Why Can’t I Keep My Friends?

friends-300x240Hi Elsa!

It occured to me that I’m not particularly able to retain friends. There was a bunch of people I used to go out with, when I was in school. After that when I joined college, I realised no one from my old group is going to be around me anymore (Not that we had a lot of fights etc, but it wasn’t simply feasible anymore, given how busy we were with our lives. So I made new friends.

Fast forward to the next level, I moved out of my hometown for higher studies, and again the same thing happened. AND again it’s happening now, that I’m about to begin research/work (i.e. the next phase).

I realise that’s how life rolls, and I only have very fond memories of my old friends, at least most of them. But somehow, I feel like just when I begin to make longer term connections, I get picked up by an unseen force and thrown a thousand miles away. Does this happen to a lot of people? Or is something wrong with me? What is the secret to becoming friends forever?

Always Evolving
India

Hi, Evolving.

What you’re experiencing is most definitely normal. You’re not yet twenty-five. You’re on the move and your explanation for the various separations is valid.  It’s also common friendships to fade or break when someone marries or has a child.

There is definitely not something is wrong with you, but I can tell you why you feel that way. You have Venus in Libra square a stellium in Capricorn.

Translated, you value (Venus) social interaction (Libra). But your ambition (Capricorn) clashes with this. It’s also your Capricorn moon that wonders if you have some deep flaw.  Well, you don’t.

I don’t expect you to take my word for that, seeing as you are a evidence-collecting Virgo so let me clarify this, further by answering this:

“What is the secret to becoming friends forever?”

People who are able to keep their friends forever generally have many planets in Fixed signs. For example, my husband has the same friends he had forty years ago. He’s a Taurus with a Scorpio Moon.  You don’t have much in the Fixed signs which explains a lot.

This does not mean you will never find a lifelong friend. I’m like you and I’ve done it. But my lifelong friends are invariably heavily Fixed.  They keep me more than I keep them because they’re the ones who know how to do this. Left to my own devices, I float away.

Right now, you’re young and on the move. This is your priority. If at some time in your life, “friends forever” becomes your main goal, I’m sure you’ll succeed. But don’t be surprised to get a little older and realize you’re more of a gas molecule, than you are a mountain.

How long is your average friendly relationship?

Have a question about astrology or life? Ask here! Also, please include your location. It adds a layer of interest!

 

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Why Can’t I Keep My Friends? — 25 Comments

  1. I have one friend (Scorpio) that I see every few months, we have been friends 43 years. There was a gap that we didn’t see each other when her children were young.
    My two closest friends (Libra & Sagittarius) have been with me 36 years. I had met them before, but that is how long we have been friends.
    Next would be my Libra friend that I work with, we have been friends 23 years.

    I’m low maintenance. You don’t have to worry about where I am, what I’m doing or saying, so people keep me. Plus I’m great at keeping a secret.

  2. I’m double sag, 50, with saturn on my sun/asc at the moment and a crazy aquarius moon. Recently I lost my oldest (since 5yrs old) friend over an issue of money.We live thousand kms apart, I went there (to the lost paradise where I spent my childhood) and realized she was more interested in doing business than in seeing me (getting a commission on some land my family still has there and I , but not my brothers, wanted to sell). Previously, we half lost some frienda who had a kid and didn’t invite us to the baptism (unfortunately I find out through Facebook) Now they’re trying to make up but it’s not the same. Slowly or rapidly, I lose people and finally I have to resort to my companion/husband, who’s 81 and getting fed up with me. It’s true that changes in my job have brought me new aquaintances, like the colleague who’s going to travel with me in August,or the old classmate from my 10’s I met in my trip, simple, working class, and nice. I also notice I get along better with less qualified,not wealthy people, than with the people I belong with due to class/studies/qualification/job issues. I don’t know, but it’s a lonely time and I also don’t try to keep people as hard as I used to, with the exception of my husband

  3. I am pretty fixed and I still can’t keep long friendships.Many times I asked myself the same things as India.
    My longest friendship was almost 10 years with a double Cap with Cancer rising. But there were gaps that didn’t bother us. Every time we reunited it was as if we’d never separated. I thought it was cool.

    Then it was one more gap during our Saturn Return when my dad died and I realized it’s important to have people near me. When I tried to close the gap I found a coldness behind it that sucked. Never before had we had bad things happen to us during the gaps. At least not death.
    I don’t know if I did the right thing to end it, I’m Aqua, so I need gaps but there’s a difference between 2 individuals that allow themselves the freedom to experience life and 2 individuals that are only friends in the good times. Friendships are tested in tough times.

  4. Interesting. I am a Virgo with Venus in Libra…I too have moved and moved and moved, due to work and need to grow income to support my parents and other relatives. I’ve met so many friends and left them physically behind though not emotionally; we stay in touch weekly. But I don’t get to see them as much as I would like, and it’s a sad feeling.

    I have only two planets in a fixed sign. I used to think this was caused by my Sag moon and yet, hmmm. I’ve been settled now a few years and met several awesome Capricorns who moved away; we stay in touch but I sometimes dread making a friend — I move or they do.

  5. wow I didn’t realize that. I highly mutable so that’s why, I moved a lot and my friends also moved, and my husband is the one that keeps me “pinned” down (mostly fixed) he has kept even a couple of his childhood friends. i’m glad one of is highly fixed.

  6. I don’t think I could write and maintain this blog if I didn’t move. It just takes all kind of people, I guess.

    I miss my Woman’s Club ladies, but I can deal with it. I mean…I moved. Sending an email is not the same as a three or four hour lunch!

  7. 5 planets in Scorpio with a Taurus moon. Friendship length. …..35 to 45 years. Still love the same people I loved as a child.

  8. This runs close to my heart. I didn’t need or want friends growing up, I’m from a big family, I couldn’t handle much influence from the outside. I’m Aqua Sun, (fixed), Moon Leo, but once I travelled and formed alliances, early 20s, I tried to understand how friendships worked, but found them hard to maintain, clumsy and awkward. I seemed too independent to have friends.

    Years later, studying holistic health, more house moves, I found rich spiritual friendships with women aged around 30-50. A group formed and I came to experience for the first time how rich friendships could feel. I maintained the group, but sadly over the next 25 years or so, the group slowly broke up as one by one each friend moved away. Nowadays the thought of a friend almost makes me feel sick, too much effort to maintain, I’ve become more fixed in my own life after another couple of moves – and then, bingo, my husband & I, (of 30 years) decides to move his business into our new home. And guess what? He’s Saggi Sun, after all these moves and try outs – I’ve found my Best Friend. It’s been the easiest transition in the world. No hassles nor hitches, we both love it. The other women friends group I maintained for almost a Saturn cycle have long gone. I wonder how this will all pan out in old age. Elsa great mention here about the fixed signs. It answered a lot of questions.

  9. I am a floater. A ghost. Been this way since I was very young. Self-reliance from all my Capricorn, I guess. This blog is my friend. You can find me going from room to room on the forum side. Interesting thing about the fixity. Makes sense. Speaking of it… I have Uranus in Leo opposite Chiron in Aquarius. “Friendly” signs, but not by nature.

  10. I have sun, venus, merc, saturn in Scorp…mars Aquarius and pluto Leo. Sooo many fixed planets. It’s great to still be in touch with people from my childhood. When I make a true friend I tend to keep the friendship going even if we only get to see each other a few times a year.

  11. I have Uranus in the 11th house. Friends come and go randomly and abruptly, like changing seasons. Many are flakey. Many are not deep relationships. And my friends are usually pretty unique characters. Eccentric. Uranus in the 11th in Scorpio squares my Leo Sun and Mercury in the 8th. It doesn’t feel great. I have 2 friends I feel close to. They’re like family to me. The rest could disappear – as I’m sure they eventually will, like always. And I really won’t give a sh**. I’m used to it at this point. For me, it’s rare to find anyone that you can actually count on.

    Plus, with Pluto having transited my 12th house, crossed my ascendent, and now working it’s way through my 1st house, I’ve have a crap ton of upheaval and disasters thrown my way these past few years. The one thing I’ve learned is that, it’s the times when the going gets tough that you learn who your real friends are and which ones are pieces of sh**. Sucking up your energy for their own selfish reasons.

    • I also have the same Uranus placement. With Pluto in the twelfth and Saturn hitting my sun I only have one friend and it’s not enough. People my age don’t identify with me lately either

  12. I have a Gemini ruled 11th house with Sun in Cancer there. My air sign friends stay around foreeeeever but my water sign friends disappear without a trace, only to reappear from the depths several years later. My earth sign friends are loyal but busy with commitments and families so catching up is more of a biannual event than a regular occurrence. My fire sign friends drop off the radar often but I don’t notice them as much just because they’re always so spread thin and emotionally not as close to me as water signs. Friends, in general, who hit my IC/MC stay around for decades without question.

    Our chart isn’t static. Our progressed moons change every 2.5 years along with Saturn cycles. So some friends are only meant to serve a purpose for a time as our responsibilities and interests evolve and change.

  13. My chart is heavily mutable. However, friendships are very important and healing to me. With an Aquarius Chiron on my ASC and 11th H Sag Saturn, I find my closest friends are older, quirky/nontradional, and possess higher-minded ideals. I easily begin friendships (Libra Sun) and love to host celebrations in my home (4th Gemini Mars; 7th H Virgo Venus and Virgo Ceres).

  14. This is so fitting! I recently reached out to a friend I have known for almost 20 years and he never got back to me. I have a feeling he has cut me off. I am a Taurus with Cap rising and this type of behavior baffles me. We have a strange friendship where we only see each other once every couple of years (we live in different states) but the closeness always seemed to remain. Maybe this association has finally reached its expiration date.

  15. Eighth house Sun, ninth house Moon & Venus – I’m longtime no longer surprised, that relationships (friendships) have -invisible- expiration dates. Happens. (Pluto in 11th, aspecting everything relationship.)

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