Conflict & A Lost Cause

Saint Jude Anthony Van Dyke 1599-1641Recently I got into a conflict with someone. The person thinks they are right. There is no question in their mind. They would not imagine there would be a question in anyone’s mind that they are right.  Yet here I sit, questioning.

A person can be unusual. Their view can be unconventional. It’s possible that the unusual person is right, even if it’s not apparent to most. In this case, I am the unusual person, and I think I am right.

A friend told me she felt my situation was a “lost cause”. I’d not be able to explain myself, basically.

I hope she’s wrong about this. She is usually not wrong, but I still hope.

Some years ago, I was in RCIA. That’s Catholic education for adults. I asked people (in the forum on this blog) who they thought I might choose as a Patron Saint. There were a lot of responses and it was super interesting.

One of the people said they most associated me  with Saint Jude. He’s the Patron Saint of Lost Causes.  I did not choose Saint Jude as my Patron Saint, but I understood the connection.

Considering that and considering reality,  I struggle to believe that anything or anyone is a lost cause! I can’t come to that conclusion with my psychological make-up.

I don’t care how old you are, how smart you are, or how experienced you are. Even if you really, really think you are right, you may not be. There are always things you’ve never thought of or considered. This is true for all of us.

Sometimes it’s an outlier who has the key.  It’s because they pick things up in their weirdo travels.

This is a Jupiter / Uranus / Pluto topic. A a person can be transformed (Pluto) by exposure to an outside (Uranus) perspective (Jupiter). When you’re not open to one, you risk becoming “a lost cause”.

Who can speak to this?

pictured – Saint Jude (Thaddeus),  Anthony Van Dyke, 1599-1641


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Conflict & A Lost Cause — 26 Comments

  1. This happens to me a lot. I partake in conversation and an individual rules me out. The initial feeling is of frustration, because momentarily, it is at fault, a lost cause. However, the situation almost always renders, with a little research and/or insistent flavor of taste buds to an outcome that proves at any point in time, words were jot for the birds.

  2. I am often the odd duck, possibly because I love to keep learning and stay open to new ideas, or possibly because I’ve lived and worked in a number of places, cities and countries. More than once, I’ve been looked at askance for an idea or opinion, even ignored or laughed at. In the end, people circle back to me and ask me to implement my solution or educate people re the reasoning/facts behind my thoughts, or “uh, can you help me?” so the projects can move forward or the issue can be redeemed. I think: some people/groups will always be shut down or closed, due to fear of other thoughts or outside info and fear of change, and also, well, a measure of comfort-induced laziness. So I assume that’s their journey. I stay open to all input because you never know when you’ll learn or find gold. It benefits me; my friends and many coworkers or clients and I have had long conversations about this (similar life paths in some cases) and why the most random source can be the beautiful brilliant source of thought. That said, I see the comfort today people have in remaining shut down and in fixed, closed, non-learning spots, more and more. I really wonder about it. My friends and I have all noted this sort of shut down effect, and see how it’s harming businesses or orgs while cloaking as the safe, sensible way to exist. Sure enough, after enough stagnation. we get called again for a boost out of the hole. The call from a marveling friend, “you were right…” The org saying, “uhhh….can you come back?” Maybe some people/groups are just not wired to be open to new info. We’ve watched companies fail before our eyes rather than implement simple, cheap, little changes that could save them many headaches. “We always do it this way; this is how it is; somehow it will work out….” Then we watch them wither up. Anyone can be wrong. Anyone can be right. We all bring something to the table worth knowing. My chart indicates that I’m a searcher from the start, so maybe that’s why I feel this way.

  3. I’m a Scorpio sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising. For me it all depends on what the discussion is regarding. For example, if we’re talking something like religion or politics I am open to hearing what other people have to say even if I might not ultimately agree with them. My best friend and I for example share different beliefs; I am very firm in my views while she remains uncertain and searches, but we can talk about them and there is mutual respect. However, I can be rigid in other areas. For example, at the moment she is currently waffling between whether or not she wants a divorce; her estranged husband has been diagnosed with a disorder that will be life-long and can be potentially dangerous. They are currently separated and attending counseling due to controlling behaviors and violent tendencies that were surfacing before she left. She hopes that with medication and therapy they will be able to reconcile (she is Aries and he is Sagittarius so there is a strong connection there), yet maintains firmly that should he have an episode in the future, she will at that time end the marriage for good. She is unwilling to give up on him without knowing she has exhausted all avenues to try and save the relationship. While I understand this, I know, that I know, that I know how this is going to end. I have insane foresight and like the friend you mentioned, Elsa, I am seldom wrong. I have had a very strong gut reaction about this since she started talking postponement of the divorce and there is nothing I trust more than my gut (nor is there anything she can say that will change my mind and get me to come over to her optimistic point of view.) As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a matter of if her husband will eventually have another episode but when — so to me she is delaying the inevitable and I’m a cut to the chase type of person. We’ve been at odds about this, she wants me to be supportive, but it’s hard to lend my support when I can see the future so to speak. I’ve elected instead to try and bite my tongue, but unfortunately that’s kind of like watching someone you care about walk in front of an eighteen wheeler while refusing to do anything about it. Sucks, but it is what it is.

    • Of course you may not be right all of the time, but strongly Neptunian / Scorpio with incisive Aries, I am not believed lots of the time about what’s coming or who isnt the person they appear to be. It’s a bit lonely. Sometimes I get it wrong, but not often.With super antenna it’s better to have convictions than just keep your head down, to avoid being pushed out by narrow hearted / minded people. A proper ram! But it can be wasting of your life force. I have found most extreme cases of this in charity organisations, as if the moral nature of the work is a shield of honour not to change or grow, to protect the mask, the cushy positions. I doubt if I will find a right fit in the 9-5 world, hey ho, but I wouldn’t swap, I feel it’s a gift. I wonder which saint you chose, I have Teresa de Avila, I chose well as a child. An Aries who blazed a pioneering trail, waddya know!

      • Daughter of a royal house, who liberates herself, and heels those in mental pain. An inspired, wonderful choice. My reply below is for Sharli : )

    • Poor girl, he is probably stronger than her, maybe she can’t picture life without him, a Sadge with a big personality can burn a ram girl to a crisp. But the ultimatum is a really good sign, so hang in there, she is lucky to have you.

      • @ Star Girl — Thanks 🙂 She’s driving me crazy at the moment, but I love her to the moon and back and would do anything for her. She has a lot of Pisces in her chart; always looking to “save” the lost creatures whether animal or human being. I guess I should be glad that she doesn’t give up on people because Lord knows I’m not always easy to deal with LOL! She’s admitted that she’s not sure whether she misses him or the companionship itself, but regardless she’s admitted to feeling guilty as though she didn’t do enough to help him prior to leaving. Right now they are living separately and both their counselor and psychiatrist have recommended they maintain this arrangement for the next year at least. My concern is that his disorder will forever be an excuse for his behavior. I can only hope she sticks to her guns and leaves for good if he becomes violent again. The Aries women I’ve encountered are some of the strongest I’ve known so I have no doubt she can stand on her own without him if she’d give herself enough time to get past the loneliness.

    • Hi,
      I’m also a Scorpio sun, Leo Moon and Capricorn Rising.
      Sorry to change the subject, but, are you feeling this saturn transit and these cardinal issues?

        • Yes, TT, but mostly indirectly. Everyone around me that I am close to is struggling right now or going through some storm in their life and I’ve always been the one people run to with their troubles so I feel like I am carrying the burdens of everyone around me. I am also very empathetic and intuitive so I pick up on my loved ones’ emotions and get inky feelings when they’re headed down the wrong path. As a result I’ve been very drained of energy and sort of in a slump myself, but it hasn’t been caused by anything going on in my life specifically. I feel like a dumping ground. I’ve told my husband I feel like a dry well that everyone has just taken and taken from, and I don’t really have anything left to offer. I actually took time off work to crawl into my hole and have a brief pity party. I’m feeling a little better now, but if the issues affecting everyone else could smooth out a little, that would be fantastic.

        • Sharli 🙂
          I relate when you tell about being drained of energy.

          Things are being more direct for me. Consequences of my responsability, or the lack of it.
          I think i’m feeling the ‘what goes around comes around’ effect.
          And is getting my core!
          I need to make big decisions but at the same time i feel so tired and emotional… everything is so sloooowwww
          I’m 26, maybe is saturn return coming across.
          A couple of days ago i was convinced i was 27. I smiled and thought about old saturn.

          Sharli, hope you restore all your energy!! all the best for you!

  4. I get this with my family and health issues.I can intuitively diagnose and prescribe natural treatments for all that ails my family. Yet it takes shelling out big bucks visiting specialists to get a second opinion before they consider that I know what I’m talking about. My mother in law is very timid and I suspect my husband never learned to trust a woman intuition. So be it.

    • High-5 Satori! I remember being told not too many years ago, “Sure you can do that … if you think the sky’s falling.” This was coming from someone I had called ‘friend’ and a person who is looked to in many high places, for she is a wheeler dealer of big investments. The comment was made to me when I was homeless and a lost cause; and was choosing to pull the last of my resources out of stocks right before the shit hit the fan. This friend was being sarcastic when I told her we’d put the money into a few silver dollars; and yes, stick ’em in our socks instead of our stocks::smirk::
      Today, the silver in our socks has built our own sort of Howl’s Moveable Castle, and we know that homeless and lost is not within reach of miracles! Yah, Satori. Compassion comes with being on the move, and is what I turn to when I am slipping on the banana peel of the high-and-mighty thinks-she-knows-it-all. I have way too much Capricorn in my Scorpio for staying a lost cause.

  5. I relate a lot to the idea of lost causes, to me they show different levels or perspectives in attaching our energy to listeners don’t generally understand what i get so passionate about.
    I’m chiron conj sun and a powerful, though unbalanced pisces mercury, so I tend to communicate compulsively and in most cases my emotional energy overwhelms the listener, far beyond the literal meaning of my takes time before someone takes in what I say,even opinion on trivial issues.I also have a story of dismissing parents, so I learnt that whatever I could say would meet resistance or,at best, indifference.I don’t care if something I put my energy in is labelled as a lost cause, more easily I insist on it!natural rebel, uranus opp.sun and conj.jupiter.
    and, most of all:”lost” according to whom?
    I’m in constant search for truth, and the most uncomfortable ones have been told to me in the hardest way,so I’m always looking forward to the next provocation to see if something true is held there inside for me.moon in 9th,constantly broadening my horizons.the lessons I’m learning now are about grounding myself(no earth),but I’m very careful about not buying into prebuilt ideas of what’s right to defend and what’s not
    I’ve been more than once compared to Don Quixote for this attitude of mine

  6. A neat kid, 16 year old autistic son of friends and I spent a couple hours watching “South Park”, episode after episode. He asked me if I would sit with him and just watch TV. So, we watched. I cracked up at the obvious, because it’s a funny show. He cracked up at times that I didn’t see anything funny. I asked him what he was laughing at and he described how the writers had put the show together. He was seeing a different dimension than I was. His laughter came from a deeper place and I didn’t have access to it.

    My brother is kind of autistic but we came from the 50’s and autism wasn’t defined but it was “something”. He and I can tap into a dimension of laughter that can lay me on the floor.

    All 3 of us can be written off as lost causes.

  7. Hi, I have got into an argument with a friend of 10yrs. I was with a man for 16 years I absolutely adored him but he has serious issues due to abuse as a young child. My friend constantly said negative things about him and though he constantly kept coming back to get back together she said he was using me into the ground. I became so run down put on alot of weight and became depressed. This man turned up at my house to try to persuade me to get back with him. My friend also turned up to pick something up. My friend virtually threw herself at him and was so excessive i was gobsmacked (she advised me not to give him too much attention as he was similar to her ex a narcassist personality disorder person). Days after this man i was with turned up and said he only kept coming back because he hoped we would get back together but said there was too much water under the bridge! he had being doing this for such a long time i was shocked.
    After my friend exploded on the phone she left
    I asked my friend calmly about her behaviour and she screamed and went made on the phone at me. She then left a christmas present and card at the door for christmas but wouldnt answer her phone. In the end i contacted her but she was really obnoxious and told me she didnt want me ever to contact her again.
    My point is if u have a friend who has said horrible stuff about a man your with and has made it clear they dont like them, who has also told you how they are abusing u, then surely i am right to query her behaviour towards this man. firstly after all the negative things she said it would indicate she is untrustworthly and lacks integrity (which means i dont trust her anymore) or it would indicate something was going on with my ex and my partner. My friend put the complete blame on me and said i need to sort my head out. She said she did not do anything wrong and loads of people think i am out of order. yet i have not seen this man since she acted towards him as she did, and now my friend doesnt want anything to do with me. I cant tell who is right or wrong but i do know how she behaved really shocked me, u would have thought she was the person with him not me and he did virtually fall over himself to carry her things to her car for her. i feel very confused

  8. sorry there is a sentence u need to take out as it dont make sense in between two paragraphs ‘after my friend exploded on the phone she left’ sorry!

  9. Isn’t truth a matter of perspective. Instead of thinking in terms of right and wrong let’s embrace that everyone is speaking from their own experience and that is their reality.

  10. I don’t believe in ‘lost causes’, mostly because I just truly believe that everything has value or merit in one way or another. Maybe not to me, but someone. Besides, it’s common to me, to keep the idea (of the lost cause) in my head and some years later find use for it.

    I also second what Satori said, then again, I’ve got a lot of water in my chart and see how things work in cycles. Something thought to be on it’s way out, recycles and comes rushing back in with a new tide later on (takes time-cappy/Saturn) in some cases to be great or even better than the original cause.

  11. I think it’s kind of funny how many people are married to their points of view. I have lots of opinions, you can take or leave them, I don’t get personally affected if someone sees me as out to lunch. I write for a living, I don’t care if the every draft comes back covered in red ink or all of my ideas are shot down. Ideas are just ideas. Ideas are fluid. I don’t tend to see others as out to lunch, either, just having a different lens through which to view life based on their experiences.

    It’s an ego thing, if you don’t take yourself very seriously then whether what you know to be true is, or not, or can’t be determined, really matters at all.

    Virgo stellium, I guess I’m just here to serve LOL. It’s sometimes advantageous to have a markedly mutable chart.

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