Why Do People Play Games On Social Media?

love vintage valentine day cardElsa, I was curious what you think of social media games in personal relationships. I know people that pick their potential partners off social media. I know people push their relationships further by posting pics on FB and IG with indirect messages toward that person. For example they visit a place that the girl they are dating said she likes, or the girl posts pics with a cap the guy offered as a gift. I think the point is that the other person feels flattered and even more attracted or I don’t know.

Or you see bits of ideas you discussed with someone posted online and you wonder if that is a message for you. And it is all pretty public and it looks so childish in my opinion. These are grown up people I am talking about, some in their 20s, 30s or 40s. It looks like this technique was copied from the games celebrities play with tabloids. You know how a star that expects a marriage proposal that just isn’t coming sends a fake story to the press of how she is about to get married in order to press the partner to propose? It’s exactly like that. Only it is generalized. Not to mention the constant flashing on social media of relationships that are not even relationships yet – but this may also be a technique to press the relationship further.

But don’t think you will see two people kissing, more like you will see two hands holding each other, because they are artistic and private like that. Nothing is direct anymore, everything is fluid. Sorry for the long post, I wanted to be understood and I still don’t know if I was. Hope so.

I am not talking about Tinder or SoulMatch.com (that are legit dating places), I am talking of people on FB, IG and Twitter and their games. Why can’t anyone ask you out or say they like you/ don’t like you in person anymore? Actually, in these games, people say everything and somehow say nothing at all.

Girl from Bucharest

Hi, Girl.

First off, I appreciate your interest in this. You really seem to understand the machinations going on around you.

I’m not sure I can answer your question, “Why?” This may just be the current way that people communicate. But I will offer my ideas on this!

There was a time that a man sent a woman flowers or a candy with a love note. He now sends her a picture of his penis.

There was a time a woman dropped her handkerchief in front of a man, or faked some kind of stumble that offered him a chance to assist her. Now she invites him directly into her bed.

Those things didn’t last and I don’t think the current way will last either. I don’t know how old you are, but you may be surprised how much things can change in ten or twenty years.

I also think this is somewhat personal to you in that there are many people who don’t play these games or even participate on social media. You’re clearly involved in it. I wonder if your keen interest might be leading you to some kind of breakthrough.

You call yourself a “girl” but if you are older, in your 40’s or 50’s or better; generally there is a point in all our lives when we look at the younger generation(s) and think, what the heck are they doing?

Astrologically, Uranus square Pluto is not a touchy-feely energy. Think, experimental or detached (Uranus) sex (Pluto). Saturn square Neptune definitely creates fog; It’s anything but direct. Think, “plausible deniability”. It’s a way to be fake (Neptune) safe (Saturn).

I hope this helps you somehow. And I hope other weigh in so you can further your studies!

Have a question about astrology or life? Ask here! Also, please include your location. It adds a layer of interest!


Why Do People Play Games On Social Media? — 19 Comments

  1. I think neither the handkerchief model nor the bed model are advantageous for women. It is a reactive model to repression and oppression. I don’t believe quick sex and the aftermath of still being rejected because of men’s wiring thinking that your privates are something you have to secret from others. . For me it’s tiring to Ann Boleyn some guy. Plus he might not appreciate it if he waits too long anyway.

    Honestly I think while many men like challenge of getting a woman who’s not putting out, women like challenges too, the unavailable men of tinder who have lots of choices and kind of don’t like you. But not all women. But it feels like many of us do and don’t realize it.

  2. I don’t know if s satisfying model of dating for women exists. Or ever will. Fact is I think women like me were probably straining to hold sex from men just to make them more interested in them

    • I could never wait to be in love to be in bed myself, so I understand. I’m from the Janis Joplin school of thought on sex: “Get It While You Can.” Either it falls apart after that or it doesn’t, period.

  3. I have Venus Mars in tight aspect and it’s a strain to me not to have sex when I want someone. Cause I may not want them later. .

    To this question, I think Facebook was initially invented to rate the attractiveness of different girls in Harvard and was always meant for getting laid and showing off. The like button, poking, etc. Meant to appeal to our baser desires. Guys sometimes friend girls they want and like a bunch of their pictures. Instagram is all about crafting an enviable identity through pictures. Many of which are purposely titillating. I can see why it can be used for people reaching out to girls with attractive pictures. It feels like an invitation

    • Very well put, Kri. But why are they called social media platform if they are dating platforms?

      If I think about how women expressed their desire for sex back then and now, there’s no difference. Back then they dropped a handkerchief, now they post inspirational messages and sexy songs and pics. Where’s the diff?
      Maybe the diff is that back then you chose and knew in front of what man you are dropping the handkerchief, now you are dropping it in front of the Friends List or, if you followed someone specific, in front of the guy you know exclusively from how he presents himself in his pics.

      However, I don’t think this issue is about sex, more like relating, specifically, social media relating. They should indeed start writing books about it.

      Call me an old fart, but at 31 I am over it before I even got into it. Even when I want to be happy for people I can’t because they post blurry photos of their boyfriends on their birthdays. I am to assume who is the boyfriend. WTF?

      Elsa offers a bit of hope in saying that this won’t last. Good!

      • I get what you mean. I think when a girl posts attractive pictures of herself it’s not always a bit to get some. But some men take it as an invitation to hit on her. Just as when a girl goes out in a pretty outfit. Getting a guy might be her goal and it mightn’t.. I think many social media can be used to hit on people. Honestly I was going to use meetup dot com to try to meet a guy at some event.

      • What I mean is, crafting an attractive identity is a very yin way to attract men. And sometimes people don’t always show off that way for that purpose.. sometimes it’s for garden variety validation from peers. But a guy might still try to message or flirt with someone like that.

  4. I don’t see what you’re talking about as far as subliminal messages to potential suitors on social media, but maybe it’s because I’m not looking for it. I do see a lot of pulling for attention in all the wrong ways though. I think people who overshare do it because they are desperate for validation. Whether it’s from one person they want or many. Usually younger people in their 20s seeking approval to validate their sense of self do this a lot. Sometimes older people do it and that’s when it becomes really sad. Me personally, I prefer knowing people in the flesh.

  5. I am in my 40s and everything in me has always instinctively cringed at the thought of interacting on social media. I want nothing to do with Facebook or any other platform.

  6. I think privacy (what any of us have left of it) is sexy. Natal Venus in Cap in 12th house must have something to do with that. Can’t relate to doing a digital mating dance at all.

  7. My husband does not use any social media. I’m glad!
    He also avoids my blog like the plague and has no awareness of me on social media.

    My son also shuns it. Not sure all his reasons but one is he doesn’t want it interfering with college.

    • My husband has always shunned it too. We were just talking about this because I was telling him how bored I am with it and how I miss privacy and mystery and hate seeing every highlight of people lives who don’t care to really know me or I them for that matter. He’s told me since day one social media is stupid. He’s never been involved in it. I appreciate it now.

      • i agree with you both! same here. my husband shuns it too. I like the internet for instant resources, knowledge, and learning. and how various cultures, people think all over the world, what they upload on youtube, ect.

  8. He now sends her a picture of his penis.

    {shakes head} I’m not shocked by the idea of people sending each other dirty pictures – I’m baffled as to the idea hearing about a guy, seeing his dick and deciding, ‘Well, that’s the ideal dick, this dude is great.’ (Don’t they have dildos for that?) Also, it’s really kind of rude I would think. But then I’ve never been one for wolf whistling either.

    There was a time a woman dropped her handkerchief in front of a man, or faked some kind of stumble that offered him a chance to assist her.

    God, you’re invoking my white knight complex.

    Now she invites him directly into her bed.

    That’s still way less awful than the dick pics, but you know, whatever.

    [‘I’m not that old-fashioned but terribly so, none the less. Also, bugger Facebook.’]

    • @max, I agree with you. and it’s not even believable, they could just be lying about the penis. everything is delusional on social media until you meet up.

      • Well, yeah, but what I hear is that these dudes are just spamming random profiles with dick pics, or they send the first message with one, or they respond to any message with a dick pic. I can’t decide if these dudes are doing the equivalent of a young lady popping her top at a concert, or if they’re the kinds of guys who maybe might like to jerk off on the subway under their clothing.

        But then there seems to be a subset of the internet dedicated to sending women death threats and I don’t find that threatening (I’ve gotten a few) I cannot possibly grasp what the theory of what that gets you is.

        I’m sure it’s pretty screwed up either way. I suppose the need to publicly perform one’s identity makes it seem rational.

        [‘That seems distinct from not being super-old school about sex.’]

  9. you’re right that anyone over 40, in their 40s, 50s are going to think, what’s going on with this younger generation?? even my sister’s in their early 30s, mid 30s were already thinking this is ridiculous. but they didn’t meet their men on social media. that could be why. if they did, they’d rather meet up first.

    • even my sister’s in their early 30s, mid 30s were already thinking this is ridiculous.

      Well, yes. This seems to be a young man kind of thing. I can sorta understand it – I started messing around with computers a long time ago, well before I was 18. I really can’t figure the theory where you’d decide to do someone solely on appearance without even finding out how say, they might smell, before decided well, I’ve got the lube!

      but they didn’t meet their men on social media. that could be why. if they did, they’d rather meet up first.

      I met someone I spent 12 years with online, but the relationship was conducted mostly offline.

      [‘Those people deciding to marry someone they’ve never met have always seem very weird.’]

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