This is entertainment from 2008. Hit the links at the bottom of each post and be amused at my husband in public…
“More gym problems , P.”
“Oh no! What happened this time?”
“Well I was going to weigh my fat ass and there was another guy with a fat ass on the scale in front of me. I was standing there in a towel waiting to see just how fat my fat ass was and this other bastard wouldn’t get off the scale!”
“No? Well what was he doing there?” (swearing below the break)
“Sliding the thing back and forth. Staring at it like a hog lookin’ at a wristwatch. What the fuck does he think is going to happen anyway? It’s not going to move! The number is not going change just by you standing on the scale so get the fuck off! Move it! Move your lard ass because my lard ass is waiting to do the same thing you’re doing, find out just how much lard I’m carrying around except for I’m not so stupid as to think if I hang out on a scale and slide the thing back and forth, some miracle is going to happen.”
“So he finally got off then?”
“Yeah. And it was all I could do not to yell at him. Yeah, motherfucker you’re fat. You’re fat as hell and so am I but at least I’ve got a brain! Scales don’t move cause you look at ‘em! P, have you ever seen one do that? Have you ever stared at a scale and had it move?”
“Yeah, well this motherfucker has apparently not yet made it around the block. He still thinks he can stand on a scale and wait for a fucking miracle. He’s lucky he got off in time, I’ll tell you what. Because I was going to tell that bastard that not only is he fat as hell but he’s dumb as hell to boot! Get on, get off, get moving! Just because you’re fat does not mean you’ve got to stop on top the scale and rest, especially when you’ve got another fat bastard in a towel waiting behind you.”
“You’re a fat bastard in a towel?”
“Well yeah, P. Yes I am. You just can’t see me because you’ve got those love eyes. I’ve got you tricked, P. You, I have tricked.”
Skip to Song In His Heart
That is hillarious!
And I bet the Soldier isn’t the type to open the fridge and staring longingly into 80 times an evening, either…(my guilty Taurus trait, ha ha))
Your rhino sounds adorable, Elsa. I’m glad you have this guy with you through the hard times.
Great Taurus minds again think alike. The world if full of idiots.
Oh frig Elsa, keep writing….he’s so funny!
Chrispy, and anyone out there with weight problems or issues… just don’t buy it. Don’t make it or bake it. It’s so much easier to say no to it at the store than it is to say not to it in the fridge, or the cupboard, or wherever.
My darn fridge has nothing in it… guess i could go stare longingly at my carrots, lol
I’m taking a break from Saturn in Virgo. Candy bars for dinner tonight! There will be no stepping on the scale for me.
I know snap, but that doesn’t stop Taurus from opening the fridge over and over! ha ha
Me either, Crispy!
(I have a Taurus Moon)
I’m always looking for something to snack on!
he’s a total freakin’ hoot! and it’s funnier ’cause he’s totally right. 😆
God, I love these stories!
“You just can’t see me because you’ve got those love eyes.”
Count me among the happy crowd, that he let the guy go on his way, unknowing. 🙂
“love eyes”… “i’ve got you tricked”
I love “Scales don’t move cause you look at ‘em!”
Elsa, I love it…I could just SEE all of this taking place…please continue to share…
hahahaha, love it!
Does the Soldier know that there are poeople who like what he looks like, without knowing what he looks like, because you love him?
Venus… wonky, at its best. (Best, meaning, real love, for real people.)
personally, I most love anyone who reminds me of hippopotomusses
(intentional derogation of grammar, in honour of a song)
He doesn’t think about this blog at all other than when I talk about it. 🙂