What If You Want Passion *And* Stability?

mars god of war“…Passion thrives on impediment!   This can be a problem when you want both a thrill AND stability.

I’m not saying it can’t be done. I am saying that I doubt it can be done without consciousness on your part…”

I wrote that for a client with Aries and Scorpio in her chart. She also has Taurus…

Do you have a similar challenge in love?

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What If You Want Passion *And* Stability? — 22 Comments

  1. I absolutely want this…well, similar. Virgo Moon sq. Sag Venus. I want novelty, need routine. Add in Saturn and Neptune for extra fun – I want my dreams to come true in reality.

    I have achieved this in the past, it is tricky, tricky, tricky, and at times turned out in ways that didn’t feel good. Consciousness is a *must*.

  2. I cannot wait for the comments on this one. This topic surfaces repeatedly lately. When I was in the game I never thought about stability at all. I just ran it out. And that turned me into nut case eventually. It was probably that ‘men are just dessert’ book programming or something. The thing is some desserts were just not good for me. Oh that would be the thing, obsession about someone they know is not really good for them. But they feel they have to have em. Obsession depression obsession depression is what it looks like to me. They do call it passion. Perhaps they have mistaken insanity for passion?

  3. I agree with Notch. I think it starts off as passion, as we define it, but it cannot maintain. Like a drug, this first bit of a high. Then you need more to get the next high… turns into the vicious cycle described. I’ve reached a point in my life where I can see the drug like dependency in all my romantic relationships. Looking for a higher love as Steve Winwood sings it.

  4. I think one has to get over fantasy-thinking to achieve this.

    Being pumped that the life you have is real, and worth having, as opposed to pining for Prince Charming/Somewhere over the rainbow.

    I don’t open up easily, and so I need a committed partner and stability to feel passionate. Not just infatuated or excited. PASSIONATE.

  5. Story of my life… Aries/scorp/Pluto/8th here… It can be done, but there’s no way until you are conscious like you say. You have to really know how to find stability internally. Thankfully I have Saturn on the ic…

    It takes maturity and a lot of self reliance to do this successfully.

  6. lol
    I had to learn that stability does NOT equate with boredom (and thus death). I am very glad that I can find my something new (aries) anytime, anyplace. I can also speak up before I get me stuck into demanding that I be entertained, and when the thoughts are smaller and thus better managed. Stability for me is having those close to me that are built to take me just how I am. They speak up when or if it looks like I might be in a space to steamroll them and they don’t run away. They engage my passion in whatever form, even if it is to view it from a safe distance and then announce that these things happen to all humans, redirecting me to consider this as the new thing, preventing the BOOM!

    • Elisa, I know what you mean. My home life is stable and there is no lack of passion, that is for sure. Aries Mars/Venus in 4th opp Pluto. My partner and I both have a ton of fire, and a desire to be happy at home. We were also very restless when younger but have learned to channel it in a healthy way. We rarely argue, which would probably shock both of our exes. lol

  7. I mean self sufficiency. You have to have ALL your shit together. And by that time, there’s no time for fantasy or dreaming because your too busy to to feel like you *need* passion at all. The passion just *is* and its a higher vibrational type of Passion.

  8. Tell me about it. 2nd House Virgo Venus has “stability” written in capital letters all over it, then there’s 9th House Aries Mars which is quite the different beast. I also used to believe passion and stability weren’t a good fit. I thought passion equated drama, uncertainty, and the likes – only to find out such mindset was affected by my childhood issues and the unconscious need to strive for something unavailable. I found balance. I’m in Love and we share both long-term goals, a solid and ongoing bond as well as some mind-blowing sexual chemistry.

  9. yes this basically sums up my life. AC is 24 sag, conj neptune at 25 sag, conj juno and lilith at 1 cap, and capricorn intercepted in my 1H. venus at 5 gemini and mercury at 16 gemini, sun at 7 cancer and NN at 13 cancer intercepted in my 7H, vertex in my 8H in leo, and pallas, mars, saturn, pluto, my moon and my MC in libra. i want love, passion, stablility, commitment, truth, faithfulness, and a family. this must be why im 31 and still single.

  10. Oh man. This post made my eyes bulge because it is exactly what I’m going through right now, and I haven’t had a passion vs. stability problem for years. I’m also in my 30’s and single because I’m afraid if I get married, I’ll lose the passion. But I don’t want to saunter around forever… it’s a huge internal problem right now for me. How? How do I do it? The longest I’ve been with someone before getting “itchy” and trying to sabotage my own happy, stable, relationship is about 2 years. I thought I had it all figured out, and now I’m confused again.

  11. Interesting post. I think you ***can*** achieve balance. Daily life is just that and you’ll have to deal with it eventually. But making time to continue to court one another, do spontaneous things, flowers, music, candles, hidden touches, is a MUST. But this is my possessive Scorp sun and freedom loving Libra Moon and Sag Venus. BUT IT CAN BE DONE

  12. This post makes me happy I was so wild when I was young. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. My partner was wilder than I was. We are happy being homebodies now! And we marvel at how crazy we were and how we survived (sometimes by the skin of our teeth). Now the passion comes from connection, openness, and emotional bravery. I started dating him when I was 32, but we met when I was 19. We were too crazy back then. We probably would have driven each other nuts. You can’t fight fate…

    It’s funny but all of our friends were wild, too. Makes for some hilarious storytelling. I think settling down can be harder for people who have (and have repressed) a wild side. We both really feel like we got everything out of our system so to speak.

    • For awhile I was attracting repressed wild siders. Older women who settled down very young and didn’t imbibe when they were younger. Not really cougars, but women who gave up stable relationships feeling they had missed something. Their mates were their friend and my response was ‘how lucky you’ve been.’ Different strokes I guess. One woman went on high level sexual escapades only to report less than two years later that after awhile they are all the same. And one fantacized about wild romance with men half her age. Well, first time out, the young man played her for everything she had. And even that did not stop her fantasy. Problem was, she was out of cash and twice the age of what she wanted.

  13. Uh…yeah. That explains a lot. The good thing is that when I am ready to start dating again after 17 years of marriage and 2o since my last first date, I can consult Elsa and read the workshop. I don’t really have another 20 to waste.

  14. yep l have those issues…true it can be done with conscious effort of both parties..at the moment there is just stability no passion at all in mine! l find it a very difficult part of myself to deal with. l seem to go for stability always in the end and try to make other areas of my life a bit ‘unstable’ or exciting to compensate…
    transiting venus is opp natal venus and mars l feel asexual, dead inside when it comes to my relationship…never had that before..l hope it will pass if not i don’t know how to revive it!..??
    for now l feel l should let it all rest and trust in life..

  15. sure..something very much like that.tons of fire(sun-mars-venus), active pluto and uranus, the wilder/deeper/hotter, the best, and a moon in 9th..plus libra rising,harmony at all costs
    but the moon, aspecting everything in my chart, is a Cancer!!
    so far I’ve had a hard time trying to put together the need for nurturing, emotional connection, and living the more savage side of feelings, I’m positive on finding(quickly!) a balance without giving up neither…it’s a thin line but worth it
    best

  16. Oh my God, YES! 🙂 I choose stability (7H Taurus Venus) but having an Aries sun, Gem moon, Scorpio ASC, 12H Pluto, Mars Leo… lots of yearning for fire/adventure/variety, with a deep knowing that stability is worth more for the long term. I have battled my whole adult life with this issue. My gut says stable was the right choice. It did begin with passion as well, but over nearly 13 years, the sparkle has waned…

  17. I don’t see stability and passion as exclusive or as things that need to be balanced, but as interdependent. I think it depends on your definition of those terms.

    Like some other commenters have mentioned, I believe that without the stability that comes from trust, loyalty, maturity, committment, etc. one cannot truly surrender oneself to what is wild and free and mysterious. It is more difficult to open oneself up fully to experience the inherent richeness and complexities of love. You simply cannot go as deep.

    The older I become, I try to place less and less value in comfort and predictability. For this Capricorn, such things are not the same as stability and they are not worth investing in. I’d prefer to concentrate my resources in things like (the stability of) being an ethical person and partner.

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