Wife, Battered And Cheated On, Worries About Signing Lease With Mercury Retrograde

Virgo vintage decanter blue background

Hi, Elsa,

I found out my abusive Aquarian husband was cheating on me on Xmas day. I was already prepared to leave him for all of the horrendous physical, emotional, financial abuses he’s heaped upon me throughout our relationship, but this other woman really threw me for a loop. To my knowledge, he’s had over 40 extramarital relationships in less than 5 years with me. We have no sex life whatsoever, and he always blamed me for that. I tried therapy with him, but he was never sincere and each session became an attack on me – and I was paying for it!

Unfortunately, we work for the same organization and the other woman is in his building. She is married with kids. I feel totally humiliated by his flagrant affairs all over the neighborhood where we live and the company where we work. It feels so debilitating to face this every day.

So, I’ve decided to get out. I’ve found an attorney and a place for me and my children to live. But here’s the problem: Mercury turns retrograde next week and I have to sign the lease and move in the middle of it. I already put down a deposit and filled out an application, contacted the mover, etc. I have to get out of here. This man is dangerous. He has assaulted me severely and is a pathological liar. Will I encounter difficulties signing the lease and moving during the retrograde? The intention has been there for weeks. Also, I keep fixating on why he wants this other woman and not me. I am an attractive woman, vibrant, intelligent, respected professionally, yet he’s never been there for me at all.

Is this a real relationship with her or another con? And how do I stop obsessing about him and get over all the pain and humiliation?

Beleaguered Battered Wife
United States

Dear Wife,

I would not worry about Mercury retrograde. Sign the lease and get the hell out. Some things trump other things and this is a case of that.

If you want some more astrology for reassurance, there is a sweet little thing called a Jupiter Saturn trine aspecting your Mars and you should have no doubt you are doing the right thing and will be supported by the universe. Your other challenges are also paper tigers, let’s get real (Saturn) about what is true (Jupiter).

A man who assaults women and has an affair a month does not meet some gal at work and transform into Mr. Wonderful. You know who and what he is and she will find out I’m sure. The guy sounds like a sociopath to me and it is not uncommon they be charming.

As for why he wants this other woman, he does not want this other woman, are your kidding? He wants to meet people, mess with them, ruin their lives. and move along. She doesn’t know this yet but you do.

Keep your head, keep your focus. You have your evidence, Virgo – now get out, get out, get out.

Good luck.


Comments

Wife, Battered And Cheated On, Worries About Signing Lease With Mercury Retrograde — 24 Comments

  1. Virgo, congratulations on putting together such an excellent exit strategy for you and your kids in the midst of such chaos. Just concentrate on your survival right now and the emotional healing part will come later. You’re strong and special, and you will land on your feet. Don’t look back.

  2. Whenever you feel humiliated or bad due to his actions, imagine a mirror, hold it up and reflect it back to him. His behavior, actions and misdeeds are no reflection on you. You are responsible only for your own actions. Do not allow him to blame you for his many faults.

    Remember this phrase, “Diamonds in his back.” It means he looks better leaving than he did arriving.

    Time and space will heal you and your children. Allow him no further concern, his path is low.

    Best of luck and love to you.

  3. Virgo, run fast and far. And if you need some help getting yourself over and past this jerk and his manipulations, I highly recommend the book “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft. It’s positively EXCELLENT, both for understanding what he’s all about and keeping yourself from falling for any more of his tricks, not to mention assuring you that you are not the problem.

    Good luck, and don’t hesitate to file for a restraining order if he gets nasty when you leave. There are many women’s crisis centers across the country, and from what I’ve seen, most have advocates available to assist in the process and accompany you to court.

    (And yes, I know all this from personal experience. You are not alone. Many of us have been there, done that, and moved on to much better lives!)

  4. After a break-up, I had to move out fast (for my own mental health) and I signed a lease during Mercury retrograde. The apartment just fell in my lap and it was perfect in every way. Two years later, I’m still in the same place. It’s been a wonderful refuge. Just to show that signing during Merc Rx is not automatically bad.

  5. Best of luck to you, there is no doubt that you are doing the right thing, especially for your children. When they become adults they will understand why you left.
    On Oprah a few days ago they were talking about the effects of divorce on children, which follow them even through adulthood…..and the main thing is that you allow them to share their feelings with you, be there for them, don’t be so angry at your husband that you become angry at them, and don’t lean on them to get you through….they need to lean on you.
    I know that sounds like a lot to ask of someone going through such a hard time. But you sound READY to get out of there, and that’s always a good start.
    Bless you and good luck during this new begining in your life.

  6. merc rx supports finishing unfinished business-andthis is unfinished business if ever there was.

    it’s not uncommon to feel like there is something wrong with you when someone has been abusive for a long time, and he’ll be more than happy to blame it on you. don’t own that. that’s HIS shit and no matter what your faults may be, no one deserves what he gives, period.

    instead of asking yourself, “why doesn’t he want me?” as yourself, “why on earth would i want him?”

    i’d also consider finding a new job if that’s feasible. this guy’s energy is mega-toxic and the further you can be from it, the better off you are.

    run like the wind, virgo, and don’t look back! you’re not only saving yourself: you’re saving your children from the idea that what you have been living is a “normal” relationship.

    good luck to you!

  7. What goddess said! Mercury Retrograde is cleaning-up-the-past time. He’s your past, so make that a reality.

    And you don’t ever, ever have to be embarassed that somebody else is being an asshole. He might try to make it seem like it’s your fault, but you have right on your side and you’ll prevail.

  8. I went through this with my ex he blamed it all… on me.I never ever cheated on him.My mom told me this piece of advice to stop letting him walk all over me with his muddy boots!!!That is what he was doing i took my power back she enlightened me to what i couldnt see i was so beaten down.I also like the advice about the diamonds in the back!!!!

  9. also, mercury retro is a great time for doing things you’ve _put off doing_ that are past time to be done. and getting the blazes away from this guy is a perfect example of such a situation. don’t fear the mercury. in a way it’s saying your life will be disorganized for awhile, and that’s a perfect expression of this kind of transition.

    get yourself (and the kids!) the heck away from this guy. and don’t waste time.

  10. wyrdling-what a great point! that’s some of what i did today; doing some stuff i’d put off for a long time. i figured it was a responsible (saturn in virgo) stuff to finish, and it felt good. 🙂

  11. Elsa,I can’t tell you how much you have helped me. I now have a huge sense of relief about moving out during the retro. All of those who have responded…..I am overwhelmed by your compassion and understanding. My life has been devoid of love and kindness for so long that the slightest gesture makes me cry. This man has nearly destroyed me. You are right, Elsa, he is a sociopath. The therapist gave me the official diagnosis. He is incredibly charming and attractive and just mesmerizes people….then he closes in for the kill.

    It’s so frightening to realize the extent of the abuse under which I’ve been living. My clothes have been in garbage bags while he took the dresser. He left me in the middle of nowhere during an ice storm last year, and another time he tried to run me over when I refused to listen to him. These are just small examples. It’s overwhelming.

    Every day the enormity of the situation hits me harder. Reality is tough to accept, but I know I have to. I find myself cycling between feeling really empowered and able to act to being crippled by the sadness and feelings of betrayal/rejection/humiliation, etc. Even though I know cognitively he’s not capable of having a real relationship, my emotions still make me jealous of this ow because she has the appearance of getting all of his attentions that I never got, that I cried and pleaded for. It hurts like hell. I just want it to end and to never ever experience this daily trauma again……to have peace in my heart, and to save my children from this monster. To find that I have to cut this malignancy out of my life once and for all. I’m counting the days now. Hopefully it won’t take too long to heal.

  12. virgo, once you’re out, the healing will be faster than you know without the daily assualts on your self-esteem and your sense of reality.

    also understand that the feelings you’re talking about are perfectly NORMAL for someone in your situation. they don’t indicate there is something wrong with you. ok? i’ve talked to many women in situations like yours, and the difficulty trusting your own feelings comes with the territory.

    we’re all pulling for you and your kids to find the happiness and peace you want and deserve. much love to you, vigro.

  13. Rock on!! Although it’s hard now, you’ll survive. It’ll get better – it’s a rough road sometimes, but it leads to somewhere far more pleasing. And in my book, you = hero!

  14. Dear Elsa,

    Thank you for your encouragement during that very difficult time. I left him and have generally been doing very well. It’s taken me a long time and lots of hard work to get through the worst of it…undoing the layers and layers of trauma inflicted upon me by this predator. Though I’m still not completely out of the woods I finally have many good days and am able to be emotionally present for my children, not worrying so much about staying sane and alive. The ex has moved on as if I never existed with the last affair partner, yet he continues to stalk me as does she. It still stings. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust another man again after this.

    I think my Virgo-ness has helped me enormously. I’ve been able to keep putting one foot in front of the other and drag myself through the wreckage caused by this person to a place of peace and healing.

    I still have concerns about my safety and that of my children, as he is using intimidation tactics in our divorce, but this is no longer a daily issue. The encouragement you gave me about leaving him during the retrograde made a huge difference for me. I can’t thank you enough for that and for all of the kindnesses I received here.

    Thank you again for holding positive thoughts for me and my children. I believe it truly makes a difference.

  15. Virgo Woman,

    My hats off to you – job well done!!! I hope you are claiming and owning pride in yourself for what all you’ve been able to do for yourself and your children. You are a strong beautiful woman. Blessings to you and your kiddos! Much love in your future.

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