And intense piece for the current Mars Pluto opposition..
Following up on the video about finding the love your soul is looking for, I do think the more conscious you are the better your odds. For example some people deny the idea they want or need love so they should not be surprised if it does not find them. To be conscious of yourself or at least willing to become so also seems very important to me. For example someone who constantly projects is going to have a hard time finding love because they reflect it. They literally bounce everything that comes to them back at the other person and then wonder why they are bereft.
But if you can get around those two, I’d say the next step is figure out just exactly who you are and who you are looking for and in my experience this process brings joy and pain… mostly pain. Pain that is productive but pain just the same.
For example with the soldier, when we were young he was obviously very comfortable with violence and I was very uncomfortable with it. It would be simplistic but you could say we did not marry because of this and you would not be that far off. I just could not resign myself or resolve the idea I be married to what people characterized as an assassin. Much safer to take a different road, yes? So I did.
But I am older now and willing to let go the fantasy that I am not violent or do not approve of violence in certain circumstance and this has been very hard. People have a way they like to see themselves and I am no exception. Having Libra I would certainly want to consider myself “nice”. There must be a peaceful solution, right? But over these years of the soldier sharing his experience and I have had no choice but to come to a new conclusion. For example what about the guy with all the snuff films?
At one point in his career the soldier captured someone as he was ordered to, and this guy had a library of snuff films. There were dozens and dozens of videos of him killing women while having sex… maybe 100 videos if you can believe that. So here’s the soldier with evidence that is irrefutable so what should he do with this guy? Should he kill him? Or should he give him a ride to town so he can find some more victims?
What would be justice for this guy who had murdered all these women – people’s daughters, mothers and / or wives? What is the RIGHT thing to do? What does God want him to do, hmm?
Well if it were up to him, the soldier would have just killed him and be done with it but his orders were to bring him back alive and this is what he did. But maybe you get the idea….
Had he killed that guy and told me that he killed that guy I think I’d have done little more than shrug. But back when I was 17, 18, 19 and 20… back when I knew the soldier then I am not sure I’d have been able to have that reaction. The question was not put to me but I am pretty sure if it had been, I’d have wanted to argue rather than look deeper because I was so attached to the idea I ought to renounce all violence. I just didn’t know myself very well. So we meet these people and they show us parts of ourselves we would rather not face but if we are successful in defending against this stuff we just plain lose. And I’ll take this story one step further.
Not only would I have shrugged had I learned the soldier killed that guy on the spot, I actually like being with a man who would and could take this action against someone of this ilk.
I also like the fact he did not kill him because he opted to follow his order but what I like most of all is he thought about it. He stood there, felt his feelings, had total awareness of his power and made a decision knowing it may well be one he would regret.
Because if this guy gets out and kills one more woman, whose fault is that? Someone’s mother is dead and who could have stopped it, hmm?
So courtesy this story and a few dozen more just like it, I have had to become aware of and ultimately own this part of my shadow, previously denied. Because what if I was the soldier’s superior officer? What if he called me up and told me there was video evidence of this guy screwing all these women, cutting their throats? Would I like him to put this guy on a plane, feed him some pizza on the way home? Probably not. Would I kill him myself? Probably not. And I’m not exactly comfortable with that either but here’s the point:
Some of the things that attract you are very likely not PC but if you deny them, where does it leave you? Hungry?