Voice Of Mars: What He Has Witnessed… Three Others Chime In

cannon“We can expect the incoming to intensify,” the soldier explained. “There are going to be more shots taken.”

“Why? Why is that?”

“It’s always like this. The fighting gets more intense the closer you get and we are getting very close.”

“Why the fire? Why do people fire at us in the first place? It seems pointless; don’t they have anything better to do?”

“I don’t know. People don’t like to see other people happy. They really don’t, I have seen people act like this my whole life.”

“I have heard this before. HQ has told me the same thing and I don’t get it. I am always happy as hell when someone is happy.”

“I know you are and so am I. But people are like this. They act like this, it’s common.”

“I can’t see it. I can’t see that it is common and I just can’t understand it at all. I can’t make heads or tails of it actually.”

“I know but it’s true. Don’t you worry, P. Just don’t worry because we are close now, closer than we have ever been in our lives. Wouldn’t you say we are closer now than we have ever been in our lives?”

“Yeah. Yes definitely we are.”

I have a real blind spot here. Can someone tell me why people move to thwart people on a road to happiness? Besides the soldier and HQ, I have heard this same thing from two other people in the last two weeks… Claire France Perez and my old friend, Kathleen. What the hell? Why do people flare when other people break free?

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Voice Of Mars: What He Has Witnessed… Three Others Chime In — 20 Comments

  1. Oh! Oh! I know this one!

    For the same reason that well-meaning family members will thwart a former drug addict in getting clean. And the same reason that ordinarily reasonable people will lash out at their spouses for trying to fix a problem. Always. Always always always, even if just in small ways.

    Systems resist change.

    This is not people being inherently evil; this is just people being inherently people. We still think we’re out roaming the savannah in herds of twenty individuals… in that situation, if someone changes their behavior (and hence, the group dynamic) in a startling and new way, it’s enough to get everybody killed because the old and necessary patterns of interaction upon which your survival depended were screwed up. We, as communities, don’t need virtue so much as consistency.

    Which in a way, makes us very robust. We’d never survive as a species if we couldn’t tolerate unhealthy patterns and craziness. So we tolerate them… but that hardiness comes at the expense of a certain amount of flexibility. When we pay, and pay HARD, to tolerate a certain flaw… it hurts like hell to see all of our hard work go to waste just because the target decided to get cleaned up.

    The system will permit your changes if you stick to your guns. It gets easier to deal with once you learn to expect it… and to expect people not to quite realize why they’re doing it (they’ll make up all kinds of reasons why they’re fighting with you, but none of them are the real reason).

  2. A very good therapist was the first person to ever describe this idea to me, by the way. In the context of me getting diagnosed (at 26) with ADD.

    It’s a big deal with ADDers… when you first get diagnosed and get treatment, you can immediately expect a hailstorm of resentment from the people who love you, who have been dealing with your shit for years, and who don’t WANT to be told that it might not have been something you were doing on purpose. It’s a big mess, and the only thing that ever seems to take care of it is a mixture of time, patience, and sticking to your guns.

  3. also, the happier someone else is, the harder it is to ignore the stuff a lot of people try to ignore about how they’re screwing themselves over.

  4. ‘Can someone tell me why people move to thwart people on a road to Happiness?’

    That is great question and the comments are also good.

    I would say no, I cannot tell you that. Perhaps we have it all wrong. Maybe we should be cheering for others when they are succeeding and finding happiness!

    If that person can make it and find happiness or some kind of promised land, than why can’t I?

    We should congraulate them and ask them how in the hell did you do that?

    You know what? Even though they can probably give you some good advice, they will not be able to give you a magic wand. Still, I say cheer them on and work on your own life.

    When we move to thwart others on the road to happiness we only thwart ourselves.

    As Martin Luther King said ‘ Never look down on others, unless you are helping them up.

    Thanks from, Rand

  5. ewinbee that was fabulous. I’ve never thought about this in that way before, so thank you!

    I don’t know why people thwart people like this, but I avoid thwarters like the PLAGUE. I have Sun opposed Uranus so have been ‘breaking free’ my entire life. Beginning with taking off on my family every time we went out in public from age 2.

    I’m sorry, Elsa, they need to be ditched. If they’re strangers they need to be conceptualized out of your realm…bye bye.

    PS Bitter people are really quite boring, aren’t they?

  6. Cause misery needs company to not feel so bad about itself, ya know? It’s a sad fact that people do this, and probably most don’t even realize they do it.

  7. Jealousy.

    They don’t think they can do it on their own, so they try to steal it.

    What thwarters don’t get is that happiness is a self-generated process, not a commodity.

    (This is a totally separate issue from repression, however. I don’t think some poor village in a Third World country is suffering for food, water, sanitation because it has “decided to.”)

  8. I agree with the other commenters.
    I’ve found over and over again that people will comfort you, stick by your side, do a lot for you so long as you are unlucky and unhappy in their eyes.
    As soon as your ‘luck’ changes and you’re very happy, those who previously comforted you will get resentful.
    Why? Probably it’s a mixture of motives. Once you’re happy you’re less prone to needing those people, they’ll feel they’ve given and now they’re not ‘needed’ (even if only in subtle, emotional ways).
    Also, people in general are prone to feeling envious of whoever is happy.

  9. as an example…when i lost a lot of weight, most of my friends were very happy for me and supportive. but some people surprised me by criticizing my progress or approach. i learned that, some of the time, when you improve your life and situation, it can make others feel less together. ’cause as long as i was “the fattest,” they felt okay about themselves.

    i think people often compare themselves to others, and when others rise, they feel deficient. I’ve never understood that. success and happiness are not limited commodities. the more there is in the world, the better it is for everybody. instead of taking hope as seeing other’s happiness, sometimes people take feelings of lack, though…kinda sad.

  10. Amazing how on-topic this discussion is in relation to what is going on in my life today! As I posted a few days ago, the last eight years have been really tough – friends and loved ones bailing left and right, weird stuff happening, self-imposed exile to heal and re-group, etc. Each time I responded to a crisis by making changes in myself (after all, who else could I change but myself?) I noticed the irritated and disbelieving responses from a friend or two, who I guess really just wanted to see me continue to suffer because they couldn’t figure out any other response to their own crises except suffering. So I would agree with the rest of the posters: people are hurt and confused, don’t know how to respond in a way that is healthy and healing for themselves, and feel threatened and resent you when it appears you might “pass them by” by getting over things and moving on. But I also know lots of others who are working on their “Selves” and really appreciate your recovery and want to learn from you about how you did it, and I cherish these exchanges of positive energy and learning from one another.

  11. I think because they are miserable people to begin with and misery loves company. “Oh you think youre happy do you? Well lemme bring you down a couple of pegs to reality (which would be their reality of being miserable)”
    My mother is like this. You just cant BE happy around this woman…you also cant be as miserable as she is. No matter how bad something is in your life, shes had it worse. Shes also a Scorpio so you can imagine how much fun growing up around her was LOL

  12. “I have a real blind spot here. Can someone tell me why people move to thwart people on a road to happiness?”

    Because it is perceived to be only one road that leads to it.

    Elsa, you are just fine the way you are and I can just about bet that you give “the Gods” a hard on.

  13. Uh….I did not mean that in a sexual way. 😮 Hope you took no offense. I just mean’t that you appeal to the mind and spirit and I am sure that makes “the Gods” very ecstatic!

  14. I think it’s because a) we think there isn’t “enough” stuff in the universe for all of us to have what we want. And that if someone else gets some of the good stuff, then there’s just that much less for “me”. But this isn’t true.

    And b) we don’t want our friends to leave our orbit. If they change their energy and move up a notch to a different wavelength, they get off of the one they share with us and may leave us, or we may just not connect anymore. Most people stop trying to thwart the happiness of those around them if they feel like there’s something in it for them too. And there is – if we realize that like we are what we eat, we also are like the energy we allow ourselves to absorb and align with.

  15. I think Shaina hit the nail on the head with’jealousy’.
    Many of my former hang ups came from two younger sisters who haven’t spoken to me since 1988 when my parents spent lots of money coming to Oz to visit me after 18 years of my going back bi-annually to visit them in England.
    It seems forever that they would have a shot at me as we were growing up, either to make trouble or put me donw for speaking out against various events. When my inner work began about 1984, I read Nancy Friday’s book Jealousy and voila there was my answer followed by reading some of Beverley de Angelis. Much of our envy, insecurity and bitterness can relate back to the one with our siblings.
    I am always happy when others achieve whatever they get in life yet so often my ideas, skills and achievements are negated. I think this is where my transiting pluto moon opposition is about to take effect. It began last year with a larege breast reduction operation. More symbolism of ridding ourselves of anything that is weighing us down. Bogs like this lighten us all and encourage us to move onward and upward to our spiritual best.

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