What Makes A Person Frustrating To Deal With?

jupiter headMany people don’t mean what they say. Maybe they don’t know what they mean or what they think but they say things anyway. Maybe this is conscious, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s malicious but maybe it’s not.

I’m talking about people who are consistently inconsistent in their belief, their thoughts and their actions. People say they’re for “this rule” or “this law”, but they’re willing to make one hundred exceptions to the thing so no one knows where the line is.  Many think there should be rules for some, that do not apply to them. They act in opposition of what they claim to believe on a daily, if not an hourly basis.

Don’t cheat…except in these cases.
Don’t steal…except when stealing is justified because of x or y or z.
You shouldn’t do this…unless it’s convenient or you’re having a bad day.
You’ve seen the behavior, it’s common.

We’ve been studying this around here for a couple of years and one thing we’ve realized is that people who live like this are miserable. They’re just plain unhappy because it’s impossible to be happy when you’re that damned lost.

Do you have core beliefs? Are your actions consistent with them and does this affect your happiness?

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What Makes A Person Frustrating To Deal With? — 19 Comments

  1. I admit to being a hypocrite in some ways. The recycle conserve energy don’t get plastic bags at the store kind of stuff.. Sometimes It’s lazy and I’ll blame the manufacturer for the packaging and still throw it away. Didn’t wash out the cans to recycle because of the mess so I threw it away…

    Sometimes I just feel guilty throwing away 5 bags for a paper wrapped burger. Do it anyway.

    Two wrongs don’t make a right. I get this too.

  2. Say one thing, do another. Say one thing, do another. Say one thing, do another.

    It’s predictable the same way someone who does what they say they are going to do is predictable.

    The difference is one of those people is happy.

    This really is something to catch on to. I think you’ll be amazed.

  3. Sometimes people do what’s convenient, instead of considering their long-term happiness. Some people are on auto-pilot, all the time.

    Then there are some with either boundary issues or a strong Libra influence, who are willing to at least understand another’s situation enough to refrain from passing a blanket judgement.

    And then there are the Mutables. It’s fascinating to see their behaviour and judgement change, with the company they keep.

    I find that it’s better to be a detached observer of these things, rather than passing judgement and becoming angry about it. In my experience, it’s the ones who are constantly irritated by what others think and do, who are the most miserable; when they are happy it’s fleeting at best.

  4. I am quite mutable…and in the last few years, I have noticed that. I am really working on being my true, authentic self. A lot of the time when I said I would do something, be somewhere, whatever, is because I did not want to disappoint someone. Well, being mutable, sometimes I did not show up, or do what I said I would do. NOW, I really think about it, and almost ALWAYS say no first, and then if I feel like doing it, I will say yes later. I hate to disappoint people but I hate the feeling of being put-upon worse. I really am listening to what my gut says about something before just jumping in, which is what I used to do when I was younger. This makes me be more selective and not have as many friends as when I was younger because now I am not a “yes man”…I am happier this way. I hope that may shed some light on this…

  5. Sometimes people are in the process of analyzing belief systems or searching for what they believe in or what they don’t believe in. Yes, I agree, sometimes it’s not malicious. There was a time in my teens where I was switching from belief system to belief system because I was searching. By 25 I was a lot more stable.

    Still, I’d be smart and watch my back anyway though.

  6. A lot of predictable people are happy because they enjoy the predictable. (I’m not talking about trustworthiness, just that their behavior is very very predictable compared to others around them.) And they are very annoyed by people who are unpredictable, and vice versa.

    I have met some people who try to be consistent but are as miserable when they toe the line as when they cross it, as well as some people who are all over the place and miserable too. Not sure if they are more prone to be unhappy or if it’s because they can’t stand predictability and are unhappy trying to meet strict rules.

    But I have met people with more complex rules who are happy and satisfied with their personal rules among friends and like-minded people that may not make sense to the conventional public at large. People have varying tolerance for complex rules. What looks inconsistent from one angle makes sense from another, especially from a cultural issue. Some things make no sense until you understand the framework and values behind it. As an example, in some places you smile and nod and say what is acceptable so as not to get put on a hit list, and then do what you think is right. Is that hypocritical or fear of backlash or even a smart tactic in a hostile environment? I can’t say they are miserable because of their actions or their mass culture promotes misery. How much leeway do they have? Would they be happier speaking out? Depends on their personality and ability to handle the repercussions, I think.

  7. I was better with Saturn in Virgo, than Saturn in Libra. Once it hit my 12th house… and if I hadn’t had someone messing with my head the whole time, I would have been better off. they literally broke me, and I’ve been trying to hold things together/put things back together ever since. People’s judgement makes it worse. I gave up for a while, and am trying to not do so again.

    I broke my rule of not watching anything online, when it came to things that I’d get out of the library eventually. that’s the only rule I broke, aside from getting my boundaries flattened by the persob I mentioned above. when you feel like you’re sinking, and people are pushing you away – like pulling your fingers off the edge of the boat – it’s hard to maintain dignity and boundaries.

  8. I think this is what some call “Walking the Walk and talking the talk.”

    I have a very mutable chart and I am comfortable with change – but my core ideals and passions stay the same. I can’t see doing things half way and being wishy washy about them (Scorpio Rising – nothing is ever in the middle). And I will admit (much to the dismay of my Virgo) that I am not perfect and often forget to throw the reusable bags in the car on my trips to the store. 🙂 That does not mean I am caught in the middle though – I stand by my green living and I don’t compromise on this. As is the same with lot of other issues and passions I have and I stand by them. I realize others don’t have the willpower to do this and hey, I can’t change them. But I refuse to be wishy washy – the indecision would drive me crazy!!! (I think its a Scorp thing really)

    Kinda of funny because I do have Mercury in Libra who are famous for lines like with “OR” or “BUT” in them and yeah, I do do that but only for giving other opinions not with my convictions. Than my Virgo weights the pros and cons and makes a decision.

    Too much compromise and indecision on certain things makes for a weak person who just does not care.

  9. Two people immediately sprang to mind – my Dad, who’s the most passive-aggressive “yes man” I’ve ever known. It’s his entire way of being, truly something to behold.

    The other was a friend who was nearly a pathological liar, but in her mind she had reasons for it all and thought she was a good person.

    Both are Aquarius suns, though I’m not tarring the whole sign with the same brush and realize it depends on the whole chart.

  10. Used to be able to say staunchly stuck to core tenets and beliefs, no longer since this year

    All I can say is that until your beliefs are tested to the absolute limit no one can say “never”

    I’m less judgemental now too, walk a mile….

  11. doing, evaluating (thinking), saying = mars, venus, mercury… maybe the relation between these planets in the chart can give some clue? the extreme case when you say one thing, mean something else and do a completely third thing = 90/180 with mars? not easy to do what you think is right and what you say… i guess it also depends what goes before the sun, so if mars rises before the sun, you act first, think later, something can be dominant and unbalanced etc. i’m curious about cases with mars/ven conj = i have this with conj uranus in progression = experimentation, testing yourself and others by doing exactly the opposite of what you know is good just to check it, feel more free, understand what is possible etc.

  12. I completely agree that these kind of people are very miserable and they’re usually the eternal victim types as well. Always an out, always someone to blame.

  13. “Don’t cheat…except in these cases. Don’t steal…except when stealing is justified because of x or y or z. You shouldn’t do this…unless it’s convenient or you’re having a bad day. You’ve seen the behavior, it’s common.”

    I am like this. And I am quite happy and wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Been trying to be brutally honest lately and I was going to comment and push my belief/value in honesty but I think it’s OK to lie in certain situations.

    So I believe in context.

    Experience and life lessons will help when deciding what to do in whatever situation you are pressed with in the present time. I think it also depends on what you want out of a situation/relationship or life.

    I also believe karma so no point in blaming anyone else for your choices.

  14. My mom totally does this. She has no self-awareness whatsoever. In the moment she is completely convinced of such-and-such, but that will change when her mood does.

    I am one of those “living lie detector” sorts of people because I can tell if you believe what you say or not. My mom believes it, but there’s always this ping of wrongness behind whatever she’s saying.

  15. I don’t know if this has to do with a person’s willingness to make exceptions as much as having a mismatch between one’s internal narrative (about the world or one’s identity etc.) and reality/behaviour. I definitely think a mismatch will lead to misery – from my understanding of Buddhism, that’s the primary source of human suffering.

    A major mismatch could easily lead to inconsistent behaviour – especially the case when there are multiple, conflicting narratives that are not integrated with one another. Having said that, a mismatch could also lead to a total opposite – 100% consistency in a narrative that does not allow a person to adapt meaningfully to circumstance. Also a huge source of human misery.

  16. I think the problem here is on one level morality is absolute a la Kant, but on the plane of reality as we understand it, transcendence is rare and thus the rules become a little more situational–the difference between what should be done and what is done.

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