Voice Of Mars: How To Fight, Using “Women Techniques”

“I got in a fight with that crane operator today,” my husband said. “I used women techniques on him.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No, I used women techniques all right. I wanted to try them out so I acted just like a woman,” he said.

“No. What did you do?”

“Well, he was yelling at me. What are you he, said. You stupid? Are you stupid or something?”

I laughed.

“Yeah, can’t you find your way, he asked. And I said, how am I supposed to find my way? There is no sign. I don’t live here. How am I supposed to know where to go,” he said in a woman’s voice. “And he said, yeah I saw you drive by. And I said, you saw me drive byyyyyyy? Well why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you come out there and wave to me or something? Why didn’t you come out and get me so I didn’t have to go through all that?”

I laughed.

“Yeah. I said, what if that was your Mom driving by? What if it was your sister? Would you let them drive by without waving ’em down? Would ya, I said. I bet you wouldn’t do this to your mom!” He chuckled. “I learned this stuff from Elsa P, by the way. She’s the one who taught me to fight like this. If you wouldn’t do it to you mom, why are you doing it to me?”

I snorted.

“Yep, those are women techniques all right. He was befuddled. He didn’t know what to say. Men don’t fight like that. You don’t bring someone’s mom into it.”

I roared.

“Yeah, I’m going to remember this as a good way to land the first punch. Men don’t use somebody’s Mom so if I do this, I know they’ll be completely taken by surprise. Yeah? Well what about your mom? Let’s talk about her. They’ll be standing there all confused and then – BAM! Down they go.”


Comments

Voice Of Mars: How To Fight, Using “Women Techniques” — 9 Comments

  1. Ha ha! That’s some funny shit! I toned down my Mars/Aries style in recent years and find myself fighting more like that…with my SO I say ‘Talk to you like you love me’ and with idiots on the street I tell them not to be so bossy.

    I’m amazed how many people LOSE it when you tell them to stop being bossy. Maybe it triggers their inner 9 year old.

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