(FROM 2008) The soldier and I continued to discuss his targeting of a woman he’s interested in.
“You could probably get any woman you wanted if you put your mind to it,” I said.
“The hell! You’re the only woman in the world who wants a man like me. No women are interested in me but you. Women don’t want some man who runs around gonna kick everyone’s ass all the time,” he said. “Women don’t want anything to do with a man like me.”
“Yeah? Well what do they want?”
“I don’t know. They want a man who cries, I guess. They want their men to cry all the time.”
I just stared because I think by and large this is true.
Do you think women try to feminize men? If so then why?
I can only speak for myself, so I have to say, I DO NOT want a feminine man as a romantic partner. (As friends is another story.) I’ve said for years that I want “an intelligent cave man”. I like strong, arrogant, ballsy men. And they HAVE TO BE smart. If I wanted someone feminine, I’d date women.
By the way, Elsa, I´m kind of scared but happy at the same time about everything I read about the Soldier. (i just started reading your blog a week ago) I think, or i fear, that i might be the female astrological version of him! Haha!
Sun in Taurus, Moon inScorpio, Venus in Gemini, Mars in Cancer.
Elsa you´re the answer, i have to find the male version of you and ill be happy. hahaha:D
“I can only speak for myself, so I have to say, I DO NOT want a feminine man as a romantic partner. (As friends is another story.) I’ve said for years that I want “an intelligent cave man”. I like strong, arrogant, ballsy men. And they HAVE TO BE smart. If I wanted someone feminine, I’d date women.”
Me too, lilly ! I’m a Sun Libra, Moon Capricorn, which makes me quite a cavewoman in many ways. In order to be an equal companion completing me, and not totally overpowered by me a man really has to have these caveman qualities.
Sometimes I think of all the things women have done to men and it makes me very unhappy about being a woman.
I think people are people and shouldn’t be forced out of it. There should be space in the world for guys to be just guys, but some people just don’t fit their gender roles sometimes and shouldn’t be excessively penalized for it.
(Not that saying “shouldn’t” means anything just…ah, well. Gender issues. pft.)
Please ignore my last post. I have the stupid today.
I think women want men to change sometimes because almost everyone tends to think that the way they do things is the right way. Most people don’t even notice that they’re thinking that way. So they say to guys “can’t you do this the right way? More like a woman would do it?”
Also, some women have never been around men a lot, or never bothered to consider the male perspective. Some women are scared of men.
Ok, I’ll quit now.
I love this. Can we have more of the soldier’s take on the man/woman mystery please? 🙂
So many good comments. For me my venus is in my 11th house, so first and foremost you gotta be my friend and yes that includes getting in the foxhole with me. Way, way back in an earlier time in my life I too drove truck, and trust me back then there where very, very, few women in that profession. I prefer the simple, straight-forward, to the point of the male emotional makeup. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Sun and mercury in Sagitarius, Just give me the truth and give it to me straight, men seem to be able to do that. So give it to me straight, and if I like it, I will then let you in the foxhole with me. All the relationships in my life that have meant something to me, I liked first.
It baffles me that some women are in relationships with men that they don’t “like” and it seems that these are the women who try to change and feminize and then complain that their man is an ass.
“Me too, lilly ! I’m a Sun Libra, Moon Capricorn, which makes me quite a cavewoman in many ways. In order to be an equal companion completing me, and not totally overpowered by me a man really has to have these caveman qualities.”
Candela, I’m Sun Aries, Moon Libra 😉 Could be because we have strong Cardinal “signatures”…I’m way too aggressive for the feminine-type man 😀
Depends on your personality. I have nothing in common with macho, manly men, so I avoid them and vice versa. So yeah, I prefer “betas” because I can actually have conversations with them about stuff I find interesting, and betas don’t really want me to fit into a stereotypical female behavior box either. I’m really borderline on the male/female scale (more of a male personality, but female socialization and my interests), so I’d rather deal with someone else on the border too. Though I like what luci said 🙂
And to be honest, dominating men scare me. I don’t know if some of them are going to take it out on me someday. Some of them I’m pretty sure won’t, but other people I know, well… I am very leery of them and can’t figure out how they ever got partnered. They probably both have Mars/Saturn. I tend to think anyone with that much aggression and a fierce desire to dominate someone, well…I’d be first in line to get squashed.
I don’t think being kind, considerate or poetic makes a man feminised, what feminises him is having these qualities WITHOUT the manliness. He can be a fierce protector, loyal to his family, and still be sensitive enough to know when you need a cup of tea and a hug. Just makes ’em more manly and sexy IMO.
Starting at 6:45
continuing onto this one
I have generally found that women don’t want a feminized guy who will cry. On the contrary, women want to make men cry.
I’m surprised I never commented on the first round! How odd…
Anyway, a few things grabbed my attention and then there’s a couple-a thoughts thrown in:
A few people said things on a similar vein, but this one from DR stuck out: “But I think genuinely confident men … ARE a bit scary. They can’t be controlled, they are a large presence, they growl! But would you want it any other way?”
No, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I can’t be controlled, I’m a large presence, I growl, and I need someone who can keep up! Genuinely confident people (not just men) don’t scare me in the least; instead, they make me sit up and take note. In fact, usually I will go out of my way to sidle in and throw up a challenge just to see what their mettle is made of. *sly grin*
“I don’t respect people who kill or maim or torture or harm. I don’t think it’s sexy.”
Disturbingly (to some), I do. Not the serial killer, I-do-this-for-fun type, but I’m perfectly willing to get physical in defense of my clan and I cannot be with someone who is too squeamish to even think about that.
So, for my 2¢:
When I was younger, I was convinced that I wanted a man who presented no challenge whatsoever. Not necessarily someone with no opinions or a “feminized” man, but someone who was happy to let me run the show my way, be a good little puppy, and not pee on the carpet. After being with about six or so men just like that, I was extremely, extremely bored. So I revised what I wanted: a challenge. And, hoo boy! *fans self* YESH. Exactly what I needed.
Being with puppies I could steamroll wasn’t much fun, nor did it give me the potential to learn and grow. But being with someone I could push against, who would push back, that’s where the growth came in — expanding and challenging and wonderful!
So perhaps women that want beta males are alphas who don’t want their rule challenged or betas who don’t want to be steamrolled themselves?
I think the Soldier is strong and loving at the same time, “happy wife, happy life.” I think men must be allowed to cry, and there is a difference between a man who cries and a cry baby who hasn’t courage.
I think the question for Elsa is are masculine and feminine qualities/stereotypical qualities endemic to the world like yin/yang? Is one person not a mix of these two? What does the Soldier think is a mix that makes the strong man?
I’ve seen an arrogant man and a confident one, and believe me, women literally drop their drawers in front of him. A woman sat down with him while he was eating alone and got into a conversation and he took her home that night.
Women do want strong, confident men, they just want to change them to suit their needs.