in a sidewalk crowd waiting for a walk signal, they wanted to get on the same spot I was standing, nudging closer and closer til I moved, then not satisfied continued nudging til they got to that new spot, extremely weird, figure it had to be a mental problem. Not a pickpocket.

  3. I would think you have something she wants, or she cannot pinpoint what that is so she is becoming obsessed. Emulating you might be subconscious. I am actually going through this right now. I have commented before about the ex wife that has become obsessed with destroying our lives even tho the divorce was 10 years ago! She started by copying everything I did. Ex. We took the kids to look at new cars for myself and she showed up a week later in the make and model that I picked, I planned a beach vacation and 30 seconds after I posted on line that I was at the beach her update says surprise guess where we r going, the beach. she cut her sons hair to match my sons! So I know how it feels, it gets creepy. She does have psychological problems I’m unsure of the diagnosis but this kind of obsession can’t be healthy.

  4. Ive had one. A single white female. Thats a movie in case anyone doesnt know. I dont think its just low self esteem. If it was just that, then the copying would be enough for them. But they take it a step further and want what you have, exactly, not a replica. Its definitely pathological.

    In my case, I think this woman has borderline personality disorder.

  5. I just don’t get it, how you are able to attract such weird type of people?! Haha I mean, it can’t be neptune-mc all alone?

    I know you have 12th house Pluto transit now, but, how is Pluto aspected in your natal?

    Omg I can only imagine if you also were a celebrity! You would attract all type of stalkers into your life yikes 🙁

    Stay safe! <3

  6. I had a guy do this once to me. It was probably unconscious, on his part. Sounds like he admired me, but I kept him at arm’s length.

    He was okay, but I didn’t want to be his friend.

  7. I get the creeps in 10 different ways just thinking about it. I am so freaked about letting people get too close anyway so this would send me over the edge. She’s creepy, she is a stalker with no original thought or talent trying you on as a human suit.

    Its gross. RUN.

  8. I think it’s a form of self-loathing. If a person had a healthy ego, they would not kill their identity to try to be an identity they are not. They would like themselves just fine. Further, they would not try to kill and replace the identity they are trying to be.

  9. “I want to be rich and well respected like my neighbour John. With his X YZbrand watch and the ABC activity he is so loved for”
    “If you sacrifice, work hard and contribute to better your community….”
    “No, I just want to be rich and well respected like John”

    Though I’ve never personally experienced this and honestly cannot honestly comprehend the desire to do it, reading your post the above imaginary conversation as explanation popped into my mind. I hope I’m making some sense.

  10. I actually wouldn’t be shocked if you were to outline the list of ways she has done this I have grown used to the non rules aspect of psychosis. The only reason we expect things to be normal and peoples psychology to be normal is because we have values we expect other people to follow. Like a set of rules.

    But we also know from experience some people just don’t follow the rules and continue to not follow them. Take non following of those invisible, social and very sane rules to a whole new level.

    • “… we have values we expect other people to follow. Like a set of rules.”
      Well said, Phoenix. 🙂
      I’ve found that checking acquaintances values, specifically what values they use in their actions, to be good indicators for the potential for a real close relationship (friendship included). Specifically, how they respond – behaviour – when I’ve said I disapproved. Others have used the same with me.
      Of course, I’m referring to more-or-less sane people.
      🙂

  11. I’d wonder what your ascendant is and where Pluto is on your chart. While I agree totally with those anonymous comments about the copycat potential, there’s also a variation that I’ve encountered. If you are a strong person that projects a lot of yourself, it gets picked up subconsciously by some very sensitive people and they begin adopting some of your mannerisms – i.e. ‘imprinting’. Similarly you may have some quality or qualities that she admires and desires.
    There is also the same connection with movie stars, sport figures, etc. whether it be style, dress, attitude, etc. that many people adopt both intentionally as well as subconsciously. When it’s subconscious, for me that would indicate the person a lack of self-awareness or a very strong sense of self.

    It does sound like this person is doing this mirroring act consciously with intent – so, perhaps it’s trying to figure out what her intent is, while observing and understanding your own internal actions/reactions, with a stronger focus on yourself than being distracted by the other.

    • I don’t interact with her. When she shows up in an environment, I exit. She can have the territory. This stuff is not important enough to me to compete.

      So what happens is I am in a group. She comes in and replaces me. I leave, and people are left with her.

      This has happened over and over. At this point, I have been completely displaced on every front. It’s a marvel, really.

      I’m not sure how this sounds, but you’d just have to grasp the whole of my life to understand it’s not important to me. It’s not my love or my livelihood.

      It’s like someone stealing something they need more than you do. I’m actually real. I can go anywhere and be real. I mean there is Elvis and there are Elvis fakes. It’s not like people can’t tell.

      • While you’re not interacting, you are reacting and it’s having an effect if you’re leaving. Even if it’s minor, I’d still consider it as a wake-up of sorts.

        I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Medicine Card deck (by Jamie Sams/David Carson), but this seems to be Card 2 – Hawk – Messenger: “Hawk medicine teaches you to be observant, to look at your surroundings. Observe the obvious in everything that you do. Life is sending you signals. Pay attention…”

        • But I do the same. I think of it as having boundaries. Deciding if I will interact with this situation or not. When someone is doing it to u all u can do is stay and react to it or draw a line. And refuse to participate in it.

        • Again, I am in extreme life circumstances at this time and for the foreseeable future. On a certain level this serves me in that if she’s there, I don’t have to be. She’s liberating me. It doesn’t matter if it’s intended. If I wanted to be in any of the scenarios, I would be. I have endless other things to do.

  12. so interesting because i know a woman who told us her mother copies her furniture choices and decor too. lol Now the daughter doesn’t mind but i think she minded it because her husband can’t stand the mother in law at times. lol and when he saw that his mother in law copies his wife (daughter) and even when the daughter buys the dresses and new styles worn, the next day the mother does the same thing lol
    i dont really know what to make of it lol the mother is a taurus and married to a scorpio man. the daughter is libra.

    • the libra is married to an aries (her opposite) with taurus moon. his taurus moon can’t stand the taurus sun mother in law lol. the astrology is interesting.

  13. That’s classic borderline personality disorder. They have no sense of self so they adopt other’s identities, or various changing identities. Prone to violent outbursts, self harm, etc. The classic example is someone who calls a loved one to tell them they’re in the process of a suicide attempt, for attention. Potentially quite dangerous. Please be careful!

    • I agree with this and will add that I predict she’ll unravel soon, especially if you’re not feeding her (via the drama she seeks).

    • Some will threaten in order to prevent abandonment (not necessarily for attention) and statistics show that about 10% of people diagnosed with bpd actually do commit suicide. That doesnt even acount for all of the people who commit suicide and may have it but havent been formally diagnosed

  14. How about that this person came into this world with no ego? Hence the ability to completely mock and become another person instantly.

  15. Borderlines adopt other peoples identities because they lack a strong sense of their own identity. They don’t always do what that lady is doing though, often a borderline will construct an identity based on many other stronger identities they have encountered..like a compilation of them..they will take what is strong and leave the rest out see…complicated. But the identity/s will eventually drop off..this process can take years sometimes. But eventually they will start to loathe themselves and will drop the identity/s they have adopted. They will go for a while without one, while really feeling so much shame and so inferior…self loathing at its finest…but they cant be wuthout a stronger identity construct for long because it feels like being without a skin…you have no backbone and youre so so vulnerable, so another constructed identity eventually begins to form.

    But Narcississts also adopt identities. The two personality disorders have some overlap and can coexist since they are in the same cluster of PDs. They are both caused by a weak or distorted sense of self. Women more often get the borederline diagnosis while men tend to get the Narc… so there is a bit more of a chance she’s Borderline just for the fact she is female. But then females can def be narcissists.

    You can kindof diffrentiate if you know the person. Narcs are more likely to care a lot about status and power, so you’ll hear a lot of boasting and exaggerating accomplisments, this is very obvious because to a normal person, something will feel “off” about their credibility or genuinness. Borderlines have more intense emotions, narcs are more cold and dont really understand emotions.

    • Often borderline people are very sensitive which is obvious even if they do have some shell of an identity they’ve formed. They are often quite fragile and delicate, even beautiful souls…think neptune. They just did not form a proper sense of self, so they fear abandonament intensely. They also feel lost…think lost soul. Chronic emptiness. Classic example…Marilyn Monroe was borderline.

  16. The next time you are both at a meeting togethrr, you should let it drop that you’re thinking of cutting all your hair off in a supee short pixie cut and dyeing it blonde. Buy a cheap Halloween wig as a prank and wear it the next time you are both out someplace, and make sure she sees you in it. When she shows up at the next town meeting (or wherever) with real short blonde hair, you can pull your wig off and have a good laugh. And everyone can see the sheer extreme copy catness of it all. That’s what I’d do… lol

  17. Creepy, and too bad for that person.
    She sounds like a hollow mess.
    Good thing you’ve decided to steer clear. Interacting with her would be a total waste of precious time. It might also encourage her, if she’s lookin to provoke.
    But I think it’s not even that. She might be unaware of how ridiculous it is. Definitely a problem with self esteem, and blind too. Pretty thick. Kind of sad too, to be that way.
    Many people would like to be movie stars, but very few make it.

  18. AHAHAHA,

    Truth be told I had to admit shortly after the happening that I have committed actions like this.

    It was towards a guy I was extremely taken with (see compulsion). To me he practically shone and we had the weirdest bursts of interaction (again compulsive.)
    I’d only ever see him at my work and one day I decided I would go to his work thinking ‘you know what, this tension is just too much. I’ll just go on his turf and show him that I just wanna be friends.’ (both of us worked in the service industry so going there wasn’t exactly weird. (but it was)

    I asked a friend to come with me and it wasn’t until we got there that I realized I may have entered some weird portal. Not only did I realize I was basically wearing his everyday outfit outside of work but during dinner I felt like I was gesturing like him as I spoke to my friend.
    (Keeping in mind I am a woman, imitating a man that I’m apparently attracted too and am there to show him that I just wanna be friends…:/)

    We were there for about an hour and a half, maybe two and I only made eye contact with him once, when my friend went to the bathroom. It was like to Medusa’s staring at each other. Obdurate and deeply disturbed.

    Saw him the next day and was equally repulsed and attracted to him (repulsed by that weird shininess?) This went on for months until I finally quit my job and took myself out of the picture (not just because of him, but yea.)

    I was trying to imitate this masculine image that I couldn’t (or wouldnt?) access within myself. There were tinges of me feeling like a waif, but also looking for ‘Daddy.’
    I’m so bloody grateful that no serious compulsions were ever carried through.

    • You have bpd or a similar personality disorder. I’d get to a therapist ASAP if I were you. What you wrote is not normal and is a problem. You stalked someone and then mentally thought you were them which is what bpd is you take on other’s personalities because you don’t have your own identity.

  19. Easily imprinted. Or a thief. Because it irritated me when it has happened, I go with thief. The worst of them that ‘took me on’, did so to eradicate me or so it felt. Could not stand that I existed.

  20. First of all. So sorry this is happening to you, Elsa. Hopefully the person will stop and turn their obsessions/energy onto something else.

    This person sounds quite aggressive in a way, in her actions. If she is conscious of her actions, aware that she is copying you, then there is a strong motive to destroy and conquer you or something about what she thinks you have or represent -for whatever reason in her head.

    If she is unconscious of her actions, she could be really unstable so I’d watch out.

    Well, I’d watch out in both cases. You are doing this as you have a good sense of people and you seem to tackle things quickly.

    Both examples above are of people whose personalities are not whole by themselves, and the personalities have not developed fully. Tends to link with problems around infancy/babyhood, toddlerhood and early childhood – not being cared well at all (not an excuse, just explaining when personality problems develop.)

    Possibility of a personality disorder comes to mind when I read what you write and what everybody here writes. For sure the person experiences some sort of delusional ideas, no matter if they are conscious or not of their doings/actions.

    The term ‘Acquisitive projective identification’ comes to mind too. It belongs to the field of psychoanalysis. Ron Britton (psychoanalyst) said in an article:

    “‘I AM YOU’—that is, another person’s identity or attributes are claimed for the self. The more omnipotently this is done the more delusional the result.”

    Her approach is not appropriate. Regarding how to deal with her, I can’t add to what everybody has contributed with. Good advice.

    Good vibes sent in your direction, Elsa, and may this person find another project pronto!

  21. Looking at the lady in question, I would say she might have been extremely bullied, abused, or put down in her childhood for showing any original ideas or actions, and therefore at this point in her life adopts the actions and mannerisms of someone who has not exhibited these aggressions toward her; someone she admires and feels safe copying and supplanting.
    Certain abused children may develop the habit of sussing out their companions deeply in order to avoid provoking the abusive behavior they have experienced in the past, and fear showing their true self to an extreme degree.
    Of course, this is the most gentle possible explanation I can provide. The worst case scenario would be someone who sees you as competition, and dedicates their time to doing everything you do better!

  22. How annoying. Ive had friends who decided to wear the same color lipstick or buy the same shoes as me and it bothered me!!

  23. Depends on the energy you get from her. She could be doing it from a positive place, or she could be doing it from a dark and sinister place.

    It’s all about the energy she exudes.

  24. Clothing coincidence: I saw a woman wearing the same style of tan linen dress, black blazer, and straw fedora type hat, but most likely of higher quality in all respects. We were so matched it shocked me. She’s a movie star who does not live in this city. I was able to look up her chart. She has a rising sign very close to mine and her Sun is very close to my midheaven. Another time I attended a lecture by someone I admire and was surprised to see him in a shirt of the same pattern I had thought of wearing and a turtleneck of the same color I had thought of wearing. His sun is in my midheaven sign, his Moon in my first house. Was so glad I felt that I should change. So perhaps this tidbit of info helps.

  25. And I just thought of something snarky: Elsa could get her clothes from a thrift store. Perhaps, the stalker being Leo, she will not go there. I love the short blonde hair idea. In a movie, Elsa would find several people of her build to dress like her and show up at a PTA meeting or something. In reality, this would probably be disturbing to the community. There was a play I can’t remember the name of in which four people of the same family show up at the breakfast table with four places one by one. The second person shows up in a bathrobe matching the first, and then the third, and that gets a laugh, and the fourth, more laughs. I know someone who most likely dated a guy just because I had met him first. We both have Venus in the same sign, but not degree. I did not want to see him a second time unbeknownst to her, so no problem. They had a tight Mars-Venus conjunction. They got married. They have had a lot of struggles.

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