What Do You Really Want In A Friend Or Partner?

tumsweetheateThat’s my son. He’s seventeen now and about to start college.   This is pretty much it, for me as a parent. I’ve tried to instill my values in him along the way. We talked about this, recently.

A few days later, I read something along the lines of how it’s better to use your ears as opposed to your eyes, when picking a partner.  The combination of these encounters led me to realize, at the core of it, I don’t want anything to do with a person who lacks certain traits.

It’s pretty simple, really. I like a man who keeps his word. I don’t like liars. If you’re an unreliable liar, we’re just not going to be able to get along for long, in a significant way.

By that I mean, I’ll be happy to interact with you in passing. But we’re not getting married, that’s for sure. We’re not going beyond a nod or a hi/bye.

I realize there are times a person breaks their word or tells a lie for some reason. Hopefully you know what I mean. Occasions like this would be very rare. The basic character of a person has got to be solid.

Now compare that to your (and my) usual list. Dark hair…makes me laugh…intelligent…”  A person can have all that, plus be rich and whatever else you can think of. None of that would matter it they lacked this core thing I value.

I give this to Jupiter and Saturn being part of my relationship profile. Jupiter is righteous, Saturn, serious about integrity.  Bottom line, I’ll take an ugly man over a dodgy man.

I know this isn’t universal. For example, I know plenty of people who could care less how their partner makes the money, just make it!   And I wouldn’t judge this. My interest is (always) in the individual and the deep truth.

Do you have a core thing that you value in others. Something that you’d not be able to compromise under any circumstance?

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What Do You Really Want In A Friend Or Partner? — 29 Comments

  1. I can’t date someone that thinks too much with their emotions. I like logic, and I like people who can make an argument, and people who don’t put their emotions in front of them all the time. The key phrase is ALL THE TIME. Everyone has their moments, but I mean the extremists who inject every type of bias, prejudice, and projection in their argument. I don’t count people who have been through hell in their life, because that’s a whole other story. I would be emotional too if I’ve been through hell.

    I have Libra rising and Mars in Libra. Also Venus in Aquarius. I like people who are logical.

  2. I’m the same way with lying. Recently, I went on a few dates with a man. On the last date, I caught him in a really dumb lie (his excuse for being 20/30 mins late for our date.) Completely turned me off, and I won’t see him again. Plus, he kept cutting me off throughout the whole date. I think manners, truthfulness and someone who’s willing to experience real intimacy is key for me. Even if what the man has to share is unpleasant or unconventional in some way, I’d wanna hear it because at least then I know he’s being real with me, and that’s a turn on.

    Mars/Mercury in Libra, Venus in Scorpio, and Gem Moon in the 7th house.

  3. It really is different for everyone. My sister in law has a Taurus Moon and Leo mars, appearance is really, really important to her and she ends up in relationship with good looking jerks. She cries and says things like why can’t I find a man who treats women like my brothers. None of her brother’s would make the cut by her appearance standards. All three are very handsome, my husband the most of the three of course 🙂 but she wants chiseled muscles even in her 50’s and her desire for appearance wins out over desire for good character every time

  4. well years ago, I would have taken the really dreamy guy who looks like he could whisk me away and we would live in his castle. (prince charming and Cinderella story) or sleeping beauty where he kisses me from my dream. so wrong! now I realize how important it is to be with someone who is loyal and a good man.

    • 29 Leo conjunct hisband’s ascendant.
      Also, I’m pretty old. Please ladies, look for a generous heart. Nothing compensates for stingy and selfish!

  5. I will not abide ambivalence. If I feel that a man can take me or leave me…it’s curtains. Maybe not right away. Because I’m an idiot. A fool. I follow my heart to the lowest level of hell. Again. Again. Again. It has been the one consistent theme of my life. But eventually it will end. The Scorpio was ambivalent about me. So was the Capricorn. I went through all kinds of hell with my two husbands but never at any time did I think they could live without me. I won’t exchange vows with a man again unless we can exchange vows with tears of joy in our eyes. I’ve already had a preview of that with my current boyfriend. Uranus trines my Venus. I’m hopeful and starry eyed but battle scarred. Casual companionship does nada for me. I have to feel it to my marrow. I guess that’s my tight Mars Pluto square, which I have in common with my boyfriend. Also. Neptune squares my moon tight.

  6. I’m not even going to attempt to answer anything partner related, but it’s funny; I was thinking about this a couple weeks ago in terms of a friend. We had our first misunderstanding since knowing each other, and I have been finding myself more and more stepping back from the friendship we had or could have had, and just allowing it to be something more superficial, just to protect my feelings.

    This has come up a few times in my relationships over the years, and I would have to say…something that I would look for in a friend and partner would be the ability to know and understand that I would never purposefully hurt someone I care about, just to do it. As in, my character is such that I am not a cruel or mean person, and my friend and/or partner would have to fundamentally know that. Knowing who I am, at the most elemental level, would be what I would like to see in a potential friend or partner.

    My entire life, I have been misunderstood by family, friends, lovers. I have ached to have someone come along, who would in an instant recognize *me*, and not think the absolute worst/heinous things about me…I know, this is unrealistic, but I keep wishing for this to happen.

    • Goldie, you are Gemini, correct? I always liked the Gemini Aquarius section of Linda Goodman’s Love Signs and wondered what it would be like to fall in love with a Gemini. Never thought it would happen for me because there’s so much bad blood between me and my Gemini mom and her Gemini husband. But then I met my current boyfriend, Gemini sun and Libra moon. He was married to a Sagittarius and a Libra. He told me that neither one of his wives understood him like I do. The synchronicity between us blows our minds. I’m still struggling but it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I’ve got my demons to conquer. But understanding is a rare, beautiful thing.

    • p.s. one of my favorite YouTubes is of legendary Gemini couple Waylon Jennings and Jessi Colter sitting in the studio together facing each other sings “Storms Never Last.” Gives me chills. And “Maybe I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney is one of my all-time favorite love songs.

        • I love Merle. He’s my all time favorite. My mom (Gemini) and her third husband (Gemini) are deeply in love. They’ve had a rocky relationship but ambivalence has sure as hell never been an issue. Angelina Jolie comes to mind. Gary Stewart. I could go on and on. Anything but ambivalent. And the Gemini I love is the most passionate, intense man I have ever known.

  7. I’d like to add that I’ve never had a consistent physical type. It’s the man’s mind and energy that I am drawn to. If we can’t have intense conversations he could look like Antonio Banderas (my physical ideal) and I’d be made of ice. That’s my chart ruler, Mercury, in my seventh house (Pisces) talkin’.

  8. My tastes have been changing rather strangely. For some reason I’m finding myself attracted to men (and women) 20 years or so younger, when up until now I’ve only ever been attracted to people close to my age [I’m 52 now]. Weird. Venus quinx uranus in natal chart? Neptune squ Venus? Probably not Venus conj Saturn. 😉

  9. Things I can’t compromise on:

    1. Make me laugh. It’s not hard. Just be willing to be silly, geeky, or goofy. Don’t be too wrapped up in the face you show the outside world that you can’t cut up with me. Also, laugh at my goofiness, my geekiness, my silliness.

    2. Treat life like an adventure. Even if the adventure is going for a drive on a Sunday afternoon to see what we can see. In other words, don’t be serious all the time. Serious is good, but not all the time.

  10. Oh and one more thing—be loyal to me. If I love someone I am loyal to a fault. Give me the same loyalty and don’t manipulate or treat my heart recklessly.

  11. Loyalty
    Honest
    Creative
    Knows the shady side of life, capable of and not afraid of going DEEP.

    And most importantly: someone who respects me for who I am.

    Libra Moon in 8th house plus a Saturn/Pluto conjunction in 8th house as well. Four planets in Scorpio, 9th house, 3 of them in a stellium. Lots of Scorpio/Pluto energy.

    My BF is a therapist specialized in PTSD traumas. He’s the man of deep conversations, having seen, experinced and overcomed so much suffering in both himself and others. He’s an amazing creature – and has his sun, moon and Mercury in the 12th house 😉

  12. Maybe it’s Saturn transiting through my 5th talking but I really want to be unshackled from the bonds of my current partnership. I feel like I’ve been trying to run a three-legged race for years while my partner has decided to sleep on the sidelines. Now that I’m exhausted from this tedious effort, I’ve given up and now he wants to run and make good after all this time.

    I’m over it.

    I guess from all this I’ve discovered what I really want is somebody who is either entirely on my wavelength and all in for a full experience or nothing at all. I don’t want to settle for a seesaw of compromise.

    (Sun in the 11th, Mars 10th)

  13. Pretentious, prissy men who are easily threatened by women because they were damaged by their domineering mothers generally irritate me and turn me off. I like a man with quiet confidence and a friendly, warm, genuine way about him.

    • If a man I’m involved with is a good companion, treats me well and we have great sex, I really don’t care who else he may have on the side as long as he’s discreet about it and my needs continue to be met. Never did. I’m more objective than status focused.

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