Voice Of Mars: “Gettin’ Kind Of Itchy”

From 2008.  The graphic is from Cafepress and my husband has it on a shirt.

“Yeah, I went into Walgreens wearing this shirt people looked at me in my glasses and say, wonder if that hog can do anything,” he said. I laughed.

“Yeah, they wonder if a hog like me can do anything; reminds of the time in college where I knocked the captain of the football team on his ass. I mean I knocked the piss out of him. Knocked him right out of his chair onto the floor and knocked one of his buddies too. Big dudes these were, no one could believe it. You know the football players ate the Gods around there.” (swearing below the break)

“Why? Why did you do that?”

“Oh, I was in the cafeteria one day… I was in college, this was between my militaries so I was going to school and all the jocks… all the football players and cheerleaders used to sit together and rule the place. You know. They were the rock stars. All the popular kids.”


girls-studying.jpg“So one day they were over there raising hell the way they did every day and there was this girl sitting there, near them and she was trying to study. Yeah, she had her book out and they kept saying shit to her and throwing stuff at her. You know. Throwing stuff in her hair. Finally she told them she was trying to study and they said something cruel to her. They were all cruel, the pieces of shit, every single one of them. Anyway, she started crying and left.”


“Yeah. And then some geeky motherfucker came and he was going to walk down the aisle between the tables and they all leaned their chairs back and told him, this is our aisle you fucker, you’re going to have to go around.”


“And so he did. The geek went around and that’s when I said, fuck it! I’m going down their aisle and let ’em try and stop me.”


“Yeah. So I went over there and they said the same thing to me. You can’t go down this aisle, you’re going to have to go around. Well I combat smashed the fucker – he was the Captain. I mean I brought my fist down and knocked the piss out of him and he went down. The next one, he had his chair leaned back on an angle so I kicked up underneath and he went flying too. Big fuckers these were. They were big motherfuckers… big stunned motherfuckers at this point.”

“Yeah? Then what?”

“Someone said, who are you. So I put my hands out like this,” he said with his hands stretched out. “I yelled at them, COME FIND OUT WHO I AM MOTHERFUCKER!” I had on my green military jacket on. “YEAH! COME GET ME YOU ASSHOLES! I HAVEN’T KILLED ANYONE IN ALMOST A YEAR AND I’M GETTIN’ KINDA ITCHY..!”

Sometimes a force of nature comes along comes along in nature and that is all there is to it.


Voice Of Mars: “Gettin’ Kind Of Itchy” — 45 Comments

  1. Man….I would have paid to have seen that. I hate people that do that…but it’s almost worth to have someone like the soldier to knock them down a peg or two!

  2. this sounds more like junior high school than college to me – i believe your “soldier” is a phoney – please be careful, i know your in love and are probably blinded by that

    former SF Soldier 7th SFG

  3. That would have been cool to have seen him do that!

    Elsa when you are asleep at night you are safer than virtually every human on the planet. I thought of that the other night when I heard something outside my window. 😉

  4. Kingsley – what are you talking about? I wasn’t even there!!

    It may help to understand the soldier has about er… 10 years of college. :0

    Also, paul, the commenter above?

    That’s the soldier’s brother fuckin’ with him. You see how he can’t spell? That is because they speak too many languages… runs in the family see.

  5. paul – his DD214 says different – he is from your own group. ODA773

    (and he just wishes he was so hard he could wear concrete galoshes like you)

  6. Ah, justice and balance in the world. Nothing like a story that ends well. I wonder why you thought it was your job to sort it out, back then in College Elsa.


  7. Well it’s a true story and I am telling you “paul” is the soldier’s brother… the one he ran over with a car.

    The “concrete galoshes” comment is something that was written in the paper about his brother at one time.

    “He is so hard he could wear concrete galoshes..”

    It’s now a family joke..

  8. Oh I am much more likely to think a man wearing glasses is handsome. Weird huh. Maybe I think it makes them look intellectual.

  9. I’m quickly coming to the conclusion we all need a soldier in our lives, or at least one or two bad-ass rhinos. Loved this story Elsa!

  10. “I’m quickly coming to the conclusion we all need a soldier in our lives…”

    maureen, I’ve come to the same conclusion and I like the way he puts it:

    “…someday there won’t be enough men like me to go around…”

    He says all the time people say they don’t want soldier’s “in harm’s way” and asks, “If a soldier isn’t going to go in harm’s way then who the hell is?”

  11. If those people hadn’t grown out of that kind of stuff by college, then the soldier did them a favor. What a bunch of losers.

  12. Oh, absolutely, Maureen. Maybe it’s Venus Neptune but if I had a man who would kick ass for me (just KNOWing that he would), I would seriously fall into a swoon. And sleep better at night.

  13. It’s because of motherfuckers like those I started training martial arts.So I can knock them right out when they feel like messing with me.Good story,congrats to the Soldier for standing up for himself as well as the girl and the geek.

  14. Wonderful!

    I wish we’d had someone like him in my school. I dropped out, because of experiencing that type of behaviour every day.

  15. So, the aftermath: Did they call him “sir”? Did they want to be his friend? I have had the opportunity to work with high profile security folks in the industry. They seem to be the quiet types with presence. You just KNOW there is a monster within just waiting for an opportunity!

    Love this!

  16. Great story! My Libra sun is so satisfied by the justice of the situation…but with guns floating around so freely nowadays it makes you fee like settling a matter with a (deserved) ass-kicking is
    becoming a thing of the past and just downright dangerous. my husband is an ass-kicker (Taurus Mars opp. Scorpio Moon), but I have to say I feel compelled to keep peace (that damn Libra again).

    PS He doesn’t kick my ass of course, just has stories very similar to the one above

  17. I don’t get it.

    What I don’t get is; why would the studying girl have to be tormented in the first place? I’ve never understood this.

    Since it isn’t mentioned, I guess the dude did not get punished for fighting in the cafeteria, nor is there any mention of repercussions later on down the line, like the football team secretly made his life a merry hell from then on.

    Because in my experience, they would see to it that the guy’s papers were messed up or all his clothes disappeared or his tires were slashed.

  18. I asked him if the football players ever retaliated and he said they did not. He told them if they did, he would machine gun them down – and their families.

    “You told them that?”


    “How come you didn’t get in trouble?”

    “Security was an old airborne, friend of mine. I’ve got some Italian in me, P. I made sure everyone was paid off first.”

    Anyway, why be concerned about this, Merc? My husband took out the bullies. You can’t get in trouble for making a threat – just ask any wife-beater, they can tell you.

    Also, he has been arrested a number of times throughout is life, for beating someone’s ass. He could care less. It is more important to him to what he knows is right, even if it costs him.

    Going to jail is nothing to my husband. Standing by while a group of men pick on an innocent woman is unthinkable. It’s just not something a man (by my husband’s standards) can do. Clearly, he was ready to fight them all… and die if necessary.

  19. Without the proper motivating human contexts (i.e., damsel in distress, resistance to tyranny) the boundary between hero and savage is impossible to distinguish. There is a dark beauty in this saga that reminds me of “Taxidriver(‘s)” Travis Bickle, who, given a context (ie Jodie Foster) became a media hero that excused his carnage. And, if you are talking to me, you can do what is necessary to carve out justice (which the Greeks, and everyone else could barely distinguish from vengeance). But that is the way life is: we are all hunting for the proper context to become a hero…instead of a savage.

    • ruth, my husband’s sisters were not allowed to go on a date unless they were chaperoned by either him or his brother and of course, you better not mess with them OR their hearts.

  20. No! I don’t know that they feel lucky in hindsight. I mean, you want to go out by yourself but they did avoid having anything happen to them which is not all that common when you think about it.
    They did not have control, see? The father made the rules in the best interest of his children and in his world, boys defend their sisters…and women in general.
    Those football players were despicable. A dozen of them, all huge, throwing stuff at a girl trying to study and they COLLEGE age?
    ::shakes head::

  21. I think I might have a teenaged version of your husband, Elsa. In middle school, he got suspended from school for five days, for flattening out a schoolmate; on the bus. This kid groped a girl in front of my son, after he warned the jerk not to even LOOK at her wrong, much less touch her. Mind you, this wasn’t my son’s girlfriend or anything; she was just another student. My boy laid the other guy out, the second he put hands on her. I did not punish my son for the suspension, because it happened due to defending a female — something the adults around him apparently failed to do.
    My son is 18 now, standing 6’3″ barefoot, and he’s constantly itchy. I have no idea how to deal with this !

  22. I would have posted the fight scene in the Annie movie from the ’80’s–where she beats up some kids picking on a stray dog–but I can’t find a clip of it.

    “All right, who’s next?”
    “Anybody else? Then GET LOST!!”

  23. I loved the story thanks for sharing it with us Elsa. Having a number ex-pro football and other sport players in my family I know for a fact these people act like overgrown children that never grow up. Believe me when I say that. Huge overgrown children that are heavy on the bully side immature as the day is long. I think those big ol boys deserved what they got. How funny! Because we have so many pro-sports players in my family me and my siblings hate sports. I will watch the Super bowl but if we miss it we don’t care.


    Every time I read that line I want to laugh out loud!! But I’m the library, so I have to shush. :X

  25. Hi Elsa,

    My concern is what happens next, if one isn’t well protected.
    The bullies are usually well connected.They feel free to do that kind of thing.
    I have HAD the “clique du jour” set up a teacher against me before I ever got to class.

    This is what I see from having natal Neptune in Libra, in the 7th.

    I almost got thrown out of art class for asking a question. I could not figure out what had happened. It was a set up.

    I actually hung on to the table and refused to be ejected from class that day.

    I came back every day and won an A from that man.
    An A! Yes! My finest hour!

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