Whose Fault Is It If You’re Triggered?

zodiac key chainThis may be an odd question but it’s a serious one.

Let’s say you meet someone and you’re around them regularly for some reason. Perhaps you work with them. And you realize they irk you. They may irk you a little. They may irk you a lot or it may vary or change over time. But the bottom line is, the person bothers you and you can’t really say why.

Now whose fault is this?  Do you assume it’s you who is off in the equation?

Do you assume that your intuition is telling you something about the person and that your sense is reliable?

Do you try to get to the bottom of the issue? Do you ask yourself if you might be jealous, or fear being rejected by the person? Or do you assume the person is up to something, even if you have no evidence.

You get the idea. If someone’s existence puts you on edge, do you look at their psyche? Or yours?

And last, have you ever had a favorable resolution to a situation like this? How do you resolve something like this, typically?

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Whose Fault Is It If You’re Triggered? — 57 Comments

  1. Yes.you are right.i have triggered in wrong way ( for people) because i know where it goes.where is headed.I have planned today morning to implement my plan.but at the time of implementation my mind is abcent by blind is rubbed the wrong way to demolish my planned target.(this(cross road) is going from almost three years when i entered to learn astrology).(I GUESSED ALSO IT WILL OCCURS, because I am in turning point) any how ,i came out from wrong way if it (wrong way) sucess tomorrow also i don`t required it and strictly to implement my own plan.

  2. There is someone in my life on a regular basis that gets on my nerves and there is not much I can do about it. I have to tolerate it. I have to see her weekly. I have no choice. She got under my skin a lot worse when I first met her. Today I just see her when I have to and let what she says and does roll. I have no other choice. I know why she irks me. At first I thought it was because of her age but time has passed and not much as changed. She manipulates. And she is bad at it. She will always irk me, but I ignore as much of it as I can and just dismiss her. She tries to be tricky. I block her at every pass. This makes her purposely try harder. And I always see it coming and block her again. The thing is I have been generous to her in a huge way, but she doesn’t seem to recognize it and continues on. I really thought her presence in my life was a test when Saturn was in Libra. Now here we are all this time later…. she is still here bugging the holy crap out of me. I would never choose her as a friend or a person I would even talk to if I didn’t have to. But I have no choice. So I just handle it as best I can. But when she gets out of hand I have no problem telling her to back off. She screamed at me about a month ago…. yeah, that didn’t fly. I immediately asked her who the hell she thought she was talking to….and stopped that crap instantly. I told her….don’t you ever do it again. But this is how she talks to other people so ……She irks my husband more than she does me. I mean she really bothers him. He will hardly even give her eye contact or speak to her at all. She notices this and he doesn’t care. And, he is a very nice person. A person most people actually love.

    Sometimes you are just going to be stuck with people that annoy you every day. To handle it I speak with her only on a superficial level. Talk to her as little as possible. Do what I can to keep the peace. I have to live with this. So I just put it out of my mind unless I have to deal with her then I am always aware of what causes her to spin out and watch every word I say. Honestly I wish she would just got to hell or move to another location or just disappear from my world. This is not going to happen any time soon. There is no favorable resolution. I am stuck with her in my life so I am faced with years of breathing in and out, rolling my eyes (to myself) and ignoring her when I don’t have to see her face to face. There is nothing else I can do

    I read this yesterday.

    Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness & compassion. Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome your fear. Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go

      • I’m in awe of you people. thank you for this profundity. for the egoless trouble you took to share. for the bravery of being so open, so publicly.

    • uggg….this craptastic person is still in my life. But, I rarely have contact. ‘It’ finally got a full time job and is rarely around. Thankful…so thankful. No longer forced on me every day. I have learned to just stay away as often as possible and avoid.

      I doubt I will ever be able to stand to be in the same room.

  3. I usually feel badly because I know they didn’t do anything to make me dislike them. I dont blame anyone for it, it’s just something that happens sometimes and no one can control it. I treat them tnicely and don’t spend time with them that I dont have to. I never assume they’re up to something wrong.

  4. For the most part, I think I am the one who irks others. The irked seem to think I am someone else that they need to attack for some reason. It’s a delicate game when the other knows no limits. I usually give them something to attack so they can feel better about themselves. For example, I was at a job where the attack dog had a following so it could become irked group vs me (and yes that irked me at times). I placed my pack of smokes and lighter on my desk so they could attack that and get it out and feel better about themselves. It was a very vicious crowd so one day I just packed up and left. I did not realize that I had been passing my responsibilities onto someone else so that when I left, I was pleased to know that the work was covered. Funny how that happens.

    I had to get rid of the Fuck With Me label on my forehead.

  5. Trying to please the irked people. Irked because I am different and don’t do my life or being the way they think I should. I did decide at one point to try it and be normal and that’s how my life blew up into all kinds of hell.

  6. Scorpio is notorious for repelling people. I am sure people are irked with me too. I don’t pretend to be perfect or perform the way some would like. The person that irks me is deeply bothered by me. Trust me, she wouldn’t go out of her way to do the things she does if she wasn’t irked by me all the time. I just force myself to rise above and ignore her. And, this may even irk her more. The difference is I keep to myself, never making phone calls or showing up where she is *ever* ….I stay away from her purposely and work hard to never have to talk to her unless its necessary. She however makes a bee-line for me. As often as possible, texting, calling…. good grief. I text back one word answers…. still no relief.

    • I forgot how miserable I was in 2013. Sadly if this were forced on me today I would still be irked in 2018. This may be a lifetime of misery for both of us. Crap!

  7. this totally reminds me of my old boss. her sun is square my pluto and my sun is square her pluto. power struggle and subversive conflict. She may have won the war, but I was the one holding her up.. and now, months later, everything is starting to crumble. She has not replaced me. She has lost several of the best team members I had, and everyone who is still there doubts she can keep the mess afloat through the coming season….

    To answer the question: we triggered each other… and when push came to shove, it got ugly real quick. I was enraged by her vindictive nature and spiteful actions. She was intimidated by my ability to lead the group in ways she never could. I was threatened by her beyond reproach status. She used her position to inflict damage rather than garner respect.

  8. Logical Capricorn Moon (in aspect to Uranus!) wants to say, of course it’s my responsibility. However. The people who have triggered me THE most frequently in my life by far, are people who are trying to fuck with me deliberately, or people who just do not give a damn if they hurt me by fucking with me or not. That is my trigger; that causes me the most pain. So saying that, I’m not going to apologize for being triggered with someone trying to bait me. I used to do that. Not anymore. You get what you ask for.

    If someone triggers me unconsciously, I let it go. I wouldn’t even tell them. Historically, telling people that they’ve hurt my feelings gets me absolutely nowhere. I wish this wasn’t the truth, but it is.

  9. If I feel triggered by someone’s thoughts, it’s usually my fault, and it often means that I have to feel more self-confident while listening to another person’s way of being or thinking. It means that there are some personal insecurities I need to patch up, and that I need to work on expanding my comfort zone. The desire to be fair helps me overcome those negative feelings.

  10. Triggers can be traced to the root, which many times goes back years, especially to childhood development. So, to answer the question, I look within, but I don’t place fault on either party – me or the triggering person. And I’m rarely concerned with why someone is behaving as they do, but more to why I am reacting. I also believe all triggers can be traced. Once the root is realized, makes it far easier to deal with in the present, mostly because by diving into the origins, the aspect of self, whatever it is, can be integrated. Any overwhelming feelings from a subsequent trigger can then be minimized because they simply dissipate. Key to all this starts with acknowledgement, I think, then bringing oneself back through visuals (or however you prefer to remember the past) to get to that root.

    • Love what you said… This is how I feel about it. Super thoughtful and always the case, so I’ve learned… Your reaction has nothing to do with them, but you. This is something I learned recently, took Jupiter in the 12th to understand this.

  11. I get to the bottom of it and see if it’s me or them or even better yet someone else. And I only add the someone else because there are some people who don’t mind projecting/gaslighting/manipulating you into being irksome with someone else as long as it serves their purpose. Then I own that feeling if it’s me or send that irksome gift back to the mofo who gave it to me because I refuse to be a puppet or leave the irksome person alone and go.

    Just dealt with this over the weekend and I’m giving the irksome gift back. I just ended a courtship (old fashioned) because of this shit, I’m beyond pissed off, stressed and annoyed. Not saying we would have been forever but it would have been nice try and know and see.

  12. I assume it’s my own fault, I mean, I’m the one being triggered. So the next question is why am I being triggered? I always assume it’s me or on a more broad scale, maybe it’s me showing me something back to myself (yes, I typed that right, hope it makes sense). As for how I handle the situation, like any other, I am nice/respectful to the person and try to figure it out on my own. Now, this is not to say that I always handle it in a classy way (cappy moon hangs head in shame) sometimes I do home and rant about it to the hubs. As for a fear of being rejected or jealous, that’s not usually a problem I have, as while it has taken me a while to get to this point, I am happy being just me 🙂 In regards to my intuition, I try not to ignore it when it’s telling me something,
    Angie

  13. I don’t think of someone being at fault for the feelings, but I have the option as to how I respond if I’m triggered. Although it’s very hard to remember that at times. Of course I analyse what it’s about.
    I have a colleague who triggers me and I’m very clear about the dynamic that goes on. What is much harder is to be open-hearted with someone who triggers me.
    The colleague who triggers me has chosen to sit very close to me in the office so there’s no getting away from it all day every day. Like S & P’s experience, this person is manipulative and bad at it. She’s difficult, there’s no denying that; I’m not the only one who experiences it. I could list a long list of what I see as her problems. But the relevant thing is the kind of lock-and-key response I have and I try to remember that other people handle her with a lightness that dissipates the problem. My irritation in some way is a hanging onto the dynamic. How can I let it go to the extent others do? She may not change, but I might create enough room that the opportunity is there. I admit there’s a repulsion in that concept for me. I don’t want to be open to her. I feel invaded by her. She reminds me of a part of myself I don’t like, of course. Perhaps I was more like her than I care to admit at one point.
    I too try to ignore her and to keep calm and steady. It’s hugely challenging and in some ways only baits her desperation. But it’s the best I can manage at this time. I see it as an opportunity.

  14. …an opportunity I don’t especially want but hey that’s life. I know I’ll grow if I learn to handle it better.

    Sorry to hijack, but does anyone else have difficulty posting on the blog? I find the comment greys out and tries to post itself before I ckick send. Then I have to go out of the site and open it and start again.

    • Hi, Arachne, this is the first I have heard of there being a problem. I have no idea what could be causing.
      The problem with debugging, is people use a variety of devices to go online these days and unless a bunch of people are having a common problem, that I can try to isolate the cause of, I have no earthly idea how to resolve.
      I do know if there are just one or two people having a problem, it is usually on their end…some setting or a firewall or God knows what, because of all the possibilities and all the different devices.

      • Thanks for your reply Elsa. 🙂 I’m not at all surprised that it’s probably at my end. Just thought it might be worth checking.

  15. I don’t know whose fault it is if I’m triggered, the person that got on my nerves until it gave me a complex in the first place I guess.

    Some people are just rude and obnoxious. There are two women at church that can barely stand each other. They get in an argument if they have to be around each other. They both get on my nerves, I can only take one at a time. They also get on other peoples nerves so it’s not just me.

  16. Yes I look at their psyche and my psyche and try not to throw unnecessary blame. That said I definitely remove myself from the situation as fast and quickly as possible. If that is not possible I keep my guard up and of course it’s exhausting.

    Growing up I had a cousin who I couldn’t stand for exactly this reason. I didn’t know if I was the problem or she was, but she always put me on edge, it was very disturbing. So I avoided her. Then when we were in high school, she called me up out of the blue, crying. She had a personal crisis and felt I was the only one she could confide in. I gave her the best advice I could and she stabilized and was able to move on, do what had to be done.

    Years later she contacted me again when I was visiting my hometown, was in a similar situation of feeling like she could confide in me. She was having anxiety issues following her recovery from drug abuse a sexual assault incident. I advised her as best I could then we lost touch again. She’s on facebook but I still avoid contact. She still puts me on edge. I don’t really know why. It’s just always intense when we interact.

      • I don’t know if it’s karmic because I can keep my distance pretty easily, and there’s no eerie recognition or zing I get with others. But hey who knows right? It’s like oil and water to me, her personality grates on me even if she could have good intentions. If there’s anything I learned from her it’s that you really can’t assume you know someone just from sizing them up. A useful lesson for my Scorpio ascendant which tends to categorize / jump to conclusions.

  17. I have thought long and hard about this in the last several years. There are some people that, by their very nature, are just plain rude. That has nothing to do with me! Some energies (people) regard kindness and thoughtfulness (either emotional or action), as a weakness and bulldoze you every chance they can.

    My moon looks at consistencies or lack thereof. If energies from others bounce around like a ping pong table, feeling like a landmine, well, they need inner work; mindfulness and therapy.

    My intuition is my guide! I know when my intuition says, ‘outta here.’

    • Four years later and i still have the same approach, just refined. Im triggered…shit comes up…then it goes. Sometimes the person who triggered me turns out to be exactly what i thought and sometimes im pleasantly surprised. Sometimes ill dig into my psyche or theirs or both, but the rewards to that have proven to be very nebulous for me and not satisfying in any permanent way. Ive found that sometimes owning my triggers, gives an intial sense of empowerment but then that empowerment again, must be surrendered.

      Either way, i take kind of a “hands off” stance to life and this subject. Its not detachment. Its more like non-attachment. Thats how i resolve it.

  18. Your own. Not that you can help it, butt people shouldn’t be censored just because you have a problem with something. So you are responsible for your response. Saying that, I think it is fucked up if people trigger people just to get a response. But in the end, it is still on you. I am currently trying to figure out a situation that is triggering me and another person. I think avoidance might be the best idea for now. Avoid triggering and being triggered.

  19. people trigger me all the time and so do I…some astrologer blamed it on my 5 retrograde planets but I never bought it.I used to feel immediately responsible for that, and for very long…until I started working with my projections and found out that in most of the cases I was triggering myself out of a specific habit which is rooted in my personality.
    as a matter of fact,the triggering itself has turned out to be one of my relationship pattern.some other times the trigger just happens as a bell ringing for something I need very badly to know. I believe in general it has always something to do with some disowned stuff, going back and forth between me and other people…
    and then there are inexplicable triggers, plain energy collisions, sometimes I find out that the other person is energetically really weird on me
    astrology is helping me a lot to manage these interactions, once I can see the other person is simply made the way he/she is,different from me, and I can draw proper boundaries.
    for instance I met a woman who had (and still has) an irresistible,painful pull on me, bordering obsession and stirring anything scary that was deeply hidden inside of me, and she has pluto on my asc.,nobody I knew had this cross aspect, plus many traits which reflect very neglected parts of me, so the whole thing is unfolding a bit and making sense.
    when I can’t make sense , I do my best to walk away from hurting triggerers, and if I can’t walk away..I just try to cope with it by strenghtening boundaries.

  20. I always look inside first, asking what I’ve done to bring this situation to myself. I love Scorpio and Proud’s quote but I still want to punch the other person in the face for bringing me to that lesson, ha ha.

  21. Currently struggling with this at work!! Trying to see what I am bringing to the table and figure out how to fix/change it. But… my bottom line is that I do not tolerate lazy people and bullshitters. The one’s who play the social game really well, don’t do any work, and want all the glory. Says the Cap Sun and Mercury. 😉

  22. yes, this has happened to me. yes, I do look to my own insecurities and sometimes they do trigger them. however, there were more instances than not where my intuition was attempting to tell me something about the person that I just didn’t listen to…at first.

    how has it worked out for me? there was one situation where a new manager was hired at the place I worked. I tried to keep an open mind when I first met her, but right away I knew this would end badly. she was the type of silly female who I detest. it didn’t help that she was younger than me, had all this great stuff going for her in her life. I was at a personal low point, I had just figuratively flew too close to the sun and my wings were extra crispy, so to speak, so that may have played a part in it too. my coworkers, one of whom is a good friend, read the looks on my face and made me promise to keep an open mind.

    I swear to you, I did. I swear that as hard as it was for me to swallow my bitterness at what it seemed like was represented by this female, I did. I truly humbled myself and became the best team player ever, especially with helping her. Because she was…awful. All fluff and no substance. Not management material, not team leader material, nothing. And by awful I mean she would sit on the computer staring at Facebook most of the day.

    And all the help I gave her, all my ideas and my literal work, she ran back and took credit for herself in front of the board and everything. After helping her for weeks, the feeling of humility was replaced by resentment, as she was receiving praise and accolades that I felt should have been given to me! I was so angry I couldn’t hold it in anymore and confessed to my friend. She was shocked. She, along with all my other coworkers, thought this new girl was so sharp and spot on with everything and that her entrance into the position had been so seamless and that she was fabulous…yeah, she was fabulous, but with my assistance….with my brain…my ideas. It all felt just like out of the movie “Working Girl”. It sucked.

    I’m sure you are probably thinking that if I had been such a team player, I wouldn’t have “over reacted” to her riding on my back the way she did, using me like she did. Maybe this is true. But my chart has Venus in Leo conjunct the Midheaven, along with Mars and Saturn in the 10th. I am dead serious and overly dramatic about my career (and lack there of) and Leo being humble? lol…that is truly a challenge.

    Anyway, I think I only tolerated about 7-8 months of her until I removed myself from the job. But at that point it wasn’t just her that was problematic, and it just seemed like the right time to leave. Things in my personal life were still rocky, and I saw an opportunity to exit, and I took it.

    Long story short, I guess my answer is that I eventually end of removing myself from the person or people who trigger me. In some ways they have caused me to examine myself and my faults/weaknesses, but it always seems easier to just leave.

  23. ‘taking on baggage’ is a habbit…also to be aware of how i am perceiving others AND in what they are seeing me is an aquired skill -another skill is to be beyond the effect of perceptions, a detached actor and not a reactor

  24. It is not my present fault.it is my pastlife karma.it has to be completed.in this pastlife karma, you will die so many times without phishical body.

  25. Recently I had an experience exactly along those lines, yesterday, in fact, so it’s fresh in my mind.

    Without going into boring details of the situation, the manager in our apartment complex is this type of a person for me – the one that annoys me (and scares me, and puts me into a state of rage often) just with the mere thought of her.

    Ordinarily my first response is to try and fight whatever slight (perceived or real) she decides to inflict on us. But this time I tried a different approach and for whatever reason it worked out really well, not only did I not get “hurt” as I expected, I even got something I needed without confrontation (I never even saw her).

    And all I did was I accepted the outcome of the situation, whatever it may be. I mean truly accepted. I had to go through the process of grief (briefly, all four stages in 6 days!), but in the end I had to realize that I can’t fight her on this.

    I needed to accept the fact that I just don’t have the energy or the resources to fight, that cards are stacked against me, that my position is weaker and should not be defended. Strategy.

    Once I did that a sort of profound calm came over me, and I wasn’t scared or anxious or angry anymore. No thoughts were endlessly circling inside my head.

    And in the end (and I noticed this pattern from previous experiences) once you accept something truly in your heart not only does the worst possible outcome not “bother” you anymore, the way it actually turns out is much better than you could’ve expected!

    • Even though, you know the truth or outcome.that time you think,I will be calm but not. because your mind or words (mercury) will play a major role unexpectedly.

      • “Knowing” the outcome is not the same thing as accepting whatever comes. We cannot “know” the outcome.

        In fact, it’s probably the opposite, because it means that one has not really accepted anything, you’re still “bargaining with the devil” and hoping he’ll give you what you want.

        Although, more often than not, it turns out that “the devil” was really an angel in disguise.

        p.s. No I haven’t really checked the exact placements. I tend to be of the opinion that astrology is significantly closer to an art than science, at least in our times, so I almost never trust the minute details, and tend to look at the bigger picture instead.

  26. Some people are quietly arrogant, and I can sense that. They’re judgmental of people behind the scenes while smiling to others’ face.

    They put up a ‘Miss Mary Sunshine’ look towards everybody, and everyone loves them. But I can sense their smugness, and I just avoid them like the plague.

    Just because you’re not wearing gold, puffing out your chest, and screaming, doesn’t mean you’re not arrogant.

  27. Since I have learned so much HERE about PROJECTION, I am more inclined now to step back and observe, to try to notice how another person that I find annoying might teach me something about myself.

    In yoga class this morning, the instructor read the words “everything that happens to you is your teacher” and I do believe that is the most productive way to deal with those negative signals from my high and mighty “intuition”

    Always easier said than done, and not to be confused with discerning judgement that actually comes from a functioning brain. Sometimes hard to tell the difference with Moon opposite Mercury!

  28. I used to think it was me projecting – according to psychology that would be correct. But now I know I sense in people their incincerity. I sense when they allow their ego to override empathy, compassion and morality – especially ‘nice’ people who are trying to be something they’re not. The trouble is it’s only me that sees it. My lesson in life, I feel, is not to care so much if someone is corrupt in a minor or unconscious way. It drives me crazy and I need to learn to let it go… Pluto, Uranus, Mars conj in Virgo and Jupiter in 8th.

  29. Wow! Lots of replies to this post, surely hit a sorespot for so many. I have Pluto square saturn at the moment and this is exactly where I’m at, it’s devastating at the moment, – wrongly accused publically! I’m using the stress and soul pain to find the ones and way I can trust. Saturn is square my jupe / uranus conjunction and Chiron is opposite pluto. It’s hell all the squares pushing me hopefully through to the other side. My natal Saturn (being pulverized by Pluto) is in my twelfth house so it’s all smoke and mirrors, everyone looks like they know (grinning and smirking) and I’m in the dark, hell – but this prodding must bring wisdom eventually. I’ll tune back in when I’m through and have found the know-it-all formula.

  30. I think people trigger each other like a chemical reaction. I don’t think one person is at fault. What if One person is a baking soda type and the other is vinegar? Who’s at fault? I don’t think either one is at fault. They’re just different. I have hard aspects that triggers a storm like Saturn square Sun/Mars or Sun/Mars square Moon in Scorpio. So if anyone has anything in their charts that trigger this, I go to war. People with Capricorn Mars/Suns, Scorpio Mars, Cancer Moons/Suns, Aries Moons/Saturns has triggered the worst in me. Bad chemical reactions lol

  31. It’s me! Obnoxious people don’t irk me – they’re just annoying. When I’m irked by a particular person, I have to ask myself what do they have that I feel I’m lacking. The best remedy is to get to know them better– they’re just human, with their own set of problems. Once that happens, the irritation usually disappears.

  32. It’s a combination of things.

    1) Synastry. People who have planets in harsh aspect to another will cause irkedness that’s difficult to overcome. Thus, “triggering” one another just by being in each other’s presence. A good example is one of good friends cannot be around her MIL without being pissed off about the subtle manipulations. Reason: Her Mars conjunct the MIL’s Moon. In Scorpio, no less.

    2) Projection. You can’t/won’t confront your own insecurities/demons/skeletons so when another flaunts it or challenges it, you flip out and blame them for making you “feel bad”. You see this with homophobia in closeted folks.

    3) Attention seeking. I have an actress friend who, when she’s bored, regularly seeks drama. Part of that is controversy posting on social media. So it starts when she posts something is a hot button topic and giving her “strong opinion” about it. She thrives off it while pissing multitudes of people off. I had to unfollow her after awhile but we’re still friends. She’s better in person. ?

    3)

    • 4) Intuition. I’ve had people who irked me for seemingly no reason. Couldn’t understand why until later when I learned, while they were nice to my face, were big backstabbers and gossiping about me, thus sending up my spidey senses. Others, I’d learn horrible secrets that’d come out later. Things like they were abusive with their significant others.

  33. i have thought i was being judgy. but time has shown that i’m usually right… that something in the dynamic wasn’t good for me. so i listen to it more these days

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