On the subject of appearance, my problems on this front are long-standing. For example I once had a boyfriend and while we loved each other, my clothing gave him fits.
His Saturn was square my Venus, I am sorry to say. Here he complains I am dressing wrong (not good enough) – Domesticating Elsa.
And here he complains that I am dressing too well and look too good – Bianca Jagger.
Then there was the guy who wailed, “Why can’t you wear jeans and suntan pantyhose like everyone else, even thought I was wearing a purple skirt and a gold hat on my head when he met me… and blue tights by the way.
Maybe you can see how this is just a tad baffling and how it can become downright irritating.
I don’t know what in the world possesses a person to get involved with a person they don’t like and then complain about them but I do know it’s very common.
Ideas on this?
Maybe the fact that most will never find an aesthetically “perfect” mate (a far-out expectation but many people have this to some extent) forces us to choose someone who’s CLOSE enough to our ideal, and then the project change/tweak/alter your significant other begins.
IMO, All of this rests on the fact that our society puts so much damn emphasis on appearance that instead of trying to improve the bonds we have with people, we are asking them to dress better or change their hair.
My ex used to do this to me also. It was annoying at at times insulting.
And I also think that it has everything to do with the “reformer’s” insecurity, and not the other persons actual look. Its about: “Does this person make ME look good enough?”
I read the forecast that goes live tonight, I wrote it 2 weeks ago. It speaks of old lovers coming to your consciousness and look, here they are! 🙂
My feeling has always been, that if I expect others to allow me to be who I am, wear what I want, color my hair red or blue or green (which I fully expect to be able to)- than it’s only fair that I allow others to be exactly who they are. And anyway, we’re always evolving, and fashions change, so why get so worked up?
I think people get with others that are so glaringly unlike them, or unappealing to their aesthetic; so that they have something to focus on other than their own garishly obvious faults.
In the 12-step programs, they say “Keep the focus on yourself”. This sounds counterintuitive because most addicts are narcissistic as hell, but it actually means “Check yourself, quit taking the other guy’s inventory”. Hyper-critical lovers are ALL ABOUT taking the other guy’s inventory !
The fact that they end up alone is actually a gift to them from the Universe, but they never see it that way; they just feel abandoned when they’ve just been handed a chance to examine themselves and make the necessary adjustments — a chance to be nicer to be around for the next time out. Too bad.
or leave it.
Interesting! My ex’s Saturn opposes my Venus, and he hated every single thing I ever wore. (Which is crazy, because I have excellent taste. 😉 Haha.)
(((CArRiE))) You are SO right!!! If the other person really cares about you, the superficial stuff is a non-sequitur (sp?).
Elsa, I for the life of me, cannot see you succumbing to anyone’s complaints about your personality or appearance…I agree, it is draining and annoying..
Can’t people just be concerned about their own stuff without “getting pissy about someone else’s appearance”? Jeez, there’s so much more to life than that…
Well, the first incident, I told him to shut the fuck up or I would send him back to his previous girlfriend.
The 2nd incident, I made him vomit all over the next day.
The 3rd incident (different man) – I divorced him after being married about a month. ;-):-)
So yeah, AriesSun, I’d say you’re right. But I also don’t tell people what to wear or how to be and act myself
My first boyfriend as an adult (latter half of the 90’s) had his Saturn square my entire Libra stellium, and he never ever gave me a single compliment! Figures, huh.
i think people will often want you to fit in with their projections of you… often they get pretty upset if you don’t (it’s a challenge to their reality structure… which a lot of people will defend pretty heavily.) i’ve dealt with quite a few people who wanted me to play to my virgo ascendant… to the point that my aries sun heavily rebelled. it can be oppressive. i’m not sugar and light and sweet and pure. and it’s been pretty damaging to listen too much to people who reject any other expression of my identity.
I had a boyfriend who complained that my tennis shoes weren’t white enough…I was incredulous…they’re shoes!
Then a few weeks later he said I wore clothes that other people threw out (I love to thrift).
I told him one man’s trash was another man’s treasure and pointed out somebody threw him out recently, but I didn’t think he was trash.
Shut him right down HA! I broke it off not long after…
Maybe people who do this think they are “fixers” – you know, you got some issues, but they can “fix” you, lol.
I never had a man bitch about my clothes – it would be so over between us if they did. Not interested in anyone’s opinion about that, but that’s just me, of course!
hehe my Saturn opposites my bf’s Venus and sometimes I HATE what he wears!! But I would never restrict his style what so ever… the only time I’ve EVER said anything was when he wore a shirt for Christmas at my grandmother’s house full of holes that didn’t have holes in it the day before!! It’s like he wants people to have this perception of him that he “doesn’t care what he wears” which is fine but on this particular day I couldn’t hold my tongue… I honestly don’t care what he wears on any other day but on Christmas my Gma shouldn’t have to see his nipple peeking through his shirt!! LoL
My natal 11H Sag Saturn squares my natal 7H Virgo Venus. Yes, I do care about my BF’s appearance. I gently encourage flattering clothing options and color choices that meet his skin tone (I come by this naturally because of my Libra Sun! lol). In the end, he usually really likes my suggestions. The same goes for his home furnishings.