I was immediately aware of both the depth and breadth of what had happened. You know how a person can get hit hard and fast, and then the effects reverberate out? For years? This is that kind of situation. You kind of have to say, “Well that’s it.” And it is shocking.
I talked to my friend, at length. At first I had to let everything register, but I eventually started calling it like it was, and you know me. I’m candid!
I caught myself a few times. I wondered if I should shut up. I finally asked her.
“Is it okay to say this? Is this bothering you?” Because I was telling her what she could expect after being hit like this. I clearly thought there was more to come.
She said she wanted me to talk. She said it was good for her, so I continued to share what I could discern.
The conversation ended well. A couple days later, we spoke again.
She said that whenever something bad happens to her – real bad – I always say something that makes her feel better. She described this a bit more and it hit me.
“Do you know where that comes from?” I asked. “I know where it comes from.”
“It comes from playing cards. When I played cards, I always wanted to win. I wanted to win so bad! So I’d sit at the table and as the cards were dealt, I’d think, please, please, please give me some good cards. I want some gooooooooood cards for me!”
“Yeah, I was always wanting to be dealt the best cards of my life. Everyone wants great cards in their hand and sometimes you get them. I have had some marvelous hands dealt to me but sometimes you’re dealt terrible cards. You think, oh man! Look at these crappy cards! These cards are crap!”
“But you still play them. What else can you do? You wanted good cards, you didn’t get them and it’s just too bad, isn’t it. You’ve still go to play them. So that’s what I am thinking, when I talk to you. She’s got crappy cards, what should she do?”
If you want to learn about card playing (and life), it’s in my book: Heaven, I Mean Circle K.
I think you’ll be surprised.
What do you do when you’re blind-sided by trauma?