Venus Square Neptune – Delusion In Love – Part Two

Neptune leather cuffWhat are some common examples of Neptune affected love relationships? The number one way to obscure reality so that fantasy can thrive is to access to the beloved be denied in some way. The keyword or key concept for Venus Neptune is “divine discontent” so if you want to get some of this fine pain going, it’s easily done in a number of ways.

Here are the top six Venus Neptune picks:

  • Pick someone married.
  • Be heterosexual but pick someone homosexual.
  • Pick a priest, or any other unavailable religious entity.
  • Pick someone in prison
  • Pick someone drug addicted or otherwise highly compromised.
  • Pick someone who lives 1000 miles away.

For Venus Neptune all of these situations provide plenty of opportunity to pine and sacrifice. In all 6 situations, forming a reeeeal relationship is all but impossible. This is critical to Venus Neptune because the goal is to avoid mundane reality in relationship.

If someone is going to lie around and pine for their married lover, they are not apt to visualize the hair left in the sink when they leave the bathroom, or the dirty laundry the person will generate. Instead, Venus Neptune can focus all their energy into imagining… well… anything they please. This is the appeal. A love so grand, you can only imagine it.

Once the relationship is established, the if only, if only, if only starts up..

“If only the governor would pardon my boyfriend!”

“Is he locked up for triple homicide?”

“That’s just a detail and besides, he says he didn’t do it  He was railroaded!”

Al-Anon meetings across the land are filled with men and women with Venus Neptune in their charts. If only he/she would stop shooting up, drinking and snorting and stealing and lying and, and, and…if only, he/she would see how much I love them, w could live happily ever after in the land of “a perfect union” where the partner is always tender, never cross, both parties are completely fulfilled and at peace every minute of the day.

No farting. No cluttered surfaces. No relatives. No body fat. No burned dinner. No dirty kitchen floor!

So how does it come undone?
Well, how can it NOT come undone?
Venus Neptune has magic, but sheesh – this is a tall order. The beloved certainly can’t deliver and surprise of all surprises – either can Venus Neptune! They cannot live up to their own myth.

Venus Neptune postpones this scene as long as possible but eventually they cannot “paint” fast enough to cover all the “bleak” and their castle built on sand starts to crumble.
The cycle can take a few weeks or months if the rest of the chart is highly mutable. If mostly “fixed” then it can take a year, two years, or even a lifetime but ultimately, the veil drops and now the Venus Neptune person is devastated.

How could you do this to me,  they cry. After alllll I did for you! Drat! Foiled again! Stuck with yet another mortal! ARRRRRRRRRGH, why does this keep happening to me????

But what about the partner? Yesterday they could do no wrong. Today they are thrown out like trash.

Er…who is the victim here?

Venus Neptune bumper stickers… can double as Country Music song titles 🙂

“Will Sacrifice For Love”
“The More I Love, I More I Ache”
“Ask Me About The Love I Never Got”

(see part one – Delusion in Love – effects)

Do you have Venus in aspect to Neptune in your chart, Venus in Pisces, Neptune in the 7th, Venus in the 12th?

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Venus Square Neptune – Delusion In Love – Part Two — 133 Comments

  1. I’ve picked someone that wasn’t local – twice – and both times, I hated it. I swore off it after the first one; the second was in my life much longer, and seriously considered buying a house on my street, and finding a job here – but he had Venus/Jupiter square Neptune. I hate pining. But it had also hit me that there was a certain safety in it – I need my own space, but also wanted him closer.

  2. but LOL @ the fantasy versus reality. I’ve fallen prey to idealizing happy couples, and have Jupiter trine Neptune. I’ve had to remind myself of all of that, and then wonder if any man would really want to live with me, or I, them.

  3. My Venus/Neptune has experienced #1 (twice), #3 combined with #1, and #6.

    During all these experiences I continued to read about Venus/Neptune and realized I was going at this the wrong way. I stopped chasing after impossible love and the real thing kind of just fell in my lap. 😀

  4. I have Sun, Venus, Neptune and Jupiter in Scorpio in the 12th. This is the story of my life. If only real life was as wonderful as the life I live in my mind! I’ve always wanted what and who I can’t have. Not to mention the secrets, secrets, secrets. . .

  5. Why is there a picture of my future husband up there …

    … ohhhh sooooo yummy …

    … thinking ….

    … thinking …

    … oooohhhh is that what you mean?

  6. Does venus in the 12th house count? Because that all sounds vaguely familiar. By equal houses, venus is conjunct my 12th house cusp by 32 seconds, but in my 11th. My first hubs was emotionally unavailable, add to that my saturn sq. his moon. Add to that, he was never physically around, always off chasing his dreams (I made plenty of excuses why he’d be back to me and they were right). That’s how it last so long (8yrs) but once we married and were together, reality came crashing in. Or maybe that was all due something else,
    Angie

  7. Well, I guess that’s good news, too bad it took 8yrs to see, then another 10 in hindsight to figure it all out. Thanks neptune, I don’t think I’ll ever see this stuff straight! But damn the dreamy side was nice, I could still float on that all the way from here,
    Angie

    • its utterly ridiculous. Because the worst part is -it makes total sense to you at the time! Your mind utterly and completely lies to you! It says ‘Oh, you’ll be different! You can change him!” And you believe it.

      It takes work to fight your mind and the thoughts it gives you to think. You have to use lived experience, and this only comes after the pain of that experience.

      (venus square neptune. fixed chart. lots of planets in the 12th house, all aspected by neptune).

  8. Hmm, this almost fits me. I have Venus in 12th, Venus trine neptune and Neptune conjunct the moon. And a Virgo sun! But the thing is, I know a partner will disappoint me. And worse, I know I’m likely to disappoint them.

  9. This really hits home, Neptune in the 7th opposing my Sun, Venus, and Moon in the first. Nevermind the squares it makes to other planets… sometimes I swear I’m happier living in my fantasy land dreamworld than actually being with someone – tho even in my dreamworld I end up pining! Bleh, yeah thanks Neptune! haha

    I’m learning to overcome, transcend, but man, fantasy land is such a happier place!

  10. And when that veil drops and shit hits the fan, man oh man, not a pretty sight. The work it takes to deal with these aspects is worth it in the long run, cause when that veil drops, its seriously horrible, especially when you realize you were the one who put the veil up in the first place.

  11. @EtheralSoul….. tell me about it! I have almost the exact situation in reverse. Neptune in the first opposite Venus in the seventh. My Sun and Mercury are there too. So much Cancer. Cancer Sun, Venus and Mercury in a Cancer seventh house. I don’t think Capricorn rising can knock any sense into any of this!

    Aries moon cracks the shits and makes the most stupid impulsive moves.

  12. Square, Venus in Cancer and Neptune in Libra.
    Yes I do build castles in the air romance wise.
    Does the effect end after a certain age 🙂 ?? that is do I grow up?

  13. I don’t. But my friend I mentioned yesterday on the first post on this, he has Venus trine Neptune. He married a woman who had severe mental problems. Severe. He has now found a new love and is head over heels.

  14. Wow Elsa yup. Venus in 12th inconj Neptune in 7th and moon conj Neptune from end of 6th. With a Pisces sun. Lol what fun deep and awesome uhhhh till the veil drops that is ;(

  15. I have Venus and Neptune in aspect. My SO often thinks I’m in my own little world. He has Saturn in aspect to my personal planets, so he has more grounding than I do and helps ground me with little reminders when I’ve flown off the handle.

  16. This is great and after listing all the aspect that fit this post I wonder what happens when two illusionists get together?

    Say a venus 12th with a neptune in the 7th. Do they stay deluded forever together or is that when the love hate axis kicks in?

  17. my sun virgo squares neptune and my love’s sun (virgo, as well) is conjunct venus — is that how, in our composite horoscope, venus squares neptune? in any case, we have this aspect (in the tenth house, sagitarius) and now i’m kind of worried that this relationship with someone whom i love very much will just crumble and dissipate into unreality? that sucks.

    things have been great. we laugh a ton and eat good food. after a year of seriously dating, we moved in together recently. i hope we’re not doomed. i guess this is the point where I buy a composite relationship report ;).

  18. check. i’ve done three of the six up there. it got surprisingly unfulfilling for my saturn venus 😉
    (oh, all the gay guys i’ve fallen for… wow.)

    trciky to be neptoooney in a real relationship though. i’m having a bit of a time trying to figure it out.

  19. I don’t have this aspect, but I do have Neptune in hard aspect to mars, which causes me no end of problems in terms of self-motivation and delusion and disappointment surrounding my lack thereof. In my experience, hard Neptune aspects seem infinitely more difficult to get a handle on than other outer planet aspects like Saturn or Pluto, where restriction or pain is an overt part of the energy.
    My question is: what strategies can one take to try to work with Neptune energy to mitigate its more destructive effects on a personal planet?

  20. I have Neptune conjunct Venus and Mercury in the first. I feel like it’s more that people project their illusions onto me (or do I do the spell casting . . . see so much delusion I can’t even tell who’s responsible!

  21. Good lord, this answers the questions about the last gent I dated. I sure did like him. He sure liked pushing me away even though you couldn’t find two people with so much in common… :\

    He still calls on occasion. Not really sure why?

  22. D..similar situation here too! What’s up with that? We have Neptune Squared in our progressed composite(our dreams don’t match OR do we have the ability to make our dreams come true? OR we made our dream come true but it was a delusion? OR one of us had a dream, and was delusional, the other deceitful?)Interesting that he has the same with his current relationship.
    We also have Neptune Quintile Venus (his Neppy in the 5th mine in the 2nd) AND Neptune conj. Neptune (his in the 5th and mine in the 11th). I would say there is some real creative dreaming and scheming going on here and not in the romantic way. : (

  23. That pic made my day. yummy.

    Venus in Libra in the 9th sextiles my Neptune in Sag in the 11th. There are more aspects involving Venus and Neptune but let’s just say I can completely relate to this post.

    The idea of a relationship or a person seems to be much more appealing than the reality.

    I feel like I’ve finally “overcome” my own rose-colored glasses way of looking at relationships through my marriage. Unrequited love is exhausting.

    Frankly, having a realistic outlook and expectations of someone and your relationship is way more satisfying and has less drama.

  24. Uh yeah, I have Venus in Pisces in the 7th, opposing and squaring everything. I feel very doomed in love and doom is very romantic. Looking into convents, we’re also quite the martys!

  25. Why is Virgo like Venus-Neptune, I wonder?

    Is it because Virgo likes to serve? So would Venus in Virgo tend toward deluded love?

  26. I’ve done #6 and at that only once but it caught me for years. venus pis. and neptooooon 7th.

    What I can’t figure is why I get accused of #1. A lot. When I don’t flirt, keep my head down and nose to the grindstone. I can’t figure the astrology of that. But I just got blindsided by someone thinking I’d stolen their boyfriend from them 10 years ago. Mind you I wasn’t interested in him and didn’t date him until more than 5 years after they broke up, when he and I both had grown up. I just don’t get the why of it all.

  27. #1. Married. Yep. Well, he was engaged at the time and hid it from me, but after I figured it out I was so in love I couldn’t end it when I should have.

    Drug Addict. Yep. Another thing hidden from me. For both of these I say hidden, and they were trying to deceive. But underneath I knew. I’m a smart girl and my spidey senses were tingling….I didn’t dig hard enough or deep enough.

    Long distance romance. Yep, did that one too. Twice…shame me twice…

    Venus in Taurus, in the 12th. My daughter told me today she thinks the married man ruined me.

    I just want to be fascinated, is all. When I was younger, I never stopped to wonder whether I was fascinating.

  28. i could add many more scenarios to that list…

    i wonder if there is really anything to do about it if i have neptune all over my chart & i’m 46, & still single 🙂

  29. Hi Elsa, I have Venus and Neptune conjunct in my 1st house Scorpio. Yes!! Everything you wrote & then some – truth. I am also practicing a generic kind of buddhism many years now and think this conjunction is a kind of fuel that I have to work with all the time. I always have the disappointment of shattered illusions to make peace with internally. Over many years I think this has led me to be someone far more forgiving,compassionate and accepting of my own imperfections (and others). That’s just a piece of my life (and setting limits is also a big one), but it’s def the Venus Neptune piece.

  30. I have a Pisces ruled 7th house and Sun opposing Neptune as part of a fixed grand cross. It’s taken me a while to manage that tendency – I’m now 52! I recognise that when younger I would definitely confuse the relationship with seeking after something divine. How can any man live up to such expectations? Once I got that nailed my Venus in Gemini got in on the action. I think wherever Gemini is in the chart you have a tendency to try and be in two places at once so when younger I wasted a lot of energy nurturing the possibility of a second relationship (rather like keeping a spare handy?). This is exhausting even if it never goes anywhere. There is a great quote: ‘If you live more lives than one more deaths than one you die’ – how true.

  31. I’m the one with Merc sextile Neptune, so that rings a bell when I see how you and your husband make things work … with space. That’s what’s missing from my world. I knew what I fished for when I fished and would … love more space for Christmas.
    Good view, Elsa:0

  32. I have Venus in Leo (9th) Square Neptune in Scorpio (1st). Oh, how I hate it. Weirdly enough, I haven’t picked any of the guys from that list (My Virgo Sun is too practical and my Scorpio rising seeing all the BS too quickly) but I do tend to end up with types that seem to be too “safe” – like almost like being with the male version of me so it too comfortable because it is easier – no drama (well not none but less) and easy to talk to. I mostly end up with Libra types which I end up boring relationship – until the relationship end than my evil Scorpio comes out and lets them have it. Looking back at those relationships I realize that i put up with too much that most people probably would not have put up with – not anything like drugs – mostly money issues where I end up doing more than my share or lazy men who have all these “projects” they want to do for a living but never do it. So it is like I keep pushing the stuff that bothers me aside and accept it – thinking I am being too picky (I am a Virgo). How I love any love that isn’t real – like movies or novels. I have a 17 year pine going on – I pine less and less as it has been 17 years since I have seen the pine-ee and I try to be realistic but part of me always wonders – could he have been the one?? I also have conjunctions and sextiles to my Neptune and I think keeps me from the really “bad” Venus/Neptune choices. But I still pine for movie love – anything that is otherworldly and escape from reality. And I still see others with rose-colored glasses – they always seem so much better than they really are and I tend to convince myself of this but than having Neptune in the 1st – THEY also do this too -they form a fanatsy image of me which is not like the real me and I have to fight to convince them who I really am. So I have a double problem with Neptune!!!

  33. I’m new here, but I have Venus in Pisces (11th house) square Neptune in Sagittarius (7th house) and every new man in my life I have ALWAYS put them on a pedestal. Go figure. I try Lord I try. Thanks Elsa, very good at pointing these things out.

  34. I definetily have this issue, and I now have learn to sort of accept that its all in my head. But what if the guy you are involved with also has a neptune-venus aspect? I have a moon/mar/venus (pisces in the 11th) squared neptune in the 8th. He has a venus/pluto conjunction in the 8th trine neptune in the (sagittarius)… I have been trying to find the logic in how we relate to each other. But there is none!!! It doesn’t make sense and it does feel very much otherwordly. Funny thing is he does live thousands of miles away. He travels all the time, his family is on the east coast he lives on the west. I am on the east coast but I am planning to move out west… any thought?

  35. I respectfully offer you this take on my synastry of Venus (Leo) Square Neptune (Scorpio). Take a Leo guy who has a really big ego, thinks he is a sexual dynamo and meets a Scorpio Lady who is very good at what happens between the sheets or anywhere else for that matter. They get married. Leo expects the wildness to continue but Scorpio has just had a baby, does the housework, and after sixth months of maternity leave returns to work. Leo is looking for the pre-marriage sex and when it does not return in full technicolor believes that the Scorpio (Neptune) has changed, i.e., got him now !!!! and with a couple of babies to boot. Scorpio feels maligned for not being the sex-goddess and sex becomes a duty for her and an obligation he imposes. Not good.

  36. Venus square Neptune is VERY common in the charts of homosexuals. Not a definite indicator, though, because this and other Venus-Neptune aspects are quite common in the charts of the musically, poetically talented. This is everywhere. Check it out.

    • Oh, and just a remark or observation.
      I would not necessarily believe something that’s “everywhere”. People cut and paste like crazy these days and the info may not have been very good in the first place.

  37. Oh, I could go on for weeks, have been following Astrology for 45 years. Pleeese, could we put an end to this “evil Scorpio”, “Scorpio: the eagle and the scorpion” garbage? It is abundantly clear that Scorpio is a very, very narrow sign in life outlook. Its extreme focus and concentration may, in individual relationships, appear to be some extra-special sex, emotional dynamic, but this is way off. Narrow, focused, concentrated: the exact opposite of promiscuous, all over the place etc.
    You folks, most of you, need way more insight. Scorpio – read the bios – has produced a very large number of America’s best-know comics. Broadcast and other media: same thing. How come pretty much NONE of you ever see this?

  38. Nice. An actual reply (don’t get too many). I’m cutting and pasting nada; just going by charts I’ve seen, though even the late Ms. Rodden had quite a few problems in her work. My mother also had Venus square Neptune and LOVED priests, as well as anyone she ever worked for who seemed prominent. Got so much stuff you won’t want to hear it, but will continue if you like. Just hearing what you already believe is not a good thing for making those brain cells expand.

  39. Venus in Leo square Neptune in Scorpio. I said ‘no’ to all six scenarios, and COMPLETELY FORGOT that I married an alcoholic/drug addict. That’s Neptune for ya.

    @EtherealSoul “When that veil drops, its seriously horrible, especially when you realize you were the one who put the veil up in the first place.” So true, ‘seriously horrible.’

    @Elsa “what about the partner? Yesterday they could do no wrong. Today they are thrown out like trash.”

    It goes both ways. My partner also had me on a pedestal, and then I got thrown out like trash; in fact ‘thrown out like a piece of garbage’ is how I say it to myself. I still can’t comprehend it.

  40. Thank you Elsa, this post is spot on. I have Venus in Virgo in the 1st house squaring Neptune in Sagittarius in the fourth. It’s not been fun!! Any suggestions on working with this energy? Is what they say true – that if I divert it towards something else (like, art, spirituality), it can help me not to be deluded in relationships? Or what else can Venus/Neptune people do to live a better life? Thanks.

  41. Lately living with my square makes me feel I’m losing my mind. I see deception everywhere…i have high neptune score natally plus neptune part of grand square.
    I go back and forth regarding what i want love wise. I always attract unavailable types or choose unconsciously falling in love with them. It never fails…
    As neptunian I do have psychic abilities. But I want to live in reality. How do you balance those two?

  42. I have neptune square his venus and mars although everything else in our synastry chart is highly sexual!! Problem…he is married. The sexual tension between else is unreal. He is a cancer and I am a scorpio. Is there a chance he will ask me for an affair. Cancers are usually very faithful.

  43. smh

    Moon/neptune/Venus here. I specialize in the long distance relationship. My sub-specialty is mental illness. As in “Hey, I didn’t notice you were bipolar/Boderline/drug addicted. Hard to notice that since our relationship has been bi-coastal from the start. It doesn’t matter. I will stick by you and love you anyway. Even after you wreck my car. Again.”

    Also this one ” So what if we have no sex and you’re impotent. I don’t need to have sex with you. We have it in my mind more than enough. I’m completely satisfied. I swear! *smile*”

    *rolling eyes*

    Imma start using my Saturn a WHOLE lot more.

  44. I have Venus/Vesta exact in Cap (love is sacred, yanno?), square Libra Neptune. And yes, I can cop to many of the classic symptoms, and in spades.

    But I also have Venus opp Saturn, so I can’t even get to enjoy the illusion without that old nag Saturn constantly drenching me with cold fear right from the get-go…

  45. My Venus Neptune aspect has caused me plenty of heartache. I’m not the type to call and gush but I will definitely pick a man to save. I just ended a relationship where he isolated me, stole money from myself and my dying father and told all of the secrets I finally entrusted to him (Scorpio sun) to anybody with ears. I haven’t given up on love but after this crazy ride, I am looking to step out of line for awhile. It has become entirely too exhausting

  46. I’m guessing that Venus conjuncting Mars in my 8th house and also squaring Neptune does not make this whole subject any easier for me

  47. I have Venus in Virgo 12H, conjunct Mercury sq Neptune. YAY for me! I don’t even know where to begin in my story of dating but it’s been a long, crooked and painful road..

    I also have Pisces on the Descendant. Not sure if this adds to misery or not.

  48. Great. I have Venus in the 12th square Neptune. You’ve describe basically all my relationships and I see no way out of being me. Still waiting on the prince to break me out of – or at least break into – my castle.

  49. We have similar astro. Feels like a curse, no? Was married 11 years to a closet-gay man. Reconnected with a now-married ex love, and then fell for a guy who lives 1000 miles away. Nice.

  50. I have a taurus accendant and have a venus in aquarius in my tenth house sqaure neptune in scorpio in the seventh house…..u are right… dissapointment in love is a trademark of this square. but can u tell me does this curse (sort of) ward off after any age?

  51. Sun in Virgo – tick
    Venus in Leo (12th house no less) – tick
    Venus square Neptune in Scorpio – big tick
    When I began to discover what this is all about it made so much sense! Secret drug addicts. Heavy drinkers with bad childhoods. Accidentally falling in love with cheating men from the otherwise of the world!!! The only way I am dealing with this is leaving behind the last one (the heavy drinker with no empathy possibly due to childhood trauma) is to forgive and forget ASAP and rejoice in my sensitive art and music loving nature and trust I won’t be fooled again….. Am such a romantic it hurts!

  52. I am in a relationship with a man who has Venus square Neptune. Can all the things that describe what happens to such natives within love relationships be what they cause in others lives? By the way, not only does his Neptune square Venus, but it also squares Jupiter and Mercury, conjuncts his Moon, and trines his Sun. Oh, and did I mention he is a Pisces with a Scorpio Moon? His Venus is in Pisces too and it is conjunct his Mercury in Pisces!!! Besides being a drug addict,he seems to be a pathological liar. What is the attraction? Well…not so sure right now! Sex is very good and we dance great together! He often laments how he is a victim of other’s abuse, yet at the same time, he is the one that does the victimizing. I have Neptune conjunct my Sun, Mercury and Mid-heaven, while squaring my Saturn. So I think I am very Pisces like even though I am a Scorpio. We have a Sun/Moon conjunction, and being in Scorp there is a lot of truth seeking on my part. I am pretty sure my unrelenting observations are too much of a reality check for his murky grasp on what love really is. So now I’m trying to figure out the best way to end it. Sadly, I ignored many glaring red flags!

  53. Venus in 12th here, with Neptune in the 7th (without aspect, thank God). Reading these posts has just woken me up. That fantasy of the perfect relationship is what’s holding me back. Fact is, from my experiences, relationships are very….ordinary! (Well, nevermind amazing sex ;)). I think those of us with Venus and 12H and/or Neptune aspects need to accept reality when looking for a partner. All the men I’ve met that I was attracted to in an otherworldly, Neptunian sense were all no good (married or otherwise committed, drug addicts, control freaks, physically/emotionally distant…you name it). We have to own up to our problem and accept the mundane aspect of relationships, or our cycles are doomed to continue. That ordinary single guy/gal we’re about to write off may be a great future spouse.

    • I’m about to write off an ordinary single guy who I’m sure would make an amazing spouse lol.

      I just can’t do it, already feel like I’m somehow less me… this position is a gift and a curse!

      • Yes, it’s difficult to be enchanted by anyone ‘average.’ It’s not strictly appearance either, although that can be a factor; There’s some ethereal quality about the person that has some mystery, lure, or tantalizing pull that you can’t quite figure out or ever understand. Hindsight never works here.

  54. Venus in Leo in the 1st square Neptune in Scorpio in the 4th, and a Virgo sun to boot. First husband had substance abuse issues. I wouldn’t call him a full-fledged addict, but he was close. He swept me off my feet and showed his true colors once he had me. (Interestingly, he also had the square in the same signs and was a Scorpio ascendant.) The guy who knocked my socks off in college was an alcoholic-in-the-making. At graduation, I began to question my life and choices in that regard. My continuing problem between marriages (and I’m long remarried to my second husband) has been emotional unavailability. It’s probably fair to say I jumped into some of these relationships too quickly, and maybe this is my heavily-aspected-Neptune sensitive-self talking, but in my own defense, nothing is one-sided. These men *did* have issues Should something happen with this marriage I don’t see myself marrying again. Either I’m too difficult to live with or I keep making the wrong choices. As I have transit Neptune opposite Sun right now, I’m not sure which I believe. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.

  55. ex fell in love with office manager. he had transiting neptune square natal venus. she had transiting neptune trine natal venus. a perfect storm. i forgave him but divorced him. now i am coming into transiting neptune square my natal venus. wow!

  56. venus trine neptune: what transit do you think drops the vail off? anyone have any ideas?
    🙂 happy grand cross…..

  57. Haha this is me – #4 and #6
    No venus square neptune here, but virgo venus and Nn/Sn virgo pisces.
    Unaspected Neptune in the 12th natally- very close to the Ascendent. This thing started when I was 17, but 27 years later, I expect it will let go when I leave this life. The highes/the lows, the bittersweet shimmery illusions. Ill just hang in there in case its real 🙂 of course I will

  58. Ouch. Yes. This is me. I pined for my first Capricorn for ten years and we only had sex once! My Aquarius Venus is sextile to Neptune in Sagittarius. Uranus in Libra. The Cap I now love is an alcoholic with Neptune in Scorpio squaring his Venus in Aquarius and Uranus in Leo, opposing his Taurus moon. Wheee.

  59. I loved this blog – it is so me. I have a Cancer Venus in the 4th, square to a Neptune Libra in the 7th and to cap it off I have a Pisces Ascendant. Things have been a little rough lately, pining for love and all but I feel so much better after reading this. I’m actually laughing at myself. Thank you

  60. I picked my married professor. We had an affair, living on the East Coast. No tenure, moved to the West Coast. Continued “affair” for total of 3 years (over 2 long distanced). Ended disastrously. He contacted me after 20 after the break up and we are friends, but my betrayed Scorpio Moon would never have him back as a lover. We still are separated by the entire country.

  61. Its true! It started a month ago for me and will last until September, Neptune square Venus. I am 60 and have fallen in love with a 22 year old Chinese student I have been tutoring. I cant help it I Love her. I want to marry her so she doesn’t have to return to China. I want her – I know its stupid but I cant help it. I know she is unhappy and I want to help her and make her happy. I’ve told her I love her. She says I am a good friend. Ahhhhh will it pass when Neptune has cleared off?? Help me.

  62. I have Venus in Pisces 06 square Neptune 02 and Jupiter 06 in Sagittarius.

    It seems like everybody in my life wanted me to be somebody who I’m not. My birth father wanted a rich daughter who has a high paying job and a mansion. My current ex wanted a woman who was extremely traditional so he could only go work a part time job then come home and do nothing. He resented doing any child care. My other ex wanted a person who was mindless and couldn’t stand up for oneself. My estranged family expected me to be a perfect person and I am only human……. my favorite saying is I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

    Right now, transiting Saturn in conjunct my Neptune and Jupiter and squaring my Venus in Pisces. I’m now wanting to just be around positive and safe people. I want to be in a safe place …..this would show Sun square Mars that indicates a person who goes into dangerous situations. Though Uranus into that mix then you have some excitement in life.

    Maybe the Saturn transit is a relief and a lesser heavy energy than transiting Pluto conjunct my Mars square to Sun in Aries and Uranus in Libra. Maybe the energies are working hand in hand cause I just had a drastic and devastating loss.

  63. Here is another thing……. my crush over the past decade is a comic on TV. And he is gay. I’m heterosexual. Although I identify as gender nonconforming and sometimes identify as masculine energy but would prefer to be neutral. Although if one were to look inside my soul, I must be a gay man in a woman’s body. Drag queens fascinate me.

  64. I’ve got venus in aries 4th house square ascendant, neptune and uranus in the 12th (capricorn). I like to be the initiator and then make the person think they won me purely on their own when really I made a decision initially and no one can actually “win” me because I’m the hunter. I have noticed I’m not attracted to masculine alpha males. I like men who are slightly feminine or neptunian or somehow dreamy/clean/serene and I now understand this attraction more, I am looking for an ethereal lover. I love the magic generated from one night stands but I don’t enjoy the reality the next morning. The ones I fell in love with were somehow unattainable (Lived in Sweden, too old for me) and I initiate break ups to create that sense of longing and pining so that I can win them back again. I am learning but I don’t want to change, I want this ideal but I also have this hard aspect to uranus that has rendered me too independent to play the typical female role in a relationship, I would rather do the mundane things by myself and just have good times with a lover.

    The one I currently like is Pisces and I don’t care if he farts or even goes to the toilet in front of me, my view of him is that he is gorgeous regardless.

    I confuse myself by dating lots of people at once (I am also sun, moon, mercury gemini) and thinking they will all be there when I need them. I am at my happiest when doing yoga and exercise classes and taking care of myself. I just don’t see myself in a marriage in this lifetime, I feel claustrophobic, but with cancer on my descendent I’m constantly seeking that very thing.

    It’s definitely a very foggy placement to have and I find myself attracting people I’m not attracted to and just going with it until I wake up and realise I’m not being true to myself. Then my uranus venus square kicks in and I suggest friendship instead.

    I’ve accepted this about myself, I confuse myself and can see when other people have this aspect, they have a child like naivety and will fall for you pretty quickly or not at all.

  65. Sigh. Yeah. My method of choice has been long distance. My Sun is mutable but I have a lot of fixed energy… 7 years this relationship went on. I probably could have gone on longer. Venus in Leo trine Neptune at 0 Capricorn… In the 5th. I was so freakin’ delusional. I really don’t think this is going to happen again, I learned this lesson to the core. I moved across the world and tried to denounce everything I was for delusional love. The lessons learned however are priceless and maybe this is what its all about. I will try my darnest to see my imaginative relationship utopias for what they are. To accept and honor conflict and difference and see them as a necessary part of life in exchange for our uniqueness. Thank God for the astrological guidance. Elsa I hope its ok I’m scattering reflections of my divorce all over your blog. Your questions are really helping me to understand and transition.

  66. Age, sexuality, committed relationship/marriage, distance, addict – pretty much other than the prison thing I’ve pined for them all. Venus in Virgo (7th house) square Neptune in Sag (9th house). I’m not well-versed in astrology whatsoever but beyond a shadow of a doubt this aspect has been a MAJOR theme throughout my life and probably no surprise that all these elusive/impossible/unfulfilled relationships have always seemed to be “fated”, that I feel I’ve needed them to know myself… as though taking back my projections once the delusion subsides has been part of some spiritual quest. We’ll see if I can ever manage to fully break the chain and get that memoir onto the bookshelves 😉 Good to know I’m not alone.

  67. I went through my collection of charts (friends, family, co-workers) and I noticed a couple of themes with those who have Venus-Neptune aspects (specifically, conjunct, opposite, trine and square). (1) Quite a few have never married (almost all of them are women); and (2) The ones who have married seem to fall into two categories: (a) they ignore the bad stuff about their mate, even if everyone else can see it — it’s like they don’t want to see how fucked up, mentally ill, or just plain obnoxious their partner is; or (b) they worship their mate so much, they don’t see the real person; they still see their original fantasy of that person — these are the types who continue to brag about their partners even though they don’t have the relationship they would really want. It’s all about the fantasy of the person AND the relationship, and how it either works for you or not.

  68. I came looking for this aspect because I just read something on another site about this aspect being the ‘liar’ aspect and go figure my husband has Venus square Neptune. He’s not much of a ‘liar’ but I found something fascinating looking for this…. We met almost 30 years ago and we have been together almost 20.

    He waited for me for YEARS…. and through two marriages. Yep, he just waited. Poor guy…. learn something new every day!

  69. I had 4 of the top 6 as past experiences with love and relationships. Most of them happened during a Pluto transit to my Pisces. I didn’t understand what was wrong then but I see a bit better now.. Well I think so..
    I’m a fixed Sun but the rest of my chart is pretty mutable so I get that I’m on a cloud fast-ish (within a year I generally get it)
    I’ve been avoiding relationships so I can get a better grip of myself and learn about my shadow.
    A joyful mix of a commitment phobe and a dreamer. I want a love relationship yet unsure how to attract it. Oh well!

  70. Guilty of this. Venus opposite Neptune. But, I’ve become a stone cold realist with Saturn having transited through Libra, Scorpio (in my 4th! ouch ?) and now Sagittarius in my 5th.

    Love is responsibility. If you want just the romance, then own that and commit no further, even in your daydreams, because disillusionment awaits you otherwise.

  71. I have a Neptune square venus transit coming up in a few months that is supposed to last a couple of years. I can’t imagine this happening unless I get fixated on my husband regaining his health and we have the life we used to have before he became ill.
    I did go through a period like this when I first got divorced in 1998.I met a man on line that I “fell in love with” he was a spiritual ,philosophical pisces.We could chat for hours and understood each other completely. We never physically met , just exchanged pictures and once I started dating the relationship dissolved, but he was a great catalyst for me to finally get away from my ex and help restore my self esteem.

  72. So yes. I have this in my natal chart (2nd house Neptune conjunct Venus in Libra, 7th House Pisces Moon square Sagittarius Sun) and yes I pine for another woman’s husband. And I hate myself. He has Neptune square Venus and loves my attraction to him. My husband’s Neptune is conjunct his Moon and Mercury in the 5th, square his Mars in the 7th and square his Jupiter in the 2nd. He is so Neptoony I can’t break through. The facade of a relationship is all he can handle.

    What’s the solution? No one wants to feel such misery, guilt and shame.

  73. 1st house Leo Venus square Scorpio Neptune here. My first adult affair was with a married doctor who had Scorpio Venus conjunct Saturn in his 12th house. I still get a chill when I look at his picture despite the fact that I never want to see or talk to him again.

    I am now 53 and have developed a crush on a spiritual guru I met in a meditation class. I am grateful to shed the rose color glasses and not throw myself at him. Instead I look at his loving female partner with compassion, I see how she is definitely under his thumb and I am grateful I have the freedom to live alone and love it. I would not trade places with her for anything, a secret crush is all I want and need from him.

    This is my absolute favorite post I have ever read from you, Elsa! I laughed and laughed and laughed. Needed to read it, so timely and true.

  74. Oh boy, is that the story of my life with ex BF??!

    He has Neptune sq Venus, and Neptune on the cusp og the 7th. This Neptune is lovked in a square to Mars in Libra!!

    Jeesh!! Almost all of the above is just SPOT ON, Elsa! I couldn’t “deliver” the dream he craved. And when I tried it was always “something else” he wanted instead…until he suddenly started to talk about his ex girlfriend… sigh. I was never really good enough. It took him three whole years to see being a triple Taurus and all.

    This kind of love i magic, tender, everything you could want. (Venus in Pisces even). But he victimized himself in the end and before we were over he started being emotional unfaithful, unable to deal with the pain and realities of the break-up, so quick to find something new to get over the bottled up pain of three failed relationships. -and let’s just say that he played the part of the victim oh so well… “After everything I’ve done for you” should be their soundtrack 😉

    One day he will crash, and then maybe healing will come …but I doubt it. Someone with that constellation is not likely to do the requires kind of worl … sadly so.

  75. Boy Elsa this one really nailed it and I never thought I’d ever experience this in my life but I’d bet this could last ( the magic) for atleast 2 years before one would grow tired of the other. All I know is I am so appreciative, especially after being driven& drug through the ground for almost 20years. And wouldn’t you know immediately upon this NN interaction it’s only NOW that the Sagittarian proposes to”change”… I know better.

  76. I have the opposition at 8° and neptune trine the ascendant at 7°. I also have mars in the 12th, and mercury opposite neptune, at a much closer orb. So i do not know just how much of an influence my venus/neptune aspect is. But ive been married to a Pisces who is an alcholic for 10yrs. Before that, i was always pinning after unavailable people. I do love romance tho, the more impossible the couple, the more damned the affair, the better. Dont even get me started on the sacred love triangle! Lol

  77. I have Venus in Aquarius, 5th House, square Neptune in Scorpio, 2nd House. Boy oh Boy oh Boy do I have the impossible love dreams. Married, Gay, Monastic, Celebrity, you name it. I stopped running after it in my 40s and am now pushing 60, never married, barely ever dated anyone for very long as I always got to the painful reality quickly with flesh-and-blood people. So I take care of my mom and observe devoted elderly couples in action. That’s the new gold standard. Who will I care for? Who will care for me? Companionship, humor, patience, devotion, separate bedrooms when we need the space.

  78. I have a 12th house Venus in detriment (Aries), squaring Neptune. I definately have a knack for falling in love with people who are either unavailable or broken birds.

    What puzzles me is why Venus is said to be exalted in pisces, a sign ruled by Neptune?

  79. I had to check off Yes! to each of the examples; married, gay, locked up, too far away, alcohoholic, except maybe the priest – unless you count the guy who became a priest after we split up. No rose colored glasses here – they are rose colored contacts – glued in permanently. Moon in pisces makes me fall in love with the potential – not the real thing. No aspect between venus and neptune. But a square between mercury and neptune.Could that be it? A grand trine in water kind of gives a sense of self-sufficiancy emotionally – I crave solitude and yet with taurus mars – venus conjunct in 7th house,I also crave relationship.
    I’m getting way too old to keep pining away for something that will clearly never happen. Hate to say it, but am relieved to see so many others going through the same shit. Wish it wasn’t so and I hope you all can get clear of this in just one lifetime.

    • “…Moon in Pisces makes me fall in love with the potential – not the real thing. …” I couldn’t agree with you more, Sudie! I, too, have a Pisces Moon. That’s why I repeatedly believed him when he said he’d change.

  80. With Venus conjunct Neptune and a high sex drive as a man, one attracts women with BPD and NPD magically. You have to be very careful and to keep your Pluto and Saturn constantly awake.

  81. The relationship I’ve been in for 13-14 years (I no longer know) has Neptune in composite chart on Descendant (in 7th house). I’ve always felt in this relationship that I’m not good enough because there are always some comments about how is this not done or why is it like this, etc. I have no doubt we love each other but it seems we do not see each other for real. ANyway, it seems to be slowly deteriorating into a friendship. Or something that is not a love relationship.

  82. I’ll be contrary, lol. I don’t have a placement like this, and I’m quite okay with that!

    This isn’t to say that I’ve never pined for someone “unrealistic.” But I see it for what it is. In one case, I developed a huge crush on someone who lives overseas. I actually went to see them and spent a night with them, as part of a larger vacation. I’m very glad I got to do that, even though I knew it had no chance of lasting! That was in the early days of Saturn in Sagittarius transiting my 7th house. The experience definitely expanded my perspective and gave me a better understanding of what I’m interested in.

    There have been other times when I’ve been attracted to people who seemed unattainable, but I never expected anything out of them. I used them as motivation. It can be painful, but it’s better than living in a fantasy world.

  83. My 9H Scorpio Neptune/Jupiter are conjunct asteroid “ex-husband’s first name” and quincunxing my 4H Gemini Mars. I bent over backwards for all his gaslighting ways! Never again!

  84. I have this aspect (as well as Venus sq Uranus). I do fantasize about the relationship, but the one I imagine being “perfect” in order for the relationship to work is me, not him. I feel like I need to hide all the ugly “mundane reality” stuff.

    I actually have the NN in the 7th and I have accepted that I will become fulfilled through a relationship or marriage, and I am worried about this Venus Neptune aspect.

  85. Neptune 12th house Scorp opposite Venus in Taurus on my 7th house cusp. F’d up royally when Neptune conjuncted my Moon in Pisces, back in ’09 (opposite natal Pluto). Totally believed the lies of a narcissist. You warned me with some really tough love, Elsa, but it still took time for me to believe it. You are aces.

  86. Well this made me smile. I have the 1st house 4th house square and spent quite a lot of time experiencing All of that. But in the end you have to deal with the drop whatever that brings, and if you’re in an otherwise strong relationship you just have to deal with it and still find your happiness.
    There’s no point throwing it out for a life alone unless that’s what you really want. And being an artist often means you sacrifice art for reality or reality for art, and romantic love is part of that see saw.
    I thank my stars nearly every day for a strong love despite its problems. Accepting less than perfection is wearing on the soul but you just have to look for the beauty and deal with the rest as best you can. And I like to stay optimistic rather than deluded these days. It’d be a sad life without a bit of sparkle along with the odd dirty sock. Thanks for this post, a great start to the day.

  87. as always Elsa ..you nailed it … realizing im a Venus in Pisces 1st H Sq Neptune In Sag 10th house ..this manifests in my business relationship or my view of self as well..needless to say in the realm of Love and heart …did this Taurus boy come back with some MAJOR Karma and Reality checks thrown in , blessings to you again for sharing your wisdom to us Venus/Neptune souls who anguish in our own self made misery at times lol

  88. Some people are more satisfied with pining.. if they get what they want, they find something wrong and shove it away. As soon as it’s gone, it’s shiny again…

    There’s a song from this perspective called “Shots” by Imagine dragons

  89. I confess! 12th house Venus in Pisces trine 7th house Neptune in Scorpio… plus, Venus is part of a tight stellium with Lilith, Saturn, & Chiron… Oh, and Neptune is conjunct my descendant, too. Currently in the middle of my Chiron return & in hell…is there a cure for Neptune Doom? 🙂 >^..^<

  90. I once had a now ex-friend with the square aspect (venus in leo and neptune, scorpio) and it manifested, relationship-wise in this endless and exhausting cycle of idealisation, letting them move in with her after about a week, followed by a long and painful period of gradual disillusionment lasting years along with a whole lot of dramatics before she finally split with them. The men were either addicts, ex-prisoners, drug dealers or users. They invariably had no reliable source of income and she would support them financially which she resented until it gradually poisoned the relationship. She had absolutely no insight into it and would blame anyone and everyone but herself. They would lie to her, she would lie to herself, she would do the dirty on her friends for the sake of hanging on to these men. In the end I had to walk away from the friendship because it was affecting my health and wellbeing – she would regularly dump on me and take advantage of our friendship. She had no respect for boundaries.

    In my experience, it can be a really onerous aspect and can wreak havoc with the friends, family and children of the venus-neptune person.

  91. I know what you are saying is true because it’s the same story over and over. I am Neptune in Libra 19 degrees,1st house, square Venus 21 degrees Capricorn in the 4th house. My husband of 23 years has Neptune in his 7th house (now ex husband) Any way to overcome the negative??????

  92. Mine’s a little more complicated 😉
    So while I have Venus trine Neptune, Venus is sextile ascendant; Neptune conjunct Descendant. And intensified with Saturn conjunct Pluto trine ascendant and sextile Descendant at the Venus/Neptune midpoint. And Venus is conjunct Vesta.

  93. 12th house Sun conjunct Venus, both square Neptune in Scorpio in the f**king 8th. At 56 I’m faithful & still up for absolutely anything erotic, but I married (for the last 30 years) a sexually very conservative girl who is now post-menopause and TOTALLY disinterested (if sympathetic). I guess i’m supposed to sacrifice sexual pleasure along with every other goddam pleasure. And now my TV signal is kaput, so I’m incandescent about everything.

  94. This is accurate. I have Venus conjunct Neptune which is my closest aspect for a conjunction. My love life is a mess. I cant imagine what’s worst, venus conjunct uranus (dying for freedom) Venus conjunct Saturn (denying love) or Venus conjunct Neptune. I just cant catch a break. So I’ve done dating older ppl, long distance relationships, alcoholics, artists, disillusioned people etc. I ain’t gonna lie I want a happy life with someone who loves me, is that too hard to ask?? I tend to live in my head alot with love, imagining , amazing dates, the white picket fence and a guy who would be helplessly devoted to me.

    At @Elsa what does it mean if my neptune in Capricorn is at the 13th degree (critical)? Does it make me more dilussioned?? Thanks

  95. Hello Janelle,
    Venus conjunct Neptun is not as bad as you think and feel. The solution of the difficulties you can find in Saturn and Pluto. I have had a relationship with another Venus conjunct Neptun. The mirror can help a lot to develope.
    Greetings,
    Micha

    ** Love and all the best wishes to ELSA in this difficult time **

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