What Do We Owe Other People?

owe peopleOne of the common refrains in the self-care community is that no one owes anyone anything. This is meant with the best of intentions. It is meant to give people permission to say no. No to plans, no to overwork, no to expectations of perpetual availability. In this context, I think it is a healthy notion! But like most things, when it is removed from its original context, it takes on a life of its own. And that life can be pretty dark.

It seems like this idea has been carried further along its logical track, now being used to suggest that we never owe anyone a return call or a second chance or anything, really, that acknowledges our shared humanity.

And I get it. The sky has been dominated by Saturn-ruled signs for years now. We’re all guarding our resources carefully. We’ve been running on empty for too long and most of us just don’t have any compassion to spare.

But this is changing. Jupiter’s short time in Pisces is giving us a preview of what’s to come. And what’s to come, I think, is a counter-wave of love and community. I know we all have so little grace to give. But think about how it would feel if you were given a little grace right now? Or what about some extra kindness, or a gift with no strings attached? What if someone took the extra time to sit with you when you’re sad or to celebrate your achievements? What if someone said they believed in you fully and completely and that you never have to prove yourself to them in order to be seen as worthy? How sweet would that be?

And the thing about life is that when we give those things, we tend to receive them as well. Our cups are running dry, and they have been for a while. But I don’t think we can fill them by jealously guarding the drops we have left. I think we fill them by sharing what we have and building community. I think we fill them by being there for each other and having faith that others will be there for us. I think the best way to receive love is to give love recklessly and with abandon.

I don’t mean we shouldn’t protect ourselves and our resources. Most of us have learned the hard way that boundaries are for our own protection and that there are some people and situations that will happily bleed us dry if we let them. But that, luckily, represents a small minority of our lives. Most of us are good people trying our best to survive and do right by other people in the process. And we could all use a little benefit of the doubt.

Now may not be the right time. As Jupiter retrogrades back into Aquarius, we will be in Saturn’s territory once again. But when Jupiter enters Pisces again in December, I think we’ll see a sea-change. My guess is that 2022 will be a lot softer than 2021.

Of course, maybe the trend is right. Maybe we don’t owe anyone anything. But maybe we should give anyway. Maybe we should muster all the love in our hearts and spread it around like confetti. It certainly can’t make the world worse, and it might just make it better.

What do you think we owe other people? 

Consult with Midara.



About Midara

Midara has been a consulting astrologer for over a decade. Whether you’re struggling with relationships, personal growth, tough transits, or whatever else, she’s here to help.


What Do We Owe Other People? — 13 Comments

  1. Remember the scene from the movie, Chocolat, when the young priest stands in the pulpit to talk with the congregation on Easter Sunday? The character of the Count, who ‘rules’ the little French village has just broken into the chocolate shop (breaking Lent and breaking all boundaries) and ate his way through all the chocolate he’s been damning since the chocolate witch’s arrival. The intensely edited sermon the young priest should have used never got its final red-marks (the Count was busy with the chocolate).
    Without the Saturn-figure to declare the sermon righteous, the young priest comes up with something like this, “I don’t want to talk about Christ’s divine transformation. I don’t want to talk about his divinity, I’d rather talk about his humanity.” The young cleric goes on to say, “Here’s what I think. I don’t think you can measure our goodness by what we don’t do, what we deny ourselves, and who we exclude.”
    The movie is one of those artistic encapsulations that fills my heart with compassion and forgiveness every time! Life as human can become so separated from life as a being that is not ‘resource’-driven so therefore we don’t get owed any (rewards) for being good or withheld love because we’re bad. The language we use foams with limitations (Saturn) if that is the only form of measure we know.
    I’m in the middle of an incredible experience of remembering how related I am to humans and more-than-humans. This week I am being re-acquainted with my Cloud People. Ancient texts in my Mother’s tongue is challenging me to dig deep, deeper for meaning before uttering the words. My teacher left us with this thought: “When you know you are related to (all those cloud people … and more) you are never alone.” And, you have a responsibility to care for the words you speak. The question and the language is in need of a shift, a slant as poet Emily Dickinson once said. Then, there is no ‘owe’ or ‘ownership’ … then, the real fun and love of living begins.
    You’re pressing some ripe buttons Midara. Whew. xo

  2. We do owe others something. The politeness required for society to remain civil and freedom from persecution. Especially if we are included even passively within the role of persecutors.

    We are all still suffering bad karma from Iraq.

    There are a lot of people that are not respectful towards others and would be the first to play victim if this tendency was to come against scrutiny and pushback. But you only need a few steps for civil discourse to end before violence becomes relevant.

    We’ll see what happens. We are in a time of extreme social change I suspect. One of those rare times when peoples entrenched viewpoints can be strongly challenged. I can’t imagine how the social planet Jupiter going retrograde on a Mercury direct will effect things but it would fit that this would be relevant to social change.

  3. The last 12 months have shown me how selfish and downright nasty people can be.
    The bottom line for me is, we owe it to each other to show respect, care, compassion and love to our fellow planet-dwellers (not just humans) – we’re all in this together!

  4. That was excellent, Midara. You nailed it for me, and I actually felt my shoulders relax as I was reading! Man I needed this. The last few weeks have been overwhelming, and I am not alone. Yesterday was the last straw for me regarding some people who have really been taking advantage of me and I made it clear they’d gone too far…then I felt bad for having to speak up for myself and call them out. Thank you for this, sooo much! You validated it all for me!

  5. This is so inspired Midara. Thank you
    I heard someone say to a friend, “When you decide to give to that person, give 10% more than you had intended.” They felt stretched but knew it was right. It wasn’t about owing anything, it was about giving, and in the end that felt good and right, “like spreading confetti”. 🙂

  6. I think the pandemic and the Gemini North Node’s impact on the collective taught us to locally band together for positive results. I’ve seen it in action in my community.

    • Good point! When the supply chain started to wobble, I was looking for local solutions and businesses because the regional and national ones weren’t reliable.

  7. This is great! It reminded me of the stories with the extra long chopsticks or spoons and people cannot feed themselves. Some struggled to figure out how to use the utensils and perished and others learned that they could feed each other. Maybe through feeding each other, we really do feed ourselves.

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