We often talk about people bringing out the best or the worst in us, but have you ever wondered why that happens? Synastry, which is the interaction of two charts, often has the answer. One of the interesting things about synastry is that it can bring out aspects of our personalities that are otherwise overlooked. I recently had this thrown into stark relief in a conversation with my mother.
I am usually a shiny, Jupiterian character. I am always ready to laugh out loud, empathize, or help a friend in need. But all this changes when I am around her. Our synastry chart complex, but what really stands out is that my Saturn completes a grand cross of her Mars, Mercury, and Jupiter. She has Big Feelings that she is driven to discuss. But when that side of her comes out, I become Saturn incarnate. Gone is my fiery flair, and all that is left is cold, hard logic. Take this recent exchange:
“Midara, I know the reason you haven’t called is because you’re furious with me. I just need to know why you’re willing to believe all these lies about me and why you’re so angry.”
“No, I haven’t called because you asked me for space and I was trying to honor your request. Further, we have not spoken in a month, so you do not actually know what I believe or how I feel. I’d really like for you to not assign me feelings and motives.”
“Have you ever even considered my perspective here? And why it’s so hard on me for you to be so angry?”
“Of course I have, or at least I’ve considered what I have to assume is your perspective, since you’ve not been willing to discuss anything with me lately. So while I can’t read your mind, I’ve done my best with the information at my disposal. And again, I need you to stop telling me how I feel. Ultimately, my emotions are mine to manage. They are my responsibility and I will not take them out on anyone, nor will I justify them. You do not have to worry about incurring my wrath.”
“I just don’t know why you have so much hate in your heart for me.”
“I do not hate you. The fact that I am unhappy is a reasonable and predictable reaction in this situation, but it is nowhere near hate, and I genuinely do not know where that idea is coming from. I want to have a relationship with you, but I cannot do it on the condition that I either lie and say I’m not upset or that I perform penance for something I don’t actually feel. I love you very much, but I am ending this conversation now. It is no longer productive.”
Oof, right? No sentiment, no anger, just boundaries. As I mentioned before, this is a total departure from my normal MO. In this case, the synastry is more expressive than the natal chart. I still am who I am, but in this situation, Saturn is the only planet at the party.
I think this happens to a lot of us. You think you’re not an angry person until you meet someone who activates your Mars and pushes your buttons. You think you’re detached and aloof right up until someone’s Venus conjoins your Moon and you’re suddenly mushy and starry-eyed. Or, like me, you think you’re an open-hearted sun child until your Saturn fits into just the right slot in someone else’s chart.
So if you find yourself consistently acting a little out of character around another person, take a look at the synastry. You might just find a part of yourself you never knew existed.
Have you ever been around someone who brings out a whole different side of you? What was the synastry like?
For help with synastry check out Midara’s Relationship Review.