What Motivation Does A Man (or a Woman) Have To Marry In 2013, 2014, 2015..?

This was one of the things we discussed on vacation, topical because Saturn is in Libra.

What do you think motivates a man to marry in this era (provided you think motivation exists)?

What motivates a woman to marry?

Do you think anything has changed in the last 20 or 30 years?

What do you think the future holds?

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What Motivation Does A Man (or a Woman) Have To Marry In 2013, 2014, 2015..? — 21 Comments

  1. I was just thinking this. These days, women are financially independant,and don’t need a man. I think men marry for kids, and home ownership.

    I have no idea why women marry. I figure to be with a man who is not going anywhere, as if marriage is a guarantee (insert sarcasm)

    I hope the real reason is because they fell in love. I do think some people get married just because they are ready, and then they meet someone else who is ready. If they want the same things, at the same time…..you know, that feeling of destiny.

  2. Well, men used to marry so they could have sex and a family but now sex is readily available and people are not that interested in raising a family (American), at least not until the woman hits 30-ish and her baby clock kicks in. It really is radically different. I was talking to my stepson (late 20’s), and marriage etc. is just not a priority among his peers.

    So the next question is, if you don’t want a traditional home and family, what do you want?

  3. I love this topic.
    I feel as if the theories revolving why people get married are about to re-written and upgraded..even more. The reasons people get married today are different that the reasons they used to get married in the past. Even as near as 20-30 years ago. You don’t have to be married to have kids on a social level anymore..POW that shoots that reason. In the recent past, however, many found that living together still reaped the same financial benefits BUT without the partner’s credit (or your own) history causing devastating effects to the credit of both.
    We are no longer a one bread winner nation and are more financially codependent than dependent. It is no longer fashionable to get married for reasons of lineage..unless you are royalty and even then with the proper “good reason” you are excused rather than beheaded.
    Employer benefits are extended to “significant others” and “partners” now instead of “spouses” BAM..that shoots that reason in the foot.

    Have the reasons changed. They are currently evolving and I’m just curious to see how that works out..lol

  4. good question, and totally agree, women give it away too easily these days. I have no idea how this would play out. I guess being single longer is more appealing, and in the long run could make marriage more stable when they do decide to marry. My dad always said that people shouldn’t get married until they are atleast 30. Maybe the later people marry, the better families will be. Children could benefit from this too.

    I knew so many people who married young, and they are all divorced except one. They had kids young too.

    That is kinda wierd, he’s in his late 20’s…that’s totally new to me.

  5. I think it comes down to how you view marriage and I view it as such: When I get married it will be not only because I love my man – that only takes you so far – but also because it’s official and I mean it. In other words, I wouldn’t marry just anyone, and I wouldn’t ever intend on divorcing because things get tough. If I’m serious, I will show it with this type of commitment – it speaks volumes to me and to society.

    Think, “This is my family, my clan, and I am loyal to them, I will stand by them in the most difficult of times, I will protect and defend them” etc. It’s something I would never allow to break. *And I would only marry someone who feels the same way and has character that puts emphasis on their family and primary relationship.* (Luckily I am with a man who does – so perhaps I am answering this question for that type of man also)

    I realize you don’t have to be married to feel this way, but to me, marriage separates this type of relationship from all others.

    As for how things have changed, I’ve seen it first hand an lived it. To me it felt unstable. I had boyfriends who didn’t mind living with me, but marriage, no way. They’re still not married and are living with their current girlfriends, and have no plans to get married. But I don’t understand why. Why wouldn’t you want to take that step if you’ve found someone you love enough to live with? I think the future will catch up with them before they know it, although I’m willing to admit I could be wrong.

    If you thrive completely independently and just don’t want a relationship, that’s something else, and I just wanted to throw that in there for people who are single at heart.

  6. As a man getting married in September, I feel qualified to answer this question. 🙂 I already have a home, I already have four children from a previous marriage, and my fiancée and I are not planning on having children, so I’m not getting married for any of that. I’m getting married because I feel that a marriage is not just a private contract between two people, but a social act — one that involves the recognition and support of the entire community. When we marry, we are performing a ritual of commitment that is witnessed and enjoined by our families and friends, and that means a lot to us. We’re literally asking them to share our joy with us, and to recognize that we consider each other to be not just lovers, but family. Of course there are legal advantages as well, but that’s secondary.

    And before anyone accuses me of being a hopeless social conservative, please note I’m a pagan Druid, and our ceremony will be pagan, and held on the beach. 😉

  7. I am 30 and 5 of my close friends got married in the last year and a half – 4 women, 1 man; 2 with saturn in libra natally. I think they did it largely as a commitment to the person they love. I personally never thought that marriage made a difference – if you love someone, then you love them – however, I noticed that all of their energy changed after it. It’s hard to describe but it’s as if part of them has relaxed or feels secure in a way that they didn’t before; their energy is more solid and they are literally glowing as a result.

  8. Jeff Lily hit the nail on the head.
    This may sound heretical but I believe (mature) people are marrying today for the purest of reasons–committing to love. It’s not something we should take for granted. After all, the gay community wouldn’t be fighting for the legal right to marry in the States if marriage was nothing more than a piece of paper.
    And, by the way, what the hell is wrong with the American government that it won’t allow gay couples to marry in every state? I find it absolutely ludicrous that so many countries recognize same-sex relationships but not here in America, land of the free. Really?

  9. @ Jeff Lily…(curious) legal advantages???

    as far as people who live together, and not get married. I think it’s possible to feel comfortable enough to live with someone, but not love them enough to get married. There are plenty advantages for the man on this one.

  10. Legal advantages are many, eg providing my wife with health insurance (or vice versa if she ends up with an employer with a better plan), making sure each of us are automatically beneficiaries of life insurance or other assets if we are disabled or die, making sure she has legal guardianship of my children if something happens to me, etc.

  11. imo (for us/my friends) …raising children well.
    eventually men want that, too… particularly as their elders start dropping out through the veil and they begin to feel their mortality…

  12. also, there’s a security in partnership… of a committment to be stand at each other’s back… to a promise of companionship…

  13. this is hard to be objective about because I just ended my third marriage, and I have spent most of my life in one exclusive relationship after another. But the young people I talk to really want to get married, if not right now, then someday, and it’s not really entirely about having kids — although I would argue that this is Neptune hiding our biological imperative so that we’re tricked with a lot of greeting card sentiments into procreating.

    When I say that I’m not saying I’m immune. It happened to me. It will probably happen to you if it hasn’t already. If you look around at the rest of humanity you’ll realize that sometime before 30 *most* people have ended up with some kind of progeny and by 50 it’s practically all of us.

    I believe the drive to pair up and procreate and create small corporations that create more people is in our DNA. I don’t think anything else will work. I think that even when young people say they want something *else* out of their marriage, what they’re really doing, biologically, is making a family, and eventually the babies show up.

    During the sexual revolution there was a huge backlash against the idea of children, families and marriage. But ten and twenty years later…well, people still got married, bought houses and raised familes, all the while apologizing and rationalizing them: ” Well, I don’t really believe in marriage, but I have to do this for my family” — ” We don’t believe in having children, this is all for our joint bank account, plus health insurance is cheaper” — and on and on.

    I think the need to rationalize just confused everyone. The fact is, creating and tending your own family is the whole point of life really. Refusing to participate in it is like refusing to die. Eventually something is pushed out of balance.

    So I think marriage will survive. I think if it were possible someone would have come up with a better idea.

  14. the same reason people always married.. no it’s not really true. People probably marry just out of love (in some countries)..or maybe l’m just a dreamer but that’s why l would marry someone!
    There will always be people who will get married and people who don’t (need to) and wont because it’s not in their nature and they don’t have to these days. It’s a free choice for more people now! We live in different times indeed but there are always romantics/traditionalists who want to get married.

  15. There’s a side of me that could get married just because of love. I have not been married but lived together for some time just because of love and because I need/enjoy the closeness/ fellowship. But I think I could never be in a traditional relationship. There has been only a person in my life who caused me those kind of feelings (to have a traditional relationship) but our relationship was not traditional. I like my freedom and my time is a precious thing. I really enjoy people who puts real happiness and true feelings above society’s stereotypes.

    I’ve heard something one day: Those who think dont get marry, those who get marry dont think. lol

  16. You guys are overcomplicating things with your answers. Humans generally make lifetime commitments so they can offer a stable environment to raise offspring. A partnership is the most solid way to ensure the survival and successful upbringing of children. Humans are not beyond basic requirements of nature, such as the desire to reproduce. Sorry.

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