Speaking of what you can and can’t stand in relationship, this is personal. I once dated someone who could not stand the way my voice carries when I talk.
I can’t stand passive aggressive, so I married an aggressive man.
Some people can’t stand an inflated ego, and/or preachiness. Others don’t mind it.
Some people like to spar in their relationships, others hate upset of any kind.
The key is to decide for yourself what you can and can’t stand. Boundaries, see?
For the outsider looking in, just because you can’t stand a person, doesn’t mean your friend is having a problem.
What is deal-breaker for you in relationship? Also, can you think of something about your partner that bothers other but that you enjoy?
Being bored is a dealbreaker. And I need emotional depth. So, yes, sparkles and depth. It’s a tall order 🙂
My husband is what I guess you would call clasically uneducated. He dropped out of school when he was 15. This has bothered several of my friends, especially when I first got married.
It doesn’t really bother me, because he is one of the most motivated, passionate people I know. His area of knowledge is narrow and deep, so yes there are areas he has a lack in. But you don’t have to be in school to “learn.”
I’ve had several friends tell me that they prefer “a smart man,” or were bothered by his uncouth-ness (or perceived uncouth-ness). They were more airy types, so I guess I understand. But I’m a water fire type, and I respect heart wisdom and the passion of those who are self-taught. He’s much smarter than some of the people I was in grad school with…
Unfaithfulness is top of my list of deal breakers – lots of Scorpio.
One thing I learned the hard way is the importance of being very upfront with your deal breakers. That can save time and heartache.
Another thought is this: Make a list of all the deal breakers you can come up with. Then reduce it down to the absolute worst. Saturn is still in Virgo and nitpicking can get out of hand! Keep in mind nobody’s perfect including ourselves . . . 🙂
Constant negative spewing while making no effort to make the world a better place.
Well the soldier offends virtually everyone eventually.
So do I so perfect match. 😉
I should add, we also wind up winning most people’s respect.
As for deal breakers – low character and/or lack of self esteem send me straight out the door.
You’ve certainly won mine, Elsa.
My dealbreakers? Along those same lines: someone who doesn’t respect me. I’d rather be alone than be subjected to the behavior of someone who doesn’t respect me.
Also, they need to have an active mind, be curious about the world, and be unafraid of going DEEP.
What i came to want in relationships: honesty, emotional courage (very hard to find in men), an open mind (not necessarily intellectual, but interested) and an certain generosity of the heart. Men who are able to stand for themselves.
Can´t stand: Pretenders, cowards and liars, men depending on symbols of social status, “go with the crowd”-types, and those who are that needy for partnership they´d practically take anything offered.
Lately i´ve realized that for a 7th house gemini sun it´s relationshipS/friendshipS that count, not “finding the ONE”. Guess i´m too much of “the ONE” myself for me now. I am partnered and i like it, but it´s not the center of my life. For the better – he´s a sag with sun conjunct saturn in 6, so guess what always comes first as far as he is concerned… No chance in being clingy, but a whole lot of space and personal freedom and being cherished for the person i am. The stronger, the better.
– Unfaithfulness. I have a strong Cancer Moon squared by Pluto. Someone with a wandering eye. This just doesn’t make me very comfortable.
– A man that still lives at home (I’ve been independent since I was 21. There are things that change when you are independent and on your own. I like to have my partner know what it’s like to pay bills, maintain a home, etc… Not rely on Mommy and Daddy for everything. You’d be surprised how many men in Canada still live at home).
– A man who CANNOT stand up for himself.
Dealbreaker: The daddy type–don’t even think about telling me how to live my life, cause it ain’t gonna happen.
Bothers others (but I enjoy): My partner’s ‘tude. He definitely unnerves new people at face value (depending on the other personality), but I find his little show quite amusing (and adorable). Scorpio can come off as harsh and stinging, I think.
same. lol i never was attracted to the daddy types. lol that’s fine, cause i never liked men who were wayyy tooo old and i like ’em close to my age or younger, my husband is few years younger. I think he likes the mommy types lol xDD but i never tell him to live his life. he got sadge personal planets soooo yeah. 😀
I am one of those who really hates fighting (as in, angry verbal exchanges– there are other ways to fight, of course). I have done it in relationships and I find I’m way happier without it. But that doesn’t mean that I think people who fight in relationships are unhappy. Just me. If you are prone to raising your voice a lot, that’s a dealbreaker for me.
Liars and control freaks need not apply, thank-you-very-much.
My husband’s directness is sometimes off-putting to others, but I respect it tremendously. We used to work together, and I’ll never forget the expression on the company VPs face when he asked my husband about a work project expecting to hear a generic “Great” in response and instead got an honest answer. It still makes me chuckle.
My birthday is tamarra, and it’s looking like it might be a relationship year (more on that in a minute). Dealbreakers? God, if only I could figure it out. I’m thinking back, remembering. The part of the relationship that I struggle with is when the newness wears off and nitpicking gets going. It seems like little resentments build up over time and they’re tough to overcome. I have Uranus in the first, Mars in Sadge in the fourth, and an Aries moon. So I have this freedom issue as well. No easy subject for me, relationships. Friendships? I’m good on those. A loyal friend and an ally. I will back people up (Leo J?). At any rate, women are sort of descending upon me right now (last encounter was at the supermarket a couple hours ago), which is not the usual trend (I go in spurts–when it rains, it pours). As far as I can tell, I’m not doing anything different than when I get a polite smile and a “hello.” Who knows? I do know that Jupiter is either transiting my 7th already or about to cross into it. (Oh, one other thing: I was basically raised by my three older sisters, who rigorously trained me with table manners. Plus, I’m a Libra. So bad manners at the table are a dealbreaker.)
Dealbreaker – most definitely loyalty/fidelity. Would rather be alone than deal with that bullshit.
Dorothy, I totally agree with you.
Intelligence. I need to have a man that stimulates my brain. If I don’t feel like we communicate on the same intellectual level, we’re done before we started.
And I absolutely dislike a shy and reserved guy(especially sexually). I am none of the above.
Abuse of any kind, emotional,physical,of me or my children and drug abuse/addiction. This is my absolute.
Someone who gives me too much space: dealbreaker.
Too often I see this in venus-saturn types — they delay/avoid/are fearful (speaking of the square or the opp)
I like “some” space but if you leave me alone too much? I’ll be looking elsewhere
Deal breakers: Loud, abusive and uneducated men.
Disloyalty/indecisiveness. Don’t vacillate about whether we should be together, and don’t threaten to leave every time we fight. Commit or not, dammit.
Dealbreakers – alcohol or drug abuse, rudeness, disloyalty, closed or fixed mind.
My husband knows a lot and talks a lot. Some people think when he’s sharing info that he’s showing off or trying be better than them some how. He really isn’t. He just figures if you don’t know it’s better to tell you. And he remembers so much random stuff. I mean, he should go on a game show and win money because he knows a lot.
I usually love it because I love that he’s smart! Sometimes though it’s disappointing when I hear something or learn something and share with him only to find out, he already knew. Or worse, that I already knew but forgot. 🙂
Well I guess I don’t mind a big ego since I’m married to a man with several planets in Leo! I need security, the old fashioned boring kind of security. I’ve Venus in Cappy. I don’t like rudeness, Libra Rising. I like a kind man, one who is fun to be around. I’ve Sadge Sun. Don’t be a stick in the mud!
Dealbreakers: overly sensitive, possessive, controlling, domineering types. Lacking courage or initiative, low energy.
Clingy, obsessive, or smothering – big yuck. Aries Venus and Uranus in the 7th. I need way too much space for my own good. Is it too weird to want to live in separate households? 🙂
see luci’s answer and add “controlling” as a deal-breaker. i can deal w/possessive & jealous, but it’s when they try to control me with it that i balk…that’s when i start singing “You Don’t Own Me” as i walk out the door…
Reading this post and the one about Scorpio stellium people tendency to “fix” their partners psychologically I ,had a kind of a revelation: The one thing that I’d consider a dealbreaker in a relationship is the lack of emotional support. I can definitely do with imperfect people, with a whole lot of problems. I’ve been with someone with serious substance abuse problem who never considered the relationship exclusive. But these weren’t dealbreakers. It was when he left me completely alone in a time I would have needed him I said enough.
Also, this is what’s causing most problems in my current relationship. My partner just doesn’t seem to know how to react to people getting emotional. Not just me, I see it also with children – he has nephews he adores, but I can tell he is completely lost when they get emotional.
Disloyalty is the number one deal breaker.
Hahaha Michele …no its not weird at all!!I think a lot of people would be happier living separate, but I also have venus in aries and uranus in 7th, so…:)
dealbreaker is not respecting the other persons path, I just could never be with someone who just viewed me as an assesorie to their life…and I hope I never treat anyone like it either..in a comitted relationship I think u have to think all the time that this other person is coming from a different angle than you , they grew up with differnt sourroundings , dreams , visions ect…
Controlling men. I cannot and will not be controlled.
All the above I nod my head to.
Cheaters liars closeminded secretive knuckle draggers
With a Venus in Scorpio and a Taurus moon I love grounded blunt scorpios and intense blunt tauruses.
But sweetness and is kryptonite for me.
And a bit of eccentricity. I love quirky. Someone who gets the big picture and what goes on behind the scenes..
And dont be afraid of a good fight. Just be able to let it go when the dust settles…
Lack of communication. And by that I don’t mean we need to be talking constantly. But if there is some kind of issue, you’d better be willing to talk about it. I don’t do well with people who withdraw in the face of a difficult discussion.
That’s probably my biggest one. I also don’t like condescension/lack of respect, but I am just enough of a masochist that I think I could be okay with that in some situations. It just needs to feel like it has merit, I guess.
Someone said, that it’s really important to know upfront, I couldn’t agree more. We both understood, without a shadow of doubt, each other’s “deal breakers” long before we started frolicking.
I have Pluto conjunct Venus in Scorpio in the 8th house. Saturn is about 8 degrees away in the same house.
The first thing I notice is a strong presence. My husband is very quiet, but he has this (he has a stilleum in Scorpio including his Sun that conjunction my Venus/Pluto). I like to feel gravitated to the other person. I have Mars in Libra in the 7th.
Other qualities in a man I find attractive include authenticity, drive, and loyalty. I need someone who can handle my intensity. I love a nice voice. I can’t stand it if the guy has an unattractive voice.
I’m not sure this relates to my Venus, but it’s also important to me that the person I’m with is open minded to new experiences so we can grow together. I also like a man who is quite smart so there is a variety of things we can talk about.
My husband’s Sun/Mercury/Pluto all sit on top of my Pluto/Venus.
I don’t like viciousness, brutality (even emotional brutality) and cruelty towards people who don’t deserve it. Libra Stellium and all.
Indiscretion/ disloyalty ( Virgo sun,Scorpio Rising/Venus/Mars.Strong 12.house) Nitpicking,lack of respect, superficiality,dishonesty..
Deal breaker: Low/no work ethic, low self esteem.
A confident, hard working man is paternal and will protect the weak. A cowardly, loser of a male will abuse the weak.
Astrology (mine): Venus in Capricorn, mars in 10th, Pluto trine Sun.
Why do you need someone paternal? Wouldn’t you be doing your share of the work?
I didn’t know we were rating each others answers.
Sorry.. many Venus in Cap have broken up with me for being unemployed (often while they themselves have been underemployed or in other ways needy).. snags some pet peeve.. A Venus in Cap boy I knew who is a hot mess (Mars/Neptune in Cap), his life very unsolved.. is attracted to women with considerably higher professional accomplishments than him and doesn’t hold himself to the same standard.
I still don’t think hardworking men need to be paternal. Isn’t Capricorn all about accountability and pulling exactly your own weight and no more? It isn’t fair to expect so much of someone else, men aren’t dada. I have Mars in Cap in the 12th so yes, I do want a guy to have his shit together and was raised with the idea that a man brings home the bacon, whatever that means, along with some other crazy ideas. I do not have my shit together, though.
That said, I do always expect the person I’m with to care for me in some type of way. I dated a guy with very little money. He used to come over at 3 am and bring cheap champagne and spicy chips. Also he used to sneak me into the movie theater and had a trick to get me jumbo popcorn. I did feel he took care of me.
I find caring men very attractive. I was not in any way referring to me Needing a man to work for me …LOL. I’m an Independent, hard working, highly educated Aquarian. Gosh I loathe how easy it is to be misinterpreted online. I’m glad you highlighted how this may be misunderstood, so I could correct.
Gotta be a little adventurous and have a good sense of humor… says my Venus in Sadge. My husband is a Sadge rising – perfect.
Yeah and down for ziplining/sky diving/all that shit!
Cancer Venus/MC square Pluto on first house. I am magnetized into work relationships or vice verse. I like to be the work wifey to the big daddy Boss with some sort of age gap (Cancer Venus/MC much!??) ….who always happens to be married/taken (Venus square Pluto smh)
Volcanic forbidden passion has had its drawbacks and I’ve stepped out of that and been on my own for quite some time. Trying to build secure foundations for a nurturing and long lasting union for my Cancer Venus. It’s been a challenge because the deal breaker is essentially the LACK of volcanic forbidden passion. Like I won’t even be remotely interested in anyone unless there’s the forbidden quality. Long live the hermit life lol!!
Oh, cuspy 🙁 it seems like a pattern that always follows one around and transmutes.. maybe dating a dom 😀 or a CEO of not-your-company .. there has to be a way for the pattern to play out healthily.. does your Venus or Pluto have any positive aspects that can syphon off this tension? I think Chiron seems to be the difficult card when it comes to unsolvable romantic issues 🙁 Do you have Venus aspecting Chiron? Sometimes an astrologer’s perspective or something helps us break these patterns. It just seems like watching other people, the patterns transmute over time but suppressing them doesn’t help either..
Thank you for your input Kri, the positives of the Venus/Pluto is the potent transformations I’ve gone through from all the darkness/love triangles/betrayals/heartbreaks. Finding my own self worth, self-love and beauty. With my Gemini Chiron, I help others heal through the same terrible situations through lots of talking, validating and supporting those thoughts/feelings and encouraging positive transformations. I currently am self-employed and have essentially transformed into a boss, I let go of the boss that never chose me and chose myself and became my own boss. You’d think that would ease the problems but nope!. My own inner empowered confidence has attracted double the amount of possible magical and volcanic love triangles. I’ve avoided/rejected my current love triangle suitors and that was unpleasant because with volcanic passions, there’s volatile and vindictive emotions and they’ve made sure I see and feel the same rejection. I have yet to figure out or know the healthy expressions of Venus/Pluto in relation with another person…hahaha!! *crawls back into hermit cave*
People who only associate with others just like themselves. They like what they see in the mirror and have no motivation to broaden their world view, intellect or soul! Like being in a prison of the mind. How very dull.
I had a reading with a talented intuitive many years ago, who saw two husbands for me (I was mid-30s). For both, she picked up qualities, fun, how we met, etc., but each one ended with, “but it ends because he doesn’t take you seriously.”
*Oh really,* I thought, and decided then and there I would be just fine without either of those husbands. Sure enough, neither of them has showed up in 25 years! But I have done a lot of thinking about what it feels like to be taken seriously, and how and when I take someone else seriously.