Regarding “How To Spot A Vicious Woman“, kashmiri wrote:
“As for your question as to the percentage of women being vicious, I couldn’t say. I’ve been blessed with what I’ve got and an innate inclination to see it a mile away, and keep it to a smile and nod.”
kashmiri, I can spot them as well and here is my best tip: If you meet a woman and she is bad mouthing, gossiping, taking nasty actions against another person, you can be pretty sure you’ll be next. And men? Well if he’s trashing his ex girlfriend, it’s a good bet that when you’re his ex-girlfriend, he’ll be trashing you in the similar fashion.
I have found Henry’s advice inordinately helpful on this front. He taught that you should approach all people with the assumption they are good because most of them are. But once they prove themselves “disagreeable” (his word), he advised you get away from them as soon as you can.
Once I left a comment on a piece by another astrology blogger that intrigued me. The blogger came back with a insulting and caustic remark that made it clear they did not like me at all. Whoops! Per Henry’s instruction, I realized I was in enemy territory. It was not a blogger but a rabid bear, so I clicked off and never clicked back. Turns out if you live like this and you can avoid most problems with vicious people.
When you see a bear do you turn away or try to turn the bear into a mouse?
It depends on if I can walk away, and what the costs of walking away are. If it’s just a social situation, I just walk away. I’m a loner by nature and my social circle is small. No need to expand it in THAT direction.
It gets thorny, though, when the bear is your boss, or a family member, or a member of a group you really want to be in. Then there is more to lose. I *really really* hate being in those situations. I usually manage to walk away eventually in those situations too. But it takes longer and takes more energy and is generally just freaking annoying.
That is one ugly bear! If vicious folks only knew they looked like that..
I have encountered the bear in some of my bosses, and in some of my exes. I found out the hard way that trying to turn the bear into a mouse only made me a bear, too.
Funny Elsa, I too have thought that exact same thing about men. One of the reasons why the man I love says nothing but kind things about his ex girlfriends.
(He has Venus conjunct Moon in Scorpio and this is a great expression of that configuration I think).
I had a strange experience with a very vitriolic stranger. We were introduced by someone we knew mutually…the mutual friend said “You’re from the same place” (Canada) but my attempt to be friendly was rebuffed so strongly, it was just weird.
The mutual friend just smiled benignly at me, and it dawned on:
Yes we were from the same place. And now that I could see she was “disagreeable” as Henry says, I took my leave.
Later I heard her tell someone she didn’t dance until she was in her 30s and for that I felt really sad, because I find so much joy in dancing. It truly hurt to meet such a miserable soul but whatcha gonna doooo? Not a dang thing. Meaning: I see a bear and I high tail it out of there.
“It truly hurt to meet such a miserable soul but whatcha gonna doooo? ”
This is where the bear gets me, sometimes I just can’t look away from the “wreak”. I need to learn to run the other way. I need to focus my compassion towards those who won’t hack me to pieces.
“I found out the hard way that trying to turn the bear into a mouse only made me a bear, too.” I can relate to that! But there are white bears and grey and black bears, so you can try carefully to be a bear to these people, empowered,but without becoming one of them.
And you may never turn them into mice, but downshifting them to say…squirrels is possible.
(sag-sag speaking here)
“I need to focus my compassion towards those who won’t hack me to pieces.”
Yup, you got that right 😉
I’m also very good at recognizing these people and not letting them get close enough to care/notice that I’m avoiding them. I attribute this to my sun in practical Capricorn in the 6th house of overall well-bing trine my Moon in reserved Taurus in my 11th house of friendship.
i am reserved around someone who is badmouthing others, but i also don’t know what their interaction was, so i try to reserve judgement to some degree. for example, my husband didn’t have sweet things to say about his exwife. after getting to know his her better and seeing her in action manipulating her kids or making up abuse allegations, for example…well…i didn’t have much positive to say about her, either. she is a vicious woman.
when someone is getting joy out of another’s difficulty is one of the main hallmarks for me. i see that, i run as fast as i can the other way.
My nickname in high school was “the bear” because I looked like a teddy bear, supposedly. I look like me and I never enjoyed being likened to an inanimate object, even a cute cuddly one.
Well, I knew and was even friends with a lot of nasty grizzlies when I was younger (4th grade through college actually).
I wish that I had known then what I know now. I am still not so good at avoiding the grizzlies but I am much more adept at surviving an attack (now that I am conscious that I am even being attacked!)
Funny thing is, if you saw me defending myself against a grizzly, nevermind, thanks Neptune 🙂
..but i can’t walk away from students like that. which leads me into a new quandary. avoidance has worked well in the past, but now….
Sometimes I poke the bear. But I’ve no interest in making the bear a mouse or a friend after its swiped at me. Life’s too short.
The only vicious people I’m around are family. Can’t do much about that — smile, smile, nod, leave.
It is PEOPLE period that are vicious. In my experience it is inside 95% of human beings, they try to hide and pretend they are all good or nice people, don’t be fooled and approach everyone like they are vicious assholes and expect that then if you recieve goodness and kindness it will surprize you and feel good.
I have little hope and faith in people, they will always let you down and it’s all very self serving.
The best thing you can do with a true vicious person is smack them around the head with a stick and maybe that will teach them not to be such a cunt.
I’ve been known to shame a bear a time or two. Probably not the best thing to do but I am extremely intolerant of certain behaviors. Especially gossip. And, I’m in situations where I’m privvy to it a lot with my kids and their sporting events and the parents who are involved. I wouldn’t say I try to turn them into a mouse because people are who they are and you cannot control that. But, I let it be known very clearly that I’m not interested about the updates on who is doing who and who is getting divorced and what kid is doing this or that and..ugh. If my request to not be made a party of that is not respected then I simply don’t associate with the person anymore. I’m sure I’ve been the subject of such conversations before–as a matter of fact I KNOW I have. But, I figure if they are discussing and cutting apart my personal life then it is giving someone else a break and I can handle it.
What about when they’re family – how do you get away then?
I think what disturbs me is meeting someone who consistently derives *enjoyment* out of talking about others’ problems, stirring the pot, unnecessary drama etc. The way some women can do this with smiles on their faces can be chilling. It makes me think, not only will I be betrayed, but they’re going to do it with a grin on their face, they’re going to get off on it.
@Mooseman This is just a suggestion but I think there are ppl who are consistently unheard and as such, their speech becomes disturbed. Some ppl haven’t been genuinely listened to for years and this is usually very painful for a person, even if they don’t acknowledge that pain. If you have the mettle, I’d consider this situation as a possibility and try (as extremely unpleasant as it may be) to truly listen to the person. In time, the speech may become less disturbed and more genuine. There’s no guarantee things will change, but it may be worth it for a family member you care for.
I tried this with a negative coworker who used to verbally attack me (and everyone else). It was not easy b/c I had to get over my reactions of feeling offended. But I see the guy everyday so it was worth the effort. Now he likes me and sometimes he even tries to help me at work.
I usually let people be who they are trying to change a person is not only impossible but can be fool hardy at best.
If a person is behaving badly or is one of those people of which you have apply described above. I so agree with you Grandfather Henry. Putting distance between you is the best thing. However if you are not able to do that because you are related to such a person it is best to limit your exposure to them as best as you can if at all possible. However unless someone comes into your life to show you by example that this behaviour is unacceptable there is a very likely chance you will also turn out to be exactly like them.
I have Bear as a totem spirit animal and so does my husband we do rather well together and like bears we generally are peaceful creatures. As a rule we exhibit all the positive qualities of the Bear. When our children were young it was very unwise to mess with our cubs it could get you injured. Now that they are all adults and have cubs of their own we believe they have been taught and it is up to them as parents to raise their children. We have at least 4 who have inherited the bear totem. Their in-laws think they are aggressive to a degree. I have one Co-Mother-n-Law that I keep tell you should not poke at the bear it will swat you back. She thinks she can rule my son who has bear totem which doesn’t work at all well. He loves her dearly but will not allow her to rule him and this causes frictions. Other wise he is a rather peaceful bear.
my aquarian side wants to inspect the bear and study it…possibly poke it and take notes …and be stubborn about other people telling me to back of =p. when I inevitably get burned my cap side wants to beat the bejeezus out of my aqua side for not knowing better. Actually, knowing better but, still proceeding with the dumb experiment..
If I see a bear, it’s time to run! We’ll be friends in another life, LOL.
I’m very self protective. I guess as I get older I don’t have time anymore to see if a person is going to change. If I see a lion, tiger, or bear I run for the hills. You see? I’m not that brave!
Sometimes the bear chases after you when you run, sometimes it’s best to slowly walk away for play dead. haha
Ooooh… Bears are soft sweet cuddly cute , especially when you get to roll around on them as your newest Living room addition: Bearskin Rug.
My Pisces energy tries temphasizese , but swipe at it…. that’s when my stellium kicks into action (assuming it isn’t sleeping off the booze from last night’s party).
errr…. tries to emphasize.
(spell checker didn’t catch it)
I have 2 reactions when meeting a bear like this:
1)”Hmm, lots of vitriol and insecurities that they want to project on me. Not interested. Moving along”
(my Capricorn Side)
2)”You would make a nice rug I must say…”
(my Pluto side)
I’m not vicious. I’ve done this when pushed – really pushed – and I can relate to someone who posted about Pluto in the 3rd house (transit). Tired of dealing with vicious women myself – and men, too.
It’s enough knowing that people who actually know me, know this, though (other than my sister, who has always loved and hated me). And that there are some projections going on at times. You can be vicious without pinpointing another person. I usually do my best to make sure that everyone is comfortable, and I feel like hell when that doesn’t happen. What I’ve noticed is that people tend to ignore my boundaries, because I’ve been so nice, kind, understanding, (mutable – trying to adjust to make others more comfortable).
I’m “disagreeable” because I’ve been pushed one too many times. Dealt with too much unfairness, and now. This year, I became more disagreeable, although it’s better to not be, because then people’s trouble-making isn’t rewarded. Shame I was too much into trying to sort things out, and seeing the other people as genuine, rather than insincere.
My comment vanished. What’s up with that? Sometimes they appear straight away, and other times just vanish. Oh well. Happy holidays everyone!
I waited to see how the comments on this were going to come out.
You know, a few people made some cool comments, but in the end I really think I can’t call someone vicious without being vicious myself. I think using the word to describe someone is vicious.
When I think of my mom or my girlfriends or my boss and how tough they have to act, how hard they have to be to live in their worlds, I know how upset I would be if someone made that judgement about them.
And I would be upset if it were made about anyone here as well.
I look upon the world as I hope it looks upon me, with forgiveness.
Saturn rising. I feel like I have been on riding Saturn for a long time.
What if you know (or knew) someone who could be vicious, but could also be very kind at times?
I had a best friend in high school who said some really cutting and unwarranted comments about me to another friend (who was also a bear, and who was grinning as she let me listen to the comments on her phone). The first friend also moved away for the last year of HS, and I noticed that when she talked about the new friends she was making, she also commented about something she found negative about each one of them, almost like she wanted us to have a bad initial impression of them.
Yet this same friend (friend #1) went through a lot of trouble to arrange for carloads of other friends to come visit me in the hospital 100 miles away when I had a serious operation. I was out of school for months and she arranged multiple visits. Friend #2 did not visit me at all during those four months.
I have lots of experience with bears, and consequently will not have them in my life now unless it’s unavoidable (coworkers, etc.).