Luna writes on Are You Hiding Something Critical From Your Partner:
“Just wondering about how does one deal when it’s one’s partner who’s got the square? If you ask them to be upfront, you can’t know if they are…”
I don’t think there is an easy answer for this because there are so many variables. The person may out and out and lie but often the partner is in on it, consciously or otherwise. Basically, they may not want to know.
They may not want to know because they may not care.
They may not be not be serious about you anyway – you’re just two people screwing.
They may not want to know because they’re enjoying the fantasy and they have no desire to spoil it, even if it’s likely to doom the relationship, long term.
If this is the case, they’re not going to ask hard questions. You see the dynamic here. The lines are not always clear who is keeping what from who.
You may be dealing with an out and out liar but more often it’s what they don’t tell you, or what they allow you to assume. A person like me who is inherently honest, is very likely to answer a direct question that I don’t want to answer with fog, rather a lie.
“Why won’t you marry me?”
“Because Tucson is an Estes hometown,” I respond.
“I’m not telling you that,” is another thing I say a lot.”I’m not going to talk about that” or “Don’t ask me that, I don’t want to tell you…’ I virtually never lie. I mean, it is very, very infrequent. I could probably count my lies in the last 10 years on one hand but that doesn’t mean I am talking to you and it doesn’t mean you’re not tricked because I keep my mouth shut.
In your case, Luna, without seeing the charts, I can only suggest that you ask the question, trying to let the person know it is safe to answer. Even more important, if you can let the person know that an honest answer is very important to you. Venus Neptune is inherently compassionate and inclined to sacrifice themselves for the other.
For example, my husband did not press me for a (real) reason why I would not / could not marry him. If he had told me that I was hurting him and he wanted me to address marriage thing in plain language, I am pretty sure I’d have responded to that. Venus Neptune is not especially self-protective. Most times they are trying to spare the other from having to deal with reality. Why ruin a perfect date, yanno?
So my husband is not that way so due to his way and my way, we lost 25 years that we could have spent together. Love (Venus) disappeared (Neptune)…or seemed to.
There is an upside here. Let’s say you have slept with 100 men and your boyfriend guesses that you have slept with 10. It may be a kindness not to correct his perception.
What do you think?