Why Do We Lose Our Friends?

best friendsSad, isn’t it?

Is there someone out there who you miss having in your life?

Do you think about contacting them?

What stops you?

Can these one close relationships be healed and put back together?

If not, why is this?

Have you ever reunited with a friend after a significant separation?

Is there someone you should call, right now, today?

What’s your 11th house like?

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Why Do We Lose Our Friends? — 53 Comments

  1. 11th house in cancer with moon in Capricorn, 5th house. I miss that person, but wouldn’t attempt bringing them back, as there’s too much bitterness to be forgotten.

  2. When Pluto entered my 11th house in 2007 , it was the most dramatic loss of relationship I could ever imagine. I divorced in late 2007 and the consequences were enormous loss of friendship. I could never have imagined the loss that was to come. The last 8 years have been a time of building more authentic relationships and diving deep into my aloneness. I have Jupiter and Saturn in my 11 th house. I had a quantum leap in my business when Pluto hit Jupiter. Pluto has been opposing my Mars this year and will conjunct my Saturn in the coming year. I’m still standing.

  3. I don’t know what the hell was going on astrologically but Saturn in Scorpio changed almost all my friendships. Friends I’ve had over 20 years are now like acquaintances. I wont say we will never be friends again but I doubt I’ll be the one to reach out. I don’t forgive easily. My 11th house is in Cancer with mercury there. Moon in Aquarius.

  4. 11th house Saturn, and it’s just returned…again. Once last year at Christmas (back into Scorpio) and now again. The house cleaning happens every 7 years as it squares and opposites too, so I’m used to it, As a child I thought it was because of my dad being in military service. The friends who come and go at this time are not going back up on my first name dialing. It seems to be the time I finally say, that friendships are a two way street. It’s sextile Neptune and Mars. So there’s usually romantic relationships involved as well. But if you make it through the fray once, chances are I will always know you and our bond will just get closer some how.

  5. 11th house Scorpio (Libra on cusp) and Saturn purging was tough, but I have some great new friends who appreciate and resonate with me now.

    I’m always the one to reach out but I have an off switch when there isn’t reciprocity, I let the imbalance go on far too long as well.

  6. My 11 house is all Scorpio, it does have Neptune there at the cusp of the 11/12 it’s very thought. Neptune is retrograde though. I seem to have close friends and then they just dwindled off or dissolve I guess that’s the Neptune. When I look back they are all have some weirdness. Sometimes I think I’m better off with no friends.

  7. Yes, it’s sad, I’d agree
    I miss a lot of people in my life but wonder if the relationship really was what I thought it was.I’ve deliberately avoided contacting people for this reason. I don’t know if they’re WORTH healing and putting back together. Time and distance has made most of my friends into strangers over the years. I did reunite with a “BFFE” a while back but realized it is the same dynamic that caused me to end it years ago. I would like to think there is someone I should call today, right now but I can’t think of one person. 11th house Cancer. Lifelong friendships are precious to me but other than family, and I question that, I don’t know if my lifelong friends are actual friends or just remnants from the past. We don’t have much in common anymore. Being friendless pains me terribly but I don’t want to hang onto facades of friendship as a substitute.

    What’s your 11th house like?

  8. I have Uranus there. My friendships tend to have a bit of detachment, if that makes sense. I also tend to be drawn to unusual types at times. Had a friend in high school with cerebral palsy who went around in a cowboy hat and trenchcoat. I had a friend in college who aspired to be a sniper for the Special Forces and another who liked thumbing his nose at the stuffiness of the local culture we lived in. He ate crab apples off a tree on campus and he wrote the most intriguing and loaded poetry. Those people, along with most of my other friends, moved on. Uranus is a rolling stone.

    • I love unusual friends too! Uranus conjunct South Node in 7th.
      My 11th house is all Sag, but empty, opposed by Gem Jupiter in 5th.
      Pluto in Sag literally killed off three of my best friends, but at then end brought a few new ones.

  9. I have a friend I really liked as a teenager, we got along very well, at least in a teenage way. She is in the States now. I can contact her if I wish, but I’m afraid that we don’t have very much in common anymore, so I don’t persue her. (Sometimes I wonder if I miss her, or the idea of our fun friendship, or that time in my life? Probably all three!) I also wonder if perhaps she means more to me than I mean to her?
    11th house Virgo with only Mercury in it & this Mercury has only one little aspect : sextile Uranus.
    But, I wouldn’t call this “lost” – she’s still there!

  10. Friends are who we should give second chances to, yet, it’s strangers that are given those first chances instead…it’s like we’re unwilling to allow for mistakes and would rather start new instead of mending the old. Throw away goods versus durable ones that require fixing…

  11. I’ve been burnt too much by people in general. It wasn’t always their fault, it’s partly my insecurities and bad experiences, but also when you went through what I went through, you need time to heal. I’m a hermit now for those reasons. I will become social again one day, but lying low now.

  12. Aries Sun in 11th House (out-of-sign conjunct) Pisces moon, south node, mercury, venus, chiron. I still have childhood friends who I haven’t seen in 45 years that we reconnected on fb. I have friends from all over the world, all ages, religion, class, color, sex. I have friends in high places and friends in low places. My ex’s are my friends. I turn my enemies into my friends. All my coworkers are my friends. My neighbors are my friends. My lover’s become friends…Best friend? nope. not. a. one. Uranus in my 4th house. Mars and midheaven in Aquarius. I’m just a big blob of all that the 11th house represents. Many of them believe they are my best friend and yet, I know better. I have never had someone I call BEST friend. I’m the friendliest friendless person in the world…hahaha πŸ™‚ kind of sad. not really. I don’t much care for people intimately on a day to day basis. I’m all about Universal brother/sisterhood. but there is this friend recently who I just can’t even stand being friendly to. I think it’s because we are competing to be the world’s best friend. I really would like to just smack the shit out of her lately. I’m ready to de-friend her! but, I won’t because heaven forbid I hurt anybody’s feelings.

  13. I have Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, and Uranus – All Libra – in my 11th. While I think this setup has a lot to do with the number of connections I have, and the joy I feel for being around people (when I throw a party or make dinner plans, I can’t stop inviting people – been like that since I was a kid), I think my friendships with the most emotional bonds have more to do with my Sun/Moon (Scorpio/Cancer). I collect Cancers! Transits, and harsh angles definitely seem to affect my friendships, and I think my Mars Capricorn does too. With the exception of one person (a Taurus with an Aries moon, who I was never really close with- We just created drama within our group) no one ever really disappears from my life. People always come back (even if I want nothing to do with them) and they’re always pleasant (Libra). πŸ™‚

  14. I have Pluto almost finishing the 11th spot. Loss of most of my friends through physical death and diseases, accidents and random assaults! Rich ones became poor and the reverse too. Almost all had massive changes to their families (I’m single and childless). New links are gaining momentum but it will never be the same because I’m a much more mature person, in a good way.

  15. “We’re a throwaway culture now and this includes our friends and often times, our families as well.”

    I’d agree with that. I’ve been thrown away a lot, and I wouldn’t try to reconnect with those people even though I miss them because clearly they must have been sick of me. They ended it, not me, so it was their choice.

    I’ve only reconnected with one friend, and that was because she moved to and then back from the Middle East.

  16. I miss my former best friend but I will never reach out to her again. My dad told me not to contact her again because she isn’t my friend. I made the most sincere effort to fix our relationship last year and it was a complete waste of time. I have Venus in the 11th house.

  17. I have Scorpio on the 11th and natally 3 planets including my Moon. I nurture my friends and expect the same in return. When the North Node was transiting Scorpio, I had a difficult time with friendships. Things are much better now.

  18. I used to be sentimental about friends, but I think we’re supposed to move on in life. In the end, it’s your life and you have to go where it leads you. You can’t always take your world with you. If you can, well and good, though.

  19. My son turns 21 this summer, he has Sag Moon in his 11th house.

    He is torn about applying for a year study abroad in Paris next year. He spent 6 months last year in France, and he said it took a long time to develop good friendships
    when he returned to the U.S.

    He doesn’t want to disrupt his friendships again to study abroad. He told me it was so lonely to start all over again not knowing anyone when he returned. I can’t blame him, I remember how difficult and stressful it was to move every 4 years back when I was in the Navy.

    So the decision is to apply for a once in a lifetime opportunity to study for a year in Paris, or stay and enjoy close friendships for someone who has Sag Moon natal in the 11th house. I know where his heart is. Ironically, his North Node is in his 9th house.

    • Seems he would make friends easily with those aspects. Why throw away a once in a lifetime opportunity? SO easy to stay in touch these days via internet.

  20. I have Aquarius on the 11th house cusp part of fortune there.No planets there although there is current activity with perhaps Nexus have lost every friend in the past five years Miss them.

  21. 11th house is in Scorp, with Neptune smack dab in the middle. too much intensity, little clarity. I think I either scare them away, or see much that isn’t actually there.

  22. Wow hmmm, intriguing questions Elsa. I like it.

    11th Pisces no planets… Sagittarius Neptune in 8th. Uranus-Venus. One of my closest relationships was a romantic long term one. This guy basically was my first on many levels…. I can’t contact him anymore because we’ve broken up….and it would cause him more harm than good. All I can do is thank him in my heart, remove myself and move on.

    Other friends that I was close with… It felt like some of them started sounding negative and bossy, especially as my outlook on life grew bleaker (and my career was/is stagnant while theirs was taking off). I couldn’t take whatever they were throwing at me anymore, so I’ve faded away and disappeared. I withdrew because I didn’t have the space to suffer in front of them, and grieve the loss of possibility, I guess…. Maybe they thought they were helping me but I was not in the right place and didn’t have anything to give anymore, not even the energy for fake appreciation, so why hang out?

    I felt small, regardless. When you feel small, it becomes hard to hang out as equals…. I needed to grow. Or I needed friends who knew how that felt. If they’ve never felt uncertain and instead thought they knew all the answers, it would be hard to be real and feel connected. Also, I had gone through a betrayal and had to choose friends carefully… I’ve been hurt, and I’m not sure how to heal it without risking a pain I might not be able to afford as a Scorpio….

    Sometimes, being alone is a form of growth. But I know as social animals, we need true friendship… And I’m learning how to be first in starting one as an adult, instead of passively letting it slide by.

    Would I connect with them? Maybe for a fun activity, short-term conversation or in service, but reluctant to reveal the deepest most painful parts of myself again. The tough part is when the first thing folks ask about you is what you “do” as in for money. Not the greatest conversation starter for me haha! Maybe I have to talk about all the other things I “do” instead πŸ˜‰

  23. My 11 H is Leo, Pluto resides there, 21 deg Leo. My first ever best friend at the start of elementary school was and is a Leo. YES, we were good friends from First Grade to Graduation, and beyond, but she was kind of wishy-washy, meaning that she didn’t want to not be my friend, but her entire goal in life was to identify with a more upscale neighborhood than where she and I grew up. She suddenly took on a different accent, associated with the people whom she thought were more “upscale”. To me, I didn’t think so much that she had evolved, as much as I thought she took on an entire new identity. She said this to me in our adult years: “I think that where there is wealth, there is more creativity.” Oh, do you? I asked her if liked Ralph Lauren’s designs, and she said, “oh yes!” My response: then how do you explain that he himself said he grew up in a ghetto? She was obviously embarrased. Years later, I sent a Christmas Card, quoute: “Never a new year’s morning, never the old year ends, when someone thinks of someone, old days, old times, old friends.” She said her husband cried when he read the card; he was also from the old neighborhood. I don’t like Leo very much, they fancy themselves as better than we are, and they are wrong, and missing out on very many wonderful things. It is not my intention to insult anyone. I’ll bet on my Sagittarius friend any day, and he said there was a day that he didn’t even have two nickels to rub together, and he made probably millions. He was full of himself even when he didn’t have tow nickels to rub together. I’m not going to list to Leo tell me there is more creativity when you live in an upscale neighborhood. Make millions like my Sagittarius friend, and he pours it back into his childhood community.

  24. Our lives changed. But they are only a phone call away. Natal 11th libra houses mercury. The friends I am in contact with are the friends where I live in my present situation. I imagine it is the same for my friends in other parts of the world. We do send Xmas cards though and I would not hesitate to stop in if in their part of the world.not

  25. Wow this hit me right in the face! 11H Sag empty opposed 5H Gem Sun, Jupiter in 9th Libra. I do have an old friend I would love to have in my life like we were 20 years ago but the reason I faded away was the spouse! I could not tell my friend about the inappropriate and unwanted advances. Although I did nothing to provoke the behavior it was a bad situation I didn’t want to be in. The overall direction of their marriage was not going well so when I moved 1000 miles away for work I ended all contact with them. It was heartbreaking for me at the time because I knew no one in the new city and we had so many good times over the years together.
    Another friend now comes to mind and she had an abusive relationship with her husband. I knew too much and did not agree with her decision to stay with him for his money. He made her decide to keep the marriage or keep me as a friend among other things. So she dumped me. I would not be in my integrity to just pretend like her other friends/family that the situation is ok. Now I can see when friendships get too complicated, painful or ugly I do what I have to do. Thankfully I have a few friends who are the best friends I could ask for. And we do work on whatever truth is put in our path.

  26. We reunited. We survived.
    i realised i won’t come across a person like that again.
    Moon in 11H.

    if people have a bond that is real and deep, they will survive anything.

  27. Saturn transiting my sun in Sag wiped out two of my longest friendships. I miss them sometimes, but they really had to go, we were no longer good for each other. Lots of things about them were good while they lasted.

  28. I had a new friend I really liked, but it just went South fast. I think of emailing the person once in a while, but maybe better to let sleeping dogs lie. Not sure. Don’t know if the relationship mattered that much to the other party. If that was true, then why would you push it?

  29. I have tried this not once but 3.5 times. (The .5 person is still somewhat close but nothing like she once was.). The other three were more or less “thanks but no thanks.” One of them is actually a sister. So I’m very well acquainted with this odd experience.

    • PS: eleventh house is Virgo, with Mars and Venus therein. I have a Virgo spouse and a Virgo daughter. Back in the day, I had several Virgo friends. Pffffttt! I agree there are relationships worth rekindling, but it takes two and so far it’s just me.

  30. I have Saturn in my Sagittarius-ruled 11H. I am blessed to have a handful of deeply close, more serious oriented, slightly older friends. We all are somewhat “out there” (Aquarius) in our core convictions. On the flip side, I enjoy joining common-cause groups and have made many acquaintances.

  31. Neither friends nor groups usually works out for me, not for more than a few years. Not lucky in love or finances or anything else I can think of except psychic ability and intelligence; neither of which has worked out for paying the bills. I have Chiron and Saturn travelling retrograde next to each other in my natal chart 11th house.

  32. I thrive on ‘soul connections’. A good friendship feeds the soul. Yet a big lesson for me has been detachment.
    ‘If you love someone, set them free”etc

    I have Jupiter in 11th house..(Virgo) and Sag Moon in 1st conjunct North Node. Wonderful rich friendships.

    Ironically, with Saturn in 1st, I also have been alone a lot. Weird conundrum. Years of health issues took me out of the social scene so I have known both extremes.

    I have lost people for long stretches of time, then had them reappear. I have deep connections (Scorpio Rising) and although can be very social (Venus in Gemini), I prefer intimate meaningful connections. That said, I can have that with someone I meet on the bus!!! LOL.

    I do make friends easily (Venus Gemini, Sag Moon) and I enjoy my own space as well (Scorpio Asc). I feel the right people get sent my way at the right time.

    That said, I have endured big losses… my sister cut me off for years (couldn’t handle me being ill) my best friend went awol for two years, another close friend disappeared. They have all re-appeared better than ever.

    I didn’t talk to my best friend from high-school for 35 years but when we reconnected it was amazing. Our lives had been running on parallel threads.

    I have also had quite a few friends die in the last few years. Way more than I would have expected as I am only just 60. That’s been an adjustment.

    I think Uranus conjunct Sun helps me let go (even if my cancer sun hangs on for dear life)

    As far as a throw away culture: I do think the internet is a blessing and a curse. It’s kept me connected to overseas friends (Sun in 9th) , and an avenue to sites like this, although I cant really say this is intimate, its still interesting and I learn a lot. A

    nd Elsa your stories add a wonderful, personal flavour!

  33. Moon in Taurus in the 11TH House / I have learned + re-learned many times one has many acquaintances — very few friends. Brilliant comment regarding our throw-away culture; I have realized friendships have a shelf-life and sometimes it is simpler and far less painful to acknowledge that we have taken the relationship about as far as it can go. True friendship is indeed a pleasure, not a chore to maintain and surprising in positive ways when one least anticipates or expects it. Really one of life’s greatest joys.

  34. I agree we live in a throwaway culture. But people who behave in a hurtful way shouldn’t be surprised when their target has had enough and says goodbye permanently. I think if you treat someone like trash, you should prepare to be discarded yourself.

  35. How timely. I’m in the process right now of rekindling a friendship with someone who was my best friend for many years. I won’t lie, it ended kind of badly…we were both going through issues with our husbands at the time…and I guess there were harsh words with each other and she bailed. That was about two years ago but I kept trying to reach out…sometimes with many months in between…not willing to believe that although we were angry, we wouldn’t be able to work through it. The progress is slow but there is progress…although a lot has changed, and there are other issues now that make it more complicated…I think it’s worth it to try. I mean, over 20 years…I can’t just throw that away. I have Venus and Mars in Gemini in the 11th.

  36. yes, but i can’t. they’re off grid and there’s a lot of water under those damaged bridges. i could try but i’d rather not get stalkish. i’m findable if there’s interest on their parts.
    saturn in the eleventh. in leo (though on the cusp of the 12th. 11th cusp is cancer.)

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