This is from a consultation circa 2015. This gas was dating a married man who had lied to her.
“…I don’t think it is bad to “settle”. It’s imperative that people who are prone to fantasy (like me and you), learn to settle! I am happily married now. If I had held out for everything I could imagine or dream up…had I not settled, I would probably have nothing right now!
I work with a lot of women. I can tell you that a lot of them hold out for something they are never going to get. They wind up with nothing.
It’s stuff like this you have to sort through. Who is worth investing in? Who is worth settling WITH, not for? Someone who has been married for a year, and lies to his wife and his girlfriend?
That does not sound like a good prospect to me.”
It’s funny how a person can settle for a fantasy, easier than they can settle for something that is real.
Know anything about this?
Dare I say the fantasy doesn’t disappoint? In fact, the fantasy can be the fuel to surpass the stagnancy that settling for reality can breed in some. Perhaps that is my Aries Venus talking (through my Pisces mercury-sun conjunction). Perhaps I am simply facing the crash of recognizing having settled for reality. I miss my fantasies. I feel boxed in & a bit (lot of bit) lost from myself in this settled reality. Maybe it’s just different strokes?
Falling in love with the fantasy, for some prone to fantasy, can be equivalent to some of the highest self-love. Or am I speaking from delusion? Using this Venus retro to seek out more clarity….
I look forward to other comments.
Thanks, Elsa 🙂
Fantasies make no demands and require no work while providing a bit of pleasure and lots of emotional breathing roo. Some of us like that :).
When it comes to relationships, I think I’m tolerant and realistic to a fault as long as I’m very attracted to my partner, he’s caring, and he doesn’t have any major substance abuse problems. Or an extremely loud voice and bad manners (Venus in Capricorn shudders at that).
@Scottish lol Taurus Venus Melania Trump doesn’t mind loud and noisy husband Donald Trump. She has Capricorn moon though.
I have no illusions about some fantasy man making me happy, am a depressive type by nature (moon in Scorpio opposing Saturn in Gemini). I just want a great companion and situation alongside my chronic misery.
Hi Scottish! Nice to see you here with Elsa’s 🙂
Goodness gracious, yes! Story of my life. I have Venus Neptune trine. But it’s not like any old trine because Neptune rules my Sun and Moon and squares them both from the 5th (love) house to the 8th house (intimacy) and Neptune sits directly on my South Node. And it exactly sextiles Pluto which opposes my Venus adding and element of fixation. So I experience this inside and out and from every direction.
It’s extremely hard to accept that you are, in fact, settling for a fantasy when you are so fully invested in someone/something. The keyword for Neptune is belief and to cease believing is like death to Neptune. Neptune just needs a heavy dose of Saturn in order to understand that “settling” is okay, especially if the object of desire is not showing you any real signs of wanting to make your dream reality.
I once had someone tell me “no promises” and that floored me, although I did wait too long anyway, still believing maybe they would come around. No blind leaps of faith for me…no thank you.
I’m still not done growing. This is going to take me a lifetime, but I am learning all the time.
Interesting synchronicity … I just bought one of my nieces some Barbie stuff.
No one should ever feel like he/she is “settling.” Settling implies that one decides to accept a lesser situation than what one deserves.
Settling down with the right person – sure. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be alone while waiting on the right person, than to hedge your bet on someone who may or may not be “The One” simply because you are afraid to wind up with “nothing”. Indeed, waiting is preferential & protective. Nothing (or your own company) is a much better alternative than winding up with a totally wrong partner or worse.
If you pray for guidance from the Universe & send your needs out into the ethers, when the time is right, your next (maybe, forever) love will arrive. If you are still dealing with a broken heart, trust issues, other traumas, then you will continue to attract either (1) your shadow self, more lessons to evolve to higher place or (2) frogs/zeros/parasites/fuqwits, ad infinitum.
I have no idea! Saturn/Venus square means I know the hard stuff, Venus Pisces in the 7th. I know I want what is the worst for me. Irony defines, I was listening to this song as I read this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyihQtBes1I
“Scrape the mold off the bread” is the my relationship metaphor.
I tried to convince myself to settle into a toxic relationship using this line of thinking, that I should choose something real over a fantasy. Didn’t work. And I’m not going back to that. I’m okay with “nothing” for a good while. Relieved, actually.
I have neptune square venus (and sun and moon) and I have never really fallen for the fantasy.
But then I have saturn in opposition to neptune, and that says “Oh but you can’t have her because she’s already seeing someone”.
They say people with saturn in aspect to neptune have the ability to manifest their dreams and I can see how that’s the case. I would never settle for anyone who didn’t light my fire but anyone who did – I needed to be able to see how the relationship could work.
This Elsa, is one the thema’s of my life. And it was of my mother’s AND my grandmother’s and greatgrandmother. So many story’s in our family (at mother’s side) tells about this.
It often is so painfull, but I learned so much about it, understand a lot of myself and my ancesters. In my father’s family this theme is also adressed but otherwise decrepit. The origin is the same. I experiece so much and now I am 62 years old I can give such things a place in my life. I can tell you it was “a long journey” and it is as you sa Elsa, it still hurts when something happens that touches this, but not to long anymore.
My Venus is conjunct Neptune in Libra in house 2. Square my Jupiter and Moon in Cancer in house 11. Descendant is Pices!
“it is as you SAY Elsa”
A key message so well put and clear!!
I am a pisces with sun square neptune and moon opposite neptune. It took me a long long time to learn that the disappointments and wounds experienced in my childhood had made me incredibly, hugely idealistic in terms of love, friendship, work, etc.
Wow, I got hurt so many times by the love and friendship choices I made…A fantasy was more exciting and less threatening than real life, right? One often can conjure up whatever versions in a fantasy regarding a relationship that is not a good prospect, when neptune is involved.
I have settled down now (4 years, a record!) with a taurus man with lots of earth, and with enough fire (jupiter and venus, and ascendant) to keep my air planets intrigued and not bored with his earth planets (I have no earth in my chart so his comes in handy for my chart and watery and airy temperament although his earth can be too realistic at times – the opposite of neptune – which I struggle with at times, and then try to make peace with.)
My taurus partner is very clear about the settling WITH idea (makes perfect sense to him) yet he would never settle FOR (doesn’t make sense to him.)
We do have some neptune synastry contacts (conjunctions and squares – the squares are harder) which bring in some fantasy or rose-tinted glasses elements in our relationship that can help us forgive each other, or look away regarding the minor traits or behaviours (no deal breakers or betrayals) that we dislike in each other. That is where neptune comes in handy.
We also have double whammy saturn-neptune trine and sextile in the synastry. BlueMagoo, I agree with what you say about the ability to make dreams reality when saturn works with neptune in a chart. It works in synastry too.
I wonder if the answer to “settling for” vs “settling with” dilemma is to realise that the former is actually short for “settling for less than you’re worth”.
– If you are grandiose, entitled or have a sense of superiority then you’ll always feel you’re settling for someone less than you. You’ll never meet anyone.
– If you’re lacking in self-esteem or self-worth then you’ll settle for anyone who’ll have you.
– If you have a realistic sense of who you are and what you’re worth, then you’ll know who is right to settle with.
@BlueMagoo, my Capricorn mother in law and her best friend (deceseased_) Gemini/Aquarius moon never re-married. They hang out with other women who have been either married once decades ago or with women who are also single in their old age. They have high ideals of a man that these men would never fill. My mother in law says, she’s too independent and wants her space and to do things on her own, with her own money. She feels powerful like this, happier. Her bestfriend is super religious, and never thought of marrying again, she too loves her independence. I’d have to say honestly, they are happier /her best friend had been very happy before she passed. Women who are too independent will never settle either.
Thanks Elisa – it’s good to get some discussion on this and think about the alternatives and possibilities.
I used to be one of those independent people and I also met a lot of women who claim to be. But you know what? They’re rarely as independent as they want you to believe. What they’re really trying to cover up, and will often deny especially to themselves, is that they have needs.
So yes I agree, independent people fall into Category A of not settling for anyone. It’s a disguised “sense of superiority” because they look down on people who are needy and see themselves as above it.
This is a truism!
A valuable one BlueMagoo (I am Dutch and I must always look good that I’m well understood.
Does accepting reality mean accepting disrespect? When people lie and cheat it’s because they think they can get away with it and be forgiven…otherwise they wouldn’t risk it. If they’re willing to risk everything for the opportunity to get away with it they already decided the possiability of losing you is worth the risk. In other words you don’t matter as much as you think you do to this person…hence the disrespect
Accepting reality means you know exactly what you’re dealing with and then you can form a plan of action. You can choose whether to accept the disrespect or not accept it.
It’s when you delude yourself that the problems begin. When you gloss over the the lying or cheating saying that it doesn’t matter; or tell yourself that if you were a bit more loving they wouldn’t do it; or that it’s just a tough phase they’re going through and they won’t do it again.
My first astrology reading was 6 months before I got married 30 years ago. The astrologer told me that relationship was a Libra moon pipe dream for me. Wow ! What a thing to say to someone. I have Neptune square Venus natally. I divorced 9 years ago due to my husbands increased addictions and his unwillingness to address them. The period I was married – progressed neptune moved through my 7 th house. Several years after divorce it moved into my 6 th house. So I think for me marriage was the neptunian dream. I think it takes a lot of fantasy to maintain a marriage. The first step is those tricky vows which everyone decides to interpret in their own way. I remember reflecting on my wedding day which was one of the best days of my life. I remember exclaiming to my husband – Why were all those old people so happy for us? Everybody was celebrating. No one said a word about the long term misery and struggle that marriage was for me . For 20 years I kept the marriage dream alive constantly putting the idea of happiness into my future. Six months before I filed for divorce my in laws had their 50 th wedding anniversary. I watched as they sniped and insulted each other . It was during that weekend that I decided marriage was not the dream for me anymore. Now 9 years into my single life, I’ve been unable to swallow the pill of delusion that relationship requires. It’s this simple – life has joyful moments, painful moments interspersed with lots of mundane moments. Single or in relationship your pain and suffering follows you. Perhaps the astrologer was right? I don’t know.
I have Venus/Neptune almost exactly sextile. I’m practical, and lucky, in my choice of a wife. But I still yearn for my twin soul…..Does that make sense?
Still with the married man. He’s been battling cancer for over 2 years. I have quit him regularly, once for 7 months…though Ive been in love with him 6 years, have only been near him for half that. We have many legal and professional connections which keep throwing us together and I keep falling back into his arms. He proposed marriage a year ago but now the illness dampens his capacity for change…he’s just trying to stay alive. If another man were to come along, it would be easier to swear off him, but over age 70, choices are few. Our times together are fabulous…but I quit him again yesterday when he took her to a mutual professional event, and I stayed away. I often avoid my own professional events to avoid them! Though I understand his reluctance to change in the middle of all this, I find his duplicity cowardly and deceitful. I have Neptune in 1…
This topic makes me cringe on the inside. I was such an idiot still 2-3 years ago, oh my god. Then I found a Venus-Saturn like myself and now my Mercury/Neptune fantasies are about travel, money, education, appearance etc. So basically I’m still an idiot but with one less thing to fantasise about. I totally live inside my head.