The soldier and I were talking about the comments on What’s a Married Man To Do When A Woman Flirts With Him?.
“They’re wild,” I said. “The women seem to think the men like being teased. That they enjoy it.”
“Men hate being teased,” he said. “Men want to get some.”
“Well that’s what I thought. But they really think men like what they do. They think it’s an art. They call it the art of flirting and I just can’t believe a man would be thinking something like this. Boy, this girl is a flirting artist!”
He laughed. ‘No, a man won’t be thinking something like that, that I imagine. Look. No man likes to be teased. Men hate being teased. Truth be told men don’t like foreplay either. They do it. The learn about it to please their wives and girlfriends and they may get to like it but it’s only because they know they are going to get laid, right then or right after.”
“Well the women think men like this, enjoy it and admire it… their flirting arts.”
“Well then they’re a legend in their own mind, I guess. Men just aren’t like that. They don’t give one whit about flirting art, though they’ll say they do if it will get them laid…”
Bang on the money! It makes me cringe to look back now at those heady flirting days where I thought I was the queen of sheba. Thank god for age. I learn so much on this blog – I really love it.
I don’t think that’s true. I think some men hate flirting and some men enjoy it. Some men like the build up and anticipation. Now perhaps this only applies to men who have no problem finding sexual partners or who don’t have interest themselves in taking it all the way to physical involvement.
For instance I have a gay boyfriend who LOVES to flirt with women and has no interest in having sex with them. I’ve talked to men who were distant or not physically available who needed some mental stimulation.
I am really savvy about this stuff too and feel slightly insulted at the implication I’m stupid for calling it an art. Sex is about the brain as well as the body and there are all sorts of ways to be satisfied whether you’re a man or woman.
“I am really savvy about this stuff too and feel slightly insulted at the implication I’m stupid for calling it an art.”
Well, I’m sorry but this is just his opinion / observation. It’s not personal to you so being offended (or not) is a choice.
I mean, you think one thing, he thinks another. c’est la vie!
Of course it is a choice and I am enjoying being provoked so no worries. I did have to stop and think about it and decide how I feel.
Here’s what my guy had to say in response to my question “do men hate being teased”:
John: some do .. some love it… some like it when it will almost certainly lead to nowhere because they get the tingle without having to do the follow through.. some like it when there is certainty of something happening and dont like being teased if there is no real end in sight
John likes being teased by me if it will lead somewhere and loves to flirt and flatter other women who will appreciate the compliment without acting on it. Imagine a man like that ending up with a Gemini. *laugh*
I agree with you Lupa. I also think that sex is more about the brain than the body. I also don’t think all men appreciate women who skip the flirting and jump right into bed. Not all men enjoy sleeping with an easy woman. Some men enjoy the conquest and the challenge, winning them over. If there isn’t any flirting, how do you show that you are interesting? I keep picturing how a caveman would do it.
” Me want you. ”
” Me horny for you too. ”
Everyone is different. I was reading a comment that Elsa made a few posts back about how women think all men are stupid. And it’s true, most women do think that and it’s just dumb to generalize and stereotype. So with that said, I don’t believe all men dislike flirting/foreplay. And what is foreplay to you might not even be foreplay to me. Everything is relevant. The same can be said about women, not all women enjoy foreplay/flirting. Some of them just want to get down to business and be done with it.
I suppose it could have something to do with the venus or even the moon of the man (receiving ends, if we consider that teasing -and even aggravating,watch teenagers!- is a way of receiving attention from the woman). Some like it and some could do without and go straight to business, for some is a good enough way to get an ego boost if the situation (married men/women) doesn´t allow for more.
For instance:Aqua venus, gemini moon, : loves the hunt but won´t necessary go further.Scorpio venus,cancer moon is another thing.Or aries,sag venus, etc.This about astro, then the marital status does play the crucial role about catching or not what you hunt.
Btw, I love teasing everybody/thing (double sag,merc sag,jupiter gemini 7th) although in the end my venus/mars capricorn trine pluto pays for it.
well, men flirt too, so i’ve no doubt some enjoy the exchange. i’m thinking it mostly depends on what the goal is. if someone is trying to get laid, then they are looking for a specific outcome of the flirt, and may be annoyed or disappointed if it led nowhere.
on the other hand, i know some guys who do the banter and don’t want or intend to follow though. it’s just play for them. while they may not be in the majority-i have NO idea-i know it exists.
Wonder if it’s another Pluto-type thing like Elsa mentioned in the last one about this. I hate being teased also, but I know people who can play games for months with people- for fun. Weird to me also.
Do men and women interperate teasing and flirting as the same word with the same definition? I wonder. To me they are very different words
Well the soldier might hate being teased, which is fair enough,but I know quite a few men who really love it.
As far as I’m concerned it depends how you’re wired. It’s like sex. Some people like foreplay, some hate it, some love quickies, some love sex marathons, some love sex with multiple people yadda yadda yadda.
I know men who love to flirt, and you can usually tell when a person loves to flirt because they are good at it. They’re tuned into that frequency so they know how to respond.
I asked my husband what he’d do if he was being flirted with and he said he’d be sociable and polite. On the other hand there is a big difference between flirting and teasing because I get the idea that the soldier is talking in a sexual sense – flirting as a means to an end. But in my experience the vast majority of the flirting that I’ve done and observed happening doesn’t have that ulterior motive.
I guess the best anology I can come up with is say you’re English, living in an English-speaking place but you’re fluent in French. And then in a bar you meet someone else who is fluent in French. What a delightful coincidence! So you have a laugh and a chat in French and you admire their pronounciation and use of vocabulary and you have a grand talk without anyone wanting to move to France.
“I feel the same way about catch and release fishing. what’s the fucking point? for ME there is no point. I’m not going fishing for something I’m not going to kill and eat. waste of effort.”
The point is the same as in other pointless game/play: fun.
Fun is an aim in itself,morally questionable as it may be,non-adult as it may be and regardless of how much people irresponsibly hurt themselves/others pursuing it.
As the difference btw teasing and flirting I think the second has a sexual connotation that the 1st doesnt necessarily have.You can tease someone just to show appreciation,recognition,buddy-ness,as a greeting…
“Do men and women interperate teasing and flirting as the same word with the same definition..”
This is probably my bad communicating again. The soldier and I talk a lot and then something gets posted and it is out of context. I am careless like this – I have too many balls in the air.
Oh! (Back for a saturn in virgo edit)
I should added that our conversations are posted as-is. The thing that is left out is the other 45 min of conversation had prior and in many cases we are talking in short bytes throughout the day.
In whatever case, this is how flirting morphs to teasing. But in general I know for a fact the man is thinking about fucking while the woman is flirting and I think the picture reflects this really well. Those men want to know one thing: Is it possible to fuck these two…?
They’re definitely looking to get some. LOL. I’m glad I don’t look that goofy when it comes to flirting/dating/sex.
Thank you Pluto.
Nina – This just tickled me:
“So you have a laugh and a chat in French and you admire their pronounciation and use of vocabulary and you have a grand talk without anyone wanting to move to France.” hahaha 😉
Who is he kidding? Men love it.
On this blog, you talk about how you say No to men and it drives them wild. This is also a form of teasing, flirting.
Of course men want to get their rocks off, no doubt. But though they may not like it while it’s happening, they love the effect it produces. They’ll keep coming back like bees for honey when they get teased and built up.
I love men, but they just don’t have the physiology to flirt and tease like women do, or to understand it. They are in the sexual zone so easily, so much quicker, so much more often than women. They are triggered to easily. A woman who can take that energy and hold it for a while, play with it – that is a woman who can create a whole experience. Men enjoy being engaged and toyed with, aroused.
I know the soldier is a man and all, but I just fundamentally disagree. Every guy I’ve ever met loves to be teased, flirted with, to one degree or another. Even men with whom I am not romantically involved. Men love a ball buster
An ex-boss of mine had to explain this to me, because I’m so NOT into flirting. I tend to get very direct and tell them to piss off if they persist. That makes them even more attracted which drove me insane. Seriously, I was angry about it, that when I said “stop” or “no” or “enough”, it was interpreted by some/most men as “I’m really saying yes”.
Anyway, my boss said, “that’s a challenge and they always love a challenge” and by being so direct, it was a turn on.
We can’t f’n win it seems. Yeah, men, so no time for that crap anymore. There just aren’t any straight up decent men to be found near my world. So I just shut the door entirely after the stalker.